Apologies for not updating sooner; my daughter had the norovirus, so was off ill, and I caught it too.. was a very icky week.
Anyway, we're better now..
Thanks for all your supportive comments.
ANYONE COMING FROM THE FIRST BOOK, IF YOU WEREN'T ABLE TO ACCESS CHAPTERS 29 OR 42, PLEASE INBOX ME YOUR EMAIL ADDRESS AND I WILL SEND THEM OUT. :)
50 VOTES FOR NEXT CHAPTER MY LOVELIES.
PLEASE BE PATIENT; IT'S XMAS TIME, I HAVE A NEW MAN IN MY LIFE ;) AND SOOOO MUCH SHOPPING TO DO FOR XMAS, IT'S UNREAL!
xxx
Chapter 4
Honesty
Deacon POV
Jade green leaves swirl in the wind, dirt lifts off the cracked dry surface that once housed a lawn of pure lush green grass, the wind whistles through my hair, forcing it into my eyes, clouding my vision; the vision that has become so nebulous in the past two months.
Bethany is blooming gracefully in her pregnancy, and has turned from a puking wreck into a brazen, golden glow of a woman.
My feelings for her have swelled as our baby has grown.. our child..
I want, I wish to tell her about the child growing inside of her..
The fact that he or she might be a shifter, and may hold the Alpha genes..
What would that mean for us though?
Would she leave me and take my baby with her?
Or would she stay and let me father the child I helped create?
The other thing that turns these thoughts to dust is Virginia; my beautiful and elegant mate.. the woman I am destined to spend the rest of my mate with; correction, the mate Declan and I are supposed to spend our lives with.
How the hell are we supposed to work through this?
Nothing has become of our mating; neither Declan nor I have made that step to take Virginia out on a date, as not to anger one another.
I crave to spend time with Virginia, I crave to hold her and be the mate she deserves, but everybody, myself included knows I am not what she needs.
I am pathetic.
I am a waste of space.
At least Declan is able to consider the effect of our bickering on Virginia, and our family; I just think souly about how it would effect me.
I'm pathetic.
What's worse is that Bethany knows no different; she thinks we are still going strong, and our relationship is knot tight, that we are going to become a family when our child arrives, but the thing is, I just don't know what the future holds.
I can't promise Hany the world when I'm unsure myself of what I am able to give.
“This is where you've been hiding!” My sister, Melody wanders over to my safe haven, and joins me on the grass-less ledge, staring out over the hills and woodland beneath us, “I'm not stupid Deac, I know something is happening.. the tension in the house is crazy! Will you just tell me, as nobody else will. All I know is that it includes you.”
I roll my eyes, and let my head fall into my hands with shame, “I don't know if you're allowed to know, sis.”
With a snort, and a flick of her hair, she rolls her eyes, and grabs my chin, yanking it round so my gaze meets hers, “right, Deac. Tell me, seriously. I'm not a little girl any more. I can handle whatever is going on.”
Who was I to think so little of Mel? She always manages to handle whatever comes her way.
She handled when her first pet hamster died, she handled when there were rogues surrounding the pack last year, and she handled walking in on mum, dad, and Dean at it.. she's one strong girl!
I succumb and release my heart to my little sister, telling her literally everything, from the news about Hany, to Virginia, and my situation with Declan.. I tell her about how I'm conflicted about what to do, what to say, who I can talk to, and what my future holds. I tell her my shame as to why dad refused to hand the title down to me at 18, as was planned.
After releasing my inner demons, I feel as thought the weight of the world has been lifted from my shoulders; I'm able to take a deep breath again, I'm able to smile sincerely, and know that as long as I listen to my family, and let them support me, I can get through this.
But doesn't that take courage? A set of balls? Strength?
Do I have that strength?
Am I able to be strong, hard enough to admit my faults, and deal with them.
~*~
After discussing the extent of my drama with Mel, we decided to go through with what our parents decided; I had to speak to Dec, and arrange for us both to date Gin, and get to know her. It's the only way we can actually figure all this hell out.
Right at this very moment, with sweaty shaking hands, and my teeth working their way through my lips, I am stood outside Dec's bedroom door, trying to muster the courage to knock.
'I can do this. I can do this.' I repeat over and over in my head.
'You can Deac. We can. Do it.' My wolf joins in, encouraging me to take the plunge.
Achingly slowly, I raise my hand and lightly knock on the white wooden bedroom door, which is keeping Dec and I apart.
“Go away.” Is the reply.
“Can we talk Dec? It's important.” I speak hoarsely.
He grunts, and I soon hear footsteps coming from the other side of the door; with a low click and a turn of the handle, Dec open up to me, and stands aside, granting me entry.
“Thanks.” I mumble and stand awkwardly, moving from side to side, foot to foot as I try to find the right words.
“Spit it out Deac. I don't really wanna be looking at your face right now. Say what you have to say, and go away.” Dec snaps, sitting on his bed.
I sigh harshly and begin, “right.. I've been thinking. We aren't gonna solve anything ignoring each other. You are still my brother. It is hard knowing Virginia could chose either of us, but we have to find out. We cant just sit around and wonder. That wont get us anywhere. Are you seeing where I'm going with this?”
Dec just shrugs, so I continue, “I think we should listen to what dad said; we should both date her, and see who she prefers. I know you may think this isn't a fair competition, but right now, you're coming off way way better than me with everyone. I am a disgrace to my family, and my pack. I am a disgrace to my mate, and you. That hurts.. like really. Not joking Dec.
I hate fighting with you; I hate that you cant even look me in the eye. I hate that we have been put in this position. I hate that I cant turn to you, like we always used to do.
Can we just figure this out between us? Try and find a common ground? Virginia deserves a mate, and even if she chooses you, at least I know she'll be happy.” I ramble, slowly easing off into a silent mumble.
“You actually agree with what Holden has to say? You think you and me sharing Virginia is the right way to go?
Right now, it sounds a little sick in my head.
When in the world is it ok for two brothers, TWIN brothers to share a woman?” He retorts, his nostrils flaring.
“I don't like it. I hate the idea of sharing her, but we can't live our lives wondering the what ifs and buts, and maybes. We need to find out. As long as you like. We can set up a price limit for each date if that helps.. ground rules.. like, err no sex. And all that jazz. Do you think we could figure this out? We are brothers, you're my Beta. Youre my twin, Dec. I can't put myself or you, and most of all Virginia through this any longer.
It will in time, kill us.”
I have nothing else to say unless Declan is able to discuss this with me; will he? Can he?
“As much as I hate to say it, I do agree with you.” He mumbles, keeping his eyes on the blue carpeted floors of his room.
“So we'll both date Virginia?” I confirm.
Declan nods reluctantly, and offers a weak smile.