I finally feel I am out of depression. I never believed my counsellor's words when she said that I will finally come out of depression one day but here we are. A sixteen-year-old girl who was about to publish a book and was working on another one. A girl with a nose pin, brown highlights and tattoo on her back.
(Sorry for this ginormous picture. I don't know how to size it down... But anyways, this is Kimora's new look)
I had always had trouble waking up in the morning. Not because I wasn't a morning person or something because I was. It was because I didn't have anything to wake up for. I always had to convince myself to wake up. "Just get through this day for Avani's sake!" or "Vivaan had some secret to tell yesterday. If I won't get up, I will miss the bus and then I won't get to know the secret."
On one Sunday morning, I realised with a start that I was no longer waking up for a person. I was waking up for myself. For my dreams. I can't express how that felt in words. It was just... exhilarating. 'I need to get up right now, I have so much to do,' I had thought. 'I need to finish a chapter of that story and look for some publishers and prepare for that Monday test.' When I was brushing my teeth, I realised what my thoughts meant. That I was finally living for myself.
I was finally living a life, not dragging myself through the days.
***
Within a month of being an 11th grader, I had gone through a personality change. I had become bolder, louder and had an intimidating aura. I was no longer the sweet, shy, introverted girl from the 10th grade. I was now a sweet soul who would become a bitch to whoever tried to cross me. It wasn't a nice change, but it was a more effective defence mechanism than being sweet as honey.
People tried not to piss me off now. I had become great friends with the-girl-with-the-bangs. Her name is Vidushi. "Call me Violet if you like," she had said the first time we introduced each other. She loves Taylor Swift, just like me. It was over her song '...Ready for it?' that we both bonded and became close.
I was having the time of my life now. No more bullying, no more ignoring. I could be whoever I liked to be at school. I wore my hair up in a high ponytail and had reduced the length of my skirt so that it reached my mid-thighs instead of my knees. No one minded that. Some people even called me daring. I was loving it.
***
I remained the same in the park. The same carefree, wild girl who would punch the shit out of boys for being sexist. The same girl who acted like she was still living her childhood. And I loved that girl. Because that girl was the inner me.
I had changed on the bus too. I was more involved there now. I had a small friends circle now, not just Avani. Vivaan, Bidaan, his girlfriend Devika, Akash (the seniormost in our group, so he had to act like our chaperone) and his close friend Diya involved me in their conversations and games.
Sometimes, when Avani slept through the bus ride, I would join their group and share food and crack jokes and have a great time. It was mostly Vivaan who understood me, though. He had an uncanny ability to know what I would get and what I won't like. This guy paid close attention to me.
***
By the time our school announced that it was closing for summer break, I had given my book for publishing. I did everything by myself - from creating the cover page to proofreading the manuscript to designing the pages. All NotionPress had to do for me was print out the book.
My book was due to be published for the first time (author's copy) on June 1. I was really excited about it. So excited that I told my classmates, my bus friends and my friends in the park about it. I told some of my New Yorker friends too about it and they were really excited. "I want to be the first one to buy your book!" Lara had said over a phone call.
Zane never came to meet me. His father had decided to go solo at the last moment. Apparently, Zane had never wanted to meet me. He had suspected that his dad was cheating on his mom with some woman named Rupali, who was from India. I was just an excuse for his family to let him follow his dad. That hurt.
When I had told Vivaan about this, he gave me a I-told-you-so look after which I told him to shut up and slept throught the entire ride.
***
I kind of felt sad when the school finally closed for the summer break. I would miss Avani and Vivaan and Vidushi. Surprisingly, I didn't miss Vivaan during my summer break because... guess what? Vivaan started coming to the park.
A/N: Okay, I know this chapter is pretty short in comparison to others (It's just slightly over 900 words) but don't be sad because the next chapter is... VIVAAN'S POV again!
I will try to put up the next chapter as soon as possible coz I am excited to write it! I never knew what my real-life-Vivaan thought about me in June, when he and I had actually started talking like close friends (For me, there are bffs, close friends and just friends. I barely share anything with just friends but my close friends can write an autobiography on me. There's no middle for me).
So this is going to be fun, making up what he thought of me based on little clues he gave me later and his friend's stories.
QOTD: What would you do if you wanted to do a complete makeover?
AOTD: Get some piercings and tattoos, I guess. Wear boots and dress in black. Drink Starbucks instead of green tea.
_____________________
Vote. Comment. Follow.