Greg took a moment to breathe after knowing everything.
Sinabi niya rito ang lahat ng nangyari noong naging abala ito sa trabaho. Kahit na kinakabahan siya ay alam niyang mas makabubuting masabi niya sa kaibigan ang lahat ng dinadala.
Greg was one of the very few people she trusted so dearly
"I have something to confess," he said softly before letting out a sigh.
Vannessa immediately sat properly before looking intently at him, waiting for him to say something. "I actually think that I knew that the guy in the photograph wasn't Jackson but Jax," he said. She immediately grasped the sides of the chair after, but she didn't dare say anything and just let him finish. "They have an uncanny resemblance, kahit noong high school pa. Hindi kita masisisi kung akala mo siya na. The first time I saw the photograph, I also thought it was him, but when I was able to see him in person again that night, I was sure already."
"Noong high school?" she asked, squinting her eyes. "So you do remember him? And what about you seeing him again?"
Tiningnan siya ni Greg nang ilang segundo bago ito tumalikod para buksan ang ref. "Yes, hindi mo ba naaalala? I'm pretty sure you were able to see him around that time. And they look very very similar. If it weren't for the glasses, I think I'd even have a hard time pointing out who's who."
Vannessa chewed on her lips, thinking, trying to squeeze out the last drop of memory she could possibly have of Jax on high school. But she really could not picture him out in the same school uniform. She couldn't picture out the younger image of him.
She felt bad that she couldn't remember him. She could see the uncanny resemblance. If she would have seen him before, when she was still dating Jackson, then she was certain she would not forget about him.
Why couldn't she remember him?
She felt terribly bad because of that.
Napabuntunghininga siya bago muling napatingin kay Greg na kinuha ang lalagyan ng tubig.
"And what about you seeing him again? When did you see him again, Gregoryo? Last night?" she asked.
She was expecting for him to answer her question immediately, but when he didn't answer for a whole minute and just continued serving the meal that he cooked for her, she knew that there was something she didn't know about.
Napalunok siya habang nakatitig dito, ramdam na ramdam niya ang malakas na pagkabog ng kanyang dibdib na waring gustong kumawala sa kanyang katawan.
Hindi na niya inulit pa ang tanong. Knowing Greg, she knew that he heard her question perfectly. He was just taking time to answer. That happened whenever there was something he was keeping from her.
She didn't know why that made her even more nervous. There was an intense want to know what it was all about, but there was also an intense feeling of avoidance. They were conflicting, fighting hard in her mind.
Pagkatapos nitong mailagay ang mainit na sabaw sa harapan niya ay umupo ito sa kanyang tapat bago nagbuntunghininga. "I wanted to avoid this as much as I can kasi ayaw kong maalala mo 'yong nangyari. Don't want you to relive that same night again," aniya. Vannessa remained staring and silent as she waited for him to continue. Giving up, Greg sighed again. "Naalala mo 'yong pumunta kayo ng Zambales ni Santi at may putanginang nambastos sa 'yo—?"
She immediately felt shivers running down her spine upon hearing that. Kaagad siyang nag-iwas ng tingin para itago sa kaibigan ang ekspresyon sa kanyang mukha habang inaalala niya ang nangyari noong gabing 'yon.
She remembered that memory as cold and dark. She almost couldn't remember how beautiful the star-speckled night sky at that time. Only the chilliness of the night accompanied by a strange and fearsome warmth from the unwanted guy. That single moment tainted the supposed-to-be beautiful memory that she wanted to have in that place.
Ayaw niyang muling maalala iyon dahil baka muli na naman siyang maubos. Ayaw niya sa pakiramdam ng pamilyar na takot sa dibdib, ng pamilyar na pakiramdam ng pagtayo ng mga balahibo, at ang hindi kanais-nais na sensasyong kanyang naramdaman.
She must stop thinking. She wanted to stop thinking. She wanted to stop feeling.
Santi must have told him. Vannessa made sure not to say anything to Greg because he was already busy with his work. She didn't want to be a bother to him that time, especially after all the bad things he had faced because of her.
"We taught him and his friends a lesson. Santi, me, Jax and his friend, Axel? Yes, he was there. Just a few kicks and punches then and there." Greg stood up and sat beside her instead. He kept on petting her head as he continued staring at her in a deeply concerned manner. "We didn't want to tell you because we didn't want you to feel the same feelings you've felt that night. But we couldn't just let it go, I just couldn't shrug that off. You've been through a lot, Vannessa. I may not know every single bad thing that you have experienced, but I do know that I don't want you experiencing bad things again, even when that isn't possible."
Kaagad niya itong niyakap at niyakap naman siya pabalik ng binata. She felt like tearing up. It was as if the guilt was even stronger, she almost wished she didn't know about that. She wanted to thank him for looking out for her, but she couldn't find the proper words to say that.
Vannessa didn't like to be vulnerable around people. She had taught herself to stand strong because once people saw someone fragile and weak, they would take advantage of that person. Although not everyone did that, she just wanted to play safe, especially when she had been that person once. She had been the vulnerable once, and it led her to a place she couldn't get away from even in her dreams.
That was why she was acting so strong. So foolishly strong.
Umiikot sa isipan niya na kasama ni Greg sina Jax noong gabing iyon. He was there. He was also there. He haddone something for her again, and she didn't even know about that. He didn't even slap it across her face. She couldn't believe it. She couldn't believe how indebted she was to him yet she was able to say those horrible things to him.
If only she knew better.
"Ba't hindi mo 'ko sinabihan? Or you could've at least cry with me. Were you all by yourself?" tanong ni Greg gamit ang mahinang boses.
She pouted before feeling the tears rolling down her cheeks. "Please don't scold me," she said softly.
Greg wiped her tears off before kissing the top of her head. "I'm not, silly. Nandito lang ako palagi, okay?" he assured before kissing the top of her head again.
Tumango-tango siya at nanatiling nakayakap dito nang ilang minuto.
Her friend knew the comfort that she needed. Sometimes she'd even think that he could read her mind, and how she feared that he could. There were things that she wanted to keep hidden in the dark, and not tell anyone. Not Greg. Not Venice. It scared her. The thought of Greg reading everything that she was thinking at that moment scared her, but she remained hugging him and silently thanking for his presence. She wouldn't know what to do if she were alone during that dark moment.
Hindi niya maipaliwanag ang mga emosyong nararamdaman sa sandaling iyon. Marami ang tumatakbo sa kanyang isipan habang dumadagundong ang pagtibok ng kanyang puso.
Vannessa didn't like it. She didn't like crying again. She felt as if she was being a crybaby again, and that she was making a big burden for Greg. But deep down, she knew that he'd say that she wasn't a burden and never will be. Hindi nga lang iyon ang nararamdaman ni Vannessa at mas lalo siyang nalungkot nang dahil doon.
That was why she remained crying like a baby. She stopped caring about the possibility that she would regret crying so hard over the matter.
Ang pakiramdam niya'y parang lumitaw lahat ng mga maling nagawa niya at sinampal siya ng mga ito sa mukha. Masakit. Halo-halong sampal.
Gusto niyang tumakbo, kumawala, at huwag nang sikatan ng araw. The pain and the guilt were just too much to handle. And if it weren't for Greg, she would have crumbled even more. She didn't like the thought of it.
Ilang minuto bago niya napakalmw ang sarili ngunit hindi pa rin maalis-alis sa kanyang isipan ang mga bagay na kanyang nalaman at kanyang nagawa.
Subalit isa lamang ang talagang gusto niyang gawin. Gusto niyang puntahan ito at humingi ng tawad. Kahit hindi siya nito papasukin sa pamamahay nito ay ayos lang sa kanya. Basta ba't malaman ng binatang taos-puso ang paghingi niya ng tawad.
With puffy eyes, she set for the road. She didn't dare think. She didn't dare hesitate. She needed to apologize. She needed to get the guilt off her chest. She didn't want to prolong the agony. And she also knew that Jax deserved to be treated fairly, not because he had done something for her, but because he was also a person like her. A person whose intentions weren't to do her harm.
Vannessa finally understood.
Nakaramdam siya ng paninikip ng dibdib nang maaninag niya ito sa labas ng isang bahay na may kasamang isang babae.
Sinundan lang niya ang mga ito ng tingin, hindi maintindihan ang iniisip, hindi maintindihan ang nararamdaman.
Ang babaeng kasama nito ay nakaupo sa isang wheelchair habang matamlay ang mga matang nakatitig sa binata. Sumilay ang ngiti sa mukha nito nang may sinabing biro si Jax. Mahahalata ang pag-aliwalas ng mukha ng binata nang napangiti nito ang babae.
There was just something sad and painful about that scenario. She felt like she was invading, and she shouldn't be there, but she couldn't find herself to go back. Hindi niya alam kung bakit. Nanatili lang siyang nakatayo roon habang rumerehistro sa kanyang utak ang isang alaala.
Jax had a sister, and it must be that girl on the wheelchair. They had the same eyes. Hindi na kataka-takang magkapatid ang mga ito.
Aubrey Beatrice. Bee.
It was already too late to back out when Jax happened to look at her direction.
Their eyes met, and Vannessa felt as if her heart skipped a beat.