Dear Diary,
I have tried to make sense of what James told
me to expect on the wedding night. But I simply
cannot see what birds and bees have to do with it.
It was amazing how quickly wedding guests could disappear after the bride left the scene. Once his aunt spread the word that Angel had retired for the night, everyone dispersed like mice before a cat. Nathaniel had watched in amazement as the guests all took their leave, and within a quarter of an hour, the garden was empty and the house staff could begin tidying up.
Aunt Jane and his sisters had left shortly after, returning to Holcombe Hall with Wortham, where they would spend the week. Something he was profoundly grateful for. But that meant that apart from the servants, he was now alone in the house with his new wife. This was exactly why he now paced the length of the library while looking at the clock now and then, only to find that only a couple of minutes had passed since the last time he checked.
It had been suggested—not particularly subtly—that he give his wife plenty of time to prepare for the wedding night. He'd been waiting to take her into his arms all day, and knowing she was upstairs in his bedroom was nothing short of torture. After the second glass of brandy, he decided he had waited long enough. Considering he'd wanted to ravish her since the morning she found him sleeping in her bed, he rather thought he'd shown considerable restraint so far.
Putting his now empty glass on a table, he left the library to walk upstairs, only to find his butler standing at the foot of the stairs.
"Roberts?" he said, raising his eyebrow at the older man.
He was an elderly gentleman who had worked at Davenhall since Nathaniel was a young boy. Always prim and proper, he was dressed in suitable black garb, looking every inch the strict butler.
"My lord," Roberts said. "Mrs Grey asked me to remind you, should you try to venture upstairs before nine, that your bride ought to be given a proper amount of time to prepare for her first night as your wife."
Nathaniel scowled, annoyed at his aunt's antics and unwilling to wait any longer before kissing his wife. "Who pays your wages, Roberts?"
"You do, my lord."
"Very well then."
The butler nodded and stepped out of the way, allowing Nathaniel to continue towards his bedroom. It was sweet of his aunt to care about Angel enough to want to ensure she had enough time to get ready, but surely his wife had finished whatever preparations a bride did on her wedding night by now.
The bath was exactly what Angel needed to relax. Even with the water having cooled off, she didn't want to get out. She'd taken her time in the tub, washing her hair and rinsing it with fresh water from a bucket, and she supposed she had to get up soon. She would need time to dry her hair in front of the fire and put on the silky pieces of clothing that were supposed to resemble a nightgown and robe. Her eyes widened as the door suddenly opened and her new husband walked into her room.
"Nathaniel!" Panicking, she grabbed the towel on the stool next to the tub and pulled it around herself, soaking it in the water. "What are you doing here?"
He didn't immediately answer, having stopped just inside the door as he caught sight of her, staring as if she'd dropped out of the sky. His gaze moved from her soaked-through towel to her face, and a slow smile spread over his face. The sensuality of it sent off a fluttering inside her stomach.
"I've come to pay my wife a visit," he said as he closed the door behind him.
"Well, you're too early," she told him pertly. "You must leave and return in an hour."
He chuckled, a low sound that sent off another wave of flutters. "I don't think so. I've waited too long for this and I've been downstairs in the library, going mad from wanting to be with you."
"I'm not dressed yet." She was being very reasonable. Why wasn't he leaving?
"I can see that." Something dark glittered in his eyes, making her skin tingle as his gaze swept over her. "That is not an issue. Not at all."
"Nathaniel..." Her tone turned plaintive. "Please give me some privacy to get out of the tub and get dressed."
Moving across the room to the bed, he shook off his black coat and threw it on a chair. When he untied his cravat and unbuttoned the top buttons on his shirt, she swallowed with some difficulty. Surely he would not undress right in front of her? He removed his cufflinks and rolled the white shirtsleeves up before looking at her with a smile playing at his lips. Picking up the rose lying on the bed, he sauntered over to her where she sat in the tub. She pulled the towel a little tighter.
"How could I possibly resist you when I find you naked in a tub?" he asked in a low, seductive voice. "In my bedroom."
"I'm wearing a towel," she mumbled, making him laugh.
"That hardly counts as a piece of clothing, darling."
He crouched on the floor next to her, and she could feel the heat emanating from his body, even though he wasn't touching her. Placing the rose on her shoulder, he used its soft petals to trace a line across her collarbones before following the same path back again. Moving it along her throat and up to her jaw, he followed the jawline until he could touch the velvety petals to her mouth. She drew an unsteady breath, suddenly unable to get enough air into her lungs.
Tucking his fingers under her chin, he gently moved her face towards him, tilting it up a little to replace the petals of the rose with his lips. The kiss started softly with only a light pressure of his mouth on hers. He nibbled and teased until she relaxed and he could deepen the kiss, his tongue stealing across her lips. He tasted slightly of brandy, and the slow, drugging kisses he bestowed almost made her intoxicated.
Finally breaking the contact and placing a soft kiss on her neck, he mumbled, "Do you truly wish for me to leave?"
She closed her eyes for a moment as she tried to remember what she was doing in the tub in the first place, and then she shook her head. "My towel is wet."
"I know." Amusement laced his voice. "That's usually what happens when you wrap it around yourself while still sitting in the tub."
"You startled me," she muttered, a blush warming her cheeks.
"There's another one." He lifted a second towel from the stool as he stood. "Here. I'll help you."
"I would rather do it myself." She wasn't sure she was ready to stand naked before him yet.
"Very well," he agreed. "I'll turn my back while you make yourself presentable."
He stood, holding the spare towel out behind him. Hesitantly, she stood, still holding the soaked towel wrapped around herself, and water dripping down her legs. She quickly snatched the dry towel and swapped it for the wet one. After making sure Nathaniel still had his back to her, she stepped out of the tub and walked over to the fireplace, where she quickly dried herself off.
She was just wrapping the towel tightly around her when he came up behind her and slid his arms around her waist, pressing her close to him. Placing a hot kiss behind her ear, he moved a hand down along the side of her body, following the shape of her hips and waist.
"You're beautiful," he said hoarsely as he turned her around and captured her mouth in a fervent kiss.
The world seemed to spin, and her body burned hotly, but she broke away from him. "I need to get dressed," she mumbled absentmindedly. "I even got a special nightgown just for tonight."
"Show it to me another time. I don't want to wait any longer." Before she could answer, he lifted her up and carried her across the floor and put her down on the bed. After another passionate kiss, he straightened to undo the remaining buttons on his shirt.
She held onto the towel since it was the only thing covering her as she watched in fascination as he undressed. Pulling the shirt over his head, he revealed a smooth, tanned chest and muscular arms. She drank in the sight. He was beautiful. Watching the muscles in his arms and chest ripple underneath his golden skin as he moved made her fingertips tingle in anticipation of touching him. After removing his boots but leaving his black trousers on, he returned to her on the bed.
"You do not know how long I've waited for this," he told her as he placed soft kisses down her throat. Moving back to kiss her mouth, he touched her face gently, leaning her back against the pillows and half-covering her with his body. While he kissed her deeply, one of his hands moved down to her knee, caressing up along her thigh until meeting the edge of the towel.
Wanting to touch him too, she trailed her hands over his back. His skin was warm and smooth against her fingertips, and she loved the feeling of him. He kissed a trail down her neck and down below her collarbones while she explored his back and shoulders before threading her fingers through his hair. It was a heady feeling, being able to touch him anywhere she wanted and knowing it was allowed. A jolt of pleasure shot through her when he massaged her breast through the towel. This wedding night was everything she could have ever dreamed of... and so much more.
When Nathaniel moved to remove the towel, she suddenly felt shy and quickly covered his hands with her own. He looked up at her with an eyebrow raised in question, his eyes almost impossibly dark.
"I... I've never shown myself to a man before," she whispered, and she could feel her cheeks heat as his mouth curved into a sensual smile.
"I know, darling." He kissed her softly, his tongue enticing her until she automatically moved her hands back up to bury her fingers in his dark hair. "But I will have to see you eventually," he murmured against her lips before kissing his way down to the edge of the towel.
With her fingers still in his hair, she fought the reflex to stop him as he parted the edges of the towel to reveal her to him. "Can't we put the light out?" she asked, fidgeting under his hot gaze.
"No, I want to see you," he said, the heat in his eyes searing her skin. "You're absolutely beautiful, Angel."
As if to reassure her of his candour, his hand moved to touch her breast. She inhaled sharply, never expecting the electrifying feeling of his palm on her bare skin. He massaged and caressed both of her breasts until they were heavy and aching, and when he bent his head to lick her nipple, she almost came off the bed. The heat consumed her, moving through her and warming her from the inside out. As he sucked and nibbled, first on one, then the other, she thought she might combust as languid heat pooled between her thighs.
When he moved back to kiss her, they were skin to skin, her breasts squeezed against his flat, smooth chest. With his body on top of hers, she could no longer remember what she had feared about the wedding night. He devoured her with heated kisses, and when he pressed his loins against hers, all the blood in her body rushed to where their bodies met.
"God, Angel... You feel so good," he groaned as he moved to shed his trousers. When he returned and took her in his arms, he was as naked as she was. Something long and hard pressed against her stomach, but she had little time to think about it before he captured her mouth in a passionate kiss.
His hand slid down her stomach towards the junction of her thighs, and she fidgeted under his touch. The thought of him touching her somewhere so private was shocking despite the hollow ache low in her abdomen that begged for something more. She just wasn't sure what that more was. When she stopped his approach just below her belly button, he looked up at her again.
"What's the matter, darling?"
"I don't know if you should touch me there," she said shyly, bringing back his smile.
"I absolutely should." He placed a kiss on her belly button, setting off a wild fluttering of wings inside her.
"Are you certain?" It seemed far too scandalous, and no one had ever mentioned something like this. But then, the extent of her knowledge started and ended with 'birds and bees'.
"Trust me," he said with a sensual grin. "I believe you will enjoy it."
She blushed. "I suppose... I have enjoyed everything so far."
"I'm pleased."
"I just don't know if it's necessary for you to touch me... well, there."
He buried his face against her stomach for a moment, and she wasn't sure if he was amused or irritated, but then he looked at her again and he was most definitely amused.
"I don't appreciate you laughing at me," she said a little stiffly.
"I'm not laughing at you." He gave her a tender smile. "I just want to make sure you're ready."
"Ready for what?" she asked suspiciously.
He touched her face with his hand. "For making love, darling."
"I thought we were already making love."
"We're in the beginning stages of it."
"There's more?"
He laughed at her wide-eyed expression. "Most definitely," he said with a chuckle.
Glancing over at nothing in particular, her cheeks heated with shame at being so clueless. She didn't enjoy feeling stupid. "I hate not knowing something," she grumbled.
"I will show you everything there is to it," he promised with a kiss. "If you trust me to."
"I do trust you. I just don't know what to expect."
"You'll see..." He kissed her passionately, ravaging her mouth with his hot tongue, stoking the fire in her body. "If it gets too much... If you need a moment. Tell me and we will stop."
This time, when his hand moved across her stomach, she made no move to stop him, even as she stiffened a little in anxious anticipation. When his hand brushed across the dark curls at the juncture of her thighs, she held her breath, waiting for the next step. He surprised her by caressing the inside of her thighs rather than where she had expected him to. Having his hand so close to the heart of her heated passion but not touching was both frustrating and thrilling.
Finally, his hand found her moist heat, and the magic his fingers created was more than she could bear. With her body on fire, she writhed under his touch. A hollow ache in her abdomen made her move against him. She wanted more. Craved more.
"Nathaniel, please..." she begged, even though she wasn't entirely sure what she was asking for.
Her plea seemed to be his undoing as he let out a groan, nudged her legs apart with his knee and settled between her thighs. With an arm on each side of her face, he gazed at her with a look somewhere between pleasure and agony.
"I'm sorry, darling. But this might hurt a bit."
Before she had time to process the words, he slid into her, causing a brief stab of pain. He caught her whimper with his lips before lying still for a moment, allowing her body to adjust to the foreign intrusion. Having him inside her was a strange sensation, but definitely not unpleasant.
His hot breath fanned her neck, his head next to hers. She fidgeted a little underneath him, and he breathed through gritted teeth, "Don't move."
"Why not?" She tried to twist her head to see him, but could only see his tanned neck and his dark hair curling slightly.
He groaned and shifted inside her, the friction making her gasp as the fire inside flared up again. Noticing that she was no longer hurting, he moved in long, deep strokes that wrought moans from somewhere deep in her throat. A tension built inside her, and it just kept building until suddenly her soul seemed to shatter into a thousand pieces. As she called out his name, he buried himself deep within her with a final thrust, climaxing.
He collapsed on top of her, but she didn't mind the solid weight pushing her down into the mattress. It was oddly comforting and made her feel safe to be so encompassed by him. Caressing the damp curls at his nape, she placed a kiss below his ear. He raised himself on his elbows to look at her with a soft smile, and she felt that tender smile to her toes. She wanted to spill her heart right then and there and tell him she loved him, but she didn't dare. He had made it crystal clear that this was not a love match. Instead, she raised her head slightly to kiss him and he returned the kiss with a smile.
When he rolled off her with a groan, she felt bereft, with his body no longer touching hers, but then he pulled her close to him, pressing her back against his chest. She fit snugly against him, and he held his arm around her waist, securing her there. She felt at home. This was where she was meant to be. No matter what, she had made the right choice. It didn't matter if he didn't love her. He buried his nose in her hair, and she closed her eyes, tired and content in his arms.
Nathaniel lay awake as Angel's breathing slowed and a light snore escaped her. Touching her cheek and caressing the golden tresses of hair away from her face and forehead, he frowned. Making love to his wife had been better than anything he had ever imagined. It had been amazing. She had reacted to his every caress with such sweet abandon that he couldn't imagine ever tiring of touching her.
He had known they would be good together. He just hadn't expected it to be quite this good. This consuming. Closing his eyes, he placed a soft kiss on the top of her head, the light smell of roses tickling his nose. He had to be careful. It would be far too easy to care too much. To fall in love.
His parents had been in love. That love had destroyed his father. He had vowed never to fall in love himself. He could not risk being as weak as his father had been. His family counted on him. They needed him.
Pulling his wife a little closer, he enjoyed feeling her warm body flush against his own. This felt too good. He must take care or he risked breaking that vow.
~~~~~~