May 5th
I know you might never forgive me.
But I also know you'll never forget me.
Even as much as you probably want to.
One day I'm gonna come back, Bren.
Dad
—
Madie and I didn't stumble downstairs until nearly noon on Christmas Eve, too reluctant to leave bed—too unwilling to leave the one place where we could freely kiss and touch and cuddle.
Okay, the truth was that Madie suggested that we should get up a few times. But I just wasn't having it.
Because I knew that there were only so many more days that I'd get to have this, and I wanted—no, needed—to take advantage of it.
But it wasn't like Madie complained when I tugged her back under the covers. She smiled and fell onto me, pressing her naked body against mine. Her hands would run up my bare back until her fingers were tugging on my hair, playing with it. And then I'd get a kiss, or ten, and we'd just stay like that. And it was perfect.
Caroline already had the house in full holiday swing by the time we emerged. The smell of cloves and spices filled the kitchen, and the banging of pots and pans kept interrupting the voice of that smooth-singing Canadian fucker as he belted out It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas. Which...was true. It looked like Christmas, felt like Christmas, smelled like Christmas. The tree was lit, ornaments sparkling, a million freaking candles scattered around the living room.
But all of that could vanish, and something told me that there'd still be something in the air today. And that something was Caroline's warmth and Madie's laugh and the way they both looked at me like I actually mattered.
Sitting at the kitchen counter, I watched as the two of them made pounds—and I mean pounds—of cookies. Madie ate so much of the dough that I was starting to worry we'd be spending Christmas Eve at the ER getting her treated for salmonella poisoning.
But she hadn't stopped smiling all day, so I wasn't about to take her cookie dough away.
Once everything was baked, the frosting began. Which was probably good because at least that shit couldn't poison you if you kept licking it off your fingers. And that was precisely what Madie kept doing. I would know—it wasn't like I could look away from her.
At one point, Caroline had slipped away to use the bathroom, and Madie came strutting over to me with a dollop of frosting on her finger, swiped from straight out of the tub.
"Is it as good as Cool Whip?" I asked, thinking of the day I met her and automatically smiling.
Madie shrugged. "You tell me."
I laughed lightly and then opened my mouth so Madie could give me a taste of the frosting. I licked the sugary coating off her finger, enjoying how her breathing visibly changed as my tongue swirled around to get every last bit. And I knew we were both thinking about this morning—when I'd been thrusting into her, and my fingers had dipped into her mouth, trying to occupy it so she wouldn't fucking scream.
It had worked. Mostly. Madie had been pretty quiet after that. But it made me lose control completely.
And I was going to be right back there soon if she didn't stop this goddamn frosting tease.
"I'd say it's better than Cool Whip," I managed to mutter as her finger slipped out, and I licked the frosting from my lips.
Madie's blue eyes lowered to my mouth, lingering there before drifting lower.
"Stop," I warned her.
She was quick to flash me an innocent look. And it was such a fucking lie that it only managed to turn me on more.
Caroline floated back into the room then. She was hoisting up a bottle of wine by its neck, brandishing it like a holiday sword.
But then Caroline opened the bottle, and I realized it wasn't wine. Corks from wine bottles don't fly at you like a fucking bullet. They don't make loud ass popping noises that rocket through the kitchen without warning.
I flew out of my chair, knocking an entire slew of cookies off the counter before freezing up completely. My head began to spin, and even though I knew I wasn't moving, it felt like I was falling. The noise continued to reverberate inside my brain, but all I heard was... it. A crack. A pop. A bullet. I heard the fired shots. Over and over again.
And then there were the screams. Ghostly screams echoed, and I couldn't stop them. My screams. Madie's screams.
Blood.
Pain.
Ripped flesh, torn hearts.
Was I dead?
"Bren."
No.
"Bren, baby," she was saying, her arms wrapping around me. "Look at me."
I did.
Blue.
Like the ocean.
Madie.
I sucked in a breath, her whole face focusing.
"I'm here," she whispered. Her hand was stroking my hair. "You're here."
Deflating, I collapsed back into the chair I'd been sitting in, orienting myself to the kitchen again. I pulled Madie into my lap because my shaking body needed her weight to calm me.
"I'm so sorry, Bren," I heard Caroline's voice say. "Oh my god, I'm such an idiot."
My eyes wandered until I found her standing in the corner, still holding the bottle of champagne with a horrified look on her face. Bubbling, clear liquid rolled over her fingers, dripping onto the floor.
"It's okay, Car," I said on the exhale, trying not to let my voice betray how fucking spooked I was. I clutched Madie tighter, breathing in her sugary scent.
She twisted in my arms, throwing her arms around me and burying her head in my neck. "It scared me, too," she murmured against my ear, loud enough that only I'd hear.
"Fuck," I breathed. "Fuck." I wasn't the only one who'd been traumatized by a gunshot. Shit, I couldn't even imagine being in Madie's shoes that night at the bar with Quinton. If the roles had been reversed, and the gun was trained on her? If the bullet had hit her? If she'd crumpled to the ground?
I couldn't even—
"Bren. Bren," Madie whispered frantically. "You need to slow down. Come back to me."
I hadn't even realized that my breathing had picked up, that I was practically hyperventilating in Madie's ear. Closing my eyes, I tried to listen to her. I tried to feel her, match my breaths with hers.
"That's it," she encouraged me.
Who fucking knew how long we stayed like that. It might have been an hour, maybe two, maybe five. Most likely, it was only a few minutes before the fog in my head lifted, and I could open my eyes again. Poor Caroline was watching me, guilt-ridden.
I cleared my throat. And then I cleared it again, just to make sure that my voice didn't die on me. "Caroline, it's fine."
She shook her head. "It's really not."
"It was an accident."
"I should have thought about it."
"Caroline."
"Bren."
I flashed her a look, and her expression softened. "Fine. Just...are you okay?"
I nodded. "I'm okay." Peeking over at Madie, I added, "We're okay, right?"
Madie gave a weak smile, and though it didn't convince me, it seemed to make Caroline feel better.
"But I think you have to share now, Car," I said, forcing a light laugh. "We all deserve a drink."
Even though she'd always been pretty strict about alcohol, Caroline didn't argue. There was a tiny roll of her eyes that I didn't miss, but soon three champagne flutes were sitting on the counter. One was filled nearly to the brim. The other two had a generous splash...if that.
Whatever.
It wasn't about the booze or the bubbles. It was about having something to wash down the bitter reminders of the past.
So I tossed back the champagne, ignoring the urge to cough it up as carbonation exploded in my throat. Madie took a tiny sip from her glass, giving me a laughing smile. After giving her a kiss on the cheek, I tapped her hip. "Hop down, baby."
She gave me a hesitant glance that told me she wasn't convinced I had my shit together. And she was right. I didn't have my shit together. Not after what had happened with Quinton, not after reading my dad's fucking letters, not after that goddamn champagne bottle scared the living daylights out of me.
But I refused to let my demons dampen Madie's fire. So I found her ear and whispered, "Everything's okay." She didn't move a muscle at first, letting me nuzzle into her neck and kiss her there. "Everything's going to be okay," I breathed against her skin, doubting that she could even hear me.
I felt Madie suck in a breath before she nodded and slid off my lap. I stood, walking over to the rows and rows of cookies. I leaned against the counter.
With a small grin, I looked from Madie to Caroline only to find that they were both regarding me with odd, quizzical expressions. I laughed. "Are we gonna get this shit frosted or what?"
That smile. The bright fucking smile that spread over Madie's face. It was the reason that this was all going to be worth it in the end. It was exactly the reminder I needed to help me push all the other crap out of my head, at least for today, at least until after Christmas.
Madie deserved a Christmas that felt like a goddamn commercial. And I was gonna do everything I could to give it to her.
🤍
Christmas part two, coming soon!
xoxo amelie