It's been four hours in the sky, and it's been fucking miserable. I've slept for about an hour, but this kid behind me keeps kicking my seat aggressively. I look over at Tessa every ten minutes, and she's been sleeping this whole time so far. Lucky. I am bored out of my fucking mind, and I've done all the work I need to for the next few weeks, plus I watched a whole movie about superheroes I don't even know the names of. Every time I close my eyes, this delinquent just kicks my seat. Isn't there a parent back there that would reprimand a child for this?
I can't take it anymore. I get up and turn around quickly, slamming my hands on the top of my seat. The kid who is responsible for kicking the back of my seat has to be ten at most, and his mother is sitting next to him. She's reading a magazine, completely oblivious to what her son's doing.
"Hey, can you stop kicking the back of my chair?" I ask nicely.
He smiles before kicking my chair again. "No, I can't."
What the fuck? Who raised this kid?
"Listen, it's gonna be a long flight. Please stop kicking my chair."
"Nope."
I am not the one to tattle tale, but this kid needs to be put in his place. "Excuse me, ma'am." I reach my hand over and wave it in front of this woman's face.
"What?"
"Can you tell your kid to stop kicking my seat?"
She sighs loudly. "Henry, stop kicking his seat."
"No!" The demon child yells back. She looks back at me and shrugs before returning to her PEOPLE magazine. My patience is being worn thin, but I have to remind myself that this is just a child that isn't at fault for his shitty parent who obviously doesn't give a fuck what he does. I look back over at Tessa to make sure she's still sleeping, and thankfully she is. I'm gonna use this opportunity to teach this kid a lesson.
I get up from my seat and kneel in the middle of the isle. "Why are you being so disrespectful to me when you don't even know me?"
"Because I can."
"Says who?"
He definitely wasn't expecting me to ask him that, so he just shrugs. "I don't get told I can't."
I grab the back of his seat and begin shaking it. "How does this feel?"
"Hey!" He shouts. "Stop!" He shoves my hand off the seat.
"Not so fun huh? So what if I didn't listen to you and kept doing it even though you asked me to stop?"
He sighs loudly, just like his mum did a minute ago. "I would be mad."
"Look, I'm gonna tell you something. You're just a kid, so you can get by with acting like a brat, but in the real world, people don't like someone who purposefully does things to make others mad." I look back over at his mum, who hasn't even noticed the fact that a random stranger is talking to her young child. "Does your mum ever tell you no?"
"No, she doesn't."
I can't believe I'm doing this lady a favor by teaching her children proper manners. "Well, have you ever heard of manners?"
"No."
"How old are you?"
He holds up seven fingers.
"Well, manners are very important. It's like when you say thank you after someone does something nice for you, or saying please when you want something, or stopping when a stranger tells you to stop kicking their chair." He looks like he's actually processing what I'm saying, which is surprising. "My mum used to say 'treat people the way you want to be treated', so don't you think you shouldn't kick people's chairs if you don't like having your chair kicked?"
"I guess so..." He looks up at his mum, who's still ignoring him. "I'll stop."
"Thank you." I hold out my fist for him to knuckle pound, and he does so with a smile.
I can't believe I just did that with a child. I taught a child about manners and shit, which is something I definitely didn't learn until I was eighteen. I'm proud of myself, and it gives me hope that maybe I won't be a completely shitty father.
I want to tell Tessa of my accomplishment, but she's sleeping still. I really don't want to wake her, but I have to talk to her. It's been too long without speaking with her, and I'm growing restless just sitting in this seat. I don't know how I'm supposed to wake her since the two college douchebags refused to move seats. Maybe her phone vibrations will wake her up. I call her number but notice she doesn't move. She usually doesn't sleep through a phone vibration. Looks like I'll have to take matters into my own hands.
Dude bro 1 is quietly sitting on his phone while his friend who gets the pleasure of sitting next to my wife is sleeping as well. I begin to lean over to tap Tessa on the knee when the guy who refused to give up his isle seat looks up at me.
"What are you doing?" He looks up from whatever adolescent video game he's playing on his phone.
"Excuse me." I say calmly before proceeding to tap Tessa on the knee. She stirs before opening her eyes.
"Hardin?"
"Look at your phone." I tell her. I don't want to tell her 'meet me in the bathroom' out loud because it might sound like we want to join the mile high club. Well, that would be fun and definitely a possibility, but not right now.
She reads my message, and looks up at me shaking her head. Damn it, she must be thinking about the mile high club thing too.
"Not for that reason, just come on." I nod my head towards the back of the plane. She hesitates, but slowly starts to get up. I notice she's struggling to get out of the seat since it's so tight, and I can't do anything to help her. She begins to slowly climb over her sleeping seat neighbor, and I can't help my annoyance. She practically straddling the guy's lap. Suddenly, he wakes and jumps up, causing Tessa to fall forward onto his lap.
"Oh my God, I'm so sorry!" Tessa exclaims as she attempts to get back up.
He puts his hands on Tessa's hips to push her off of him and help her off. "Definitely wasn't expecting a woman on my lap when I woke up."
Tessa laughs nervously as she shimmies the rest of the way out of to the isle. I hold my hand out to help her, giving the young man a cautionary glare.
"You okay, baby?" I say loudly to make sure the asshole hears.
"Yeah, these seats are too damn tight."
I grab her hand, and lead her to the back of the plane quickly. Fortunately, there is no one in the bathroom, and I push Tessa in. These bathrooms are so tight. There is barely enough room for one person let alone two. I have no idea how people have sex in these small bathrooms. I lift Tessa up and place her on the small countertop where the sink is.
"I thought you said not for this reason." She shakes her head at me.
"It's not, but this is the only way both of us can fit in here comfortably."
"So then why did you wake me up and bring me to this small ass bathroom?"
"I just wanted to tell you that something just happened with this kid who was kicking my chair behind me, and instead of cussing him out, I taught him a very valuable lesson about manners and treating people the way you want to be treated. It made me feel like a father, you know?"
"That's great." She says unenthusiastically. "Sorry, I'm just tired. I'm still waking up."
"Sorry, I just needed to tell you, plus I missed you." I lean into her, and she hugs me tight.
"We only have three hours left until we land in England. You should try and sleep some more." She pulls away, and takes my face in her hands. "It's gonna be a long day."
"I know, I'll try to sleep."
"Good. Now can we leave this coffin and get back to our seats?"
I help her down from the sink. Since the bathroom is the actual size of a coffin, she's squeezed in between the sink and my body.
"If he puts your hands on you one more time, I swear-"
"It was my fault, Hardin. He was just trying to be helpful."
"Oh, I'm so sure."
"Let's go." She opens the door, and I follow her out. We get a couple stares from the people who probably suspect we were doing something besides talking in the bathroom. Whatever, let them think it.
"We should talk about joining the Mile High Club soon." I whisper in her ear, and she lightly jabs my stomach with her elbow.
"Hardin... we can have those types of conversations later."
"Still wound up after our text conversation." I grab her waist and kiss her neck as we walk back to our seats.
"We can continue that once we get to your mum's house." She pushes me back before we arrive back at her seats. Thankfully, dumb and dumber are awake, and stand as Tessa scoots past them back to her seat. I see her shake her phone at me and begin typing something, then my phone buzzes in my pocket.
T: See, no inappropriate hands.
H: Good. I'm gonna try to sleep now.
T: Sleep well x :)
I place my phone in my back pocket and attempt to find a comfortable spot on these chairs. They are positioned at 90 degrees, and I don't want to be that douchebag who leans their chair back. I take the complimentary pillow and shove it behind my neck, which kind of helps. Before I know it, I'm dreaming of running through Paris with Tessa.