Nothing could repair the trauma that had already ripped through Lauren's already damaged brain after the key night in Paris where her entire life was displayed upon millions of Tv screens and tabloid newspapers across the world that was for sure
However the pain was slowly soothed every time she pulled out the black sketch book from under her bed crawling through the pages for hours sometimes as she examined every page, every detail, every word.. they were the truest form of good intention and Lauren had never felt more spoken to in her entire life as she mentally drink up the messages from within the page
It was evident her distrust with Camila remained as she'd still after another 2 days not returned back to Karla HQ.. she felt selfish almost for wanting to keep the book in her possession as the more she looked the more she understood.. she was a story it seemed.. a message.. one that Camila knew in her heart she'd wanted to share with the world no matter how damaging it would have been to the company she'd bled to bring to life
It just so happened on a gloomy Wednesday morning that the sketches pulled her to think.. why didn't the woman just tell her.. she may not have followed through but she would have at least considered the idea of being a part of this heart throbbing story.. it was beautiful after all and if she could play any part in helping someone just like herself she'd be more than interested in moving forwards in some way..
The only problem being that painful twang slapping against the front of her chest.. she felt betrayed.. played almost and even with the longing to be near her she just didn't know how it would work..
She pulled out her phone reaching to text for her old and faithful advise giver after returning home yesterday afternoon
Lauren: I think I'm gonna go talk to her...
Manibear: ??? Are you sure? You can take Fallon if you want?
Lauren: no.. kind of think I need to do it alone x
Manibear: what are you gonna say? Do you need me to help you figure something out 💕
Lauren: I'm just gonna wing it, I'll never feel better if I don't confront her x
Manibear: well I'm here for you girl, ring me if you need back up😘
And with that Lauren set aside the device stepping up onto the cold floor beneath her to shove the sketchbook deep into her backpack making sure to zip it up securely to avoid any pounding raindrops filtering their way into the pages
She slip her jacket hood up burying her hands deep into the fluffy pockets making sure not to look up from the soaked ground as the warning of photographers catching a glimpse at her body was just too much to handle, it only took a few minutes to reach the glistening black doors guarded strategically with heavy looking security guards who instantly allow her into the building after taking a glimpse at her prominent features.. she hated it
"Oh my god Lauren? Baby hi? I-
Sam gasp as he look on at the raven haired celebrity pulling down her hood issuing a weak half smile before being ushered into Camila's office slightly confused as she was no where to be seen.. it didn't even smell of her
"Did you take a look? At the sketches I mean?"
"Uh yeah.. that's kind of the reason I'm here so.. is she around?"
She ask timidly as she notice the floor of models staring at her through the glass door with muttering mouths and a blatant shock, none of which however seemed to be doing any work which even for them was highly unusual with Camila running the halls
"Oh she's not in today, she's sick.. some stress cold I think"
Lauren issued a small 'oh' as she sank her hands back down into the pockets looking around the room only feeling an empty gravity of defeat.. she was really hoping her bubbly face would be sat working away as it normally did
"Hey listen, I can pass a message on if you want? I'm sure she'll be back tomorrow?"
Lauren shook her head tightening the straps of her bag before stumbling back to grab for the door not wanting to stay another minute if she didn't have to be there.. it still felt weird
"No it's ok.. it wasn't important I'll just head home.."
She muttered leaving Sam a little dumbfounded as she pace back to close the door behind her wondering back through the maze of models all staring at her with an obvious eye before reaching the warm elevator heating her cold skin for a moment too short
She stood outside pondering for a moment looking out in either direction of the street, one way would take her home and the other towards her ex bosses apartment.. she really did want to talk to her and felt if she didn't do so now she probably never would.. her feet began plunging through the many rare puddles littered over the sidewalk as she approach the 'fancy' part of Miami interlocking junctions as she saw the dimly lit familiar windows in the near distance
"What are you doing Lauren..."
She mumbled to herself as she look up at the long black stare case leading towards the heavy door taking in the pristine handle before plucking up the courage to approach, she pulled back the metal not even bothering to knock for some reason even shocking herself as the low hum of the TV could be heard from where she was standing
She continued up peering around the top of the stair case only to see the delicate looking woman bundled under the thick neatly wound blankets covering the large couch not noticing her presence until she deliberately clear her throat causing her pale looking face to shoot up from the placed pillow behind her back
"L-Lauren... w-what are you-
"I came by to give this back to you.."
She cut off quietly holding out the black book she was honestly reluctant to return as Camila swallow back reaching for the sketches that the elder met her half way in passing over, the tension wasn't awkward.. nor angry.. it was just strange like neither knew what to say as the younger stare down at the cover for a moment before adjusting her gaze onto Lauren who had paced back towards the staircase
"Did you.. did you look through it?"
Her cracked sick voice spoke with a tone so quiet Lauren couldn't help but feel every word in her stomach.. she had to trust Sam.. trust that he knew her as well as he thought as fixing this crazy situation was more than important right now
"A few times actually.."
She trailed off sinking her gaze into the floor as Camila coughed gently into her elbow scraping back the thick locks of brown from her hot face as she genuinely had fallen sick through all the worrying and stress about her own fateful actions
"What did you think.."
"Uhh.. it was beautiful actually, the story you told that is"
Lauren nod lifting her fingertips to gently fiddle with the string dangling from her jacket feeling slightly nervous as she didn't really know what she was supposed to say
"Thanks.."
Was all the younger respond with before reaching beside her to take a small sip from the pretty much empty glass of water within her palm, Lauren being too good for this world hesitantly walked over to grab for the glass making ways over to the kitchen where she filled the glass back up handing it over to the half smiling girl sat bundled in the corner of the couch
"I'm really sorry Lauren.."
"Why didn't you fight back?"
Lauren cut off furrowing her brow now leaning against a tall cabinet in front of the couch as Camila stuttered on her breath not expecting the sudden interjection
"What do you mean?"
"I shoved you, twice.. you didn't do anything back"
The younger place the glass down beside her leaning back against the warm pillows behind her as the pooling orbs of brown sank into the covers draped across her lap
"I didn't want t- I didn't want to touch you... like he did.. even if you'd have really hit me I'd never have hit you back because.. I- I'm not him..."
She trailed off lifting her gaze into Lauren's lightly nodding head.. it was a good answer that was for sure as it settled the girls trembling stomach dramatically allowing the emerald orbs to meet Camila's stare
"Why didn't you just tell me? About your idea? You could have saved all of this bullshit if you'd have just.. told me.."
The younger sighed scraping back her hair for a second time as she glance around the room knowing that the very question was the heaviest of them all..
"Because you'd never have done it.. and I know that makes me sound selfish but.. I am.. I'm super fucking selfish"
She began sitting herself up slightly as Lauren gulped back at how honest her words seemed to be.. she was expecting some round about excuse but this was anything but.. it was real.. raw
"I had this vision that one day I could save the world.. put people like us on the map and show everyone that we're worth something.. I just never knew how until I met you.."
She reached beside her pulling open the sketch book turning to the front page in which Lauren's full portrait sat just as mesmerising as it had looked the first time she'd saw it.. she ran her delicate fingertips over the page feeling a lump grow in her throat as she part her lips to speak
"Until I saw your eyes.. the way they sparkled like stars burnt out by those stupid blonde bitches you went to school with... and then this one time Sam made you laugh and that sound it was just.. indescribable?"
She continued turning through the pages one by one just admiring her own work as Lauren held back her words.. wanting her to continue with the honesty that released the savage tension they'd been sharing for days unknowingly
"When you first stood up to that girl on the floor.. I saw the way your walk changed when you left.. the way you spoke with more volume and confidence like something in your mind switched.. it was like you realised that even though she was a 'picture perfect' girl .. you were no less important than she was.."
Lauren swallowed back just watching on with a lump in her throat as Camila began to talk as if speaking with herself.. as if she'd forgotten the elder was even in the room.. she noticed a small tear fall onto her cheek as she turn over the pages exposing her own mind without even a second thought as to what Lauren would think
"Little girls.. the girls we used to be.. they need someone like you.. someone who is perfectly uncomfortable in their own skin to stand up and say I'm fucking beautiful with or without anyone's approval.."
She took a breath wiping a tear from her cheek as Lauren's also began to fall a damp rosy red unable to tame the same want the younger seemed to have..
"But people don't care about those little girls! They don't! They let them grow up being ashamed of their curves and the way their tan skin glistens in the sunlight.. they let YOU grow up thinking that you weren't beautiful and you are! You fucking are.."
Her forehead fell into her palm as the lump in her throat caught her off guard crying with her cracked voice untouched by Lauren who was almost frozen in her spot tending to her own burning cheeks
"So I was selfish! I was selfish and I took you and used you to show everyone that socially normal can go and fuck itself! I'm sorry Lauren.. I really am.. but I don't regret what I did.. not even a little bit.. the only thing I regret is making you feel like I'd ever do anything to make you feel anything but perfect.. that's where I fucked up and I'm sorry!"
That was it, the book was tossed aside and her head fell into the bounds of covers crying her heart out as Lauren felt her own salty tears falling into her lips, there was no question in the way that she'd felt in that moment as she pull her jacket from her shoulder crawling across the couch to pull the smaller girl into her chest holding the back of her head into her neck just embracing in the honesty she'd now realised to be a passionate attempt at a good intention
Camila's arms instantly crawl to clutch the back of the elders sweater gripping with the whites of her knuckles wishing never to let go again as her tears soak into the black material under her cheek bones
"I'm so fucking sorry Lauren"
"I forgive you Camz.. it's ok.."
She spoke honestly placing a small kiss into the top of her sweet smelling hair feeling a new emotion she'd never felt before.. understood
Camila pull away after a moment sitting to wipe at her eyes before coughing into her elbow grabbing for her water to wash away the sore throat that never seemed to cure thanks to her own mind diving her into the gravely ground some would refer to as rock bottom..
"I'll never do anything like that again I swear! I'm pulling the campaign on Monday anyway so we can just put this all behind us-
"Don't.. Don't pull the campaign..."
Lauren spoke breaking the younger girls persistent ramble shocking her greatly as her eyes widen significantly pausing her breath as she furrow her dark brows
"w-what are you.. talking about? You don't want me to pull it?"
"You're right Camila? I know I needed someone to show me that I wasn't a freak growing up.. you just put it so beautifully and if I could.. if I could be that someone for someone else? I feel like it really could change the world.. as much as it scares the shit out of me I.. I'd regret never being able to make some little girl feel as understood as you just made me feel.."
She spoke with a deep sensation of innocent power.. people were born to be seen.. Lauren had never been seen in fact it was a fear of hers to be looked at.. because she felt weird? But for the first time ever she finally felt like she deserved more than that..
"Lauren I- I don't know what to say? I can't.. I can't put you through that anymore.. this isn't who you are you said that and it's ok? I promise.."
"I want to! I really do.. I mean I didn't but, I do now! Your vision it's incredible and the world has to see it.. just.. one thing though.."
Camila nod awaiting Lauren's condition as she scrape back her hair swallowing gently before looking up into the pooling brown orbs in front so fragile and raw
"I have to know everything.. like every thing thats gonna happen.. I need to know first, and you need to teach me how to.. you know, because I'm not a real model.."
"I promise! I'll never keep anything from you again.. and no matter what happens you come first I swear.. you wanna tap out we stop!"
Lauren smiled reaching her hand out for a business like shake which Camila gladly took before reaching for the book behind her dragging it into the elders lap
"I want you to keep this... it's your story and you deserve to know how important you are.. you're gonna change the world Lauren.."
Before the elder could respond to the sweet gesture however a loud slamming of the front door echo through the apartment followed by a room shaking pair of footsteps flooding up into the floor causing both girls to jump back in fear
"Lauren! Girl! Clap twice if you're being held hostage I swear I'll kill a bitch!"
Fallon's angry face peered from around the stair case as she slam her fist against the brush black counter pausing in her strides upon noticing the girls huddled together on the couch in a wild swarm of shock thinking an intruder had just entered the younger girls home
"Fallon fucking Carrington will you stop! Girl I'm sorry I tried to stop her but she tracked your phone here after realising you weren't at home an- oh hey.. you must be Camila..."
Mani paused as she finally caught up with her girlfriends side watching on as Lauren and Camila shared a simultaneous look of confusion before peeling their eyes back towards the standing women breathless and panting for air
"Lauren who in the fuck just broke into my apartment?"
Her panicked voice spoke staring on at the devilish face Fallon was rather enjoying pulling as she roll her keys around her fingertips as if a direct threat to her entire being
"Your worst fucking nightmare bitch! Baby hold her still let me-
"FALLON! Chill dude? I'm fine I promise?"
Lauren respond as she lift from the couch to snatch the keys from within her palms passing them over to mani with rolling eyes as Camila gulped back in fear of the rather unruly friend fighting her corner
"We talked things over.. we're ok now.."
Mani smiled lifting her arm to gently stroke Lauren's shoulder while Fallon was left rolling her eyes unhappy she wasn't able to let loose on the woman who the elder had detailed specifically to be a 'trauma inducing bitch'
"Ugh this is so fucking boring! You guys are Vanilla as shit!"
"Camila these are my two best friends Mani and Fallon.. they're .. super protective.. sorry!"
Lauren explain turning around to face the younger who lift from her seat to reluctantly shake hands with the two new faces, mani was more than impressed meeting her first celebrity while Fallon used the shaking hand to pull Camila abruptly against her body whispering something unheard by the pair beside compelled in an alternate conversation
"I wasn't joking, I'll kill a bitch if I have to!"
She spat before pulling away with an over dramatic cocky smile leaving Camila's stomach turning on the spot gulping back like a scared child lost in the middle of a super market
"Understood"
She respond before walking backwards to subtly grab the back of Lauren's sweater hoping the scouring eyes following her every move would soon disappear
"I can't believe you guys tracked my phone?"
"Yeah well it was Fallon's idea girl not mine! I told her you'd be fine but nope.. death mission.."
Lauren couldn't help but laugh as Fallon smile back tapping her inpatient heels against the floor before Camila finally spoke out walking backwards towards the kitchen
"Do you guys want a drink or something? I think clarifying that I'm not going to be murdered by your friends is probably something we need to do.."
Her still slightly shocked tone respond as the 3 turn to face her with a brief nod of agreement huddling around the counter as she pull out a fresh decanter of whiskey sliding it across the black marble almost acting as a peace offering
"So... where do we start?"
Lauren spoke out as she watch the younger settle for a glass of water rubbing at her sore throat with the base of her palm.. all she wanted to do was take care of her but after the drama she didn't quite know where she stood in their 'relationship' so decided best just to avert her eyes onto Mani who sat blatantly star struck at the sight of Karla's famous body
"Well first of all Fallon is super sorry for busting in like a hit man on steroids"
"What the fu- no I'm not?"
"Yes, she is! We were just worried about her that's all.. we never meant to break into your incredible home"
Lauren rolled her eyes playfully as Camila sipped back on the cold liquid that didn't seem to really help the aching throat she was trying her best in soothing
"Close your mouth mani fuck.. it's just an apartment!"
Lauren mocked lavishing in the small giggle that tumble from Camila's lips realising she'd used the same line on the elder only a few weeks previous
"I'm just saying! This place is amazing?"
"I've seen better- ouch fuck!"
Fallon cried out as Mani's firm foot kick her under the counter embarrassed at how overly protective she seemed to be even after the reassurance Lauren gave in the fact she was absolutely fine...
"So what happened then you guys made up or?"
"Well, we figured it was just miss communication.. and Camila really did mean well.. it was just bad timing I guess.."
Lauren explain ignoring Fallon as she turn her phone from her pocket to float off into her own little world.. she was a deadly girl it seemed.. she'd never actually hurt anyone before but when it came to her girls she wouldn't shy away in breaking her perfect track record of actionless threats..
"But you're literally famous now girl? Are you gonna do it? The whole modelling thing?"
"She wants too, but we're gonna have a real conversation about it on Monday.. it's a big commitment!"
Camila interject with her raspy sore voice as mani lit up with a frolicking hand clap more than excited to be a part of the new adventure Lauren had confirmed herself to be taking
"I trust her.. we're gonna change the world I can feel it"
Lauren smiled taking a side eye at Camila who smirk into the glass below her only thankful the sweet runner had given her another chance.. she was dead set on proving she was in this for the story.. she wasn't willing to let the raven haired beauty down again..