The world collapsed in front of me in one fell swoop, like a gunshot to the heart.
My heartbeat accelerates more and more with anger at the bullshit I've done and my face fills with tears every time I think it's over, she's gone away from me. She is everything to me, I love her, I love her more than myself, more than anything else. Now I don't know what the fuck to do... I just know that I won't give up, I won't let her go, not like this, if it has to end I want it to end well, not bad I don't want an end full of anger, resentment... I don't want any end.
She made me feel emotions I've never felt before. Sensations. She made me feel loved, important to someone. I fell in love with her right away, almost from day one, I just didn't understand it.
I wasted my time on that stupid test of manhood to prove to my friends. I knew that once I got fucked her and showed them the evidence it should be over. They know we only did it once, then they wanted the evidence, I had to send it to them, I had no choice and then Chantal 'revealed' everything.
Stupid me for making her open the messages...
What a dickhead.
I'm still here, with my back against the door, my knees pressed to my chest and my face in my hands. Fuck it. Sitting here crying won't do any good.
I get up and take that fucking phone that screwed up everything and have it ring Jo's number. It rings. The answering machine answers, I decide to leave a message.
«Jo... it's me. Please, please, call me back. I'm ridiculous I know, but call me back!» I look really stupid sobbing into her answering machine, but I don't give a damn right now, I just want her to call me back, and have her back with me...