The days pass as you could probably imagine with Lauren leaving the trip 3 days early to return home comforted only by her best friends lap she'd crawled onto and remained within for the duration while Camila sustained her obligations in attending meetings and press reports until arriving back on the Friday feeling somewhat exhausted
Lauren had taken the opportunity to calm her heartbreak at Mani's using the time her grandma assumed her still away to shout swear and vent in anyway she could while her partner Fallon offer up her iron fist in aid to end her suffering..
"I'm just saying laurenza these kitchen knifes make for great weapons..."
"Fallon less knife talk come on she's upset..."
Mani gently scold looking over at her girlfriend while her fingertips massage the top of her best friends head sitting prized and place in her lap wallowing in a deep self pity she couldn't seem to escape
"What? She deserves it.. I mean she made you famous but still she deserves it!"
"I don't want to be famous Fallon!"
Lauren interject watching herself walk the runway for the 5th time that day unable to escape its constant broadcast on every major network currently televised even a week after the event had happened... she was hurting that was for sure but more so overwhelmed that all of a sudden news presenters she'd been watching since she was a kid knew of her name.. billboards and clothing ads had her face.. radio stations and social media had her number.. the only thing she was thankful for was that her grandma didn't know how to work the TV..
"That's what you get for having such a hot body laurenza.. it's called the sexy curse"
Lauren giggled gently as she sat from mani's lap stretching out her tired arms as she reach to switch off the tv more than done watching her angry face tear up a stage in red lace underwear
"I have to admit when we saw you come on the tv girl we went into full gay panic mode..."
As much as the girls only tried to add some light into the pretty dark situation Lauren wasn't really buying into it as she'd kept the majority of the pain buried in her stomach really meaning what she'd said when she quit... she hadn't stepped foot inside of the building since returning home and didn't intend on doing so either
"Well I was in a whole different world of panic so.."
"I still can't believe she didn't fight back when you shoved her though.. I mean if that doesn't just scream guilty I don't know what does.."
Mani ponder resting her feet across the table onto Fallon's lap now sitting opposite to help interject on the girls conversation being very much into the drama stumbling into their life's
"She just took it.. I'm pretty sure if I'd of hit her she'd still have just stood there.."
"I would have done more than hit her mama... I mean these hands have seen some shit but I'd save the best beat down for Karla..."
Mani lightly nudge Fallon as her abrasive big dick energy always managed to flood a conversation, it was no surprise Lauren had told them everything including the way she felt on the whole grooming thing which neither seemed to 100% agree on even though they'd been keeping it to their selves not wanting to further confuse their best friends emotional downfall
"I'm just confused to be honest Lauren.. I mean you said yourself no one has ever looked at you the way that she did.. eyes don't lie.."
Mani interject with a softly raised brow using her logical side to try and pick apart the happenings leading up to the crucial moment of betrayal unlike Fallon who only needed the word 'go' to start a fire
"Yeah but if the way she was looking at me happened to be real? I don't see how she could ever have done that to me.. I guess I just bought into her business plan like an idiot"
She reply slumping back into her chair with a defeated pause huffing out audibly into the Sunday blue air with nothing but scrambled mush for brains
"Lo, I know you probably don't wanna hear this right now but... maybe she was telling the truth? Like you know how we see the world from where we are.. we know that shit is just plain rude but.. in her world people die to be front runners.. they'd literally sell their souls to be the face of her company.. what if she really did think she was doing it for you?"
Mani spoke taking another stance on the same conversation they'd been having for days with little to no success in finding a reasonable answer.. Lauren just paused.. mulling over the words in her mind as the picture of Camila became blurry and all the moments they'd had together harder to decipher
"Even so I thought she knew me better than that? She made me believe that she understood me and to be honest I kind of gathered something was up when she was shoving free alcohol down my throat.. she'd have known I was scared mani.. it just doesn't make sense.."
It was no use.. things just didn't seem to want to click as Lauren so openly exposed herself to the world and then again backstage with her ex boss detailing why she was exactly the same as him.. but that was just her side of things.. it was only obvious Camila had a different one...
"Girl you know were 100% on your side but I just can't help but think there's more too it than this... I mean I've read a few things online after the event and it seems like she stuck her neck out to put you on that stage.."
"Yeah some guy on YouTube said it could have been a career ending move.. I don't know what that means but it seems like what she did was pretty controversial.."
Lauren had no idea what any of it meant or why the woman didn't fight back when she deliberately tried to hurt her.. she really did believe the moments they'd shared to be real but how could they be when she just went and did the very blatant thing she'd KNOW she would hate
"I think it's safe to say she's a world class con artist.. I should have listened to Dinah when she told me she'd do anything to stay top of her game.. I didn't realise she'd go as far as literally doing me.."
Fallon furrowed her brow hating how upset the girl had become as she reach down for a set of keys lacing them between her knuckles with a joking smile
"One hit that's all I'm saying........"
"Fallon baby? Really?"
Mani scold snatching over the keys as Lauren's eyes finally lit up with a genuine smile
"Ugh! What she's trying to say girl is that we're here for you.. whatever you wanna do we will fight your corner.. I mean we could go up there and speak to her for you?"
Lauren shook her head gently reaching for Mani's soft hand with a small pained huff
"No it's ok.. trust me she's impossible to talk through if she doesn't like what you're saying.. even for Fallon.. but thanks anyway, I'm gonna go get a shower"
She reply standing from the spot she hadn't left in hours to walk across to the bathroom leaving the pair sitting in the lounge defeated with shared hurt for their best friends situation
"You agree with me right? There has to be more to it than this?"
Mani ask tilting her head up into her girlfriends direction as she nod back in response believing herself this wasn't what it looked like
"Somethings off but I don't know what... I mean like Lauren said she just stood there and took it.. who does that?"
"Someone who's hiding shit that's who.."
______
Sam head into the office first thing Monday morning slapping down the sales report in front of the young Latina who had been more than secluded in her office with next to no one willing to talk to her after the rather heartbreaking ordeal in Paris
"Well, you did it! $185 million dollars made this week on the underwear she was wearing alone! She's famous just like you wanted too! She's on every news channel, every article, every social media outlet.. congrats!"
He spat in a mono tone before turning to leave the room stopped only by the aching sound of Camila's strained vocal chords pulling him back into her beg
"Sam wait!"
"What Camila!"
His rasp was sharp, dedicated to proving just how angry he amongst others were as he watch her stand from the desk looking down at her feet with a pained expression painted across her face
"Please will you guys just talk to me? I hate this..."
She begged weakly lifting her troubled eyes up into the man's direction as he sighed down into his chest with an evident reluctance to remain within the room
"Camila what you did... what you made us do? What makes you think we wanna talk to you right now?"
Those very words sent sharp shooting pains directly into the girls heart as she stutter on her breath for a moment feeling undoubtably guilty her plan hadn't quite followed through the way she had envisioned
"Sam I'm sorry ok? I know that doesn't mean shit but I AM! It wasn't supposed to happen like this I swear!"
No matter how heavy the man's anger was between he and the girl there was no denying the harsh crack in her voice when she spoke.. begged for him to listen
"How did you think this would pan out Camila? That poor fucking sweet girl trusted you with her entire heart and I know that because I felt it every time she looked at you! You knew she'd been manipulated in the past.. you didn't stop and think maybe this looks kind of similar?"
He reply having been told about the things Lauren had told her before resigning from her position as runner at Karla HQ... not that it mattered anyway as there was no way she'd live a normal life after being thrown into one of the worlds biggest national events as the star of the show
"I didn't know half of that shit before she told me Sam!"
"Then you should have fucking asked her estúpida? Listen you made your money just like you wanted and killed the game by throwing out the worlds first Latina front runner so congratulations mama! Good job!"
Again his body swung to leave the room but the girl was far from done pleading her aching case.. she latch her arms onto his shoulders pulling herself in front of the door to refuse him exit as her eyes began to well with a glassy sheen of unexpected tears
"It isn't about that it never fucking was I swear to you Papi! Please! I liked her.. a lot! And I still do! You have to believe me.."
"Why should I Mila? Why should anyone after this?"
The girl stepped forward sinking her forehead down into the man's chest he so badly wanted to comfort but standing strong in his defence for Lauren he just simply stood and let her cry against him before finally she lift her head to pull away
"I know I fucked up Sam! And I will pull this entire campaign if I have to but I just thought-
"Thought what Camila huh? Thought she could make you your money and that would be enough?"
"NO! .. I thought she could be.. I thought she could be a voice.. for all of those little Latina girls who've never seen someone like them portrayed as beautiful? Lauren IS special and I know she hates that word but she IS! She's not skinny or bony, she doesn't have blonde hair and blue eyes she has black hair and green eyes with curves all of those little girls will grow up to have!"
She began wiping the tears from her cheeks as she explain her complex train of thought sam tried desperately to hang onto
"They need someone like her who can stand up and say you know what I'm not fucking comfortable but I'm HERE for you! Because right now in this industry girls like her don't exist! I swear if I had someone like Lauren when I was growing up showing me that who I am is important? my life would have been one hell of a lot easier than it was!"
Sam's eyes fell into the floor gripping tightly onto the files within his left palm as he trace over the girls words he knew in his heart to be honest.. Camila was easy to read when you knew her well enough and Sam was one of the few that had the trophy to say he did..
"w-why couldn't you have just said that in the first place?..."
"Because Ruiz wouldn't let me.. I pitched him the idea and he shot it down because apparently it was already enough that a Latina woman had been 'allowed' to run her own company... he'd have shut the entire show down.."
She spoke in one long breath the man only just was able to hear as her trembling voice began to take a turn.. Ruiz was head of fashion week in Paris and every owner had to give full details of their plans in order to guarantee the show go off as successfully as possible
"So I kept it all quiet and decided that my culture my heritage? Is worth more than the approval of some guy wearing a tight suit.. I knew what I was doing to Lauren was wrong because those moments we had together was no part in my plan.. they were real Sam?"
The man was evidently torn.. he'd grown up with Camila his entire life and knew her never to be one for deliberately hurting someone.. she'd spent years having to fight against racism and degrading words... everyone told her she would never be successful given her heritage so she fucked the rules and made her own.. she was nothing but a passionate little girl thrown around in the system like a basket ball with no hoop...
"But she doesn't see it like that does she? How could she when you never told her? In her eyes you told her everything she wanted to hear.. kissed her in all of the right places.. made her feel like SHE was important so that when you threw her out on that stage she wouldn't be as mad.."
Camila gulped back closing her eyes tightly as she knew that's what she would have thought.. but it wasn't like that.. not in her eyes anyway
"I did all of that stuff because I wanted to! Because she made ME feel important and cared about? I hated the way she'd talk about herself because she is so fucking beautiful Sam? I wanted her to see that.. I thought she knew that was how I felt.."
"Tell me the truth Camila, because I swear.. if you want me to help you.. I need to know the gods honest fucking truth right now! ... do you love that girl?"
Camila gulped back rubbing her palms against her thighs as Sam watched on at her exposed demeanour, weak and fragile only fighting her case she didn't think others would need to hear
"yes.. I do! I really fucking do..."
______
A few hours had passed and Lauren found herself back on the couch bundled beneath the thick reams of blanket dragged from within the guest bedroom before a loud knock on the door alert Mani's attention
"I'll get it"
She called as she reach for the tattered metal handle dragging open the door only to see an unfamiliar well dressed man standing sheepishly in the hall
"Hi, I'm Sam.. is Lauren here?"
Mani paused for a moment before stepping back to turn towards Lauren raising her brows as she welcome the man in quickly followed by Fallon shadowing his every movement with a hostile demeanour scouring the way he sat on the couch at the edge of Lauren's buried feet
"Lauren I-
"What do you want"
She interject folding her arms over into her chest as the man swallow back feeling the eyes glaring down at him from behind as he reach to unbutton his tight collar somehow in the moment feeling more restrictive than ever
"I just came to give you this.. it's Camila's sketch book.. the one she made for the Paris trip.."
He spoke lifting the large black book onto his lap holding it out for Lauren to take quickly realising her hands weren't moving from her body.. he simply sighed noting the reluctance to be justified as he stare down at his feet readjusting his position
"Listen I'm not here to defend her but.. I've known Camila since the day we were born.. I know literally everything about her.. the way she moves.. the way she thinks? And most importantly I can always tell when she's lying.."
He began smoothing his hand over the black cover of the book within his lap before Lauren glanced up into her friends eyes motioning them to leave them alone for a moment
"She meant everything she ever said to you Lauren? Everything she ever did with you! I know you don't want to believe that and that's ok but I need you to know that I do.."
Lauren huffed into her chest focusing in on the ring around her thumb in hopes it would help her to stay at least remotely calm while the man try to explain his side of the story
"If that was true she would never had done that to me.. you would never have done that to me? You may believe her but this is shit I've heard before more than you could imagine!"
"I know! .. I know that.. like I said you don't have to believe me but she would never want to hurt you? I spoke to her earlier and she couldn't stop crying mama?"
Lauren rolled her eyes pulling the covers further up against her body as she swallow back the urge to say something stupid not realising that her brain had already decided on what she was going to say as her plump tired lips part to speak
"I don't want her stupid fucking tears Sam! They don't mean anything! She's a business woman and she needed to make her money I get it! But I'm done being the fall guy!"
"You were never the fall guy baby? You were the decision that could have ended her entire career? She took that decision and went for it for reasons I need you to work out.. it's all here in the book.."
He lift the book for a second time only to have it reluctantly grabbed from within his palms to sit between her knees and chest
"Don't look at it right now.. but when you do just.. think about what it means.. Lauren everyone on the planet knows that what she did was wrong but she's not him.. I can promise you that.."
"Why did you let her do it..."
She asked lifting her eyes from the front cover with a tone so fragile the man couldn't help but feel insanely guilty... he probably wouldn't have been able to stop her even if he'd tried but.. something told him to allow it..
"Every decision that girl has ever made.. good or bad.. I trust her.. she created this company from the ground up after being thrown around like a rag doll.. I couldn't stand to see you get hurt but I had to find out what her intentions were.. it all makes sense to me now.. I just wish it could have been done in an easier way.."
He sighed extending his palm out over her knee before standing to walk himself out turning back briefly to look down on the girl already turning the first page before gently shutting the door behind him
Lauren set her gaze into the page admiring a drawing of her face alone with features perfectly drawn with a precise accuracy that almost scared her as even the small blemishes under her makeup sat spot on.. it was titled 'my hermosa'
The next page was similar.. it was her sitting on the couch reading a book with a heart drawn between her feet.. again every detail was perfect even down to the small scar across her knee cap.. it was labelled 'lost girl'
The pages continued with various sketches of her sitting body doing seemingly normal things before the 5th page labeled 'concept' spiked her attention, it wasn't a drawing.. it was simply a passage that she read over in her mind more than a few times
Her eyes innocent
But distant
I want to pull her and tell her that I mean no harm
She's scared I can tell.. but not scared enough to look away
I just want to know under that beauty what she has to say
Who could hurt her? Punish her.. when she's just the image of tranquility
One day I'll find out and mask my own stupidity.. shes special I can tell
Just like an angel who doesn't know that she'd just fell
The words made no sense to the elder but she knew they probably weren't supposed to.. this was obviously just an outward reflection of the woman's inner thoughts and this was only an insight into the complex happenings that swarm her being
She continued on understanding more and more as the pages turn, the next was a little girl however standing next to a long legged model with blonde hair and blue eyes.. the girl looking nothing alike with black hair and piercing familiar green eyes.. she wore a T-shirt that simply said 'I'll never be like you'
Lauren paused for a moment trying to figure out what it had meant as the little girl was obviously her.. she continued on however turning yet another page to see a runway filled with the same old generic models walking back and forth this time detailed in black and white while in the crowd sat a young girl in full colour.. the same little girl from the page before wearing a shirt saying 'where am I?'
Lauren hadn't even realised the tear falling onto her cheek as she ran her index finger over the girls features struggling to pull her eyes away as she turn to the next page to see another script of writing
White skin, blue eyes.. a picture of perfection
So that must mean I am imperfect?
But why
Why does my caramel skin and dark hair make me undesirable..
I want to feel beautiful? But the magazine tells me that I am not..
The ache in Lauren's chest only became harder to swallow as she took in the words she'd told herself before standing in the mirror as a young girl struggling to cope with the trauma of attending a catholic school filled with younger versions of the blond haired blue eyed girls on the page..
Her trembling fingertips turn another page to see an empty stage, no crowd no cameras.. just the little girl with her arms draped over the hard floor looking up at the empty space with a tear upon her cheek labelled 'nobody can see me'
Again she turns, this time another sketch of herself standing in front of Camila holding a camera.. taking her picture in the office she'd first plucked up the courage to kiss her in.. above their heads were two hands interlocked with a tattoo like scribe written over their joined palms reading 'I see you'
Another tear fell this time onto the page smudging the bottom of the drawing briefly before flipping to admire more.. the pieces were slowly fitting together in her mind as the next picture was of a crowded room of similar looking girls.. Lauren stood in the middle overtop of a fallen body staring down with a speech bubble above her head 'but can you see me?' Camila was stood in the doorway with her own speech bubble reading 'no, but they will soon'
Another page of writing followed
They can't but I can
Soon they all will
We're not one but many
Broken souls lost in the abyss of social norm
We're no less beautiful
No less powerful
We deserve to be seen
She'd never imagined crying into a sketch book of perfectly drawn pictures.. scenes.. movies.. but here she was wiping at her tears as she turn another page only to see a sketch of Camila sat at her desk crying with her palms covering her eyes, a man stood above her with a speech bubble written with red pen 'they will never see you, I won't allow it'
She stared longer at this one.. more intently as she'd never encountered this moment like she had the rest.. this was personal.. private.. and the next page only explained what it had meant as it was her standing backstage with Lauren by her side just moments before she'd been thrown out into the crowds.. this was drawn before the event however so a few details were off but the speech bubble above Lauren's head read 'I can't wait to see them' while above Camila's it read 'they're here to see you'
The intriguing thing about the picture however was the small tear drawn upon Camila's cheek.. she knew she was hurting her... forcing her.. but Lauren saw it differently now after the pages of deep explanation..
The next another page of writing
He told me I shouldn't
They all did
Why would we deserve to be seen?
We don't have pretty hair or perfect eyes
Nobody would spend their money on us?
But
What if they did..
What if they saw us..
what if we saw them
I'm sorry..
I am..
I know you'll hate me
I know you'll cry
But I'd rather die than see another doubt within your mind..
My hermosa
Look..
A long arrow point to the final page in which Lauren immediately choked back on her tears seeing her body posing at the end of the runway, her fist in the air holding a sign that read 'I am here' and in the audience nothing but those same little girls from the pages before.. dark hair.. dark eyes.. all with speech bubbles saying the same thing... 'she can see me.. I am beautiful.. because she can see me.. and they can see her'
Following as one final excerpt
She can see me
Which means they can see us
This must mean we're beautiful?
Important
Special
I feel like I exist now..
Because she does..
Lauren look up at the ceiling holding her long sleeves against her crying eyes as a new wave of emotion flood her body.. it was the most beautiful story she had ever seen.. and it all finally made sense in the way Sam said it would.. every line every detail.. it was directly from Camila's heart.. but like Lauren had said in the past...
She just didn't know how to use it yet...