This is the longest one in a while so get some snacks and get comfortable.
Vote, comment and I hope you enjoy this as much as I did writing it! <3
I ran after him. I had to. I wasn't going to let him run away again, no, he had done that too many times to me. He needed to face whatever he was running away from; he needed to face me.
The air needed to be cleared. All this fogginess and uncertainty regarding the both of us was frustrating - I couldn't see nor think clearly anymore. I had to get some things off my chest, tell him what I had been thinking, what I thought of what he was doing.
I had to and now was my only chance.
I threw the front door open, the cool night air slapped me in the face, sobering me up of the few drinks I had earlier completely. I stood and watched as Jace stared at me for a brief moment, the sound of the heavy door slamming shut behind me dragging his attention towards me.
He froze momentarily, just staring at me. I stood there waiting. Waiting for him to say something, shout, be angry at me, anything, but he didn't. His eyes only followed the length of my body and settled on my gaze. He was stood too far away to see the expression on his face, the darkness frustratingly prevented me from seeing his beautiful features.
He reached for the hood of his jumper and put it over his head, hiding again as he resumed walking off.
He was leaving me again. Only this time, I wasn't going to allow it.
I ran off the porch and instantly felt cold. I glanced up in the sky only to see big, black clouds taking over the sky, blocking me from seeing the stars. I hadn't previously registered the sound of rain falling and hitting the pavement. Usually, the rain would have calmed me down, but I couldn't stop my heart from feeling like it was going to burst out my chest at any moment. I soon forgot about how the rain was soaking me through my mesh top and ran after Jace. I had more important things to worry about.
I caught up to him. I had no idea how to go about or what to do next, but I didn't have to worry about that for long as Jace spoke up first.
"You got another guy, huh?" His tone was oozing with sarcasm and it hurt me hearing those words come from him. It was strange because in that moment, my heart skipped just at the sound of his voice but those words that I reacted so happily to hurt. It hurt to think that he thought of me like that, thought that what we had would have been so easily forgotten.
"That's rich coming from you. Did you forget about your little friend you stood there and kissed right in front of my eyes?" I let my anger take over and rise, forgetting about how sad I was inside. Something I will do is act all angry and fiery when really, the person deep on the inside, they're breaking. That little guy on the inside is crying his little heart out whilst bandaging himself back up because, if he doesn't, who will? But I won't let people see him. No, because they'll help him wrap himself up in bandages but then will rip them off and hurt him, leaving him crying again but only this time with more to cover up and fix.
I can't risk that happening to me. I don't want to be like him. I've already had to lick my own wounds, build myself back up after people heartlessly injured me and left, and I'm not doing it again. I won't let it happen.
His body came to a halt, making me stumble and hit the back of him. "You know what? Just leave, Ivy." I was so used to hearing him call me by one of his stupid nicknames, it took a moment to realise he was talking to me.
"No, I won't. You know why?" I started, "It's because I don't run away from everything like you do. I actually think about other people. I care about their feelings and won't do anything that will hurt them but you? No," I spat, running so that I was stood in front of him, "Jace Black doesn't give a flying fuck about other people and what they're feeling. Do you?" I yelled pointed at him, pressing my finger hard against his hoodie. Jace held my hand, electricity running through my arm just at the touch, and he dropped my hand, taking my finger off him and then moved out of my way and started walking off.
I stared at my hand and laughed mirthlessly, "You don't even care, do you?" I questioned in disbelief. I never thought he would have been like this with me. I ran back to him, not letting him get away. I resumed my position blocking him from going anywhere, "You're just like every other guy. And there was me thinking you were different, that you were caring, but I guess I just miss judged you." I finished looking up at his face. His face was blank showing no emotion. He was giving me nothing. Why wasn't he reacting?
"Come on, Jace! Give me something," I shouted, pushing his chest lightly getting frustrated. I knew I was acting irrational, crazy, nonsensical even, but after everything I had said, I would have at least expected something from him, but he just looked at me emptily. I knew I was being difficult; I knew it, but it was just what I was thinking. Maybe if circumstances had been different, we could have avoided this heated conversation.
But things weren't different and my vision was filled with furious tears. "You're hurting me," I whispered lowly, my voice breaking as I felt a single, alone tear escape and roll down my cheek.
His arms unexpectedly wrapped around my shoulders and I rested my head on his chest. I cried silently into his hoodie, feeling comforted by his warm presence and relaxing into his familiar scent.
I didn't like crying, I never have, but with Jace, I have always felt like I could with him. I felt like I could show him that little guy inside and I did, and that's where I got hurt.
I moved backwards, no longer against his chest and tried to get out of his warm hold. I was falling into the trap of false security; the same thing that got me here in the first place.
He let go of me but not entirely. His large hands cupped the cheeks of my face, gently tilting my head up so that I was looking at him. He looked sad, I could tell that by his eyes, the rest of his face however held no emotion.
My eyes bore into his as I felt the pads of his thumbs gently wipe away the tears that had escaped my eyes. A faint smile washed his face as he dried my face of any leftover residue that his thumbs didn't reach. The contrast of cold metal of the rings on Jace's fingers and the warmness of my face from feeling riled up moments ago felt nice.
He slowly let go of my face and ran his hand through his hair, knocking the hood that had been protecting his hair from the rain, off. He looked frustrated. I braced myself as I sensed that he was going to say something bad.
A heavy sigh escaped his lips as he kissed me on the forehead, "That's exactly the reason," he started, making my heart gain speed, "why you have to leave," he finished in the softest way possible.
Goosebumps rose on my arms, making me shiver in response. The rain picked up dramatically in speed, almost as if we were in a movie. Only, if we were in a movie, the words he said would not have affected me as much as they did.
What the hell does he mean I have to leave?
"What?" I asked confused, my voice raising unintentionally. I needed him to clarify what he had said. One part of me couldn't believe it, but a larger and more overpowering part expected and knew exactly what he meant, I just didn't want to accept nor admit it.
"Either you leave or I will."
"No, no, no, no, no!" I shook my finger at him and laughed humourlessly. He stopped moving away from me and stood where he had stopped, allowing me to take a few steps forwards before being directly opposite him.
"What?" He queried. His eyes at me uncertainly, like he didn't know what I was going to say next.
Everything started to annoy me. The way he was a few inches taller than me, the rain slapping the ground so hard that I couldn't even hear myself think, the fact that my clothes were absolutely soaking wet therefore making me freezing cold. His stupid hair that gave the raindrops a track to run straight into my eye, his stupid face, his cologne that made my head spin and the way he was making me feel hopeful but hopeless all at the same time but most importantly, how I had opened up to him and he still didn't trust me enough to open up to me.
"You," I spat digging my finger into his chest once again, "you don't get to do this again. You don't get to turn me away! You're not pushing me out anymore. I'm not standing for it!"
His warm breath spread across my wet face, "You said yourself that I'm hurting you. That's not what I want to do." He sounded tired. Whether it was of me or because of me or even involved me, I was unsure.
"So, you just want to leave me instead?" I asked actually wanting an answer but of course, I didn't get one. "Do you not realise that you doing this," I said using my hands to gesturing between us, "is what's hurting me. You acting distant and cold, kissing a girl whilst looking at me, that's not the you I knew."
"I don't know what else to say to you! I have told you to leave but yet here you still are," he replied finally showing some emotion.
"What the hell, Jace?" My frustration towards him was growing larger with every unsaid word that passed. My hands rose to my hair in aggravation and ran my fingers through my drenched curls. I could feel the conditioner I had applied to it running out and uncomfortably sitting on my back. I know that everyone deals with stuff differently but he was really pissing me off now.
I had been making a conscious effort to tell him how I feel; normally I would have just left it and let it bubble in the bottom of my stomach, but Jace means so much to me that I decided to go against what I normally do just for him and I was getting nothing in return.
"Why do you always run away from your problems, huh? Because every time something even slightly more serious happens between us, you run and try to sabotage it. Is that all I am to you, a problem?
"I'm done," I said in a raised tone, the rain around us making it hard to hear each other's words, "I don't know what else to say or do," I finally admitted not only to myself but to Jace too.
"You keep giving me mixed signals, Jace and flipping hell I can't keep up with it anymore. One-minute you're giving me all the right signals to go ahead, make this work, but then in the next, you're acting all cold towards me. Why? Why are you doing this?" I shouted. I felt that deep heaviness that had been following me around for weeks lift as every single emotion that I had been bottling up burst from within.
"I'm afraid!" Jace admitted, catching me off guard by his outburst, "I am afraid of losing you just like I did her, okay?! But I can't let that happen, I can't. So, I keep my distance," he finally opened himself up to me.
There was something more than just anger in what he said, a pain behind it. I watched him. My eyes scanned over his face and looked into his eyes. Then I knew. The anger was nothing more than a shield for pain, like a solider desperately trying to fight for his life causing him to mindlessly attack, not only panicked about the massacre unfolding around him but for his life. Jace was scared. Scared that history would repeat itself. I still was unsure of what he meant by what he said, he would have to explain it to me, but that didn't mean that I was going to be there for him any less.
I saw the pain in his eyes. It sat there for time, trapped behind the walls he puts up to protect himself from the hurt he once endured. But behind those walls that created a barrier, blocking people from his heart like an anti-virus software, I saw the happy guy. The guy that wouldn't have done all of this and would have given unconditional love if it weren't for those scars.
All Jace needed to do was trust me with him and I would have done my hardest to break those barriers down, opening him up to the opportunity of love.
"Jace," I started and held his face in my hands. I watched as salty tears that ran down his face mixed with rain drops from the sky. I stopped what I was going to say next and instead pulled him towards me. I wrapped my arms around his neck, his around my waist. I felt his warm breath against the skin of my neck and he released any built emotions exited his body in the form of tears.
I pulled him back, repositioning my hands back on his jaw. I used my thumbs to gently wipe the salty rain off his face, much like how he did for me not too long ago. He closed his red eyes and used the sleeve of his jumper to dry his eyes. He looked at me almost apologetically, like he had done something wrong and that made my heart sink.
"Jace," I said softly, our faces inches away from each other, "baby, you can trust me." I pulled his face to mine, kissing his familiar lips. The electric and exciting feeling of his lips against mine felt exactly as I had remembered, as if we hadn't had that time apart. In that moment, I was reminded of why I had followed him outside and didn't leave when he told me to. He was worth fighting for.
He was the one who broke the kiss, our foreheads touching as we caught our breath. I felt the way he was fidgeting with his rings as his hands were resting on my lower back. He was nervous, he only played with his rings when he was worried or nervous.
"Hey, what's up?" I softly asked, my focus switching from his left to his right eye.
"Huh?" He questioned sounding confused. I must have interrupted and broke him out of his thoughts. I didn't want him, in this moment, to be in his head, I wanted him to tell me what he was thinking, worrying about. He's not alone and I needed him to know that. I never felt alone with him and I wanted him to feel the same when he's with me.
"You're worrying about something..." I pushed hoping he wouldn't back off completely. Hoping that he wouldn't put those walls back up.
"I just..." Jace started, sighing heavily and pulling me into a hug, "I will tell you. I will. It's just hard to speak about."
I listened to his heart beating against his chest as I took in the words he had said, hearing his voice vibrate through his chest.
"I understand what you mean, we all have demons, but if you really want this to work," I said moving so that I was no longer staring out into the distance and instead into his striking blue eyes. I paused briefly, I needed to word this the best I could.
"If you want this to work, you're going to have to give me more than that." I understood what he meant, I really did, but I just didn't want to get caught out and end up in the same position as we were now.
"You told me that before, that you would tell me, but that's what has gotten us in this position." I sighed, covering my hands with my sleeves attempting to warm my freezing fingers. My eyes had dropped to the ground at an attempt to gather my thoughts. I finally looked back up at him, I avoided his eyes. "I- I just won't be here forever," I stuttered.
"I know, baby, I know," he whispered as he kissed the top of my head lightly. It was nice, being with each other again, being in his arms and feeling the same protection I had missed over those weeks. The thing that troubled me was wondering how long this would last for.
"Can we go now?" I softly asked after we had been standing in the rain for what felt like forever.
"Sure. You want me to drive?" I nodded my head causing rain to fall from the tips of my hair, "M'kay. Let's go then." I unravelled my arms from around his waist and held his hand in mine as we walked to my car.
That's when I remembered I told Darius I was going to take him home.
I looked up at Jace, "Actually, I can't go with you tonight."
His eyebrows furrowed and cute confusion spread on his face, "Why?" I laughed on the inside at how cute that was.
"Because I kind of promised Dar that I would drive him home," I admitted. I was going to feel bad either way, if I left Dar or if I left Jace. I needed to keep my promise though as Darius probably didn't bring any money with him.
"Okay," he shrugged. I was expecting some type of friction or reaction but to my surprise, there was none, "just make sure to message once you get home so I know you're safe." A smile crept onto my face. The little things like that make me happy, little gestures.
"Okay, bubs. See you later," I gently placed my lips onto his for a brief kiss goodbye before going back into the house to find Darius.
"Bye," Jace waved, walking over to his car and driving off.
(A/N) I'M BACKKK. I hope y'all didn't miss me too much ;)
What do you think of this chapter??? It's exactly how I wanted it to be so I'm happy with it! A lot of Ivy's thoughts an emotions will be explained in the next chapter i.e. how she thinks it went with Jace etc. So that should be good too!
Q: Day or night? Night 100000% for me.