Ace
For a few heart stopping seconds, I stare open mouthed at the little boy in front of me. It's like staring at a model of my brother or myself as kids. The wave of his hair, the way his chin clefts just a little when he smiles, his simple, even his gestures. They are all so new yet so familiar.
But it's his eyes that seal the deal. His sweet grey eyes stare up at me, his little hand shielding them from the sun as he stares straight at me. It almost broke me. Smiling the most innocent smile. His eyes. Jeb's eyes. Starting straight back at me.
How can he almost be five and we had no clue that he even existed?
Because we are assholes. That's how. I can't even bring myself to immediately blame her. I wouldn't want my parents around a child either. And I am their child.
The second I saw Maggie with the kid I remembered the stories, the whispers around town. The rumours that chased her away for good.
They called her a slut. Another teenage mother. My own mother said Maggie had never even told her own father she was pregnant. No one knew a thing until she turned up home with the kid a year or so after her sister died.
I used to hear whispers about her when I was still coming to town, always talking shit about her and it was always something different. She didn't know who the father was. Or It was a married man. She was a disgrace like her father. And her sister. All of them, a waste.
Then she just disappeared. Or I stopped listening. Or paying attention. A bit of it all perhaps. But after the accident and then her sisters death, it was very clear that she despised me and my parents.
And I know that I was in no place to be anything other than numb to it all. Especially her. It's like she could see straight through my bullshit lie. She didn't pander to me or my family. She despised us. Openly contesting the theories surrounding the crash and I always wondered whether she knew. So I avoided her at all costs. Even went as far as putting fuel to the fire in the rumour mill.
Anything to get the heat away from me.
I guess I can't be mad that she kept the kid a secret. I would avoid my olds if I could. Hell, I pretty much do.
But she must need stuff. Money. God knows her father is no help. And seeing as though they just got out of the smallest heap of shit car and the kid is wearing shoes taped together with duct tape, I have a feeling they are existing on bare minimum.
She could have come forward when he was born and taken my family for a ride.
But she didn't.
And if I didn't just see the boy with my own two eyes, I have a feeling she never would have.
Venom fills my veins, pushing out all of the warmth I had upon seeing the boy and refilling it with anger.
This is my nephew. My blood. My brothers son. He is my family. And she kept him from me.
Sure, I get why she did but still, that doesn't make it right. I would have given him the world.
I force myself to look above the boy now, and stare straight back at Maggie.
She hasn't changed much since I last saw her. Her slim figure has filled out a little in the right places but she is too thin. Her hair is still the same strawberry blonde it used to be in high school,yet it lacks the bounce and shine it once held.
The dark circles under her eyes seem to hold court over her face and they perfectly fit the daggers that her deep blue eyes are sending in my direction.
She reaches for the boy, bending down to whisper in his ear before he nods and heads off to the grave where his mother rests.
He passes closely by and gives me a small timid smile and I can't help but return it.
"Hey young man, what's your name?" I ask, bending down to his level and breathing in deep before I look into his eyes.
It hurts after all this time to see these grey eyes starting back at me, and not through a mirror.
"I'm Jeb." He says and my heart lurches in my throat. I immediately well up and search over his head for Maggie who has her hand over her mouth, her eyes wide with sadness and something else, fear.
"Nice to meet you Jeb, my name is Ace." I say as I stand up and turn to watch him walking slowly over to the grave that holds his mother.
I slowly switch my gaze back to Maggie who has started to make her way towards me
As she reaches the space just a foot away from me, she pauses, pulling herself up to be as tall as she can which is not much next to my six foot six frame.
I tilt my head down to look at her and find her already studying me. Her cautious eyes bore into mine, judgment written all over her face. And hatred. Absolute hatred. Her tiny hands are fisted by her side and she shifts her feet nervously in place.
"How could you Maggie? How could you keep him from us? From me?" I say, keeping my voice low and even but I feel anything but.
Her mouth opens and shuts like she isn't quite sure what to say In response.
She steps forward once more so that she is right in front of me and as she steadies herself, she looks straight up into my eyes and delivers her answer coolly;
"Because you don't deserve him." She says with a grimace. And all the pain she feels is delivered with every single syllable. The hatred. The sadness. The desperation. She wears it like a coat of armour.
Just like I wear my guilt.
"He is my fucking brothers kid Mags. The only part of my brother I have left. Don't you think I would have wanted to know? Shit. We could have helped you. He is a McLaren. He doesn't have to live with nothing." I manage, raking her up and down for affect before I see her shaking her head and trying to stalk past me.
I grab a hold of her hand to stop her but she pulls it straight back out of my reach, as though my very touch burns her.
"That's the exact reason I didn't tell you. He doesn't need you. Any of you. And he is not a McLaren. He is mine. All mine. Since the day he was born." She spits as she moves around me, looking over at Jeb before turning back to face me.
"Look, Ace, I get that this is what you do. Throw cash around, thinking that it will solve everyone's problems. But Jeb isn't a problem. And he certainly isn't yours. He is mine. And I will never let you have any part of him. I will not let you taint him like you and your family do to everyone around you. Don't think for one second that I don't know what really happened that night. My sister told me. I know it all. And if you so much as breathe one word about Jeb to your parents or anyone else, I will tell the world. Ill find proof. And I will use it if you push me Ace. Just you fucking try me." She finishes, pointing her boney dull-nailed finger into my chest, her obvious rib cage rising and falling so fast that I think she may have a heart attack at any second.
It takes me a minute to let her rant sink in.
She knows. She knows the truth. But how? No one else was there. I switched before the police arrived. No one would have told... unless her sister was awake ...
Of course. Millie knew. I didn't think anyone would credit her word so I never asked. And my parents made it all go away anyway. So fast. So easy. They have never even asked me about who was driving. It was all just swept under the rug. With the rest of our emotions. And dignity.
This would ruin everything. It could destroy me, my future. Everything I have worked for. Gone in a flash because of one bad decision. One stupid choice that changed everything forever. That i regret forever.
The gift that keeps on giving because for the first time in over five years I had a glimmer of hope in my life in the form of a tiny replica of my brother, only
for it to go up in flames in the words of one scrawny pissed off woman.
Fuck this.
"Are you trying to blackmail me Mags? You don't know shit. Whatever you think you know? It's nothing. I want to see my nephew. I have rights. I have a lawyer who will make damn sure of it." I say in the moment but I instantly regret it as her face turns a shade of red that is barely seen this side of Mars.
" That's just like you isn't it? Avoid the truth and hide behind you lawyer. Or your shrink or your parents. Or anyone else that helps you shirk responsibility like an actual fucking adult. He isn't some piece of property Ace. He is a little boy. He is my little boy. Legally. Adopted a few days after his mother killed herself. Because of your asshat family. You are going to have to kill me too before you get near him. He doesn't need to be exposed to the toxic lifestyle you lead. And we don't need your money. No one needs the money you bleed from every part of this town." She whisper screams and I swear I see tears start to fall but she shakes them from her head.
I try to move away, to gain some perspective but it's proving difficult with her anger literally flying off in waves.
And aimed at my soul. Well there is her error. I don't have one. I haven't had for five or so years.
Part of me even agrees with her wanting to keep the boy away from my family. I avoid my own parents as much as I can.
And with my job, I can't hide the boy forever. My life has a way of working it's way into the public eye and there is no way I want the paps getting a hold of this story. They would have a field day with this information. It's absolute fodder for the bottom feeders. That's something I need to consider if i let them in.
My dead brothers secret son. Jesus. I bet even my father would try to use this to angle up his new campaign.
No. If I want to do this, get to know my nephew, I need to keep it on the down low. For now anyway. Gain her trust. Get to know them both. Away from the spotlight.
I turn to face her. I try to approach her calmly. Like a wounded animal. Though this one could kill me with only her looks right now.
"Mags, I get it. Honestly. I do. My parents... the way they treated you and your dad. And your sister. I can't even begin to think about how that snowballed down to you. And I know that I didn't help. Fuck. I'm sorry. I was young. I lost my brother. I was just trying to survive. But I want to get to know Jeb. Just me. Not my parents. I won't even tell them. Can you just consider it please? You don't need to answer now. Just, think about it. Mags, I need this."
Her expression doesn't change but I take that as a small win. She didn't say no. She didn't say yes either but it's something.
I pull out my wallet from my pants pocket and take out one of my cards, handing it over to her slowly.
Trying not to spook her.
She just stares blankly at my outstretched hand, her eyes moving slowly from the card to my face and back to the card again, before she sighs out loud and takes it roughly. She shoves it into her pants back pocket and moves past me.
I turn to watch her and end up swatting her with my arm as she turns at the same time.
I automatically place my hands on either side of her hips to gather her balance and gasp at the size of her. She is so tiny. Her sharp intake of breath makes me shoot my gaze to hers and for one quick second we just stare at each other, the close proximity sending a strange nervousness through my body.
Before I get my wits back, she grabs a hold of my hands, forcing them off of her before taking a steadying step backwards.
"Ace. What is it you want? Really. No bullshit. This is not some short term investment. If I let you do this, get to know him, it's a forever job you know? You can't just come into his life and then leave again when you realise it's not all fun and games." She states, folding her arms around herself as if to shelter herself from the barrage of emotions floating between us.
I sigh out loud. I can't believe she hasn't just told me to fuck off and left. I need to handle this the right way. One more wrong move and I'll spook her.
"Mags, I'm alone." I say before I even think about it and i see instant recognition flash across her face before it hardens back to her stoney mask of indifference.
She lets out a sigh followed by a few expletives.
"I don't want him in any picture or tabloids Ace. And it's on my terms only. Ok?" She says, exasperation evident in her tired gestures.
"Anything you say." I agree. Quickly. Before she changes her mind.
"How do we do this?" I say immediately and watch as she goes to sit awkwardly on one of the small flat stones that line the edge of this section.
" I don't know. Let start small. You can meet us at the park or something. Will that work?". She asks but shakes her head straight away, realising that me being able to be invisible in a local park is damn near impossible.
"No. Ok. I don't know." She starts, biting on one of her nails.
"How about you two come visit me? It's private. Gated. No one will know. I can even send a car to collect you so no one knows it's you." I add, watching her think it over. My mind is already planning all the kid additions I'll make to the house.
I feel alive for the first time in years.
"Yeah ok." She says finally, but her tone sounds defeated.
"Mags. Thank you. I won't make you regret this."
I tell her softly as I stand in front of her. I really want to mean it.
She looks up at me slowly, her mask slipping back into a hard shell.
"I already do. But the first thing you are about to learn, about having a kid in your life, is it's no longer about you." She delivers as she stands up and stalks past me, heading towards the grave and Jeb.
As i stand and watch them chatting softly together, I think about how close I was to just giving up today. I can't help but feel this is all a little bit of a crazy joke, life throwing me another curve but shit, I'll take it.
As Maggie carefully straps Jeb in a few minutes later, I offer a small wave to the kid and watch as she slams the door shut a few times. The rust is so thick, I have concerns it won't actually close. I need to fix this.
But baby steps.
She turns to face me, her eyes closed tightly and as she releases a slow breath, they snap open and focus on me.
"One chance Ace. That's all you get." She says flatly as she stalks to her side of the car, sinking in and driving quickly away. Without another word. Not even giving me a chance to reply.
One chance.
I take a steady breath and release it as a short laugh escapes me. It's light and the sound is strange to me. It's been a while. Fuck. It's been years since I felt this. Felt some sort of hope.
One chance is all I need.