It's quiet.
Jin's lips tighten into a stubborn line, his icy stare bore into Yoongi who is still frozen in his spot. Yoongi's face has grown ashen, his eyes have widened in alarm, and he sits on the step wringing his hands.
Yoongi, who's always been so strong, and calm looks nervous, panicked. My heart stumbles over its own rhythm, my throat feels like it's closing, cutting off air.
"What wouldn't I understand Yoongi?" My voice is stern with no hint of sympathy in its hardness.
Lines of stress form on his forehead and he's unable to make eye contact with me. "Jillian..." He says in a suffocated whisper.
"Tell her Yoongi!" Jin grounds out nostrils flaring as he speaks.
Anxiety stabs me in the gut as Yoongi stands up looking at me. His eyes pleading for some understanding. "I..." he blows his cheeks out with a heavy breath.
Jin shoves Yoongi's arm roughly trying to get him to talk. "GOD DAMN IT JIN STOP!" I blurt out.
I know Yoongi is struggling. I can see it all over his face. Yoongi has shared lots of himself with me and I know he needs a moment to try and get his thoughts together. Jin pushing him into a corner like this is making me angry.
"JUST GIVE HIM A DAMN MINUTE OKAY JIN?!" My voice rising an octave.
"I'm just trying to help..." He says softly. A look of sadness crosses his face as he looks down.
I take a deep breath trying to calm myself down. "I know Jin just... just let him tell me himself." I walk up to Yoongi resting my hand on his shoulder squeezing it to comfort him.
"I don't know about you from the internet Jillian." His voice is cracking and tight as he gauges my expression.
My hand falls from his shoulder as my body grows tense to the point of shaking. "What..." my voice comes out weakly.
His expression turns tight with strain. "I knew your name because..." he pauses, noticing the other boys have come outside.
They must have heard my yelling earlier. I take a step back putting space between me and Yoongi, as the other boys come down the steps no one speaks. Do they all know his secret?
Joon steps beside me, again being that reassuring pillar I need. "Everything okay?" He asks no one in particular.
"Everything's fine Joon," I say flatly.
"I know because I know Christine and Ashton... He's my cousin." He says taking a step towards me.
"WHAT THE FUCK!" Dani yells, stepping up to get in between me and Yoongi.
"I knew there was a reason why I didn't like you." She lowers her tone threateningly, but I quickly grab her arm tugging her back.
I'm not scared right now. I'm furious! My fist is clenched at my side as I try and hold back my anger. I step away from them all, mouth clamped as my eyes fix on the other boys who look confused. I guess they don't know. Except for Jin, he looks guilty as my eyes narrow on him.
"Sweetheart listen..." Jin says taking my hand.
"DON'T FUCKING TOUCH ME JIN!" I scream in frustration.
"Jillian calm down." Yoongi finally speaks up, stepping around Dani.
My head whips to him. "Calm down? REALLY!?"
"Can you just let me explain... It wasn't supposed to come out like this." He murmurs quietly.
"Was it ever going to come out?" I stressfully comb through my hair. "Were you ever going to tell me if Jin hadn't forced you into this situation?"
Yoongi stutters trying to find his words. "I don't know, I've been trying to find the right time to tel-"
"WHEN YOONGI?! WHEN DID YOU TRY TO TELL ME?" I cut him off, spitting my words out at him.
"When I spent all those late nights telling you about my fears and anxieties?" I scoff remembering back to all the details I had told him.
"Or did u TRY and tell me earlier when I told you everything and I stupidly cried to you." A sarcastic laugh leaves me.
"How much did you know? How close are you to your cousin?" I lowered my voice, afraid to know the answer
"Jillian can we please talk about this in private..." He pleads as his hand gestures towards the crowd that has formed.
I shake my head no and he sighs "Really you want to talk privately now? You had your chance to talk to me, just you and me and you didn't!"
"Please..." He begs, offering his hand to me.
I scoff staring at his hand. "Wasn't it your idea to tell everyone anyway? They're all here! So, let's tell them! But don't forget to tell them how you knew I was in that hellhole!"
I turn facing the others who are standing around us. "the man and woman I lived with for years took advantage of my innocence and Yoongi here is his cousin!"
"Jillian I only knew of you at first..." his voice is low as he places his shaking hands into his pockets. "I saw you a year after you had moved in with them."
"How come I don't remember seeing you?" I ask with a raspy voice.
"I had only been over to their house a few times Jillian. You were just a small girl who always looked so lost and scared every time I saw you." Yoongi's voice trembles
"And you left me there never trying to help?" I question finally saying the words that were bottled up inside me.
"I didn't know how I could help. I was different then; I was lost in my own darkness at the time," he says, shame crossing his features. "I didn't learn everything they did until after they were arrested"
I didn't know what to say, lost in my own thoughts and the feeling of betrayal overwhelming me. I want to scream and be angry, but at the same time, I just wanted to run.
"I can't do this." I turn to the stairs pushing past the boys to get to my door.
"Darling stop." Jimin grabs on to my arm stopping me.
"Let. Me. Go," I say slowly narrowing my eyes at his hand that's holding on to me.
"We have to talk about this, you can't just leave it at that." He stubbornly says.
"I'm fucking tired of talking! Let me go Jimin!" I try to tug my arm from his grip.
"Just let her go man she doesn't want to talk to you," Kookie says with a hint of annoyance.
"Stay out of it Kook. She doesn't want to talk to you either" Jimin replies angrily as Kookie steps up to us.
They can't be fucking serious right now! I finally manage to get my arm free as the two boys face each other. Jimin huffs and turns to walk away.
"Of course," Kookie calls out after him.
"What is going on with you two? Enough of this bickering this is not the time! " Joon says, drawing everyone's attention to him.
"Why don't you ask that stupid insecure overgrown bunny over there!" Jimin mumbles under his breath.
Kookie glares at him. "Insecure?" He scoffs.
"Can you two fucking stop! I can't sit here worrying about the two boys I'm JUST hooking up with right now!" Everyone's head snaps to me at what I just confessed.
I groan with frustration. I'm so stupid! My eyes darted to the boys. Jimin and Kookie both look hurt at the words I just angrily said. The other boys look shocked.
"I KNEW IT!" Hobi shouts Dani elbows him trying to get him to shut up as I focus my glare on him, causing him to shrink a little.
I've fucked up so bad. "I just Ugh, I need some time guys you should go home," I say as my anger is replaced with embarrassment.
The throbbing in my head has now turned into a consistent hammering and my neck has become stiff. I can't focus anymore as I try to hold back my tears. I turn around walking into the house shutting them all off from me.
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I slide against my closed door bringing my knees up to my chest. Was any of this real? Did Yoongi get close to me to appease his own guilt? I close my eyes resting my forehead against the top of my knees as silent tears roll down my face. I remember all of our late nights sharing our fears and anxieties. Was it all a lie?
I put a hand over my mouth stifling the cries that I can no longer contain. But a knock on the door jolts me and I quickly scramble up off the floor.
"It's me. Can I please come in?" I recognized the voice.
I stood for a couple of seconds, my stomach churning, eyes closed. "Go away" I manage to squeak out.
I tense as I feel firm arms wrap around me pulling me close. "No can do, tiny one."
My breath quickens and I use every muscle in my body to stifle a whimper. "Just let it out, If you need to cry, I'll hold you," Joon says and a great sob escapes me.
He pulls me on the bed with him. He scoots back to sit against the headboard with me between his legs, back flush against his chest and his arms securely holding me while I cry.
I don't know how long we sat there with Joon murmuring everything would be okay, but when I no longer had any tears left and was just struggling to catch my breath Joon let go turning me to face him. "If you need to talk tiny one. I'll listen."
"Okay." My voice came out hoarse, barely audible.
We spent the next hour with me telling him everything about my life with Ashton and Christine, why Dani is here, and what happened in the studio with Yoongi today all the way to me overhearing him and Jin arguing.
Joon is sitting criss-cross applesauce in front of me, a hand holding his jaw. Joon tended to look angry when he was thinking but I patiently waited to hear his thoughts.
"Let us help you, tiny one. If you need to learn to trust again, WE'LL prove to you that you can. If you need a friend that will always be there for you, WE are your friends forever." He says finally breaking the silence.
I let out a shaky breath. "Joon it's not that easy," I replied, my voice breaking as I did.
"IT IS! If you're feeling unsure, WE will be your confidence. If you need to be angry, WE will let you. If you feel lost, WE will help guide you. If you're feeling alone, WE will be the friends who won't leave you. And if you need to be happy, WE will make you laugh." a look of determination in his eyes as he reaches for my hand.
"If your pain is 100 in scale of 100, and we can lessen it to 99, 98, 97... if we can make it like that, then let us." His voice is warm and comforting.
I had suddenly lost the ability to speak. I felt like a small lump was sitting in my throat as I listened to his words. A sigh slips through my lips.
"I've messed things up with everyone Joon..."
"You haven't sweetheart." I hear a voice coming from the doorway.
Me and Joon turn to see Jin leaning against the door frame with a sullen look on his face.
"Namjoon is right. WE are all here for you." He pushes off and walks into the room closing the door behind him.
"Sweetheart I'm sorry." He says as he sits on the edge of the bed.
"Why didn't you tell me Jin?" I ask with no hint of anger in my voice.
"It wasn't for me to tell... I fought with Yoongi about this for a long time. But you have to understand he was scared. Scared to hurt you, to lose you."
Jin wraps an arm around my shoulders pulling me close to him. "You are part of our family. This stopped being a job for us months ago."
Namjoon nods in agreement, squeezing my hand he's still holding. "We love you."
His eyes met mine and we shared a smile. My heart fluttered like the wings of a hummingbird as I was overwhelmed with happiness.
I feel like a weight has been lifted off of me. I tug Joon closer and wrap my arms around the two large men hugging them tightly.
"I love you guys too!" I say honestly, a smile appearing on my lips.
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Well, what do you think about Yoongi's secret My Little Coconuts?
I've decided to add some more chapters to make some ideas I've had, fit!
Don't be a silent reader! Let me know what you think!
OMG!! BE dropped and it's amazing! What is your favorite song on the album?!
Mine is Blue and Grey!
As always I PURPLE YOU!