AUGUST
I pull back the cream colored curtains to peep through the blinds. It's a habit that I haven't gotten rid of yet. Although the only thing I see is the house across the street, cars rarely pass through the cul-de-sac and when they do it's usually someone who lives in one of the homes.
My phone rings in my pocket. I didn't notice how focused I was until I flinch at the vibration. I sigh as answer
"Did you tell anyone?" Melody asks before I say hello.
"I'm doing fine, thank you." I say sarcastically.
"This is serious. Did you tell? Don't tell anyone means don't tell your wife either!"
"Why are you yelling at me? No, I didn't tell."
"Okay, good." Melody takes a sigh of relief. "Well, I'm going to find her."
"Who?"
"My daughter. Duh."
My eyes widen. I try to respond, but before I can give my opinion on her awful idea I hear loud cries and the pitter patter of little feet as they run towards me.
From the sound of it, I know that it'll require my full attention
"I'm going to have to call you back." I say to Melody. "Make smart, beneficial decisions only while you wait."
I look down to see Alyssa standing at my legs and looking up at me with tears streaming down her face.
I frown as I lift her up in my arms so we can talk. "What's wrong?"
"I-I got in trouble." She cries, struggling to get her words out as she sniffles.
"Okay." I say gently as I pat her back. "It's okay, I promise." I know that whatever happened, she thinks it isn't okay. I also know that she's three and things as small as a blueberry send her whole world in a spiral. So whatever is wrong, I'm sure it's okay.
"What happened?" I ask.
I feel Alyssa's hot tears through my shirt as her face is pressed against my shoulder while she cries. Her chest puffs up and down harshly because her breath is staggered. Instead of saying anything, she just decides to lay her head down again and cry harder.
"You're going to be alright."
"I-I-I..." She tries to explain, but between the gasping for air and sniffling she can't get anything out.
"Calm down, you're okay. I got you." I kiss her forehead as I soothingly rock our bodies side to side.
I take Alyssa to the kitchen and sit her on the counter while I get her some water.
"Lily?" I call her name.
She marches into the kitchen with her arms crossed
"She wrote on the wall!" Lily explains in a stern voice like she's mad at me too for some reason.
"Lily." I sigh. "You and I both know that it's just a wall. She's three."
To us, it's just a wall and the fact that Alyssa wrote on it doesn't matter, but to Alyssa, she thinks she's done something horrible and her little world is collapsing because her mom is upset with her.
"Exactly. She's three and she needs to know right from wrong. I'm not upset about a wall that I can paint over. I'm upset because I told her not to do it on several instances."
Alyssa sniffles and looks at Lily with her big, brown eyes. She has her chubby fingers wrapped around her glass of water and takes a deep breath to calm herself.
"and I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings." Lily looks at Alyssa. "I just want you to listen, okay?"
"It was a mistake." Alyssa wipes her eyes.
"It's okay. We all make mistakes, but now you know next time, right?"
"Yes."
"You promise?"
Alyssa nods her head. She's such a sweet child that I know she means it. Especially if she promised.
"Okay, well maybe only two days with no toys and tv instead of a week?" Lily raises an eyebrow.
"Okay." Alyssa frowns.
"I want you to know that I'm not mad at you." Lily leans over to kiss her forehead. "I love you."
Lily smiles and kisses Alyssa one more time before she starts to finish getting ready for work. She narrows her eyes and points a finger at me as she walks away like I'm going to be punished too and I laugh.
Alyssa groans and lays back on the counter so that she can stare up at the ceiling.
"I'll read you a book, okay? You want to do that?" I ask and she lifts herself back up, smiling.
There are definitely numerous ways to entertain a three year old that doesn't require toys or a television. Plus, her punishment is only two days. While two days may be two weeks when you're three, it seems like a hour when you're an adult.
I walk with Alyssa to her room and we go to the bookshelf in her closet. She loves books, her only issue is that she can't read. Whenever we go out and she sees a book with a cover that catches her eye, she has to get it.
"I don't want pictures." She hums as she hands me a book.
"Depressing." I laugh.
I lay on her bed, leaning on the headboard so that I can sit up. Alyssa crawls to lay back on my chest as she opens The Magic Treehouse to the page we left off on. She grabs onto the book because she likes to hold it and turn the pages.
"I can't wait to know how to read."
I smile sadly. When she's old enough to read she won't need me to read her favorite books to her and our times like these will be over. I never get tired of reading to her, even if I have to read the same pages over again because she doesn't remember what happened the first time.
"and then I can read to you?" She turns to me and smiles.
I laugh. Okay, that doesn't sound so bad. Although she'll only like to read to me until she's about thirteen and hates me and Lily. I wish that I could cast a magical spell that made her stay 3 joyful forever, but sadly I can't. One day she's going to get big, and I don't doubt that she'll be wonderful no matter how big she gets.
******
I look down at Alyssa laying on my chest to see her eyelids closed and she breathes softly. I smile as I watch her laying in my arms knowing that it's the place she feels safest. I'm good at being there for her, I don't know how I'm capable of it because I never had anyone to be there for me. I've never had an example to go by, so I'm not sure what's guiding me here.
The door to her room opens and Lily is standing there smiling at me in her night clothes.
"Are you coming to bed? Or am I punished for punishing Alyssa?" She laughs.
"I can't." I tell her, speaking quietly so I don't wake her up.
I try to move Alyssa off of me and lay her on the pillow but her hand is balled in a fist against my shirt and she just grabs it tighter when I try to leave.
"Is she even sleeping?" Lily whispers.
"Yes." I laugh.
I can hear her soft snores and she's been knocked out for a couple hours, but she just won't let go of me. I don't know how her little fist has such a tight grip even though she's asleep.
"Well can I come?" Lily smiles as she walks towards us.
She lays down next to me in Alyssa's Twin XL. Of course she has to move the drawings that occupy that side of the bed out of the way first.
"Stop disciplining my baby, it hurts our feelings." I say.
"No tv for you either." Lily rolls her eyes and laughs.
I hand her the pillow from behind my bed and watch her as she gets under the covers. I never stop being reminded that she's the best thing that ever happened to me; it's one thing that I never worry about losing sight of.
CATALINA
I write down the size and age group of the red shirt from my box on my log sheet as I fold it and put it in the right stack. Besides organizing the clothes, I don't know what else to do with them. I got this big box of donations and hadn't thought about any steps after that. I've been making calls and trying to set up meetings with foster care places and stuff, but it's harder to do than I thought. Who knew helping people would be so difficult. So, I've moved on to a new philanthropic activity: making backpacks for the homeless. At least until the donations thing falls in place.
"This is cute." Catarina narrows her eyes as she grabs a baby shirt from the pile. "You think I can have this for my future love child?"
I close my eyes in frustration and snatch the shirt out of her hand. "You are not a needy person and you don't have a baby!"
"You need to relax."
"This is important." I frown.
I look at my laptop screen and it's full of orphanages near me. I'm not sure how my thoughts wandered from Foster Homes to orphanages. I sigh as I look at them on my screen because all I can think about is how many children are in there that need a home. The thought of children without parents is just disheartening to me. I keep getting flashbacks to when Ashton and I were going to adopt. Besides being told that we were too young, the lady told us that our motives weren't strong enough. Apparently it requires more than just wanting to give a child a good life.
I would've taken any age, any race, any size: I just wanted to give a better life to any kid they'd give us. Then, they didn't. Plus, I got pregnant with twins which proved everything the woman from the orphanage was telling us.
"Can I have this for my future baby?" Christian walks into the living room and looks at the clothes.
"That's what I said!"
I clench my jaw and his and Catarina's lack of competence. They've seemed to settle into their 'Bachelor/Bachelorette' phase in life. Let's just say, the possibility of marriage isn't looking good for either of them. Catarina is looking to 'marry rich' so her dating pool is shallow and Christian has insane trust issues. It's why him and her are roommates and probably will be until they die.
"Remember when I used to be the dud?" I ask. "The runt of the litter."
"Now you're all grown and classy." Catarina smiles. "They grow up so fast."
"Are you still looking to marry rich?" I ask her.
"Yes. Do you have any advice?"
"Haha." I roll my eyes. "You know what I was doing when I was 23?"
"Crying on the floor of my bedroom....like every other day?" She raises an eyebrow.
"Okay...yes, but I also got married and had a life."
"You're being a bitch." Catarina points out calmly. "A Hypocritical bitch at that."
My jaw drops. "Well you are a-- a lonely bitch. Who copied off of my name."
"That wasn't me." She scoffs. "That was our unoriginal mother."
Christian leans against the counter and faces the door as he hums and drinks his smoothie. I don't have much to say to him because in all honesty, he's kind of mean and I don't feel like having my feelings hurt today. Also, I kind of feel bad about how when he thought he would have a family, the girl--what he calls Lily-- wrapped that idea up faster than I could even utter the word abortion.
"You're just one of the lucky ones. Mothering, happily married hoe." Catarina playfully narrows her eyes.
"If Mahlia comes home cursing one day I know who she got it from."
Catarina smiles. I start to tell her that she's only 23 and she's doing just fine, but my phone rings and stops me from making peace. I roll my eyes and put the phone to my ear.
"Hello?"
"Catalina Delarosa?"
"Not really..." I roll my eyes, but I don't have the energy to correct them. "But yes, this is her."
"Your grandfather is asking to see you." The professional woman voice on the other end speaks.
I furrow my eyebrows and put the pen in my hand down. I only have one grandfather and when I think of him only one thought comes to mind: despair. Emilio probably hated me since he first laid eyes on me, so I don't understand what this woman is talking about.
"Why would I want to see him?"
"because he's dying."
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Hiii, how have y'all been?