provisionary
/prəˈvɪʒ(ə)n(ə)ri/
adjective: provisionary
arranged or existing for the present; provisional.
Glendale, AZ
Sunday February 21st
Soraya Legacy Valentine | Binkie
"I had my doubts you'd show, honestly Valentine." Soraya frowned pursing her lips together as Dr. Harris took off his emerald green glasses revealing his pale blue eyes.
"Why's that?" She asked curiously.
"You've never been quite the type to stay around when things get tough, you like to run Soraya. When you don't feel safe or comfortable you disappear, you feel vulnerable, which you hate. You don't like allowing people to believe they could ever 'know' your or 'understand' you. Do you think anyone understands you?" Dr. Harris questioned.
Soraya bit down on her bottom lip shaking her head, "not necessarily."
"Elaborate, Valentine, you know I've never been one for the short answers." Soraya sighed uncomfortably.
"I don't want people to feel like I'm not who I am." Soraya said confusing herself even.
"And what are you Soraya? You're talking to me in riddles, now." Soraya huffed.
"I don't know what I am, I just don't want people to think that they could ever know what I am. You're right I don't want people to ever think they get me because nobody gets you. Not anybody with a phd or some fuck off Harvard degree or Yales degree could ever get me. Nobody." Soraya finalised.
"Relax, you are rather tense all of a sudden. Does the idea of people knowing you leave you to feel pregnable or uneasy maybe?"
Soraya pursed her lips, "I feel exploited, I guess. I just don't like the feeling, that's why I stay to myself I don't want anybody to feel like they have the opportunity to know me or get to know me."
"And Cheyenne?"
"What about her?"
"Does she deserve the opportunity?"
"Nobody, nobody deserves the opportunity to get to know me again." Soraya ingeminated.
"Why not? what's changed?" Dr. Harris pressured.
Soraya pursed her lips, "nothing's changed, I've just come to my senses."
"You feel like you let your guard down, your walls break. Wanna know what I think, Valentine?" Soraya stiffly regretfully nodded, "your walls are made of glass, and you know that, and we both know all they need is a little tap to shatter."
"I'm stronger than that," Soraya mumbled, "it takes more than that to break me."
"It does? No, I don't think it is Soraya. You view yourself as weak, when you'e not. That is your downfall, you are your own enemy. The woman looking back at you in the mirror is your competitor, she is your only rival."
"But you think the whole world is against you, don't you?" Dr. Harris continued. "I know you do, yes you do, you think everybody is out to get you. You think everybody has malicious intent."
"Well the world has done nothing to prove me otherwise, to prove me wrong." Soraya began getting defensive, she didn't like being told about herself and Dr. Harris knew that, "I have every right and reason to believe everybody on this damn planet is out to get me."
"So you're just going to assume a person is rancorous before getting to know them?" Soraya rolled her eyes.
"It happens all the time across the world, in life, everyday. Everybody makes assumptions about people, strangers, homeless citizens, criminals, 'good' people - whatever that may fucking be, it's normal very fucking common."
"I see you have gathered quite a foul mouth, how did that start?" Soraya rolled her eyes.
"I'm twenty-one, Dr. Harris not sixteen anymore. I'll speak however I please."
"Not in my room. That is very unnecessary you can get your point across without the use of such vulgar language. Is this because of Cheyenne?"
"Oh what now you don't like her because I've begun swearing? Just last week you were giggling like some school girl when I told you about her." Dr. Harris scowled.
"I don't think anything of her, I couldn't care less about that girl Valentine. I'm here to help you I've been helping you for the past eight years since you were in eighth grade Valentine, I've watched you prosper and grow. We don't want another Naoto now do we?" Soraya grimaced at the memory.
"No." She stiffly replied.
Dr. Harris sighed putting his glasses back on shuffling around some papers on his desk. The two sat in silence for a couple minutes as Dr. Harris waited for Soraya to say something, he wanted for her to let something out freely.
Soraya knew but said nothing looking down at the dark grey carpet. It'd been like this for several years, it was first a wooden floor when Soraya had initially begun her sessions but Isaac soon changed it after one of his much younger patients slipped and fell, effectively injuring their knee.
Safety hazard, it was called, before his manager renovated the whole room. The therapist simply walked in on Monday morning to see nothing the same, which disappointed him a great deal but he learnt to suck it up and deal with it.
"I," Soraya spoke but then instantly closed her mouth as Dr. Harris waited for her to continue, "Cheyenne and I had an 'argument' sort've."
"What about?" Dr. Harris asked, inwardly smiling weirdly.
"She asked a question about my nails, how I never got them done, we was out at the steakhouse uptown, then she told me she was going to do them. This happened Friday she said she'd do them Saturday. Then I started being blunt you called say and ignoring her sort've, she didn't like it and had a go at me: saying how 'I didn't want her to take tiny small treads around her as if I was a frozen piece of fragile glass' stuff like that."
"Why did the topic of your nails hit a nerve? Is that the right phrase?" Dr. Harris questioned, Soraya exhaled lowly.
"I don't know, I honestly don't know. I just got instantly uncomfortable weirdly enough, I lost my appetite I didn't want to eat I didn't want to continue talking I didn't like it. It just didn't feel right, it didn't feel nice."
"having friends or having a conversation with someone?" Soraya shrugged.
"Both?" she twisted up her face, "I just don't think I can continue."
"you've never been one for communicating, try talk to her. Maybe take a break, you obviously just feel like things are going way too fast and that's alright. Try to set a pace." Soraya frowned.
"You make it sound like we're dating."
"And how do you feel about that?"
"I feel nothing I don't feel any which way, I'm not interested in her like that, i don't view her like that, it was confusing at first but I just don't, she's not a friend per say nor an associate she's just someone there but she's not she's more than that."
"A confidant, possibly?" Dr. Harris suggested.
"I don't know I tell her a lot more than I'd usually tell anyone and I don't like that at all, it really doesn't feel good."
"We always knew you hated talking about your emotions to people with a passion, Valentine, that's okay that's normal, a lot of people are like that." Soraya didn't feel comforted.
"You compare me to normal people a lot, Harris, I'm nothing like those other people."
"And what are those other people, Soraya? In fact what are even 'normal' people? I've never come across the term before, be a dear and educate me." Dr. Harris spoke almost imperiously.