Jiu x Female Reader
8th member au
Status - Finished (2 parts) ✅
Warnings ~ angst, topics of sexuality & homophobia, fluff ending
You ever just stop and take a moment to think over your life and realize that you're not at all where you pictured you would be? You realize that you've made all these decisions that ended up leading you to the worst possible situation you could've put yourself in?
Well, that's exactly how I was feeling right now.
As I stared at the side profile of my group leader, watching as she smiled at the fan sitting across the table in front of her while signing a personalized message on his Dreamcatcher album. Don't get me wrong, I was thankful to debut in a group with 7 amazing girls and to have so many supportive fans, but that wasn't the bad part.
The fan stood up from his seat and moved on to the next member, making Jiu look up. She noticed I was staring and looked over at me quizzical at first, but a smile soon overtook her features. My face flushed and my heart raced in my chest as I stared into her eyes for a moment too long. That was the problem.
If you hadn't guessed by now, I, stupidly, decided (well maybe not 'decided' because love is pretty unpredictable and helpless) to fall in love with my friend and member, Kim Minji. And if you're still not understanding the problem, let me remind you that we are kpop idols —females— who live in South Korea —a very conservative country.
Everything about me loving Jiu is wrong. Yet here I was, like a little lovesick puppy, staring at her as if she was the most beautiful thing in the world.
I just had to be born with a talent for music. I just had to dream of being a kpop idol. I just had to audition at Happyface Entertainment. I just had to be put in a group with the girl I would end up falling in love with. I just had to make all these decisions that ended up leading me to this point in my life. Now every single day I had to walk on eggshells around Jiu, attempting to disguise my feelings so that I wouldn't ruin my career and possibly my members' careers as well.
It was exhausting and sometimes made me wish I wasn't born the way I was. Maybe if I was just straight everything would be so much easier. That's how it seemed anyways. Straight people aren't constantly ridiculed for who they love. They aren't seen as different or disgusting. Heck, they don't even have to clarify their preference because it's automatically assumed.
But then I think about how happy girls make me. How having a different preference is what makes me unique. I think about how strong and beautiful the community that I'm a part of is. How open minded and accepting people like me are. It makes me proud to be a part of something like that. And I would love to share that part of myself with the world, to be honest about who I love and maybe even become a person that others could look up to...
But then I remember the 7 girls around me who worked so hard and so long to get to where they are today. 7 girls that deserved to be here. I wouldn't want to sabotage their careers just for some selfish reason like admitting who I love. And that is the exact reason why I can't ever be my true self. Maybe if I wasn't in a group it could be different, I could handle the hate thrown at me and the potential downfall of my own career. But I would never wish that upon them.
So, instead, I looked up at the male fan sitting in front of me and put on my best fake smile, continuing to sign his album and nodding my head as he told me how much he loved me. My immediate thought was 'you probably wouldn't love me if you knew the real me', but I quickly pushed that to the back of my mind and thanked him anyways.
The rest of the fansign went on with me continuing to act happy while also avoiding eye contact with the gorgeous member sitting next to me. The latter being the hardest to pull off considering she kept looking at me. She knew something was up and that's the one thing I loved and hated about her. She was extremely observant and annoyingly caring. All I had to do was look even the slightest bit unhappy and she immediately knew I was in a bad mood. No matter how much I tried to hide it, she somehow always noticed.
The fan event was finally over and when we walked back behind the stage, Jiu pushed her way towards me and grabbed my hand. Her soft, warm skin sent tingles through my body and I immediately felt better. As we walked through the hallways she stayed silent, but once we got to our dressing room, she stopped and turned towards me with a knowing look.
"What's up?" I asked innocently, trying to seem oblivious.
"What's wrong?" She said, ignoring my act and getting straight to the point. Looking at her eyes and seeing how much she clearly cared about me, I nearly gave in.
But then the doubts came rushing back and, just like that, I tore my gaze away, lying straight through my teeth, "Nothing. I'm fine."
She scoffed immediately, "Yeah, I've heard that before." I didn't reply, so she took a step forward, forcing me to make eye contact once again. "Look, I can tell that something is on your mind." She came even closer making my heart skip a beat and my mind go blank. I felt her hand clutch mine once again as she whispered, "You know you can tell me anything, right?" For a split second I let myself believe that she already knew and took an even bigger reach, thinking that she might be insinuating that she liked me too.
But after a few seconds, I came back to reality and sighed, pushing those ridiculous thoughts to the back of my mind and locking them away. I couldn't afford to think like that. Not when our careers were on the line. I would have to conceal that part of myself for at least as long as I am a member of Dreamcatcher. There was no other logical option.
I felt Jiu squeeze my hand, making me realize I never answered her question. "Y-yeah, I know." I rushed out, which only caused her to look skeptical at my response. It seemed like she was going to say something but one of the other members cut in before she could, telling us it was time to change and head back to the dorms.
I was prepared to walk away when she stopped me one last time. "We're talking about this later." She clearly tried to sound demanding like the leader she is, but I cracked a small smile. "Hey, I mean it!" She yelled, giving my shoulder a light shove before walking away. God, why does she have to be so loveable? I wouldn't be in this mess in the first place if she wasn't.
Hope you enjoyed. I love you, don't ever forget that ❤️