The Diamond
"Why were you not calling me?"
I sobbed. She held my hand while cleaning up my tears. I get the tissue from the rocky table to wipe my swollen nose. Sobrang hapdi rin ng eyes ko sa patuloy na pag-iiyak. I just couldn't contain my tears and emotion.
My decision earlier was final right after I stepped out of the bathroom. I already informed the taxi driver to head me to the condo... but I lost it when Mia replied her heart out and tell me where she is.
Nandito kami ngayon na dalawa sa park na frequent naming tinatambayan way back high school days. But she wouldn't tell me where she's spending her nights. Pinipilit ko pero ayaw niya talaga. She said it's better this way. Kaya dito nalang kami nagpunta.
"Things really got worse Avi..." she languidly talked.
I looked up at her with teary eyes. I'm so vulnerable right now. "Pero I'm here naman, ah..." I sobbed again. "I... feel useless to you. I can't be a friend to you.! I can't do my duty as your sister. I want to... gustong- gusto ko Mia... B–but how?"
Her eyes glittered in pain.
"You are not giving me a chance..." I tapped my shoulder a single time. "My shoulder's right here Mia. I'm all ears. Here's my hand," I offered her. "I can help you to stand up. You can share your pain with me... At 'wag mong sasabihin sa'kin na ayaw mong maging pabigat. Term was too much bruised... I don't care about the stress and pain, Mia. Dahil mas nasasaktan ako that you're not using me para tulungan ka."
She wiped off the tear that fell from her eye. "I-I'm sorry, Avi. I'm sorry."
I leaned forward to hug her as she keeps on mumbling the same words. "Sorry, Avi...Sorry. I am so sorry. I just don't want to pain you my pains too." She's back sobbing again now.
"Shush. Tahan na... It's all okay now. Hush down, Mia. I'm just right here..." I rubbed her back.
"I'm sorry... Sorry for making you feel worthless."
"Tahan na, Mia... For now, I will not force you to bring out to me whatever you are going through. It hurts... for I really want to know because I want to help you out of this emotional support I know I could only give you. But I understand. I don't want to trigger you."
Humigpit ang yakap niya sa'kin.
"But I want you to promise me that you'll remain strong. And when the right time comes that you're ready... I want you to share it with me. I'll wait Mia, no matter how long. Hindi kita iiwan... It's unless you're the one to decide."
"Never..." she whispered.
I sighed. "Let's now call your Mom, kay? Please, Mia, they were worried like sick. At least consider your Mom... Kahit 'wag na si Tito. Please call your Mom."
She abruptly held back the hug. "No!"
"Just this one, Mia. Please... Hear this. Nag-aalala na ako sa kalagayan mo. You're not attending school anymore, and you know we're graduating—"
"If I need to stop a year, I don't care, Avi! Even if it's graduation year!" She became distant again when she moved away from me and looked at the grass.
"Were you hearing yourself? Why are you so stubborn, Mia? You don't need to stop! Oh my, you are such... We're near! Almost there! You were kidding about slipping away, weren't you? After all you went through, ngayon ka pa bibitiw, huh?"
"You don't understand—"
"That's the problem! How do I get it kung hindi mo sinasabi—"
She also cut me off. "Akala ko ba naiintindihan mo ako? I thought you're patient?"
Okay. I was frustrated. Napahilamos ako sa face. "But until when? Mia... when?" I feel so weak. I don't know about the sudden loss of patience to thirst.
"Kapag kaya ko na."
Silence. Pure silence came as my heart throbbed in pain and soreness. Until I speak with decisiveness.
"I'll call your Mom."
"No, Avi. You don't want to go down that road."
"I will. Watch me."
With that, I took out the phone from my bag. Mia suddenly became attentive as she managed to steal my phone out of my hand.
"What are you doing?! I said no—"
"Give it back to me! Mia!"
On normal days, I'd probably laugh my soul out while watching Mia run like a kid who's going to be cursed by her parents. Today, nothing fun came as sorrow pierced into my soul. Watching her run in oblivion as if her life depends on it, and seeing her wail, as if her life would be a complete waste, once I grab back my phone from her hold to call his mother... is something I couldn't imagine before.
She looked so desperate and miserable. "Mia! C-come back here! P-please..."
Hindi ko alam kung matatawa ba ako o lalong maiiyak when the heavy rain started to pour. Time seems to coincide with the drama of our lives. My pace slowed down when Mia stopped. Her body shivered from the cold caused by the rain, along with his incessant crying.
My phone...sira na dahil it became wet.Then she has nothing to worry about now. I can no longer make a call. I shook my head. How can I think of my phone right at this moment?
"Mia!" I once again called her name. Nanghihina akong napatigil nang makita ko sa malapitan how much she was hurting.
Her knees fell to the ground while the rain endlessly drops along with her heavy tears. "Ah!" she wept. "I hate my life! I fucking hate it! I fucking hate you Dad! It fucking hurts so much! Can't I be free? Can't I be happy?"
My tears started to form and fall again from my eyes until I can't stand seeing how broken she is anymore. I sobbed as my feet became glued to the current position. Hindi ko siya magawang lapitan. My body is failing.
I'm not used to seeing her cries. Madalas ako ang mahina, I'm the one who's crying.. ako ang nahihirapan sa life... pero bakit? Ano ngayon ang nakikita ko kay Bella? She's not like this. She's not my best friend... Mia is strong, she is independent... Ganito na lang ba talaga kabigat ang dinadala niya? Ang mga problems ko before, wala ba 'yong sense compared to what she's actually suffering right now?
I cried more at the thought. Thinking about how many times I cried on her shoulders and how she wiped my tears when I'm the one who needed it, makes me feel so much in pain. Now that we are in a contradictory situation, I can do nothing for her. May magagawa ako pero alam kong hindi enough.
I continue to watch her shedding tears. "I hate my life! I fucking hate my life! Ate! Oh, my..." she cried more. "Ate, can... you hear me? I hate Dad! I hate... Dad so much. I understand you! I know how you feel now..."
Mia covered her face with her hands. "Are you happy there? Are you finally free? Can I come?" She freed her face. "Can you get me, please? I want to be happy like you... Ate, please come..."
Doon ako napasugod sa kaniya. I hugged her tight. "No, Mia! Don't! Don't, please..." I cried harder. "Please don't. I'm here, okay? We're together... I'll show you life is worth living. Let's wander it together. Please... don't. Be strong. I'm here... I'll never leave your side."
We just hugged each other and hear our hearts out until the rain stopped.
It stopped.
A warm kiss brushed the side of my forehead. "Happy birthday."
I looked at the time and make myself form a smile.
"You greet me just in time. Thank you." I glanced upward to see Third's face.
Third deep eyes darted to mine. "I was looking at it. That's why."
I sighed and breathed the fresh air coming from the cold waves. We're late for sunsets, but we'll have sunrise tomorrow. We'll go overnight.
I embraced his arm around the bottom of my chest. "Thank you for being with me."
"I'll always be with you."
I forcedly chuckle at that. "Ayos lang ba kay Daddy?"
"Like me, your dad considers you as his top priority."
"How I wish Mia's Dad too..." I whispered in the air.
He held up my chin and made me look at him. "Hey. Are you sad again?"
"Alam mo ba? I wished that the rain earlier didn't stop. Kung hindi siya tumigil... siguro kasama ko pa si Mia ngayon."
Third gently wiped the single tear that fell from my eye. "It's your birthday. You don't have to cry. Look at your face, you don't seem to be happy at all. It's your day..."
Napahikbi ako nang mahina. "Because I'm not."
Third embraced me softly. "Shush... It's okay, babe. I'm here."
"That's what I exactly told her, but... look what happened... Ikaw ba? Hindi mo naman ako iiwan, 'di ba?"
He softly smiled and wiped again my tears. "Not gonna happen," he kissed my nose.
We stayed silent for a while. I was embracing the moment along with the comfort he brings to hush down my body and heart.
But as time just goes by with me thinking so much, hindi ko na naman napigilan ang sarili kong mag-emote. "I can't believe I lost her."
Third heaved a deep sigh. "No, you not. You definitely not..."
"But she's gone." Malungkot akong tumingin sa kaniya. "Sorry, ah... I know it's repetitive of me. I keep on coming and coming back. She's just— Bella is very important to me. She's like my sister... not by blood but in hearts. I love her so much... I'm with her almost all my life."
He gently nodded. "You are..." Third brushed his hand on my swollen eyes. I feel its care and delicate tenderness. "Pain will not that easily go away. You don't need to act okay, even if you are not. It's a good thing you're releasing what you're feeling... That would make you feel better. You just need to take it slowly."
Nalukot na naman ang face ko sa vulnerability. I'm really grateful for this man...
"I'm here... I'm not just your boyfriend. I can be your best friend. I'll help you fight the longing and pain you suffer inside. That's all I could do, at least. Be with you and feel your pain. Hindi kita iiwan," he assured.
I smiled, a happy one. "Thank you."
He touched my lips. "That's it. Smile."
We looked at each other's eyes for a long time until I'm unconsciously biting my lips. Is he gonna kiss me? I turned to the side out of nervousness.
That becomes his cue to remove himself from the hold. I suddenly felt disappointed. He cleared his throat at parang napapaso akong binitawan sa back. "Let's blow your cake?"
I angled my head. "Sure."
Third took the cake from the side and carefully bring it to the front in the dark background of the sea, which is where I am facing. The picture of us here is so special.
He opened the box and safely handed me the chocolate cake. He then grabbed out a lighter stick from his pocket. My eyes immediately darted at him.
"Don't look at me like that. I'm not what you think I am. I don't smoke."
I pouted. "Wala naman akong sinasabi..."
"Talk to your eyes then. She never lies," he smirked.
"Then why would you keep a lighter in your pocket? Minding it like a habit in a normal situation..." I arched a brow. Alam ko namang he don't smoke. Gusto ko lang siyang subukan.
"Because it's your birthday. I purposely hid it in my pocket so we could light your candle." I find his reason cute. Jeez.
"Uhuh?" I teased him.
"I'm serious, Avi. We call right now Mom and Dad. Ask them."
I chuckled. "Oh, no, I'm just making fun! Hindi ka naman masiyadong affected at defensive, 'no?" I saw him smiling while shaking his head before placing back the lighter in his patch after he lit the one piece of candle from the cake. "Why are you smiling?"
"Am I?" He asked.
I pinched his face. "Yes, you are!"
He laughed. "Nothing. I'm just naturally happy right now."
"Because of me, yeah?"
"Because of you," he repeated.
"Gaya-gaya!" I stated, receiving a crunchy laugh from him.
"I just don't get you sometimes, you know that?"
"No. I don't know." Napatingin ako sa pocket niya. "Bakit mo pa ulit tinago kung hindi mo ginagawa?"
Third gave me an 'are you serious' look, before pulling out the lighter from his pocket and forcibly throwing it to nowhere. I was startled by the sudden action.
"Oh, my! What did you do?" I turned to him. "Noah!"
"What?" He furrowed his forehead.
"Bakit mo tinapon? Sayang—"
"Time is.. would only be wasted if you continue to think badly of me."
My jaw dropped. "Someone's being grumpy!" I said in between laughs.
"Weren't you the one?"
"No! I'm just teasing you! And not that it's a big deal to me. It was introduced to you first before we met if ever na... you smoke." I angled my feet to successfully put the cake on my lap. He helped me.
"I never tried that stuff."
Although it doesn't make a person sinful if he smokes. It's a choice and a matter of habit you need to work on, work moderately until right. I have no against it.
I suppressed a crazy smile. I just feel like he'll be irritated if I insist on the joke more. "'Kay..."
A big wave surged from the glistering dark sea, creating a heavy wind to brush off my face and hair. I chuckled. This is kinda fun... I never thought that I could go out and stay at the seaside at midnight. I usually get scared just thinking how scary it is. But with my Noah, I have no fear.
"Fuck!" I heard him mutter.
I expeditiously turned to Third. "What? Why are you cursing?"
"The cake!"
"What's with—Oh fuck!"
"You have a very bad mouth, babe!" Third chuckled.
"So you are!" I rolled my eyes at him and then sadly look at the poor un-sparkling candle I was preparing to blow. "How can I make a wish now? You threw the lighter."
"It's okay. We only blow cake on birthdays cuz it's conventional.. a very common way to do it. But there's no difference. And because Mr. Sun isn't out, just... look at the star and make a wish," he casually said.
"I never doubted your words... A bit."
He smirked. "Stars are more magical to captivate someone's wish than candles," he included.
True enough, I have this collected feeling that it's more fulfilling now. For some reason, he's right... There's no difference in how I make a wish. It's about how I feel and cherish the moment to be sincere. The substance.
"That means you never blew one? You just wish from the star?"
Third sighed and turned his weight on his arm from the back. "I blow candles... countless times. Mama wouldn't abolish one back when I was a kid," he chuckled at the thought.
"Do you love stars?"
"I mean I could. Stars are suns."
"Yeah. Not every star is a Sun but every Sun is a star." I come near him to fall my head on his shoulders. "So how do you learn about stars when you have sun?"
"Because I go to work after sunrise. I got out of work after sunset. And bake shops were closed before I could arrive. I can only celebrate now with stars." He's brushing now my hair. Nasa lap ko pa rin ang cake.
"I go to a nearby sea, either with cake or not; either with a candle or not. It depends. But if I don't have either two and Mom fails to send me, I just look at the star and whisper whatever I feel during the moment. I could get a wish or I'm just enough grateful to stare."
My eyes sparkled while imaging a handsome guy, alone in the sea at midnight.. fascinatingly looking at the stars. Oh, I wish I was there to take captures for him!
"That's cute," I giggled. I sit on my own to look at him properly.
"I'm cute?"
I smiled. "No, because you're not a puppy." He laughed, buying that.
"You're handsome," I snapped back.
I saw how he bit his lower lip to suppress a kooky- expansive smile. Natawa ako. "Kinikilig ka!" That was a statement.
He chortled at the judgment. "Stop that! And just make a wish now. It's almost past dead of night."
"Okay, fine. Kinikilig ako. My special one just truthfully confessed how really handsome, captivating, and loving I am in her eyes." He smirked and puckered his lips. This man is so naughty!
"That's ill-usage," I laughed. "One word lang naman ang sabi ko!"
"Still..." pabitin niya pang sabi.
"Still what?" Kunwari ay mataray kong asked.
He's laughing with different emotions that are evident in his eyes. I love how I am enjoying these all, is how he's enjoying them all too. I love how he turned everything into special on my occasion, despite what happened earlier this day that broke my heart. I will never be a bother to him regardless of how busy could he gets at work.
Earlier at the park, Mia and I parted ways after the rain ceased. We talked. She finally talked, but her words were still not enough for me to completely understand what she was going through. It's not plumb and didn't feed my curiosity.
But what is considerable that happened earlier was I finally subdued her to think thoroughly and study her possible actions. I made Mia call her mother and finally asked her to go home. With that, I promised I'd follow her to their house after I had washed from the rain.
Promises suck. They still suck in a contradictory way. It's not because we don't fulfill them to the person who has demanded and waited for the pledge but also goes to the person themselves to whom a promise is given.
On an odd footing, they get tired easily and then suddenly give up. In my situation, Mia doesn't really need to wait that long as I'll only ask her to wait for just an hour. Ano ba 'yong maliligo lang ako bago siya sundan?
And that's the case. That's the problem. She didn't wait for me and abandoned the country, leaving her one great best friend confused. I called. I tried to reach. Until I had no choice but to exit their house with my heart shattering into small pieces until it was already broken.
And then I called my savior. The person who I know will effectuate the shadow of my broken pieces.
"Noah..." I whimpered.
And that's all it takes for him to leave his ongoing business and save me from my distress with a box of chocolates in his hands to bring for me.
"Still what?" I recurred.
He playfully smirked. "Still... that's exactly what your eyes show."
I poorly slapped him. "How dare you! Bakit mo alam?"
He laughed. I giggled. And it was.. fun. Everything is perfect and glistering in delight whenever I'm clinging to the times I'm with him.
"You love wearing something on your hair all the time," his hand glided through my scarf.
"Hmm," I smiled at him.
"Whatever you put, it suits you." He kissed my forehead.
I'm all giddy again, hugging him. I was just staring at the wonders of his face when I gently poked his cheeks, smiling.
"Babe? Just curious. You've never told me your favorite song." I asked Third.
"You know my artist. My Heart Will Go On."
"I feel it. I'm Rose and you are my Jack. And this place, this is our anchor. Sing for me, love."
No guitar and song beat, he sang in his perfect tone of voice.
"You are safe in my heart, and, my heart will... go on and on..."
I sincerely closed my lid, softly casting a wanted wish.
I wish I'd be forever happy, and... I wish Mia the best, whatever path she is on now.
I slowly opened my eyes and they directly focused on the most dazzling star.