Rose
"I can't believe I messed up the spelling of
Chiaroscurist. It's such a common word!" I say as I comb Jackson's hair with my pink sparkly brush. He is sitting on the floor, between my legs whereas I am brushing his hair, sitting on the bed.
"Relax, Rosie babe. You got the second prize either way." He says nonchalantly.
"But I always win the first prize for Spell Bee. I can't believe that stupid Irene got the prize this time." I say, exasperated.
"Geez calm your jujubes down, pumpkin. It's just a competition." He says. I take a section of his thick hair and tie it with one of my purple bands.
"I know but I was so looking forward to this. I've been participating in this for 6 years and I always won." I say dejectedly.
"Aww come on, sugar. I don't like it when you're sad. Cheer up. I'm letting you fuck around with my precious hair so that you'll cheer up. Don't let it go a waste now." He says patting my legs, which is hanging by his shoulders.
"I know," I say as I lean forward to sniff his hair.
It smells so good.
I ruffle my face into his hair, which tickles my cheeks eventually.
"What the hell are you doing?" He asks whilst laughing. He looks up and kisses my lips.
"You're looking really pretty, Jacky." I giggle at his adorable hair, which is divided into many tiny sections and tied with my colourful bands.
"I know I look like a complete idiot. But this idiot can do anything to bring a smile to your face." He says with a soft smirk.
"I love you," I say hugging his neck.
"Love you too."
"It's alright baby." I coo at the 8 months old infant as I rock him back and forth to calm him down. It's been a month since mommy and daddy's funeral. I can't say that things are getting better, but I can say that they aren't as bad as I expected them to be.
"Is he still cranky?" Stella, the owner of the daycare asks me.
"Yeah, I am not sure what to do. I tried everything. I fed him, changed his diaper, wrapped his favourite blanket around him, but absolutely nothing works." I say.
"Maybe he's not tired, dear. Here, I'll just give him something to play with." She says as she takes little Mason from my arms. My phone promptly goes off, Jackson's name popping up on the screen.
"Hello?" I say.
"Hey. Are you done for the day?" He asks from the other side of the line. Jackson and I had decided to give our relationship a second chance, and honestly, it's not going as bad as I thought. He is still a little distant from me, but at least he is trying and putting effort into this relationship. With each passing day, he is returning to the old, high school Jackson.
The Jackson with whom I fell in love with.
"Almost, sweetheart. There's just one more parent I'm waiting for and-"
"Hey hey it's alright. I got this, you can leave." Stella whispers to me.
"Thank you." I mouth to her.
"Alright, I'm done. I'll pick you up in 10 minutes." I say as I start to pack my things. I grab my car keys and head towards my car.
"Okay, I'll do it this time," I mumble to myself as I drive towards the woodwork shop. I have been thinking about asking Jackson to move back in with me. But I wasn't sure if it was too early. I mean it is sudden, but, we did live under the same roof before when he returned from the army. Moreover, I am sure that Jackson is struggling to live with Clifton. Jackson values his space way too much. Having to share an apartment with someone is a big task for him.
I pull over in front of the shop to see Jackson leaning against the wall, busy typing away in his phone. I roll down the window and call him out.
"Jack!" He promptly looks up and smiles at me. He shoves the phone into his coat pocket and opens the door.
"Hey, gorgeous." He says before taking me into a warm, sweet kiss.
"I missed you so much." He says pulling away.
"Me too," I say dreamily.
"Guess what happened today." He asks me as he resumes typing away on his phone.
"What?" I ask as I drive.
"I just got 35,000 dollars transferred to my account." He says, smiling wide. I abruptly stop the car in the middle of the road.
Thank God the roads are deserted at this time of the night.
"WHAT? From where did you get so much money?" I ask with wide eyes. Is he selling drugs or something?
"What happened was, when I was in the army, there was some problem with my back account because of which they couldn't transfer any money to it. I didn't make that big deal out of it because I didn't require any money since I didn't have any expense of my own. Moreover, I had no one to send the money either. The little errands here and there were satisfied with the money I already had at that time. But now, I reported the problem to the bank, and went through a shit load of procedures and finally, I got the fucking money I deserve." He says with a sigh of relief.
"The first thing I'm gonna do is move out to my own apartment. Clifton is an amazing dude, but I need a space of my own." He says.
"That's, amazing Jackson!" I exclaim as I hug him.
"Thanks, baby, you know what? We're going to have the most expensive dinner tonight." He says pulling away. I laugh and smack his arm.
"Wouldn't that be a little too much?" I ask teasingly.
"Bullshit! We deserve to be treated like kings."
"Welcome to McDonald's! What can I get for you?" The lady behind the counter asks. We place our orders and head towards the table in the corner.
"Why is it so empty in here?" I ask as I scoot into the booth. Jackson sits beside me, taking his coat off. He wraps his arm around my waist and pulls me closer to him, kissing my lips.
"Maybe the people want to give us some privacy."He says as he nuzzles his head in my neck.
"Oh Gosh stop it will you?" I laugh.
"How was it at the daycare today?" He asks.
"It was nice, but Mason wouldn't stop- oh my God Jackson look!" I say while tugging his arm and pointing at two adorable babies sleeping in their cradle. They are both sucking on their pacifiers, their eyelashes so long that it almost touches the apple of their cheek.
"Aren't they cute?" I ask as I lean on Jackson's shoulder.
"Yeah, they are." He says as he leans his head on mine.
"I can't wait to be a mother." I blurt out, mentally slapping myself. I could feel Jackson stiffening by my side. GOD, what have I done? It's been just a month and I'm already talking about having babies.
"I mean, there is still a lot of time, I just-"
"It's alright baby. I'm sure you'll be a great mother." He says looking at me with a soft smile.
"And I'm sure you'll be a great father too." I say, fingers crossing. He lets out a sad sigh placing both his hands on the table.
"I don't know, Rosie." He says. His voice dripping with sadness.
"I don't think I ever want to have a child." He says shaking his head. I take a sharp breath in, trying to control my emotions.
"Why? Why do you say that?" I ask lowly. He continues looking at his entwined hands placed on the table.
"I can hardly sort my own shit, forget about taking the responsibility of another human being." He scoffs. I place my hands on his entwined ones.
"Why do you think like that?"
"I don't just think that, I know it for a fact, Rosie." He says looking into my eyes.
"I know that I can never be ready to have children. I know that I can never be a good father. My own father was well, he can't even be called a father. He was anything but a father to me." He scoffs.
"My whole childhood was messed up. The way I was brought up was fucking awful. And if all that wasn't enough, I was gone for 8 years. My entire system is disturbed, mentally and physically. There are times when I can't even bear my own self. My own presence suffocates me. And you are telling me that, I can father a child? It's going to be unfair to that child, Rosie." He says.
"Why did you even go away then?" I snap.
"Everything was absolutely fine between us, Jackson. Why did you have to leave out of the blue?" I ask tearing up.
"It's not about me going away, okay? It's about children. Wait. Why are we even talking about children now? It's been just a month into our relationship and you're already talking about having kids?" He asks.
"Yes, I am talking about children because I don't want to waste my time on a guy who isn't serious about me," I say scooting away and crossing my arms.
"Of course I'm serious about you, Rosie. But why do you have to bring such conversations up?" He asks sighing.
"Good evening, here's your order." The waitress says as she serves us.
"Thank you," I say with a tight lipped smile. Once she leaves, I turn back to Jackson.
"I thought I had a future with you, Jackson," I say. He rubs his forehead and looks at me.
"Rosie, it's too early to talk about all this. Why are you even rushing with things?"
"I'm not rushing with things. I'm just seeing if we were on the same page. But clearly, we aren't."
"What do you want me to do now? Just say that 'yes I am ready to have a baby' and pretend as if everything is going well and good? But guess what? It's not how the world works. You can't force me to father a child when I'm not ready. That's what had happened to my father and you know the rest." He says. I ignore him and begin to eat, trying my best to hold back the tears. He lets out a frustrated sigh and begins to eat too. Once we were done, I head to my car in hasty steps. I get in and wait for him to do the same.
"So now we don't talk anymore?" He asks looking ahead. I continue ignoring him and drive away.
"Rose, can you please stop being kiddish?"
"I'm not being kiddish, Jackson. I'm just apprehensive about the fact that.....we want different things."
"And there is nothing you can do to change my perception." He says.
"I may not, but it's not like you will be stuck with the same perception for the rest of your life. There will be a point when you'll be ready to have a child." I say as I pull over in front of Clifton's apartment. I turn to my side to see Jackson, who is looking right at me.
"Rose, I am sorry. But I will never be ready to have kids."
"Then what do we do?" I ask.
"I want to have kids, Jackson," I say lowly.
"Fuck my life." He mutters as he rubs his face.
"Excuse me? I'm sorry but I can't just waste my time on a person who does not want the same things as I do." I say.
"What do you say we do then?" He asks challengingly.
"Let's end it," I say looking away. He was taken aback for a moment, before reaching out to hold my hands.
"Don't touch me, Jackson," I say, crying out.
"Baby please listen to me. Let's just talk about this some other day, with a clear head." He says.
"What's the point? You won't change your mind." I say.
"But we can come up with some solution, sweetheart." He says as he wipes my tears and kisses my cheek. He wraps his warm hands over my shoulders and pulls me closer.
"I'm sorry if I'm being unreasonable." I sniffle.
"It's alright, baby. I'm sorry too. Why don't I stay the night with you?" He asks while brushing down my frizzy hair. I nod my head softly and hug him.
"I love you." I say through my muffled voice.
"I love you too, sweetheart."