TW // MENTIONS OF SUICIDE.
Natsumi didn't want to lose her daughter just yet.
It felt like a recurring nightmare when she saw Yukimi lying on her bedroom floor, shaking because of a seizure with her eyes glassy and unfocused at the ceiling dotted with glow-in-the-dark star stickers. At first, she didn't want to believe her eyes at the image splayed out in front of her but when she saw the empty bottle of antidepressants clutched in her daughter's hand, she felt like screaming. The older woman immediately went to her daughter who was on the verge of losing her life, shouting her name painfully countless times as if it was a mantra to bring the younger girl back to consciousness. It was getting hard to breathe with the sobs mingling with her voice as her hands sloppily pushed the emergency dial to inform their situation to the nearest hospital, which was thirty minutes away from their neighborhood.
"Yuki-chan!" Natsumi yelled, pulling her daughter closer to her as she waited for the ambulance to arrive in their home, her face wet with tears that seemed to constantly flow. Biting her lip in agitation, she ducked down to place her lips firmly on the crown of Yukimi's head, murmuring, "Mommy's here. Everything will be fine. You will be fine." She wailed out a loud cry that probably alerted their neighbors but she didn't care, as long as the person in her arms opens her eyes and gives her a much-awaited smile. "Please don't go to Dad yet. Please, Yuki-chan."
The sirens of the ambulance were then heard from down the street as the woman tightened her hold on her only daughter. Red and blue colored the front of her house as people placed Yukimi on a stretcher. Natsumi was in a daze as questions flurried around her, asking what drugs her daughter was overdosed in, how many bottles she congested, and what state did she find her. It was testing her control not to cry in front of the people operating the ambulance.
It all gave away when she stepped foot inside the hospital, nurses scrambling as they brought her daughter in the emergency room. This was the second time Natsumi felt weak and speechless, the first one being the accident that involved her husband's death. She did not cry that time ー everything was so abrupt with Haruto that it almost sucks every bit of her strength with just a phone call. But now, she cried in the waiting room and wondering where did she go wrong. It almost felt like reality slapped her for being more occupied with her job than watching over her daughter like the mother that she was supposed to be. Promising to give Yukimi the happiest year went spiraling out of control and she didn't even get to do things that might have been for the best for the two of them.
It felt like dying seeing her so lifeless. Everything has lost its purpose just losing her husband, and nowー
No, Natsumi wasn't ready for her world to go away just yet.
"Do you play volleyball?"
The girl with dull caramel eyes looked up from drawing flowers on the current page of her sketchbook, a single bouquet of lavenders was left unattended just to meet the eyes of an expectant short-haired boy whose face radiated pure happiness. The two of them met just a week ago and now the boy would never leave her side, in school, or their trip home when the dismissal bell rings. At first, the girl was too anxious to function at the abrupt show of harmless social interaction and there were times where she would hasten her pace to leave the boy behind, but of course, he would always catch up to her, saying that he will be her friend after seeing her laugh gleefully when he practiced bumping a volleyball on his forearms.
Daichi really wanted Yukimi, the artsy and smart girl down the street, to be his friend.
"What?" Eight-year-old Yukimi asked in mild surprise, her hands tightening on the pencil as she watched Daichi nod his head fervently.
"Volleyball! Do you play it?" The boy drew a circle in the air like a volleyball, not noticing how Yukimi looked at him with a wary face. As if happy with his handicraft, Daichi placed both of his hands on his hips and puffed out his chest, thinking that this would engage his newfound friend in the sport he just discovered a few weeks ago. More like a one-sided declaration of them being friends, seeing as Yukimi never once said that they were. "I saw how you lit up when you caught me practicing in the neighborhood park. I figured it interested you as well and it's vacant hours right now so it's perfect timing."
Yukimi looked away from Daichi and continued sketching the stems of the flowers she recently liked. "It interested me because you were having fun but I don't want to tire myself out by playing it," she mumbled with a growing pout before turning her eyes back on the boy in front of her desk. "And why me anyways? We have so many classmates who'll play with you if you ask them nicely. Can't you see I'm busy at the moment?"
The brown-haired boy leaned back and placed his hand under his chin, humming in a contemplative manner. With a decisive smile, Daichi once again faced the closed-off Yukimi who was huffing at the crumpled paper when she erased a stray line. "But I want you, Yukimi-chan!"
The crumpled paper now had a dark streak of lead, contrasting with the light pencil strokes decorating the sketch. The noise in the classroom died down as the occupants looked to where the pair was situated, only to find a red-faced Yukimi trying to decipher what Daichi said. After a few seconds of the boy being oblivious of the attention they were gaining, Yukimi suddenly stood up from her seat, took her sketchbook and pencil, and clasped Daichi's wrist in her hand. Still feeling a bit warm on her cheeks, the dark-haired girl pulled the confused boy until they were in the courtyard bustling with other kids enjoying their vacant hours.
"So you want to play with me, Yuki-chan?!" Daichi couldn't contain his excitement when Yukimi stopped beside the cherry blossom tree facing the field. "I knew you would be up for it!"
"You can't just phrase your invitation like that!" Yukimi exasperatedly told him with a flushed face.
"But I really do want you," the brown-eyed boy mumbled, his eyes never straying from the girl's adorable yet frustrating visage.
"Sawamura-sanー"
"Daichi. Call me Daichi."
Yukimi rolled her eyes, her sketchbook clutched closed against her chest. "Okay, Daichi." The said boy nodded with a smile, clearly satisfied with the development, which Yukimi narrowed her eyes at. There was a reason why people didn't make friends with her. Apart from being quiet, she tended to exhibit snappy behavior at any stranger who would approach her. This Daichi wasn't an exception. "I'm here now, might as well do what you're asking for." When the short-haired boy exclaimed his first whoop, Yukimi continued, "But, seeing as you don't have a volleyball right now, looks like it will be postponed for another time."
Daichi could only look at the back of the long-haired girl, carefully watching the ends of her tresses bounce at her every step. Since he saw her back in the neighborhood park, Yukimi would always put her hair in styles that greatly flaunted her cute face every day of the week ー one of the reasons why most of their classmates wanted her as a friend the moment she was introduced as a new student in their grade. Who wouldn't want a pretty girl who looked like she was the star of the class as their friend? But their interest died down when Yukimi implied that she didn't want any interaction with her classmates. Who could blame her when their classmates were starting to annoy Daichi, too?
Now, Yukimi had her hair in a low half-ponytail and he couldn't help but think that her gold ribbon was his favorite thing in the world at the moment. With a growing smile, the young boy jogged and followed Yukimi to one of the benches lining the courtyard, comfortably sitting next to her with a grin.
"I thought I told you that I won't play with you right now because you didn't have any volleyball?" Yukimi told him without looking up from her newly flipped page, now outlining a new flower she really wanted to draw ー tulips.
"You draw so well!" Daichi exclaimed, leaning over Yukimi's shoulder to see what she has been so invested in. "It's like you can draw anything!" He then perked up as if the thought he came up with was the most amazing thing right now. "Hey, how about you draw me?!"
"What?"
The brown-haired boy pointed at himself. "Me!" He repeated. "Draw me!"
"I heard you the first time," Yukimi deadpanned, her attention now turned to the petals of her drawing. "Actually, I don't know how to draw faces yet. I have to ask Dad about that. He's the one who can draw people easily."
A comfortable silence blanketed over the two children, with Daichi becoming fascinated with how Yukimi seemed to effortlessly create flowers without looking at any reference. He heard of the prodigy child in their neighborhood, the daughter of their prefecture's renowned art restorer. Daichi was always curious about the homeschooled child of the Kazahanas, always lingering in front of their modern house with an expectant gaze, looking out for any sign of a kid his age but she never went out. Until he saw her in the park with an ice cream in hand, eyes lit up every time he bumped the volleyball on his forearms. He couldn't stop staring at her, making the ball fall on his head, causing him to groan at the unexpected slip-up of embarrassment.
It didn't matter because Daichi heard her laugh.
Not that mocking kind he always hated on people but it was melodic enough to know that she was genuinely happy. Dressed in brown overalls over a white sweater, first, Daichi thought she was cute under the cherry blossom trees. Pretty the next second when she opened her eyes to smile at him. He then learned that her name could be Hana-chan when a handsome man who had her eyes came to pick her up with a stressed face, claiming that he was worried for her for disappearing on him like that. Daichi figured that it was her father, the way he carried her in his arms as if she was his world.
"You know, flowers really suit you," Daichi muttered out of nowhere, unaware that Yukimi looked at him weirdly, the girl scooting away from him with narrowed eyes. "Must be becauseーhey, why are you so far away?"
Once the boy discerned the distance between them on the bench, Yukimi told him, "You're saying weird things again!"
"I'm telling the truth! It has something to do with your name, you know ー Kazahana Yukimi, 'a flower in the wind' and 'beautiful snow'. I didn't get to say this the first time we became classmates but," Daichi grinned, mirroring Yukimi's wide yet glimmering eyes, "your name is really pretty ー it reflects you so much!"
"... There you go again!"
Yukimi never really thought deeply regarding her name but throughout the week, what the boy said was the only thing occupying her mind. Daichi still stuck to her like a little puppy and slowly, Yukimi started to soften her guard around him but he was still subjected to her random jabs, both physically and verbally. The boy didn't mind though, he only wanted her to be his friend and as each day passes, the two of them became inseparable to the point that Daichi now visits her house.
Right now, it was Saturday, and Yukimi's father was home after a hectic week in the Miyagi Museum of Art and the little girl couldn't help but feel overjoyed that her dad was free for the following days.
Kazahana Haruto was a man who saw the world as a canvas. Everywhere he turns his head, he always finds each thing as a piece of art, which is why he pursued art restoration when he was in university. People questioned him why he didn't take Arts as a profession for creating his own work, seeing as he has a way with any medium available. The same thing will always be answered ー that art was more than just expressing your thoughts into a blank slate but can pertain to a certain point in history. One of the reasons why Hirayama Natsumi fell in love with him. Aside from that, Haruto can be called both handsome and beautiful. Starting with his long eyelashes that framed his caramel eyes, tall and lean yet muscular stature, and half-smile that can melt others' walls ー he was known to be a subject of people's interest everywhere he goes.
"Dad?"
"Hmm?" Haruto hummed in front of his canvas, his hands dried with paint. Forgetting that his hands were dirty, running it through the strands of his light-brown hair as he narrowed his eyes on his painting. There seems to be something missing. It's not the colors since he planned out the color palette before starting. It's not his subject as well since she was sitting right there a few feet from him. So what was it?
"Do flowers suit me?" Yukimi asked with her eyes on her homework.
Haruto looked at his daughter, who had her face scrunched in concentration. The sight sent a wave of warmth through his chest, making his lips lift in a loving smile. "Come here," he beckoned his daughter to him, opening his arms wide to welcome her.
"But I'm doing my homework," Yukimi whined. "If Mom found out I'm not answering, you know she'll be mad at you, Dad."
The older man laughed nervously, vaguely remembering the many times he got scolded by his wife for all the times he tried getting Yukimi to do recreational things with him. "But she's not here right now and don't worry, I'll be helping you with homework as I take a break from continuing this painting," he told the little girl, giving her a wink before spreading his arms again. "So come here, Hana-chan." When Yukimi came down from her chair to walk in his direction, Haruto wrapped his arms around her small figure and placed her on his lap. "Of course, flowers suit you! You're daddy's Hana-chan after all." He then kissed her on the nose and blew on her cheek right after, making the girl giggle.
The two of them shared a toothy grin, with Yukimi breaking it with a question, "Isn't it weird that you're calling me 'Hana' even though you also have that in your name?"
The light-brown haired man hummed. "It's not weird for me because you're like a little flower," he answered. "Consider it your special nickname, with me the only one calling you this at the moment. But I get a feeling that some people might call you their flower as well in the future and that means they will become important ones in your life. I can't wait for the time where you'll introduce them to me."
"You think I'll gain more friends, Dad?" Yukimi whispered, looking down on her father's paint-splattered overalls. "Other than Daichi?"
"Of course!" Haruto exclaimed, adjusting his daughter on his lap so that they were face to face now. "I already know it. My little girl is so cute so how can they not make friends with you?" Hearing the little girl in his arms giggle again was enough for him to be sentimental. "One day, there will be a group of people who will care for you other than me, your mom, or Daichi-kun. It might be right now in primary school or when you're in high school or even university, we may never know. I even found my best friends when I was in college and that's a pretty long time." When he saw that Yukimi slightly tilted her head in curiosity, he smiled. "What I'm saying is, life isn't short for you to say that you won't gain important people anymore. There are more things you haven't discovered yet and that's enough for you to keep on living."
"Okay, Dad," Yukimi answered, her eyes bright as she stared at her father in adoration. "I'll live my life to the fullest and do things that will make me happy. That way I will get to know more people."
He stopped and stared at Yukimi's adorable chubby face before diverting his gaze at the painting behind her. It was a portrait of his daughter while she was doing her homework, the pinks and oranges illuminating her figure, giving it an oneiric atmosphere. At that moment, he realized what was missing as he turned back to meet Yukimi's eyes. "I think I know what was missing in the painting. I'm thinking of adding your favorite flowers."
That portrait was one of the first paintings Haruto did for his family. For many years, his studio was filled with family pictures all painted by him. It made their house warmer than it had been. Through the years, Yukimi grew to break her walls gradually, and yet she never gained new friends after accepting that Daichi will keep hanging with her until she claimed to his friend. Those paintings were now added with photographs of Daichi and Yukimi since Haruto was too busy with his work at the museum, only opting for photography every time there was a significant event for both kids. Which led to one of those days when they were in their second-year in middle schoolー
"Yuki-chan, you can do it!" Daichi assured her as the said girl prepared for the relay race by tightening the hair-tie holding her hair in a ponytail. "I'm going to be cheering for you the loudest so watch out for that."
Now tying the ribbon signifying their class around her head, Yukimi lightly sighed. "I don't get why people listed me as one of the runners," she murmured with a cross face. "I'd probably make the class last in the race."
"You'll be fine," the short-haired boy reassured.
"Says the guy who led the class into winning first place in a lot of segments," Yukimi deadpanned, narrowing her eyes at her best friend's buff figure for a second-year junior high student. "I swear, you are a machine for doing that." She then groaned as the committees informed each class that the relay race is starting. "Can we switch minds right now? That way you get to be controlling my movements and I won't get tired by running around the oval."
"No can do, Yuki-chan," Daichi replied, crossing his arms across his chest. "It's a good thing you're not the anchor, you know. I'd really worry for you if they picked you as the last runner."
"I'm eternally grateful to Futo-san for volunteering as the anchor," Yukimi stated, overjoyed at the fact that one of their classmates willingly added their name as the last runner in the relay race. If not, Daichi would swoop this opportunity to add her name in that position instead of their sports-inclined classmates. All the talk of improving her physical abilities, which was utter bullshit because Yukimi couldn't run in a race to save her life. But every person should participate in the sports festival so Yukimi had no choice but to accept her fate and run breathlessly to not get blamed by their class. "I'd die of the pressure if it were me."
"We wouldn't want that."
"Yeah, we wouldn't want that. I still need to go to university."
"Exactly. Oh, don't forget to get a job, too, we need you alive for that."
"If our class wins a place," Yukimi thoughtlessly told Daichi, her gaze set on a tall boy with curly black hair laughing with his friends. "Remind me to confess to Hayashi-san."
Surprised, Daichi turned to his best friend, not believing the words that came from her mouth. "Are you sure about that, Yuki-chan?"
"It's better to let him know what I feel so that this burden on my shoulders will lessen," she replied, smiling sadly while turning her head to look at Daichi's worried face. "I don't what to look pathetic for wishing that he will look my way for once." Laughing to herself, the long-haired girl fiddled the ends of her ponytail, bitterly remembering that Hayashi indirectly rejected her one time. "I think I'll stop liking him once I confess. Wipe that look on your face, Daichi! I'm not going to be hurt this time."
"You always say that, Yuki-chan," Daichi told her with furrowed brows, taking light steps until he was right in front of her. He placed both of his hands on her arms before giving her one of his talks that Yukimi was expecting. "Do you remember last year when you liked this guy from the baseball club? Do you remember that your reason for confessing was the same as your reason for confessing to Hayashi right now? This worries me, Yuki-chan, because no matter how much you tell me you're not hurting this time, you end up crying your eyes out in my room. In the end, I'm the one who's going to take care of you and buy you your favorite food. So I'm asking you now — are you sure about this?"
Smiling from the concern her childhood friend gave her, Yukimi covered one of Daichi's hands with her own. "Yes, I'm sure about this," she answered decisively. "You know that you can't convince me once I have my mind set on things."
The brown-haired boy rolled his eyes. Silence fell on them, with the loud background noise brought by the festival acting as their instrumental as they stared at each other. It was hard to look away from her eyes, because as much as he claimed to be a platonic part of her life, Daichi always found them pretty. The way her irises glinted and turn a light shade of brown against any source of light. And her eyelashes are also long, which gave her an ethereal air. It took all of his strength to fix his gaze on the clear sky above them. Taking a deep breath, Daichi could only give Yukimi a small smile, squeezing her arms affectionately. "Guess I'll buy some banana milk and cakes along the way home, am I right?"
"Hey, you're already concluding that I'll get rejected," Yukimi laughed, playfully slapping the boy's chest. "That's not fair!"
When Daichi opened his mouth to rile her up, even more, one of their classmates called out, "Hey, Sawamura, stop chatting up with your girlfriend! Kazahana-san, mind if we borrow him? The tug of war is about to start."
"Here they go again," Daichi muttered lowly but loud enough that Yukimi can still hear it.
"You always make it sound like dating me is a bad thing," the dark-haired girl grumbled.
"That's because it is. I know you. Your boyfriend will probably complain every day."
"Way to hurt my feelings," Yukimi drawled, lightly pushing him to where the tug of war team was waiting. Thinking that she should tease him and the others some more, she schooled her features in a faux warm smile. "As your girlfriend, I don't want to take too much of your time so go ahead and win a gold medal for the class, Sawamura-san."
"I hate you."
"Likewise."
Daichi jogged backward to shout, "Oh, and do your best in the relay!"
Yukimi cupped her hand around her mouth to yell back, "Of course, my feelings are at stake here!"
In the end, Yukimi's relay race ended up winning first place and Daichi's tug of war contest ended up in the other class' favor. Thinking that it would be fun to let her best friend wear the gold medal she earned (because for once, running in a race didn't make her trip in her own feet and she managed to pass the baton without any hitch or worries), Yukimi and Daichi gained a couple of photos from Haruto's camera with that get-up. Of course, once his contest ended, the short-haired boy immediately ran to where the relay race was and shouted for Yukimi's name as she ran around the course. During the break in the festival, Yukimi got rejected again and somehow she didn't cry for the first time.
In fact, she felt relieved for once, thinking that with Daichi by her side, her life would no doubt be filled with beautiful memories.
Kenma's chest was pounding with his loud heartbeat when he decided to visit the hospital. Hospitals weren't his most favorite place in the world. The smell of antiseptic wasn't always sitting right with him even though he rarely visited these kinds of places in his life. Aside from that, he could remember the first time the volleyball club visited and it made the mood of their group die down by a lot just by stepping inside and asking where Yukimi's room was. The first-years were dejected, who wouldn't be? They were all affected by the news, especially the person who told him that he was going with the setter to visit. His eyes kept glancing worriedly at Kuroo who was clutching a basket of fruits in his hands beside him.
Kuroo didn't go with the club the first time they visited their manager. Their captain was advised to go straight home because he wasn't in a good situation the moment Nekomata told them of the girl's attempt. The third-year was so lifeless the following days, always messing up in practice to the point that both coaches announced that there will be no practices for the following days because all of them were in shock with what happened. They need the time off, to be honest even though the preliminaries for the Spring InterHigh were fast approaching.
The signs were right there.
So why was it so abrupt that they couldn't prevent it from happening?
"Kuroo, we're here," Kenma informed the messy-haired boy when he noticed that his childhood friend didn't know which room she was in. Before knocking on the door, the two-toned setter looked at his friend in the eye. "Are you going to be okay?"
"I'm fine," Kuroo replied in a hoarse voice, face blank and set forward. "I just need to see her right now."
Letting his answer slide, Kenma knocked on the door and waited patiently until Natsumi opened it for them. Bowing a little at the older woman, the pair walked to the hospital bed carrying Yukimi. As always, Yukimi's mother would go out to give every visitor some privacy with their time with her daughter and Kenma was thankful for that because he could tell that Kuroo was about to break when he laid his eyes on the still unconscious girl.
"You can talk to her, I'll be here playing my games if it makes you uncomfortable," Kenma told him with pursed lips, already taking out his gaming console from his bag the moment he sat down on one of the chairs in the room. A nod was all he received and that was the sign for Kenma to be immersed in the world presented by his screen.
Words weren't needed when Kuroo sat right beside Yukimi's hospital bed, roaming his eyes on her sleeping mien. Bringing his hand to his face, Kuroo leaned forward, placed his elbow on his knee, and covered the side of his face with his hand, hiding the fact that he was crying from Kenma. His throat was burning and the next thing he knew, stray tears escaped and dripped wet lines on his cheeks. He tried containing his sobs by biting his lip, tightening his grip on his forehead. With a downturned gaze, the golden-eyed boy reached a hand to hold her limp one, rubbing his thumb on the back of it. Kuroo brought his gaze once again on her oneiric visage, his chest painfully constricting and yet that didn't stop him from affectionately kissing her hand.
"I love you, Hana, please wake up."
No, Kuroo isn't ready for his flower and world to go away just yet.
AAAAAA I FINALLY UPDATED AFTER SO MANY DAYS,,, MIDTERMS FINALLY ENDED AND I WANTED TO CELEBRATE IT BY POSTING THIS CHAPTER.
THANK YOU FOR ALL THE SUPPORT AND LOVE YOU HAVE GIVEN THIS FIC — YOU ARE ABSOLUTE GEMS 🥺 PLS COMMENT BC THOSE ARE THE ONLY THINGS GETTING ME THRU THE DAY.
I HOPE YOU HAVE AN AMAZING DAY AHEAD !! I LOVE YOU 🧡