Octavia opened an eye, completely disoriented. Her body was in an odd position, and she was feeling way too hot. As she glimpsed at the room before her, wild images of the night suddenly came back to her mind. When she remembered where she was, a mix of joy and pain filled her heart. Also, the strong and warm body plastered on her back, spooning her on the small couch, explained why she was on fire.
She'd spent the night with Caleb. He'd pleasured her beyond any expectations, bringing her so many orgasms she'd stopped counting.
Her Caleb.
The night had been incredible, more than her wildest fantasies. After all these years, she'd finally gotten a taste of the man she so fervently loved.
But now, the fateful morning had arrived. Out the window facing her, she could see the blue sky of the day, without a single cloud in sight. Their night was over. The storm was gone, and they would both go back to their lives, only crossing each other's path now and then.
She wasn't sure this night they'd shared was worth the ache it would cause, but it was too late to back up now. The deed was done – multiple times.
Behind her, Caleb woke up, stirring out of his sleep. His muscular arm circling her waist mechanically brought her closer to him. She swallowed the heavy lump in her throat when his lips met her naked shoulder for a tender kiss.
He couldn't do this anymore.
"'Morning," he mumbled, his voice throaty and low.
"Hi."
He didn't seem in a hurry to leave, his mouth granting yet another kiss to the curve of her shoulder and another. She couldn't let him do this. More than ever, she knew it was time for her to move on, to forget about him so she could fall in love with a man who would love her back.
"Caleb, we should— we should go."
"You're in a hurry?"
"No, but... I want to be home. I have things I need to do today."
He tensed behind her and she waited for his answer, unsure why this was an issue. It was the deal – he knew it as much as she did. They'd given in to their desires, but their time was over.
Her car would most definitely start now, and if the temperature was higher outside, his might too. It was time for them to part ways, and the sooner the better.
Without a word, he released her, and Octavia rose from the couch, wrapping herself in the blanket.
She was sore everywhere. Her limbs were weak, her tendons aching from being stretched, and her intimacy was tender. She would feel him there for a while, she was certain of it. The memories of the night were not only imprinted in her mind, they were also engraved into her flesh.
Because it would hurt too much, she forced herself not to look back at him, at his naked body, which had brought her so much joy and pleasure throughout the night.
She managed to stay strong all the way to the women's locker room, but as soon as she was alone in there, she broke down into tiny pieces, just like her shattering heart. With an arm holding the blanket against her, she pressed her hand over her mouth, trying to muffle her choking cries.
What had she done? How could she have thought this was a good idea? How could she possibly live her life without Caleb in it now?
For the span of a night, she'd had a glimpse at how amazing they'd be together. When he'd made love to her, she'd experienced how incredible it felt to be loved by him.
She'd already suspected that no men could measure up to him, but now she had the undeniable proof of it. There was no one else like Caleb, and she was doomed to live her whole life knowing what she was missing.
The shower didn't help her feel better, but at least it allowed her to ignore the tears that kept flowing down her cheeks. Eventually, she would heal. Like a deep scar, it could take weeks, months, maybe years, but she would heal.
When she came back, wearing her jeans and turtleneck, she found him cleaning up the break room. They'd left everything as they were, too busy satisfying their desires to care. He'd thought of putting the leftover of the meal he'd cooked into the fridge, so at least this hadn't spoiled. She helped him, avoiding his gaze, and not a single word was exchanged during the five minutes it took them to put the room back in order.
The easiness of the night was gone. Because of what had happened, she wasn't even sure if they could keep considering each other as friends. They weren't exes either. Their relationship wandered around in an odd limbo, their situation too unique to have a predetermined term to name it. They were ex-friends, ex-colleagues, ex-lovers... Every sort of exes but the one that truly mattered. They had never actually been together.
Once everything was back in order, they were both ready to leave, and Vixen was apparently excited to go, too. This awkward sleepover must have been confusing for her.
He was the first one to break the silence that had installed itself between them. "It's still pretty cold outside, so I'm not sure my car will start. Just give me five minutes."
She nodded, but he didn't wait for her answer before leaving the room. Her eyes fell on the gift he'd given her, and she stared at the tin case with her name engraved on it, wondering what she should do with it. Part of her wanted to cherish it like a precious memory, the proof that Caleb did have a place for her in his heart after all, but another part wondered if she should get rid of it. This present was the reason why everything had happened – the small detail that had given her the courage she needed.
Conflicted, she put it into her bag. She would decide what to do with it later. As she looked around the room, she allowed her mind to think back on what had happened here one last time. From cooking together to their cozy dinner, then their first time on the table, and then the dessert they'd shared on the faded couch. So many things had occurred in the past few hours... It would take her weeks to get over it.
Alone with Vixen, she gave the dog a sheepish smile. The German Shepherd was her furry confidant, the one who knew all her secrets. Before the night had really begun, Octavia had sworn she'd come back often and see her. But now, she wasn't so sure she'd have the courage to be back here and risk seeing Caleb. She knew for certain her heart would break all over again every single time.
She would probably make sure he wasn't working when she'd need to shop, which, alas, meant no Vixen either.
"I'm sorry, bestest girl," she told her furry godchild. "I'll miss you terribly. I'll miss him so much too."
When Caleb came back, she was sitting cross-legged on the floor, Vixen gladly taking her petting, oblivious that those were goodbyes. Octavia's eyes met his, wondering if his car had started. He answered her unspoken question with a shake of his head.
Of course, she had to suffer this until the last possible moment, taking him all the way to his place.
It took them over an hour to shovel a path from the warehouse to the main road. The street had been plowed earlier this morning, but they hadn't gotten to the parking lot yet, per usual. Octavia welcomed the distraction, as they both kept busy and ignored one another, While Vixen was running around in the fresh snow.
The ride to Caleb's place wasn't a long one, but the silence in the confined space made it feel like hours. The atmosphere was tense and uncomfortable, as cold as the snow-covered exterior. Would it be like this between them forever? This was so much harder than she'd thought, and she always knew it would be tough.
She pulled up in front of his lane and stopped the engine. Vixen's head was between them, her perpetual smile somehow unfitting given the situation. She always rode like this, staring straight upfront, her long nuzzle poking between the front seats from behind.
Building up the courage to look at Caleb, Olivia met his blue eyes, reading the uneasiness in them. So many unsaid things passed in their silent exchange, and it was hard to bear. Once more, she reminded herself that she couldn't blame him. Love worked in mysterious ways, and she had no control over his feelings. He had done so much already. He was an amazing guy who'd generously given her everything she'd asked for. But this, she couldn't ask of him, and even if she did, he couldn't give it to her.
"Well, hm... thank you for the ride, Vee," he told her, just as tense as she was.
"No problem, it was the least I could do."
"I guess I'll see you around, then?"
"Yeah, probably." But no, he probably wouldn't. Not if she had a say in it.
He hesitated toward what he should do and decided on an awkward hand wave. He held the door's handle for a little too long, as if he was reluctant. Eventually, he opened it, and after exiting her small car, he opened the door for Vixen. She jumped right out, eager to be home, and Caleb took a few steps toward his house.
He stopped in his tracks, and Octavia's heart skipped a beat, thinking he was changing his mind. Maybe he wanted to tell her something? When he spun around, she was almost certain he would, especially given how conflicted he looked. Instead of coming back, he gave her another impersonal hand wave, saluting her before heading toward his house for good, Vixen by his side.
Just like that, Octavia was utterly alone again. She'd messed up. So, so badly.
Resting her forehead on the steering wheel, she fought a surge of tears. Her battle was a lost cause, a couple of salty drops landing on her jeans.
She was a coward. A pathetic and helpless coward.
She should have tried harder. She should have asked for more. Maybe he would have given it to her. Maybe he would have agreed to try, at least. Maybe he could learn to love her, like she'd tried to do with her boyfriends. They worked so well together, maybe they could come up with something that suited them both.
But it was too late. He was off to resume his life and she had to go back to hers.
A knock on the passenger's window startled her, and she turned to find Caleb crouching to see her. Thinking he'd forgotten something, she pushed the button to open the window, wiping her tears away.
"Do you want to spend Christmas with us?" he asked with unmasked eagerness.
Warmth spread through her. Hope, so much hope, filled her heart. A smile she couldn't hold back pulled her lips up.
He wanted more. Just like her.
A broad smile split her face in half as she nodded. He grinned in return, which made her unable to hold back an elated laugh.
"Yes, I'd love to spend Christmas with you, Caleb."