"Why exactly did she have to come with us again?" Sokka whispered not so quietly to Zuko in the oversized basket of the war balloon.
"I can hear you, ponytail." Kai said, "And I already told you, I want to play with some magma. It's made of pure minerals so if I can figure out how to bend it, we'll be at a serious advantage."
The three of them had set out early in the morning before day break, scribbling a note for the others so that they wouldn't think anything of their absence. Zuko had beat Sokka to Appa, refusing to let him leave on his own, and Kai had beat them both to the war balloon with the same tactic, except one step ahead.
"There won't be any playtime, Kai. Boiling Rock is a dangerous place, we get in and then out and we never look back." Zuko opened the hatch of the tank and blew more fire into it, keeping them afloat.
They sat in silence for quite a while, keeping their distance from one another. Kai's skin itched as if it were infested with mealworms from the awkwardness of the situation.
"You know, a friend of mine actually designed these war balloons." Sokka said, trying to fill the thin air between them. "Teo's dad. Back when he used to, uh.. build things... for war."
Zuko stoked the fire again. "I guess the Earth Kingdom is just as good at war as the Fire Nation is. Or at least that's the case with our fathers." He said, implying that General Fong would have been just as much of a tyrant as Ozai, given the chance.
Sokka said something about being good at war "running in the family", and Kai didn't take offense. He was right, after all. But Zuko's eyes became downcast, "My uncle wasn't like that... he was more of a father to me. I think I really let him down..."
His words hit Kai like a sucker punch to the ribs, sharp and painful. Standing up to her father hadn't been difficult, returning to him hadn't been, either. But for months following her banishment, Kai couldn't help but to feel as if she'd let Master Bumi down. He'd put so much work into her, instilled so much wisdom, and it'd all be a waste. She was a waste.
Kai slumped back into a seated position against the wall of the basket. She knew that Zuko hadn't disappointed Iroh, he'd told her that himself. But admitting such would force her to consider that perhaps she hadn't disappointed Bumi either, and she knew that that just wasn't true.
Night fell against and Kai slept soundly on the floor of the war balloon. Sokka sat across from her, buried in the corner with his eyes cast up at the shimmering sky. Zuko kept a watchful eye over his girlfriend, looking for signs that she was being haunted by forces unfamiliar to him once again. She twitched a few times, but that was all, no whimpering or tears or searching with her hands for comfort like all of the nights since they'd started sharing a bed back at the air temple.
"I think your uncle would be proud of you." Sokka said quietly, gaining Zuko's attention. "Leaving your home to come help us? That's hard."
Zuko cast more fire into the helm. "It wasn't all that hard." He glanced again down at Kai as she shifted in her sleep, wondering if he would've made the same decision had she not been a factor in this equation.
"She tried to go back for you, y'know." Sokka said. "She was ready to risk it all to make sure you made it out alive."
"I know."
Zuko didn't feel the same hot, jealous anger that he had previously toward Sokka. They'd all gotten mixed up, the three of them, and in doing so they'd hurt other people along the way — Mai and probably Suki too, once she found out.
"Thanks, Sokka." He continued, "I don't know specifics, I don't want to know... but thank you for taking care of her. She can be handful."
Sokka gazed lovingly up at the moon, obscured only partially on this clear night.
"At least she didn't turn into the freaking moon like my first girlfriend."
"That's rough, buddy."
It was close to daybreak when Zuko finally saw Boiling Rock in the distance. Sokka had fallen into a comfortable slumber, his body illuminated by Yue's celestial glow. The two were sleeping so peacefully that Zuko almost felt bad stirring them, but it was now or never.
"Guys, wake up, there it is!" He said, and Sokka bounced to his feet. Kai remained on the ground as steam from the water surrounded them, clearing her senses slowly.
It wasn't until the balloon started quickly descending upon the volcano that she slowly stood, rubbing her eyes in an attempt to see where their crash site would be. "The air outside is just as hot as the air inside the balloon. We can't fly." Kai said.
Sokka braced himself against a post, shouting, "Can't you do something?! Bend us a platform!"
"No way, not this close to a volcano! That's how you end up with eruptions!"
Zuko abandoned all hope of forcing more flames into the mouth of the helm. He gripped the edge of the basket, hoisting himself up onto the lip so that his feet wouldn't get wet. They landed in the scalding hot water and droplets just as molten as the sun splashed into what was now just a canoe.
The three were ejected from the balloon, landing scattered among the boulders and rocks that surrounded the base of the crater. Sokka bumped his head and earned a nasty burn on his left hand, it took everything in him not to scream.
After the dust settled and Zuko's vision cleared, his eyes searched the terrain for the other two. He found Kai lying on her back in the rubble, one arm thrown over her face, the other stiff out to her side.
"Hey, you okay?" Zuko said softly as if she were an injured but dangerous animal, leaning down beside her.
Kai grit her teeth through the pain as the tendons in her arm went numb and then lit on fire, "I hit my funny bone really, really hard and I'm trying not to lash out. Give me a second."
He sat down beside her with one knee tucked against his chest, rolling a pebble around between his fingers. Sometimes Zuko wished he'd been born an earth bender, that things might've been easier that way. Earth seemed like a much more useful element anyways. "How are we gonna get off the island if the balloon won't work?" He asked.
Kai pulled herself up and made a pushing motion with her hand, the one that wasn't vibrating as if a swarm of bees lived just beneath the skin, and the war balloon was sucked off of the shore by the ground just below the waves. "We'll figure something out. I suspected it might be a one-way ticket anyway."
*****
The trio snuck up the side of the volcano during the quickly receding cover of night. Kai metal bended where she needed to and Zuko sautered back together whatever damage she created. They seeked out a supply room that doubled as the laundry shoot and found guard uniforms that would help them blend in, no one would notice a couple more faceless guards anyway.
They merged in with a couple of other guards that were running past the closet as they slipped out, without the slightest clue as to what they were running toward. It wasn't until they got to the prison yard that they saw the dozens of prisoners gathered around in a circle, the tallest of them standing in the center along with an older, rather vicious looking guard.
The guard whipped at the prisoner, who stood unarmed in his basic garments that were equivalent to a burlap potato sack. The prison redirected the flame back together the guard but it was blocked by a fire kick.
The guard clicked his tongue, "Tsk, tsk... fire bending is prohibited. You're going in the cooler." He turned, pointing a meaty finger in Kai's face, "You! Help me take him in."
Kai rolled her eyes, of course she would be the one chosen. She whispered to Zuko and Sokka, "Meet back here in an hour." And grabbed the prisoner loosely by the bicep, he didn't put up a fight, leading him away from the yard.
She and the other guard threw him in what was dubbed "the cooler", more or less just a giant ice box with reinforced walls to keep it insulated. They set up shop outside of it, keeping watch until the warden arrived.
The other guard, whose name she would never discover, lifted his mask as he got comfortable. "Can you believe that guy?" He said as if he just knew that Kai would have his back.
She peered in through the slit in the door, the prisoner had folded in on himself and was shivering violently. "These prisoners have some nerve thinking they can put one over on us." Kai responded, playing along.
She closed the hatch and leaned against the door, pulling her helmet off. The guard eyed her up and down, noticing the long healed scars that decorated her skin and her hair that was much more wild than many other fire nation women.
It was when he looked her in the eyes that Kai noticed him becoming suspicious of her. Fire Nation natives weren't born with green eyes, ever, they couldn't be.
"Say, where'd they pull you in from, anyways?" He asked.
"The colonies. My family has been stationed there since Sozin sat on the throne." She said.
The man's troubled conscience seemed to be put at ease. A horny soldier and loose peasant woman could easily explain a mixed-bred child. Though he did look down on her a bit after that, he saw her olive skin as dirty and her long hair as untamed out of laziness.
"Hm." He went back to mostly ignoring the girl, "You're a long way from home then."
Kai felt the clicking of steel toed boots rounding the corner of the hallway, "That's okay, I'm just a temp." She pulled her helmet back over her head.
The warden was a short and devilish looking man that was over twice Kai's age. He had two bodyguards with him, they were the real muscle. Kai stepped back to avoid being run over by them, it was as if they didn't even see her. The warden approached the door and pulled it open, revealing a shell of the man that'd stood in the courtyard a half hour earlier. The prisoner was berated for supposedly trying to escape and Kai backed up the guard's claim of witnessing the offense. It made her stomach twist to damn the man in such a way.
They slammed the door on him again, leaving him to freeze while they went about their duties.
A large buzzer rang throughout the hallways and yard while Kai was walking through the prison. She didn't know where she was going. It had been just over an hour and she was already late to meet back with the boys, but she wanted to scan the area, see if there was anyone she knew from the Earth Kingdom rotting here.
Prisoners cascaded back into their cells, institutionalized already from strict schedules and back breaking punishment. It was easier to just fall in line than to face the consequences.
One of them cut in front of Kai as she walked down the second floor open hallway, a female prisoner with clothes hanging off of her from absent weight and an adorable ponytail that sat above half loose hair. Kai grabbed the girl by her forearm, her helmet still obscuring her face.
Suki turned to face the "guard" but didn't show an ounce of fear, and Kai could feel the pent up anger in her muscles.
"Did I do something wrong?" Suki asked sharply, fully expecting to be accused of a crime she did not commit.
Kai looked deep into her chestnut brown eyes. She was still a warrior. Kyoshi blood still ran through her veins. Her flame was smaller, but still strong enough to withstand the harsh winds of confinement.
"No... sorry." Kai said, and she let Suki go.
She raced between the halls after that, pushing guards and prisoners alike out of her way in an attempt to find Sokka. Kai wanted to be the first to surprise him, like she'd been holding onto a birthday present for months and it was finally time to watch him fold back the paper.
In the prison yard is where they were, just as they'd agreed. The two outsiders were younger than the other guards, smaller, they were easy to pick out in the sea of people. Kai grabbed Sokka by the wrist and tugged at Sokka's metallic belt before ever identifying herself.
"What's going on?" Sokka questioned, "Is there, uh, important.. guard duties that need attending to?"
"It's me, stupid, Kai!" She rushed them through the stairwell which had begun to clear out.
Kai stopped in front of the door, she'd memorized the number, repeating it over and over in her head so that it wouldn't slip her mind.
214. Two-fourteen. 2. 1. 4.
"Hey! What are you—" Sokka's voice caught in his throat as she slid the latch open and shoved him inside the dimly lit, cramped room.
And along with his voice went his breath, crushing under the weight of his lungs as his entire world both fell apart and stitched itself back together again. He stared at Suki through the confines of his helmet
"Who's in there?" Zuko asked Kai on the outside. The loud bang of Sokka's body hitting the inside of the cell was followed shortly thereafter by soft smooching sounds.
"Suki, Sokka's girlfriend." Kai replied.
The pair snuck a peak at the couple from behind the peephole, with Zuko resting his armor comfortably against Kai's. She seemed worlds away through the thin scraps of metal that separated them.
"Didn't I tell you that you can't date the female guards?" A voice said from behind them.
Zuko had slipped his hand around Kai's waist in their moment of voyeurism. He ripped it away as the female guard came upon them and Kai felt the loss immediately, turning her head to see who had stolen the only form of intimacy she'd been shown since leaving the air temple.
"It's okay, we all do it." The guard said, winking at the two of them. "I need to get into that cell."
The pair remained frozen in front of the door. Kai banged her elbow against it to warn Sokka of the dangers and a jolt of tingling numbness raced down her arm again, the same arm she'd landed on that morning during their expulsion from the war balloon.
"No, you can't go in there!" Zuko yelled, "Uh, the lights are out. The prisoner could sneak up on you."
The woman cut her eyes at Zuko, and then moved her vision to Kai, sizing her up. She raised her left arm and reared it back, ready to shove Kai out of the way.
Only she didn't get the chance — Zuko twisted her forearm behind her back and shoved her against the wall and the woman cried out in agony.
"Hey! What are you doing?!" She screamed. Zuko pulled her back toward him and then slammed her against the wall again, forcing her gaze away from the door and giving Sokka enough time to sneak out unnoticed. "Don't just stand there! He's an imposter, arrest him!" She shouted at Kai.
Sokka's eyes met Kai's and he nodded. She knew what she had to do.
"You're under arrest for crimes against the Fire Nation." Kai said, her heart hitting the bottom of her stomach like a brick in the ocean. She grabbed his arms and forced him onto the ground, wincing as his head hit the inside of his helmet.
Sokka kneeled on his back while she placed fetters around his wrists and ankles, whispering close to his ear, "Don't worry, we'll figure something out."
*****
Three loud bangs pounded against Kai's bunker door, shaking her entire room.
She hadn't seen Zuko since his arrest. He'd been dragged away by two men much larger than she and Sokka, losing his helmet and armor in the process. After that, she'd been congratulated like some sort of hero. No one suspected that she was in on it with him.
Kai waved open the door and watched as Sokka hastily pushed his way inside.
"No! Metal! Bending!" He chastised her in a hushed tone, she just rolled her eyes and continued strapping on her stolen uniform.
"They sure don't treat their guards much better than the prisoners as far as scenery goes." Kai said.
The room was barely big enough for one person, let alone the two that it was expected to house. She hadn't met her bunk mate yet, and she didn't particularly care to. To be quite honest, Kai wanted nothing more than to stay in her tiny bunker until it was time for the escape plan that Sokka had hatched up.
"I still don't see why I can't just bust us out of here. It wouldn't take much."
Sokka started in on her, parroting her own words of being too close to a volcano and that they'd set off a chain of eruptions and blah, blah, blah. Those were all consequences that Kai was now willing to risk.
"Look, I understand why you're sour." Sokka handed her the helmet that she was growing to loathe. It made her hair staticky and her neck hot. "I hate seeing Suki in a cell just as much as you do Zuko. Let's just make a couple of rounds and then we'll take turns keeping an eye out so we can visit with them for a while."
Kai pulled it on and slammed the door behind her as they started off to relieve the other two guards.
The hallways of the mostly open interior were quiet, aside from their own clicking heels. The prisoner housing was far enough away from the guard bunkers that the sharp metal toes wouldn't wake any employees, though it was sure to keep any light sleeping "offenders" awake, especially since they were required to keep the tiny slit of a window in the door open at all times.
They made their rounds, searching every nook and cranny for anyone that may have been taking a late night stroll. Kai and Sokka had offered to take up the night shift for a variety of reasons. One being that they were the rookies, lowest on the totem pole and fresh meat. They would've been selected for it anyways, but offering themselves up helped gain a little bit of trust. The second was so they could perfect their plan. Sokka had walked the ground earlier in the day and given Kai the rundown, he told her of the blind spot between two watchtowers in the prison yard. That big, burly prisoner that Kai had taken to the cooler overheard them discussing the plan and wanted in, and he gave them some useful information regarding the insulation and mechanics or the solitary room.
"I'll keep watch. You have one hour, Kai. Not a second longer." Sokka whispered.
He began his count.
Kai slid the latch to the door open as quietly as she could and closed the door ever quieter. The room was so dark that she didn't bother searching for her hand in front of her face, and it was cold. The brittle air clung to the iron walls like a blanket of fresh snow in the South Pole, chilling Kai to the bone.
Zuko's voice came to her as a dose of sweet relief in this hellish nightmare. "I can't light the lantern. If another guard walks by they'll become suspicious."
"That's okay."
Even though Zuko couldn't see her, Kai could still see him. She slipped out of the two-sizes-too-big boots and planted the bare soles of her feet on the ground. For the first time, she found an outfit that she hated on him more than his monkey suits from the Royal Palace — prison garments. Zuko wasn't meant to dress like a commoner, she saw that now. He was built to wear the finest silk and hand woven cotton that money could buy.
His hand reached for her waist in the darkness, what little of it was accessible through the armor.
"I fucking hate this." Zuko said, and sighed in exasperation.
"The uniform or sneaking around?" Kai replied.
"Both. It's like we're back in Ba Sing Se all over again, hiding from your friends and sneaking away from my uncle."
Kai couldn't change the latter, but she didn't have to be ordered to strip out of the metal that made her skin sticky with sweat (no matter how cold it was on the other side). She placed them gently on the ground so that they wouldn't make a peep, then moved Zuko's hands back to her waist.
"You're just as testy as you were in the city, too." She draped her hands over the top of his shoulders, her thumb tracing the spot where his hair met his neck. "I kind of liked that aspect though."
Zuko's body bloomed the more that she spoke. His muscles loosened up and with her mind's eye, she saw the corners of his mouth turn up into a smile. His hands tightened around her back, forcing her to crawl closer.
"How long do we have?"
Time was lost in the sensory deprivation tank that was this cell. Zuko filled up every aspect that surrounded Kai. His voice was the only thing for miles and his hands, precise and needy as they explored her curves, were gentle as feathers. He smelled so clean from being pelted with dry soap and hosed down upon intake.
She would make time. She would rip it out of the atmosphere or create it herself if she had to.
Kai perched up on the tips of her toes and drank his kiss like a sip of water. Her fingers knotted themselves in his hair, his hair, she couldn't believe she'd told him that she hated it. It felt like satin to her now. And, oh god, the way his hot breath hit her mouth as his forehead leaned into hers.
Zuko walked her backwards toward his cot, pulling her down on top of him. It creaked a wretched, high pitched sound.
"Sshhh..." He whispered, and even that was tuned to perfection. "Slow..."
The bed was smaller than theirs at the Western Air Temple, so small that Zuko could lean back against the wall while simultaneously sitting at the edge with his feet planted on the ground. He held Kai against his lap, fingers dancing up the back of her shirt, pawing at her hips.
Zuko kissed her chin with lips that bled raw love and affection, nipped at her skin with teeth that wanted to eat her alive. She would've let him. All he needed to utter were the words, "I'm starving", and Kai would've disemboweled herself for him. This was the part of him that she favored over others, the fact that he trusted her strength. He knew he couldn't hurt her, but her body still begged him to try.
His fingers, calloused and rough, danced over the top of her blouse, stopping to stroke her stiff nipple through the fabric with the pad of his thumb. He held her by the side of the neck and tipped her chin upward, warm tongue lapping at her skin before she felt the first tinge of delicious pain.
Kai's blood ran cold. A flash of bright light blinded her, clouding her mind.
She'd been here before — in her dreams.
Her hands went limp in his hair, previously ragged breaths were now completely nonexistent.
"What's wrong?" Zuko asked, and it was as if he had split personalities.
One wanted to worship her both inside and out, it wanted to watch her come undone around him and taste every inch of her skin.
The other, sweet. So fucking sweet that it made Kai's teeth ache. That side would rip apart anything that threatened her being, end anyone that came between them again.
Kai pulled herself off of him and stumbled backward through the dark, her shoulder blades hitting the wall as brief flashbacks violently rocked though her. Words that only she could hear blew past her ear like an early winter chill, "You're mine, Kai. You've always been mine."
Zuko searched for her, panicked and blind, until his hands brushed against her shivering arms.
"Talk to me, baby." He said while holding her face in his hands, feeling her features with his fingers so that he knew it was really her. Kai's jaw was locked so tight that he feared it would break. "What is it?? What's going on?" Fear caused his voice to tremble.
He would risk the lashings. Fire grew from his fingertips and formed an organic torch and he could see sweat dripping down Kai's neck, her face as pale as the sheets on his cot once were.
She wiped her face and sucked in a deep breath of air — cold and nice and surprisingly fresh tasting.
"Come back to me, Kai." Zuko crumpled to the ground with her in his arms. She folded herself into him, seeming so small, so feeble, and took shelter.
"I had dreams about you — about us." Kai stammered, "No, they were nightmares... but they were so real, so fucking real..."
Zuko didn't speak. He couldn't imagine dreams so terrifying that Kai would nearly break down a wall just to get away from him (and she could've done it, had she not been incapacitated with fear). But his upbringing rushed to place the blame on himself, if hadn't betrayed her in the catacombs, if hadn't entertained another woman, if he would've just been a better partner, would she have had those nightmares in the first place?
Kai sighed against his oversized tunic, "It wasn't you though... I know that it wasn't."
She was trying so hard, she thought. The nightmares and flashbacks and blackouts had disappeared for long enough to make her believe that she was free, but the side effects still remained. The lasting damage seeped out of her like a spinal leak years after taking hallucinogens, quick and brief but just as real as ever.
"I'm trying to be okay, Zuko." Kai's voice cracked when she spoke and it hurt Zuko to hear such a heartbreaking sound. He'd never considered the possibility that she wasn't okay... why had he never considered that? In fact, why would she be okay?
"It's okay to not be okay for once." He said.
The young couple sat on the cold, hard ground in silence for a long while, listening to each other's heartbeats and syncing up their breathing, their bodies intertwined and hearts bleeding quietly from a lifetime of abuse. Neither were okay, and there was some sort of solace in that thought alone — the fact that they were only half of their full potentials but when together, they filled each other out just fine.
"I won't hurt you again, Kai." Zuko whispered when he thought she'd fallen asleep. "I can't lose you again..."
And Kai wept a quiet, tearless, lonesome cry, because she knew that he would lose her again, because she would be the one hurting him next time, and because she was too selfish to stop it from happening.
Author's Note
Forty freakin' chapters, guys!! (I know this is technically chapter 41 but one was just a survey)
Thank you all that are still reading!! And anyone that is just now binging this ongoing story, just know that I LOVE you me input. I love seeing new readers go through all of the emotions of the ones that have been with me since the beginning.
I know I say it a lot but I appreciate you all so much. More than you will ever know.
So here's the dealio, I know how this story ends. I know everything that I need to write and pretty much just gotta do the damn thing. But I'd really love to give you all just a feel good chapter. What's something that YOU want to happen? What's something that YOU feel like deserves a whole chapter dedicated to it? I wanna give you guys that.