JACOB
I kept walking until I made sure that I am out of everyone's reach.
I am not sure about how I feel!
I am not sure of what really happened was even real or a nightmare I would never ever wish for to come true? The winter air snapped at my face.
Why has those blue eyes turned out to be such a great influence at her?
My shoes dragged across the forest floor, reaching for my house as soon as I could. I tried to think of the reason she stood there, without an answer.
Was she really unsure of how she feels? Or was she just afraid to accept?
I shook my head hard and stopped; catching my breath. I hate this feeling, to not know how should I feel right at this point in my life where the world I looked at has turned upside down. My heart sank deeper and it felt like the amount of oxygen in the surrounding has been reduced.
And now, all I could do is stare helplessly.
"Jacob?" I heard Jared's voice, trying to catch up with my slowed-down pace.
"Jacob, stop!" I half-heartedly turned to face them, while both of them caught up with me.
Embry glowered at me. "What's wrong with you?"
"Am all fine!" I prompted. No! I'm not fine. Not at all. I am confused, frustrated, angry and irritated and hurt and broken. "Nothing's wrong with me." I blinked.
Jared smirked, followed by a smaller laugh. "Look at you!"
I found myself trembling vigorously with the anger boiling up inside me. This was obvious because I don't know what to do when the person you need right now is the same person you can't talk to when you need them the most.
What am I supposed to do now?!
"I just thought to get go get some rest." I lied.
He raised a brow at me.
"We'll catch up, later." I said forcing a smile and turned to leave.
After walking another mile, I found the familiar glow of my house and I choosed the road to my garage; to fix those things are that I never could......because I lost the pieces to her. The anger has seemed to destroy my every thoughts and feelings, my courage and now it's on the verge to destroy me.
I will kill him!
I know after that I will lose everything, even Renesmee. Just a moment do I have her now? Atleast it would not huant me that I lost her to someone else. In this life she makes me stable and then she pulls away every single thing beneath my feet and this is not different to the fact that I can no longer stand.
I feel shaken....shaken to the core, mitigated and deflected. I don't hate her for doing this. It is something that I never could, but I am just shaken about the fact that she turned into something she said she never would. And it hurts.
I have this perfect picture in my mind, of how things are supposed to be and that's why end of here standing shaken. After all we have been through, I have a lost her again even without realising it. I really love her. I still do. I dare say I love her more than anyone else ever has or ever will. But isn't it frightening that it wasn't enough? Isn't it?
It's painful. It's frightening. It makes me doubt myself. And holding on to anger feels like drinking in poison. I never got a chance to say sorry and it's all because of 'him'. It's because she had the second option. She had 'him'.
The anger digs up the path to cause pain, drowning me into those burning lava that would destroy everything if it explodes. Fires of fury and hatred are smoldering within me, threatening to deceive me whenever it will's. Anger, pain, sadness ~so intertwined, that perhaps their names are different, the origin is same. I felt the anger ebidding over my veins as the air around me stiffened that made it even harder to breath. My mind ceased to work.
Argh!! I slammed my knuckles against the cemented rough surfaced wall, turning down the shelves of tools that crashed on the ground with a screeching clatter.
I want her. I need her, now!
My legs finally gave up the strength, as I fall on the surface wrapping my knees. As I moved my hand, it rose a sudden ache within the knuckles.
Aah! I groaned, as a streched it out.
"Broken hand just like a broken heart?!" I heard him as the footsteps grew closer.
My anger dominated its place over my veins like an impossible build-up steam. My face became rigid,jaws clamped tight, teeths gritted. I could feel the pulse racing, as I breathed heavily, almost as if I would explode. My muscles grew tense as I turned to look at him and cracked my knuckles. Didn't he realise he shouldn't be here, before I do something I will regret?!
"Atleast, I can count it in my finger. You better be concerned about yours!" I could feel the blood boiling within me as the body temperature increases.
In his arrogant triumph he tilted his head. "Cockiness masking fear!" He stepped forward smiling, which seemed even more infuriating to me.
How did he even reach here? Car, bike or running along the way to La Push? For I didn't heard the roaring loud engines anywhere near my house.
I stood up. My lips twitched into a slight smirk. "What brings you here?" I said under my gritted teeths, just waiting for my patience test to end. I glared at him. Something seemed wrong to me! Something that creeped me out from the very first day as I gazed into those blue eyes! Something that's strange.
"There you go!" He looked around and then back at me. "I know, it doesn't makes sense, right, um..." He shook his head up and down, softly. "But if I tell what exactly I am here for.....it would ruin all the fun!"
The cyclone of angry thoughts hit's my mind. At this moment, I am blinded by a three-course serving anger that's better yet surprisingly satisfying; much like a coffee that draws me to take another sip: First; to tackle him on the ground and make him spit out all the arrogant he had for himself. Second; to make it such worse so that he would never get enough confidence to stand back. And last but not the least; to make him regret for each thought he had for her.
My mind raced with hot impulses, working out for making the situation even worse. But I'll give him a chance, to let him speak the plot he has prepared for me. "Look! You, me and fun: Bad combination." I shook my broken hand in and out.
"Indeed!" He nodded.
I shoved my fingers into my pocket, flinching slightly as the knuckles ached a bit. "I don't have entire night."
"Mmhm! Nor do I....I have a long night to go~" He prompt, nodding. "Disclaimer! Through the visions of your esteemed views, each word I say is with honour of respect--"
"Skip the damn part, Chris!"
He scoffed. "Agreed." He slid his fingers into the front pockets. "Ok! So, let's begin right from where it all started." He stepped again. "Let's go back to the night of Renesmee's birthday. The day was perfect; happiness spread all around, everyone was so cheerful but---"
I gulped down heavily, quivering with the anger that spread within each cell in me with the confusion that filled my mind. I stared in disbelief. A sudden chill swept through my spine. I stood there....struggling to exhale, to inhale or do anything else.What does he knows about her birthday?! My mind formulated no thoughts other than this. In this whole whatever thing he'd plot....he wasn't present there! It's impossible that he does know about that? Ofcourse not. No! No! It's not possible. Yet at the same time, he is confident in whatever he's saying. I can tell that by his tone and the way he is looking at me, square in the eyes.
I had twin tracks of running thoughts, that ran parallel to one another. One gave me notion that this is some kind of nightmare where the other got clunged to the clue 'what does he knows about that day?!'
I recalled the nightmare: Bella attacked....Renesmee goes missing and....
"Jus--just stop there." He interrupted. His features hardened.
His words nearly choked the air I needed to survive, where I am two breaths away to finally choke and end up dead. "What do you know about that day?! And how?!" A high pitched growl escaped my mouth.
"O c'mon! Don't pretend as if you don't know what I am talking about!" He smirked. "And to answer your second question about how do I know any of this....for it was me who attacked Bella."
That was breaking point of my patience. Every word pronounced, sliced another scar seering into my skin. My thought where so distorted, that it was just unable to make sense of anything he said. The thoughts trundled through my brain like a thorough train, with no intentions of stopping: slow and painful.
"You know before all of this_more specifically before Renesmee; I had a purpose in my life and the reason alone behind it was: Hate." His eyes softened.
Hate?! I thought.
My mind worked like an exhausted engine; to slow and too tired. I did not find a single thought that could make a reasonable sense to me. Every word he spoke served as an addition to the path of my demise. How did no one see that coming? How could he be present all along, with no one getting a second thought about it?! There is a scream from deep within me, that forces it's away out. My terrified mind gave up to work for another single second. The anger within me fumes, as loud as it could.
"Heh! Let me clear, exactly, why am I here!" He narrowed his eyes. It was so subtle and a fuel to my hungry anger. "I am here to even this playing field. In short, to show you where you stand."
"I exactly know where I stand. So thanks! But no thanks."
"You're sort of..." He paused. "~welcome!"
My jaws rooted, pressing harder each time. "Get to the point?!"
He flashed a vicious grin. "Gladly!" He inhaled. "You think too much of yourself! Do you remember snapping those words at me??....Well the truth is that you all do~" He fumed.
"You think that you all could get everyone to the safe zone and overcome quandary within a blink of second. Don't you?" He frowned in perplexity and cocked his head to one side. "But when it's time to act....you all can do nothing better than staring!"
The hot fury burnt with dangerous intensity, where my temper was slowly filling glasses, ready to bubble up at any moment.
"It was the very foremost of that witch...or whatever she was~ to take away Renesmee_" He raised his eyebrows. "I saved her."
What!!
Shock. Anger. Fear.
The shock registers itself, seering into my blood, rushing all over my veins. It rains down, pouring itself into the black hole that engulfs my every thought. How can he do that? How could 'he' bring her back from a so-called the most powerful being?! There is something that's wrong here. I suddenly began to need a lot amount of oxygen. I wait as when I would open my eyes and make my escape out of this haunting nightmare.
I need her, at times like this, where her soft voice would speak encouraging words for me. I needed her light to push against the shadow of my mind. I can't stand this. Please! Somebody, just wake me up. Pull me back to reality; where my life was supposed to be...........perfect.
"And after that; when you found lying unconscious in the forest floor, what was the first thought that crossed your mind?" He smiled. "C'mon, I want you to share it with me."
"You are no important to me." I trembled, as the fear darkened and thickened, engulfing me.
"But sadly the day after that, you too broke up....over some sort of lie for Alice's vision. And the next 9 days.... were broken for both of you but there it was when I got my time to get to know your little messed up pack and her beloved family."
"She will kill you for doing this!" I snapped at him. I saw his expression melting against my words but before I could read it; it solidified again.
"You need not to worry! I will take care of that. Let's get moving, we have a long way to go~" He declared.
The words that continued seemed impossible for me to take in, yet at the same time the eagerness to keep-up dominated every thought I had.
"Then, there left all the drama and makeup stuffs for both of you; like happy lilies. And then comes the day....!" He gazed at me unblinking. "The matter of life and death. Rose and the she wolf goes missing! For that you all came up with a plan---that was just---I mean--- WoW!!! Literally, for a space of single minute, I didn't believe that you were actually going to let her jump into the mouth of death?!"
The glimpse of that night rolled over me like fury of hailstorm. There wasn't even a single thing I could do about any of the words I just heard, because all of it were true and it makes me feel like a blige.
"She walked upto the gates of death, knocking hardly, escorted by you all deliberately while you held back to watch her being in engulfed in the belly of the beast?!" He paused.
I wanted to block his words right there as the hostility within me build up a bridge between his words and my anger. "Did you had a better idea?!"
"Ofcourse! I did." He prompted. "Atleast, better than watching her stand at the threshold of death and _ I mean_how did none of you saw it coming??....Options are: Either, you all were trying to avoid the inevitable or you all are overly smart?" He held his breath as I did.
"And you are lost her. In other words, the beast got hold of whatever she wanted. She lead, dragging her all the way to the cave, within a blink of second." He walked closer to me. "Remember the smell you followed up to the cave? Boom!" He blinked. "It was mine!" He pursed his lips. "Surprise! Surprise!"
His words began to become a sickness of my mind and heart, left unchecked; like a complete poison to my soul. I went back to where it happened.
Those dark memories were just like a book with chapters, deep and horrible; I left on the shelf to let it gather dust. But now, the book is forced open right in front of me and with each page it turns blows a jarred fear, seering in me. I wish I had put them in the garbage, where they belonged and forget about it. Or better yet buried it somewhere deep under the ground.
Even the sweetest memory written into those pages have now turned into a knife that slices my already broken heart into more pieces.
"Okay! Let's recall the key features Carlisle gave us about the witch. It is believed that the witches are comparatively weaker at full moon than the other day's. And this will be your only chance to end her forever, with full respect I quote Alice's words." He bowed slightly.
I do remember these words, Alice informed in the same frame as he did.
"According to the Japanese legends, it's a stake right into her heart which would kill her. I repeat Jasper's words with esteemed honour." He sighed. "You know, I would have killed her, then and there, right in front of the beast cave, for doing this to her." His teeth clenched. "But sadly, you all followed up my trail and put your foot down the fight. As an evident result, I was obliged to give up!"
The sickness takes over the portion of my brain that was dealing with the energy expenditure without the effort of new thought. The pain burnt, as if the invisible flame was held against my skin. No, not yet. I can't give up right here. I strained my eyes, pulling myself back.
"While the entire night where she was suffering, I had an unflawed night to look at your shrieked-wild eyed-blood drained from face-stood as if paralyzed-unable to comprehend what just happened expressions." He stepped aside.
His eyes etched at me. "I have been there all long, Jacob. For her, with you."
This was the time I gave up on my anger. I gave up on any thought that entered my exhausted brain. I gave up on my strength. I shifted two steps back. I can't stand this any longer. He has been there this whole time. At place where we stood on the same side, wanting the same thing yet against one another.
I still have the horrifying glimpse of that night, locked up into my mind as a nightmare that I would never set free; where with each passing second, the hope of getting to see her smile fell down. I could look into those glacier-blue eyes staring at me with the grudge he held against that night.
"And I bet if she wouldn't have returned...I would have killed you; all of you...once and for all." He paused.
The silence lingered all around. I went to that night, that threatened me, to take away the only reason of my existence. 'Her'.
"Fine! Getting onto the brighter side. After having a-single-peaceful night the other day...." He smirked.
I clearly know what's ahead of it. The waves of pain increased. Each peak robs my ability to speak and think further. It felt like my blood has suddenly turned into an acid, intent on destroying me from inside.
"....I finally let myself enter your little life. Let's recall! Among the hustle bustle of people in the market, Renesmee stumbled over a smart-deep-blue eyed guy, like a happy accident." He smiled.
"Now let's zoom in~ do you reach the notion of a perfect set-up?? In short, it was not an accident for me! But not all of it." He raised his hands, with pulled eyebrows. "Do you know how it feels when your luck joins hands with you? When it takes every step following you? I guess not! Let me explain. The cute little bracelet part was never my thing. But it was the best thing I never planned of."
What am I supposed to do?
Nothing! While I'm bombarded with the twists I never dared to dream. When each thought and emotion I have is something I could not make sense of--
"Briefing it, let's jump to the night you returned~"
No. I thought.
I could feel the weight the laid on my heart, crying out for something_anything that would hold me there to stand tall. This was the same trail we followed up in the forest to reach out for the cave. Edward's word flashed in my mind.
Why didn't we notice it? How could it be possible? Just help me get out of this haunting nightmare where I am trapped into. Please! Please! Something is wrong here, very evidently, served in front of me; where I purposely shut my eyes to not let this question pop up in my mind. What is he?
The Alcyndromycin injected into Bella system.... saving Renesmee from the witch....following us for our every move....the same trail up to the cave and now this; the same trail in Renesmee's room. What conclusion should I draw out of this?!
"I was done waiting!" He continued. "I did that. I sneaked into her room, to let you all take a hint of some sense into the story; but as expected there was nothing you could do about it." The words fell out of his mouth with mouth with a pause.
"I had nothing better to do, so I was up to this.... boredom leads to risk. But it was worth taking. I stepped into her room, but sadly she was off to shower. And so I decided to have a look around, where I found all the captured memories she had framed with all of her heart." He nodded, grinning sheepishly. "I tore you both apart --reason is simple: I don't like you much!"
My emotions got to build up again. Even now, as distorted as I may feel, I still feel strong and I know the reason: Her.
There's something to be said about the control she had over me. The veins once again started to burn and this time, I am sure I can't hold it any longer.
"You know I would have still waited for her, when she would have skipped the bathroom and...." He grinned. "Woah!" He shuddered. "~but I let it go. Dignity is important!" He blinked.
My fist clenched as I stepped forward.
"Un_uh! There's no need of violence, Jacob. I still have a soul awakening surprise for you." He smiled. "A bit of correction, 'surprises'!"
I have to hold it back for her. It's ok! I thought to myself. Let's measure how far can he go?!
"Now, let's step a little more further~"
My mind reached there within a fraction of second. But seized to work, ahead....The Crescent Alpha! I thought flipping to him. I gulped down heavily.
I . don't . want . to . get . to . know . this !
The anger had an unpleasant sickness to it. There was a nausea too, enough to make me hold onto my strength. .....Standing it became more harder. Nearly, impossible right now. It owned me, dominated my every thought, controls every action.
He sighed. "So! Devoting your three-awful-months on someone who has been with you all along."
Um...A tribrid! A human-vampire-werewolf combination. Josie's word struck me in horror.
A human. A vampire. A werewolf Crescent Alpha!!!!
My mind screamed out, as the pain drove through my back. Every thought I had, became a confusion for me. The burning pain leaped up my back like a scorching fire. I weeped within my own suffering.
In an instant, the pages of those books made sense to me, swiping through the chaos. The emotions rolled up into a ball of self-loathing and pain, wishing the world would end rather than suffering the sea of endless current, crashing waves through me.
He's the one. The Immortal-indestructible-tribrid Crescent alpha.
"And literally, I wanted to thank you in person, for digging up something, I couldn't. That night, I didn't had anything to do with the Cullen's. I was just going to cut-short possibilities in Quilete style and trust me~" His twitched lips flashed a well-done look.
"I am impressed! But feel a bit of sympathy for you, three-months-sleepless-nights. Hard work! But, I mostly prefer; Smart work."
My fingers balled into a fist, so hard that the bones rattled slightly and the nerves were forced out. The broken knuckles hurt like hell, but it didn't matter anymore. I shivered out of frustration as I grimaced.
"The step two in the plan was to get to know whatever you unfold for a us. So, we've been taking our each step with you, ensuing today's Christmas celebration. In precise words, we made sure that we would obligately attend the meeting held. Smart work!" He leaned closer.
My heart grow into a nuclear bomb that is at a risk to explode any second, as everything slipped out of my clenched fist.
"For the conclusions; let's have the last nonplus. But before that_risk's alert!! Have a support, so that you are bound, to not fall or trip over something." He sighed.
"Ah!" He breathed, stepping forward. "That first kiss!"
All the air leaves the room and I felt as if I would pass out any second, trying to make sense of what he just said. It knocked out all the angry thoughts in my mind.
Tsk. "The time stopped, when her lips met mine but the flutter of her heart intensified with each second. How addictively she invaded all my sense and that felt so unRenesmee of her! I mean~" His eyes narrowed. "The bit of taste of vanilla felt great, but it took me by surprise! Shouldn't it?"
The words pierced my soul. It made me skeptical about love.
Pain and the broken me, sears through my stomach twisting it like a yarn. My mind was conceding the torment, unable to bring a thought to completion without meaning. My body curled into something fetal, something primeval and all the while the pain burnt and radiated all over my veins.
"So finally winding up, my work is done here." The disregarded voice declared. "Happy solstice!" And within a fraction of a second the shadow left.
I found myself on one's own, with the painful silence. I fell down on my knees. I could hear the delayed ticking of the clock hung on far side of my room, the beating of my pulse against my skin and I'm exhausted from trying to be stronger than I really am.
Although there are things in life I wanted to give up, but she was never on that list. She had been there for me the whole time and for some moments, she was even more real than my own blood in my own veins.
But now, everything is just blacker and darker; for she is missing from me. Loneliness crippling my every thought. I struggle to breath which seemed impossible. I have never been one for understatement. So I'm not gonna say this is love, but I would say that.....
I am standing on a precipice, walking to the edge where the dispute over my mind clung to not turn around. I stepped to look at those crashing waves and forced my eyes shut giving up the strength and balance altogether.
But, I didn't find myself falling off the height. Instead, I found a thin delicate rope bound to me.
"Jacob?" Her soft voice seized my heart and flooded my veins with peace, moving me in ways the laws of physics would fail to define.
It left me grieving for what the future would look like. It gave me a hope.......to live for tomorrow and find out the future.The voice was still connected, because sometimes something's too dedicate also cannot be broken.
"No!" I croaked.
I looked at my own self, withering like a rose that wass left solitaire just like me. It was too late.
I felt the winds billowing, pushing hard against me. The force didn't let me back to her. The wind pushed me away. I groaned heavily, shoving 'against the wind'
"Rene-smee!" My voice cracked. My eyes stretched wide open.
A hand rattled me. "Jacob??"