Mitch is sitting on a chair while I'm sitting on the bed. He thought being in my room could help me, make it less formal.
"Tell me again why you thought Ella would be mad at you after the miscarriage,"
"I was filming a movie instead of being at home taking care of her, I figured she might have been stressed out because of it,"
"Did she express being stressed out because of it?" He asks.
"No, she would only say she misses me just like we always tell each other when we're away,"
"Why didn't you ask her if she was stressed out?"
"I don't know and it's dumb because I can usually read what's on her mind. She's been working on herself a lot since I've met her. I guess I didn't want to ask her because I was afraid if she'd say yes, it'd put even more pressure on me. I'm not making sense, fuck!" I pull on my hair in frustration.
"You seem to have a great relationship but maybe communication could be improved just a little bit,"
"I see your point, her therapist suggested no sex for a week, it was torture but we also talked so much and it was bringing us even closer. I didn't even think it could be possible but it felt great, I reckon I have to keep working on it when I get out of here." I smile at Mitch.
I haven't felt the need to drink at all since I've been here. My sessions with the group and the single ones with Mitch have been helping me opening up and realizing what I need to work on to keep a balance between my work and my relationship. Ella has never and would never complain about my work, I was the one feeling guilty subjecting her to my crazy schedule. Before her, I never even second-guessed what I needed to do to have a long and successful career. But her being my priority changed the dynamic. I feel the need to talk with her to map out my future goals and see if her personal goals can be met as well. We both need to be able to thrive in our relationship and professional careers.
Later in the day, we have a group session where people share their best moments with family members. I tell them about my mum being there for me since day one. I remember her coming with me to my first audition which turned out to be amazing because they called me the very next day to say I had the role. I was just a child and my mum was there cheering me, supporting me. I owe her a lot for letting me pursue my dream.