Wednesday 21:07
The group had just gotten back behind the stage as they had just finished performing.
Everyone hugging each other and assuring they did great. Nayeon had tears in her eyes.
They had just performed live in for their fans but with a twist, many international fans didn't have opportunity to go to a Twice concert so they had decided to do a live concert instead. It had been emotional and the members had been in tears at least once as they had tribute a few speeches and their songs to their onces. Just the thought of it alone made them emotional.
Sana watched as Momo wiped her eyes with a big smile as she talked to Jeongyeon. She didn't realize how long she had been watching until Momo turned her head and locked eyes with her. Sana gulped as the tears on the girl's cheek looked like diamonds in the backstage spotlight. Is it possible to cry diamonds?
She felt her own eyes starting to water, emotions from different places in her mind coming back at her as she was in a sensitive state after their heartfelt performance.
Back in their changing room Momo walked up to her and put and arm around her supportively.
"Hey." She said and smiled brightly as Sana ran a hand through her own hair to portray as strong.
"You okay?" She asked referring to her crying earlier. Sana looked up with a warm smile.
"I'm okay." She assured and rested her head on the other girl's shoulder as she felt the girl squeeze her upper arm softly.
How she wished she could be this close to her everyday. She closed her eyes to enjoy the moment while it lasted as she nestled closer the girl's neck.
———
Thursday 22:37
"What did he do, Momo?" Sana tried again with a glimpse of anger in her voice as she crouched down in front of the crying girl on the couch while gently caressing her knee to assure her that she was there. The girl let out quiet sobs as her chest shook in between every breath she took. Sana felt helpless, angry really, because she knew Heechul was the reason why Momo was crying like this.
The upset girl had stumbled into the door fifteen minutes ago, crying her eyes out and Sana had been there to catch her as she weakly fell forwards and melted into her arms, clinging onto her with her face buried in the crook of her neck. Sana had felt her own eyes water as she held her securely in her arms. Swaying her softly back and forth as the girl calmed down a little.
"Momo, look at me." She pleaded as she pulled some hair out of the crying girl's face. "Please tell me..." She let out quietly as she caressed her wet cheek with her thumb. Even though her blood was boiling she felt weak in the presence of the crying girl. She looked up at Sana with tears rolling down her eyes as she opened her mouth slightly, preparing herself.
"He..." she started but stopped as she took a breath and Sana squeezed her knee to encourage her to keep going, which she did as she relaxed a little under the girl's touch.
"He wanted to have sex with m-me." She pushed out as she looked down, feeling a little embarrassed as she sniffled and wiped her eyes with the end of her sleeve that was now soaking wet from tears. Her crying died down as she had finally admitted the issue. Sana took her hand and squeezed it tightly.
"And I assume you didn't?" Sana asked carefully judging from how the girl was acting, as she saw the girl's eyes water again. She shook her head and suddenly something dropped inside of Sana as she imagined the worse, did he...
"He didn't force himself on you did he?!" Sha asked Momo while standing up harshly and tightening her fists to keep herself from losing it, Momo looked up with wide eyes and waved her hands in front of her.
"No, no!" She shook her head harshly, "God no. He would never do that." She said and reached to take Sana's tightly clenched fists into her hands to make her calm down, which helped because Sana exhaled deeply as a tear escaped her eye silently when her body relaxed. She wiped it away quickly so the girl wouldn't notice. She fell back to her knees in front of the girl, holding the sides of her legs as she let the fact settled, he didn't, she's safe.
Momo sighed.
"I just... I... I'm not..." She tried but didn't seem to find the right words. She bit her lip as she closed her eyes. " I don't think... that I am ready so share myself like that, with him yet." She said and looked down and started to play with the rubber band around her wrist.
Sana's lips parted slightly as the girl's words set in.
Huh?
She couldn't lie, because Momo and Heechul have been together for little over three months now she had just assumed that they had done it... she couldn't help but to feel relieved. She replaced herself next to the girl and pulled her into her embrace.
She let the girl rest her head on her chest as she stroke her hair.
"Hey..." Sana started as her hand moved slower over the girl's hair carefully, in thought.
"I... think you're brave for doing what feels best for you." She let out and she felt Momo snort a little onto her chest.
"He surely doesn't think that..." She sniffled as she buried her face deeper into Sana's chest who felt her body tense a little.
"Screw him then." Sana bridled out without thinking and earned a chuckle from Momo who started to trace circles on her back.
There was a moment of silence. Not a weird one, not at all. It was rather... idyllic as they shared their personal space with each other.
Comfortably enjoying each other's warmth, melting into each other.
Sana tightened her arms around the girl and felt her sob lightly against her chest and hands clench the back of her shirt shakily.
"Thank y-you." Momo said into her chest. Sana furrowed her eyebrows.
"For what?" Sana asked softly as she stroke the girl's back. She felt the girl sigh against her.
"For always being here." She said wholeheartedly and nestled her chest softly. Sana felt her heart take a leap and her eyes widened for a second, afraid that the girl in her arms had felt it.
She gulped down and calmed herself by sighing lightly. Hesitant at first, she reached down and kissed the girls temple softly, closing her eyes as she did - to really feel it.
"I'll always be here for you."
She answered truthfully and felt the girl in her arms exhale deeply and they stayed like that until they began to yawn - signaling that it was time for bed, so the two went their separate ways in the hallway...
...After awkwardly gong in the same direction until Sana had realized her room wasn't that way...
———
Monday 21:56
"Bye..." Sana breathed out almost not audible as the door closed in front of her. She felt tears threaten to fall from the corner of her eyes as she slid down the closest wall and tried the best as she could to muffle her cries when the tears began to fall uncontrollably. Hitting the floor with her palm as if it would make it better, like it would bring her back. She looked at the door and hoped that it would open any second and that Momo would come back to her, but it never happened, unsurprisingly.
She sat against the wall for a moment - channeling her messy thoughts as she stared into the wall absently, her hands had fallen to her sides loosely while her head rested against the secure structure.
For the past few days, Momo had spent a lot of time with girl, distancing herself from Heechul because of the incident that occurred last Thursday.
Sana had been her mental support through it all and they had cuddled in front of a movie every night, just like they used too, and as Sana helplessly started to hope that maybe she would choose her... he called.
She sighed as she relived the past days in her head...
-Flashback-
The two girls where snuggling on Momo's bed while watching finding dory on Netflix. They had had a long day of practice and Sana had seen how it tore on the other girl so she had bought the girl's favorite snacks and prepared for a movie night. Pleased with the outcome. Hehe.
Their legs where tangled together as they watched the end of the movie and the subtitles started rolling.
"Hm." Sana started as she broke the silence.
"Finding Nemo is still my number one." She said and smiled as Momo nodded, agreeing with her.
"But baby Dory is so cute." She squealed out and Sana giggled, mentally noting to buy the girl a baby Dory plushie one day. She smiled at her own thought.
Momo started to trace the hearts on Sana's pajamas mindlessly with her finger and the girl knew what she was thinking about...
"I just don't think he had the right to say that to me..." she started and Sana sighed as she looked away, the girl was talking and focusing on the shapes of the other girl's cloths.
"I mean, I told him how I felt about it weeks ago, did that mean nothing to him?" She looked up at the absent minded girl for the first time.
"Sana?" She pushed and made the girl look at her. She sighed.
"I don't think he meant to push you though." She said, surprised to be defending the boy she usually despited. Momo frowned under her and sat up with her knees pulled to her chest, looking at Sana closely.
"What?" She asked a little offended, making the other girl roll her eyes a little.
"I'm not saying what he said was wrong." Sana exaggerated the last word,
"I just don't think that he said it to make you feel bad." Sana looked down and fiddled with her fingers.
She almost regretted even opening her mouth until she felt a body press against her side again, and only then did she realize how her whole anatomy screamed for the other girl's touch when they weren't close.
"I'm sorry... you're right." Momo said and was back to tracing patterns on her pajama top.
They stayed up all night talking about old memories. The next day was the same, they even went out to watch the stars spontaneously again, just like that day after practice, to talk and look after shooting stars.
Not once did the girl mention the boy's name...
Until Sunday night...
The girls sat on Sana's floor playing a card game, their Doraemon plushies beside them. Sana was letting Momo win but she didn't dare to admit it.
Smiling as Momo happily threw her cards onto the floor and making fun of her as she had once again, lost.
But to see her smile like that?
She couldn't really say that she lost.
Their moment was cut short as Momo's phone started to vibrate on the floor beside them and the screen light up displaying the word Baby with big letters. Sana looked away and Momo quickly picked up the phone and looked at the girl in front of her.
*ring ring*
"Aren't you going to answer?" Sana asked the girl while fiddling with the card in her hands, not daring to look up at the her, afraid that her disappointment would show.
*ring ring*
She looked up to see Momo looking at her. Sana frowned as their eyes met.
She could never read Momo, even if she tried. She had tried, countless of times but it gave her nothing. Damn, she didn't even know how she felt for her own boyfriend and they are supposed to be in love.
She thought a call from him would be what she wanted, what she had been waiting for.
She rose her eyebrows and looked at the phone which made Momo's eyes also land on the screen, gulping down as she slowly went to accept the call, guiding the phone to her ear.
There it is.
She listened to them talk for an hour...
- End of flashback-
She steady herself as she pushed herself up from the floor. Her eyes where wet as she followed her trail to the girl's secure room.
The only way she could be near her and the only way her body would stop aching for her...
She could almost here it call out for her by now.
———
Saturday 15:20
Sana couldn't believe what she just heard as she sat with her mouth open as Jihyo read the news out aloud from her recent text to the members that was sitting on the couch.
"So, they want us to meet them at the bowling alley at 18 this evening! It's going to be so fun to finally get to know our girl's boy!" Jihyo squealed and the rest of the members agreed and smiled widely, excited to do some fun quality time together. Sana rolled her eyes to herself, you have to be kidding me.
The members started to get ready and Sana slipped into the shower quickly before someone could occupy it.
She turned on the tap and hot water washed over her body, instantly soothing her as she leaned her hands onto the wall as the water covered every inch of her body.
At this point she didn't even know if there where tears or water falling from her eyes.
Her quiet sobs gave her the answer.
In the taxi to the bowling alley everyone was cheerful, giggling and betting on who was going to win, but Sana sat at the very back with her headphones on and mindlessly looked out of the window, distracting herself by looking at whatever catching her eye.
A tree with flowers sticking out from its green crispy tree branches reaching towards the sky, a boy running up to what she supposed was his group of friends and an old woman turning the opening sign to closed before reentering the little bakery. Her eyes roamed the streets that was filled with life, she almost didn't think of the girl, almost.
She saw a pedestrian with her dog walking by, the little puppy looked awfully familiar...
The keychain, her mind screamed at her without warning and she mentally scolded herself for not being able to look anywhere without being reminded of Momo...
As they entered the bowling alley the girls where greeted by the couple. Momo ran to hug everyone excitedly as Heechul walked up right behind her to shake hands but was met by hugging girls instead. They smiled big as they looked at the couple in front of them. Sana did her best to hold the slight trembling curve on her lips. The couple showed them the table they had filled with food and snacks for the evening.
"I already love you guys!" Nayeon exclaimed when she saw the bowl of fried chicken and earned a pleased smile from Heechul.
Cute...
Sana sighed as they sat down to eat, taking a seat in between Chaeyeong and Nayeon who started talking to their neighbors immediately, leaving Sana to eye the food on the set table, her eyes landing on the glass bottle in front of her.
She didn't waste any time looking down at the soju bottle as she reached for it and quickly poured herself a shot and swallowing it in one take - cringing from the bitter taste.
What was a dinner without alcohol, right?
It was something with Korean culture that contained a lot of alcohol, soju mostly. It was perfect because it got everyone, even the most shy person, to talk and socialize.
And if you wanted to drink because the person you love is kissing someone else?
She would say even more perfect...
She chugged down one more shot of the substance and felt her body relax a little.
They all started drinking and eating, preparing themselves for the most intense bowling game of the century, as they described it.
Sana on the other hand didn't really enjoy bowling, she always lost when she played it with her friends back in Japan and ever since, she never agreed to play if it wasn't necessary, necessary like she got to play with her favorite girl, she couldn't say no to that.
Sana's eyes met with Heechul's who sat opposite her on the rectangular table. He was full out glaring at her, eyebrows down and his lips narrowed slightly.
He looked, mad?
Sana looked away and shook it off, maybe he just looked like that... she thought - but she felt the eyes linger on her, burning into her scull, like laser beams.
They where walking out of the alley after a long game of bowling, Jeongyeon was pumping her golden cup, that she had just picked up from the reception, in the air with pride. Momo and Heechul where walking hand in hand and Sana's heart dropped as she watched the boy caress the girls hand with his thumb lovingly.
Why did she even agree to this...
Suddenly all of her life choices surrounding the other girl came to her mind and she felt anxious, her stomach turned uncomfortably. Is this how her life is going to look like? Loving the girl from afar?
Sana picked up speed and waited for the members at the taxi pick up. She couldn't bear to stay in the weird tension any longer... and the worst thing was - that she was the only one feeling it.
The others seemed to have had a good time and gotten to know their member's significant other, Sana snorted as she remembered how the boy had looked at her, the only thing Heechul had said to Sana was a simple hi.
What did she ever do to that man. She sighed and watched as the cars drove by, one after the other, and she wondered where she would end up if she just jumped inside of one's backseat and disappeared.
...