The drive through town was one of the amazing things that had happened to me in a while. Felix was bringing parts of me that I had kept hidden from the prying eyes of the world out and made the fire that used to burn through me rekindle. It seemed funny, just one day I wanted to punch him in the face for trying to talk me out of my resolution and the next I am in his car driving with him and showing around town like we were two old friends back for an everlasting happy reunion.
To say I had enjoyed myself would be a huge dramatic understatement. It was one of the best days of my life. But as we were nearing my driveway the reality of life came crashing down on me with one huge force. After Felix drops me at house then I would go back into my robotic life where I have to force a smile, force a laugh and robotically go along along with the flow so I don't get my mother upset. Though sometimes I give some which are genuine but it was a ratio of 1000:1 fake and forced to genuineness.
Fortunately and unfortunately we safely pulled into my driveway and I gave out a deep sigh.
"This was so much fun. Thank you" I turned to Felix.
"No thank you" he said poked my chest with his right index finger.
We both smiled and they were very silly smiles and it was weird that Felix had this satisfied glint in his eyes that changed to something that was really creeping me out when his eyes met mine. And to make matters worse his chocolate brown eyes seemed to sparkle.
I averted my gaze and shook my head; I was probably over thinking and exaggerating. This is solely Prem's fault for thinking so dirty I mentally chuckled.
"Why are you chuckling" Felix asked
Oops I did that out loud.
"Oh nothing really, just thinking how beautiful today was and how soon it has gave way for the darkness to consume it" I responded with a heavy sigh at the end.
"Yeah. Absolutely" he agreed " hey, is it only me but I think these cars were not here earlier" he squinted his eyes and looked out the window
"Which cars?" I inquired and looked in the direction he was looking at.
"Look over there" he pointed to three cars that were parked not far away from us right in our driveway.
Now that was weird, I had never seen those cars before. I know the cars that were used in my area and who owned them. These cars were definitely new, probably belonging to some visitors...wait..wait...wait
No...no..no..it can't be him...it can't be him. He said two days and those two days ended on Sunday which was tomorrow. I dived into panic mode, hurriedly unbuckled my seat belt and jumped out of the car running towards my house. I stopped mid track and went back to Felix who was still sitting in the car with a dazed and amused expression and why was he dazed and amused at the same time?, I wondered. Weird....
"You're good?" he asked with concern.
"Yeah. I'm sorry for what just happened. I really need to confirm something very serious. So goodbye and thanks again for today. I promise, I'll call when all is settled okay" I hurriedly said between pants and ran back into my house without waiting for his reply.
I struggled for bit before finally opening the door with my key and I was greeted by a sight I never expected so soon, seeing what my own brother was capable of doing or maybe he was all theses while just that I was too blinded by loving my family that I couldn't see.
Sprawled across the floor were two blonde girls only in extra short shorts on a fairly handsome, tall, muscular guy snoring loudly like overbearing pigs. Tye was in mix of naked bodies of both guys and girls, precisely three girls and four boys on the sofa. Two other boys were sleeping right in front of the sofa.
There were several beer bottles and alcohol drenched clothes, cups and bottles littered around. I scrunched up my nose in disgust by the extreme overwhelming alcoholic scent that was continously invading senses. A single tear slipped out from my left eye as I stood frozen to the door.
I would have slapped someone very hard if they had told me that my own brother would not care enough about his pregnant mother and his younger sibling and soon to be sibling that he practically turned his own house into a stripping club.
Oh my God how mom would have suffered to put up with this. Yes mom, I hurried upstairs to mom's bedroom and saw her standing by her window holding something in her hands and her trembling figure and small muffled sobs broke me down completely. Bile rose to my throat and I couldn't suppress it as it forcibly rose into my mouth and out onto the carpet with its greedy bitter contents. My stomach emptied itself leaving only a hollow and disgusted feeling inside.
Mom dashed to my side and patted my back gently as I heaved it all out. I looked up and met her puffed red teary eyes. I scolded myself mentally for allowing her to go through all that on her own but before I could make a move she spoke.
"I am so sorry, Joel. I am so-
"No mom, if anything I should be the one apologizing, I guess I was too caught up in some unnecessary things that I forgot the most important thing. It's all my fault. I just always find a way to bring things down" I cried
Mom hugged me gently rocking me back and forth and offering comforting words to calm me down.
"You had always fought for us, never trying to find your own self. You think I couldn't see that you were forcing all those smiles and laughs?, You think I didn't figure out that you were slowly dying inside, I knew all this but there was nothing I could do about it so I tried to make you feel free every single moment we shared" she chuckled bitterly " I know everything, I was the one who gave birth to you and I am happy that finally you are able to find some inner peace even if it's just for a little while. So don't blame yourself. I should be the one apologizing to you for bringing you to suffer in this hell. There's no way I could express how sorry I am"
She tried to conceal a sob but failed miserably as it came out rather loudly and couldn't stop coming out with tears one after the other. So we just hugged each other and cried our frustrations out as we sat there not bothering about the alcohol stench in the house, the crazy ass almost naked people downstairs and the life we were living to what the future planned for us. For now it was just about us and nothing more, nothing less.
Mom calmed down and wiped her tears away, lifted my head and wiped mine away too. She looked directly into my eyes and gave me a sad smile.
"I am so terribly sorry" she apologized again.
"I'm feeling more than shit and your apologies aren't helping at all" I tried my best to give her a genuine contagious smile but it only came out as a sad painful forced smile.
"Oh. My. God" mom gasped dramatically, I mean very dramatically.
She placed her right hand on her heart and with mouth and eyes still wide open she picked my glasses from puke with her left hand and scrunched her nose in disgust. I mimicked her actions and jumped away from her.
"Arrrr, mom that is super gross" I squealed
"Come on, it's your glasses, don't you have a heart?" she gasped dramatically. Again.
"Mom, stop fussing about this they aren't even medicated"
"OK, if you say so. Then I won't speak about the glasses that dedicated it's life to protect your eyes even when you are saying things like this" she rolled her eyes
I shot her an 'are you kidding me look ' but she just shrugged it off and cleaned the mess up.
You're probably wondering why I didn't offer to help my heavily pregnant mom but you try that and she's gonna snap at you and rant on about thinking that she looks weak and old and fat during her pregnancy that you're mocking her like an old lady. Now you get me ?
She finished,sat on her bed and patted a space next to her.
"Come join me" she beckoned.
I sat right beside her basically fusing our bodies. Truth be told, we were both very tired even though nothing major and vigorous had been done but the continously strain and tension that came along with Tye drained our energies to the more than the maximum extent. We were so much like a beaten pulp.
"Hey mom, think I can crash here with you?" I asked slicing through the thick silence enveloping us.
She smiled at me softly and nodded. She laid down and I laid down beside her and smiled back. We just laid there and stared into each others eyes trying our best to keep our heavy eyelids from closing but we really failed miserably as they closed on their own accord.
And I had a dream....