JACOB
The car pulled to the house as the engine roared loudly was turned off by the next moment.
Finally, after thousands of round-table discussion among the monsters in my head, here I am. Why shouldn't I simply text her or call her? It seems easy road to take. But how could I miss the sense of the healing of my parts that was damaged by the continuous demand to see her, to meet her, to talk to her, to see the smile that was permanently branded into my mind, since I left.
Minutes away to meet her, I started to count the passing second as I glared at the door. None of my muscles move even a slight, where I can hear my own nervous breaths. These are the emotion I tend to struggle with. The disjointed thoughts lingering all around me.
Deep breaths.
The soft panic fades and comes flushing me again, as I hear the footstep going to join me in the room after few minutes. The thoughts paused as the distance decreased between us. I felt complete, as if the lost piece has been found after a long long time, even years; hidden behind the cupboard. As I inhaled, the sweet fresh smell completely filled my body, pumping my adrenaline to rush.
The door clicked unlock and there she was. Still beautiful, with her chocolaty twinkling eyes.
So much time has passed since the time I left and all I had with me was the occasional fleeting of her memory, where I had lost the sound of her voice. Second passed, my brain taking her in, struggling to comprehend that she's real. My brain cannot formulate a single thought of seeing her here, atleast not one based in a language I would understand.
The figure in red black top walked towards the dressing table.....Something felt alien to me. It was her outfit, which laced her intricately.
I smiled.
This was something she would never agree to wear, even if that little obnoxious pixie gets on her nerves to get her ready 'on her terms'. But some or the other way she always manages to keep herself wow!
And now this is the time where the function of my brain is necessary to stop. The heart beat that paced ahead of me must slow down.....But wait! No. It isn't mine. It's hers, rhythmic soft beat that thuds all around gently. I felt the piercing nervousness searing into my skin, turning out to be my demise.
I somehow managed to step forward, decreasing another meter between us, as every single cell within me threatens to burst and tear themselves apart if I don't touch her soon.
"Ness?!" I called, softly touching her arms, allowing myself to remember how much she meant to me. Regret to leave her dormanted my heart.
She shook hard, as if she didn't believe I was here, attempting to pull herself together as she held her breath. I felt a gentle crack in my veins and reached for her wrist to turn her around. "Renesmee?"
The ground between us was removed as soon as embraced me into her arms, with great intensity. One of her hand clasped around my back, the other stroked my hairs. The room around me faded. Everything around me was gone. I lifted her in my arms, swinging her into a gentle curve. I never want this moment to end. Moment that tells me everything is back to normal. With her each touch, I felt melted.
I was here. I am here, with her. For some reason I felt like I have to say it allowed for it to be true.
"Jaccoobb?" She whispered, unable to speak as her arms tightened around me. "Are you here?"
I nod as I put her down, neither of us ready to let go. I ran my fingertips over her tangled hairs and she shivered like the most exquisite delicate thing I have ever seen.
She finally gave up where the dwelled-glassy-layer settled in her eyes. I looked at those eyes filled with love and I pursed my lips. She tuck a strand of hair that was released from her hair and she bit her lip reaching for me again with her arms around me and I bet, if they wouldn't have been downstairs I would have kissed her right now, right here. Today, I would have let her know how much I love her! How much I missed her! How she is my first and the last desire! And how she's everything what I want right now or would want ever.
"Howw havvee-e you be'n since I lassttt s'w youu?" She sobbed, stammering and prolonging each letter.
"Awful!" I replied. She laughed and pulled away. I looked down at her 'the girl' I have loved with every ounce of me for so long.
"Woah! Wait! Hey....Am I dreaming?" She asked.
I chuckled at her innocence. "No you are not. I am here, with you." I cupped her face, to let her gaze lock at me.
"Jacob." She whispered. "Where have you been?" She shook her head.
I pulled both my brows. "Duty calls!"
"Yeah!" She hesitated and pushed me back with her curled hands. "Uh_Jake. It's...three months! I_mean. I~" She shook her head. "I'm sorry." She bit her lip.
I blinked twice, trying to make sense of those disjoint words that came out of her mouth. Oh! I get it~ Overwhelming often results in these broken-sentenced words that escapes out of her mouth. Not to worry, that's totally normal.
"Huh!" I breathed, checking the presence of words in my mind to fill the awkward silence with so-called casual phrases.
"So do I good look enough? I_mean~" Clearly failed at the first attempt. Um...here I go for second. "Do I look good enough?" I asked.
"You do great....amazzzingggg!" She shivered again. She sat on the bed in silence, hand interlaced with each other nervously.
"Hey! Is everything okay?" I bent down in front of her.
"Yeah." She nods. "I'm just so_I don't know....I am happy and~ " She shook her head violently. "I worked so well today, letting myself to not think about you_you shouldn't be here." She gushed. "I mean~"
The words were a surprise to me yet at the same time this was something I expected to hear from her and it felt sort of good to me because it's not her fault; it's mine who made her feel this way. Whatever I did was wrong and I'll amend it very soon.
I sat beside her sighing.
"I am sorry, Jacob. I didn't mean that. It's just~ I don't know how to feel?!" Her patience with me is never ending. She was still so kind and patient.
"I know I have a lot to make up for but I really hope you will allow me to keep trying!" I said apologetically.
She smiled politely. "So all these months, what have you been upto?"
"I just~"
Her eyes drifted back, etched at the door. She grinned.
Knock! Knock!
I turned to look at the interruption.
"Chris!" She whispered, as she walked to stand right beside him, still laughing at something she whispered that I was barely able to catch.
What . the . hell . am . I . seeing?
I gulped down. What was this blue eyes doing here? Why hasn't anyone told me any of this? I stood up. Ofcourse I'd asked Bella to give me all the update on Renesmee's life but apparently it seems like she left the most important unit.
"Jacob?!" She called me as my eyes shifted to her. "This is Chris! Hope you remember?" She scoffed, looking at me with her hopeful eyes, expecting a positive answer like: Yes, I do remember. Great to see you here. Or a handshake or some other level bonding with a hug.
I simply nod.
"He has been my...." She paused, choosing the right word. "~great friend!" She looked at those blue eyes and blushed.
"I see!" I look at him and then at her.
Months of waiting to meet, months of waiting to talk to her, the urge to hold hands and never let her go was fading away as the by product.
"Hope you still remember. Jac~" I said.
"Jacob Black!" He said, smirking.
As non-chalantly as I can manage, I shrugged. "That's right!" I stepped forward, thinking about the line she used for him He has been my great friend. Has been? This was the word that struck my mind. Did she spent the last three month with him? What! No. No. No. I thought but then what else could that mean? I need to resolve the mingle disjoint thoughts that floods me in, to drown and lose my mind in my own self.
"Renesmee, I need some time with you....alone." I stressed the last word, prohibiting any unwanted members.
"Yeah, sure!" She nods.
"Un-hm~ Actually it's time to get along the party, you know as on Alice's terms. We were already late!"
I smirked. Huh! Party would be the last thing she would want to attend. I thought to myself.
She nods. "That's right! Jake, can we catch up later?"
I nodded in response. Surprise! Surprise!
"So, let's go!" He offered his hand to her. She raised her head and took it gently.
"Jacob, let's go." She offered.
"I will be right behind." I said, as the anger flowed through me like lava, nearly consuming me from the inside out.
She nods with pursed lips and they left, still holding each other's hands. Her sweetness suddenly felt so venomous to me. Why?? All the anger came out faster than magma and more destructive. I trembled hard. It's okay. I consoled myself.
It's okay!
I skipped the room, after I gain some required control on myself, heading back to the living room where the continuous soft-rhythmic music played in the background. I found Jared and Embry settled over the couch collapsing with laughter along with Carlisle and Esme where Nessie sat beside Esme. He stood, leaning to the other side of 'her'. I went to join in, before my brain tears apart focusing on the same stuff that I wanted to ignore.
Can anyone just tell me the reason he is here? Because I don't see a single reason good enough to satisfy myself. My mind continued lingering around him, as the anger for him gradually builds up.
"Hey, Jacob?!" Embry wished as he offered me to join in.
I forced a smile and faked my unwillingness to join them, expecting a polite second offer. But wow! I rolled my eyes. Did I expect too much?! As I found Embry continued catching up the conversation.
I looked around searching for another place to fit in, where I found the Cullen pairs moved together in the rhythmic steps along with the soft feeble music in the background. Edward and Bella walked towards me, chuckling about something I had zero interest in.
"Mr. Jacob Black! Would you like to dance with me?" Bella asked, with her head tilted slightly as she raised an eyebrow at me while Edward walked past both of us catching up the conversation.
I laughed and grabbed her hand, wrapping my arm around her. "Yeah, surely." I squeezed her hand in reassurance as we began to follow the rhythm.
"Jacob!" She said followed by a soft laugh. "We all thought we'd never see you again."
"So, I guess this is a good surprise!" I said in sarcasm.
"The best."
"I wish I'd feel the same way!" She pressed her lips into a hard line. I reach out for her, twirling her gently in the air. With my arms around her, she easily matched my movements. "You've got a lot progress as a dancer in these years!" I said.
She blushed in vamp-style (since blood rush blush wasn't her thing now.) "Rene and Charlie would be glad to hear, that the dance lessons really paid off at last."
"I see..."
Her expressions hardened after a moment. She looked up at me. "What did she say?"
I glanced down at the floor briefly. "She didn't say anything~"
Bella pressed her lips. "She's hurt." Her eyes shifted to Renesmee. "It took all of her, to put had broken self together." She paused. "Things are different now."
I nodded. "I know. I'll have to see, what I can do about it."
I really do know. The regret is present inside me and I cannot melt it on my own neither can I shift it even an inch. I need her to bring that to me. To make me feel that I can be better for her. That after all of this, I can still do my parts of amend and everything will be back to normal.
"I just can't follow it in right ways. I mean~" I sighed. Redemption, forgiveness, punishment....Is there any way I can make up for the last three months? I did not get enough of my strength to move any more even if the steps became more gentle. It hurts.
"And is this how it's going to be now? Stealing a couple of minutes to talk to her?!" I said. My mind seems to weaken with each ticking second.
"As I said. Things are different now!" She pursed her lips. "But I hope for it to get better." Her hands pressed my shoulder in assurance.
"I'll go, grab a drink." I pulled away, dragging myself to a small setup of drinks; specifically looking for something to distract myself.
I fall forward adjusting myself in the black stool for a support, pouring a glass of wine for myself. I looked at her smiling and happy and the best thing I thought for myself was not to think, nor wonder, nor imagine, nor obsessed. Just breath and look at her, believing everything will work out for the best. Remembering how far I have come with her. Everything we have gotten through together, all the times we have pushed on even when we felt we couldn't. We did it together and this will~
"Looked like you badly needed this." A voice interrupted, hoping onto the stool beside me.
I turned to face the voice even though I knew it was 'him'. His creepy-blue-eyes was etched at the wine glass I was holding.
"You should eventually realise by now, that you shouldn't be here." I said under my gritted teeths.
"Oops!" He said. "I'm just here to console you, that's it."
My jaws rooted. "I don't need your consolation. Hell, I don't need anyone's consolation."
"Ahem!" He faked, clearing his throat. "Let's get easy on that glass." His eyes shifted to the glass I was gripping.... Actually, I was on an unchecked attempt of breaking it.
I released my grip and took some few deep breaths. "I don't want to hurt Renesmee by hurting you, so it's better you get lost_Correction! It will be best for each one of us if you get lost somewhere in a place you could never make out from." I snapped at him.
Tsk. Tsk. He pursed his lips. "It doesn't sound enough fatal you try to make it sound. I bet you could have done better."
"What do you think of yourself?" I snapped, leaning closer to him.
"You don't know me because you only know what I allow you to know." He stared at me, unblinking. "So don't judge me!" He whispered, giving a devilish grin.
My fist clenched, with anger holding inside it. All the things that had infuriated me over the years, came breaking all the nail-blocked boxes that was buried deep inside and I could evidently declare what the end was. All I could see was 'him', where all the creepy unwanted thoughts unburied themselves and came forming a cluster of anger. And I wanted to pin him down and get all my anger thrown at him.
"What are you thinking?" He jumped, as he drummed against the counter slab. "No, wait! Lem'me guess~"
And this is the point where my severe control and patience ended.
"Maybe you're thinking about how to get your simple-docile Renesmee back? Or maybe by now, you might have realised that she is better off without you."
That's enough! I thought.