Where is he?!
I had been sitting on the bench in the park for 15 minutes waiting for the sun himself to show up.
Fall was upon us and I pulled my cardigan closer around me as the breeze ruffled my hair. The park was full of people walking around, the performer's setting up despite the setting sun and cooler weather. I let out a soft sigh as my phone whistled.
Hobi☀️:
SORRY I'M RUNNING LATE SUNSHINE!!!! 😅
Me:
Don't worry about it Hobi😒. I'm here waiting in our usual spot.
Hobi☀️:
I'll be there SOON! 🙃
I laugh just picturing his loud voice, how does he manage to put that much excitement in everything? I lock my phone sliding it back into my pocket. So much has changed in the past two months.
The boys and I had finally found a groove, built a friendship? I no longer saw someone every day instead we just planned random outings, sometimes one on one other times in groups. My mind starts to wander as I wait.
"When someone else is having a hard time, it doesn't mean you're having any less of a hard time. So, whenever you're having a hard time, always tell other people 'I'm having a hard time' and 'please look after me and comfort me." Jin had whispered to me on one of my dark days.
He came when I called wrapping me in his strong arms comforting me until I had fallen asleep. Jin had become one of the closest people to me after that day. He always came when I needed him most with his wide smile and lame jokes to make me feel better.
I spent a lot of time with Joonie and Jin, they had both sort of taken on a brotherly role with me. We spent our time mostly at my place, with Jin trying to teach me and Joon how to cook.
Joon was a terrible cook and dangerous to have in the kitchen so Jin decided that he was only allowed to watch us and ask his questions to the both of us.
"Happiness is not something that you have to achieve. You can still feel happy during the process of achieving something. So, if you change your perspective a bit, I know you are going through tough times right now, but this could be the most beautiful moment of our lives." Joon had spoken those words late one night as we sat outside on the patio having a drink after our meal discussing what happiness means to me.
I recalled our moment, and I couldn't help but agree that this is in fact the most beautiful moment in my life. I still haven't found a passion, but I felt lighter, happier, free...
One of the musicians starts playing their guitar as the sun has finally set. I look up and stare at the stars.
"Some days I'm Vincent van Gogh's stay night and some days I'm his suicidal letter. I pretend I'm okay for no reason, meaninglessly I pretend to be strong... Life is tough, and things don't always work out well, but we would be brave and go on with our lives." Yoongi's words flash through my mind.
I had been writing in the journal he gave me for weeks before I was finally brave enough to let him read the thoughts that I dealt with on a daily basis. We both shared darkness, and I knew he could understand my feelings.
So, on nights where sleep would elude me, I found myself in the studio with Yoongi working on simple beats putting music to the thoughts that kept me awake allowing me to release them.
He had brought up Christine and Ashton a few times but didn't push too hard on that topic knowing I wasn't ready yet to bring up that darkness. I don't know if I could say we had developed a friendship, the two of us fought quite a bit, with him never taking any of my bullshit, calling me on everything, but he was someone I needed.
I decide to walk around the park while I wait for Hobi, looking around me there are tons of couples out right now, holding hands, enjoying the music. My mind drifts to the two men in my life as I walk along the path silently.
"Even if I'm a little hurt it's okay. Please cherish me and treat me with love" Jimin... he was sweet and caring and honestly too good for me. I had been seeing him and Kookie these past two months. Yes, I was also sleeping with both of them and nothing had become easier.
Jimin was always a gentleman when we had our time together, he always devoted his full attention to me, and stayed understanding when I told him I had plans with Kookie, never acting jealous or possessive.
We had done fun things like karaoke, an art class, even ping pong, but our talks always stayed superficial, nothing serious. We were just having a good time.
Kookie on the other hand... "Don't do anything you don't like to do. Just do whatever you want." He took every opportunity he could to see me, always trying to persuade me from seeing Jimin.
The sex was aggressive, wild, amazing but like with Jimin everything was surface level. We still went and did things to get me out of my comfort zone, like bungee jumping, rock climbing, we have even gone to the tattoo shop discussing with an artist what I want to get, but our time almost always ended up with us tangled in the sheets.
I know I should probably end it with both of them, but I was being selfish. I enjoyed my time with them both in different ways and wasn't ready to give up either one of them. But they weren't the only ones I was being selfish about.
"When things get hard, stop for a while and look back and see how far you've come. Don't forget how rewarding it is. You are the most beautiful flower, more than anyone else in the world." I kick a lone rock along the sidewalk as I breathe in the crisp night air. Tae's sweet words wash over me, we never crossed the friendship line, but our relationship is... complicated.
Our friendship has blossomed, and I found myself opening up to him on our movie night. They always ended with the movie as background noise and us staying up talking until we fell asleep snuggled on the couch.
It was easy... comfortable being with him. He was funny, sweet, and so smart, he had such a unique way of looking at things, and as time grew, I couldn't help but notice the butterflies I felt when he was near.
I had walked around the whole park lost in my thoughts of the boys when my phone whistled once again. I reached into my pocket pulling out my phone to see a text from the man I'd been waiting for this whole time.
Hobi☀️:
YOU ARE NOT IN OUR SPOT SUNSHINE!!😭😭😭
Me:
LOL!! You took too long! Come find me!😉
I laughed as I walked to my favorite part of the whole park. Out of all the boys, Hobi's and my relationship had the most drastic change, we spent a few of our meetings with me being grumpy and him being overly excited.
Once we finally decided I was never going to be a dancer we changed our activities. We now spent our time watching street performers and having drinks, Hobi's optimism grew on me and we get along like two peas in a pod now.
As I made my way to sit at the fountain in the middle of the park a pair of strong arms engulfed me, spinning me around causing me to shriek out in shock.
"FUCK HOBI! U SCARED ME!" I glared at him as he put me down on my feet.
"You know Sunshine, a warm smile is the universal language of kindness." He grinned.
A smile takes over my face and I chuckle. "Why are you sooooooo late?" I question.
"I wanted to set up a special surprise for tonight!" His voice rises in his excitement.
"Oh no, what did u do?" I raise an eyebrow in his direction. I knew from his past "surprises" that this wasn't going to be something I totally agree with at first.
"You'll see." He says taking my hand and leading me through the crowd of people.
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Okay, My Little Coconuts this chapter is just to explain what has happened during the time skip but is by far my favorite one.
What do you all think I wanna know your thoughts!!?!
I Love You All!!