Blue Rose. You guys know the drill. Time to write.
...
"Any plans for Christmas tomorrow?" Yixing peered over the top of his canvas to catch Junmyeon's eyes. "We're both still jere," Junmyeon pointed out next, looking oh so adorable kicking his feet as he sat on the table. Yixing quickly went back to work, the barest traces of an outline sketched onto the canvas in front of him, his pallete clutched firmly in his other hand. It had been a long while since he painted out his feelings. But tonight, on Christmas Eve, seemed like a perfect time to try. It's not like Yixing had anywhere else to go or anything else to do.
"Where's Tao?" he asked instead, avoiding the question entirely. Junmyeon's little kicks stopped as he scrunched his face. Yixing's heart gave a little pang. He really was such a precious thing. "Shouldn't he be here tonight?" Yixing continued, finally picking a brush out so he could begin.
"He said something about going to do something with Yifan," Junmyeon replied, bracing his hands on either side of himself and leaning forward slightly. Yixing tracked his movements while also trying to figure out where to start on his painting. "He said he'd be back in the morning and to have a good Christmas Eve."
"Why didn't you go home?" Yixing questioned next. Again Junmyeon paused in his actions. "I mean," Yixing continued in a much gentler tone. "They don't live far, do they?" Junmyeon just barely shook his head. "I would give anything to see my family right now," Yixing whispered to himself. He missed home. A lot. He missed his mom and dad. But it wasn't always the most cost effective to go and see them during the school year. So Yixing spent a lot of time here.
"I don't know if I could face them this year," Junmyeon finally responded, scooting forward until his feet hit the floor. "They've carefully constructed this plan for me that I'm desperately trying to follow but a part of me hates it. A part of me wants to burn my degree to the ground. The longer it goes on, the more I just want to run away and never look back." Yixing set his palette aside and threw a cloth over his canvas. This conversation was far more important than his painting. "Am I even doing the right thing here Xing?" Junmyeon's desperate gaze met his. "Please tell me I'm doing the right thing."
"You know I can't do that Jun," Yixing replied. And it was true. As much as Yixing wished he could shoulder the burden, he just couldn't. And he couldn't tell Junmyeon what the right course of action was because he wasn't Junmyeon. He couldn't pick a future for the first year, no matter how much he wished he could. "It's still your first year. You have all the time in the world to decide what you want to do." Junmyeon cast his eyes down, worrying his lower lip between his teeth. "Do you...want to try painting?" Yixing asked hesitantly. He loathed sharing his workspace. But how could he say no to that look of surprise followed by genuine delight.
"You'd really let me paint?" Junmyeon asked, his voice pitching up in his excitement. "You don't even let Luhan touch your supplies. What makes me so special?"
Everything Junmyeon. Everything.
"Painting is just therepudic," Yixing said at last, whipping around so he couldn't see Junmyeon's expression. He would fall all over again, and he couldn't afford it now. Not after working to get their friendship back. "Come on," he urged, striding and yanking the current canvas off. He replaced it with a fresh one as Junmyeon skipped over, making Yixing's heart beat erratically in his chest. "You can't really go wrong with canvases," Yixing explained as Junmyeon squished in beside him. "And here is this." Yixing gently placed the palette in Junmyeon's hands, guiding his fingers to the correct spots. "And now pick a brush."
"Um." Junmyeon's tongue poked out of the corner of his mouth as he concentrated. The corners of Yixing's lips ticked up at the sight. Junmyeon truly was a precious person who had to be protected at all costs. "This one." Junmyeon selected a brush at random. Now he studied the blank canvas, frowning thoughtfully. "What do you usually paint?" Junmyeon finally asked. Yixing flinched, though the first year didn't notice.
"How about I go sit on the table and let you be?" he said instead, once again avoiding the question. He retreated to the other side of the room, settling himself on the table, leaning back and closing his eyes. Silence filled the air after that, but a comfortable kind of silence. A silence Yixing was familiar with. One that was filled with companionship. Of Junmyeon. Of the closest feeling he could get to home. How dearly he'd missed it in the couple weeks he'd avoided the first year.
"I'm done," Junmyeon announced. Yixing slowly opened his eyes, turning to face the eager first year. "Come and look," he encouraged, beckoning Yixing over. And of course Yixing couldn't say no to that, so he rose and rejoined Junmyeon at the easel. He studied the painting in front of him. Junmyeon practically vibrated beside him, waiting for a response. "What do you think?" Junmyeon asked at last. "Do you not like it?"
"I love it silly," Yixing assured. The coffee shop they both worked at, and the surrounding shops. Two stick figures in front, undoubtly Yixing and Junmyeon. "Perfect." He praised. Junmyeon beamed proudly, and Yixing reached out and pinched his cheeks. "Aish," he said with a shake of his head. "You are so adorable, do you know that?"
"You think so?" Junmyeon asked, eyelashes fluttering delicately. Yixing sucked in a breath, feeling his resolve beginning to crumble. No. No he couldn't fuck this up. Not now. Not when it was starting to be good again. Not when he had everything to lose. "Tao tells me that all the time," Junmyeon continued. "But do you think so?"
"I..." Yixing began, but at the shorter male's puppy dog eyes, he sighed. "Of course I think that. I wouldn't say it if I didn't think it Jun. You are adorable. Tao...Tao's lucky." Junmyeon closed his eyes briefly. "Do you not want me to call you adorable?" Yixing questioned, suddenly wondering if he'd offended his friend.
"I want you calling me adorable to not make my heart skip a beat," Junmyeon blurted out. "I want you to stop affecting me still because we're just friends and nothing more. I want..." Junmyeon paused, tears welling in his eyes. Yixing mentally panicked. "Damn it Yixing," Junmyeon said, weakly pummeling his fists against the taller male's chest. "I just want you to love me like I love you."
I just want you to love me like I love you.
"I...I gotta go," Yixing sputtered, suddenly feeling suffocated in the art room. He backpedalled until he bumped into the table, fumbling blindly behind him until his fingers found his coat.
"Yixing..." But Yixing didn't hear much more as he bolted. Out of the art room. Out of the art building. He kept going until he was at his own dorm, and only when he was locked securely inside did he finally feel his legs give out. He crashed to the floor, curling up tightly, wishing more than anything in the world that he could just disappear.
Because he did love Junmyeon. So, so much. More than he ever imagined. He wasn't supposed to fall in love. South Korea was just a phase, not a commitment. He only ran before he did something he'd regret. He didn't want to be a homewrecker.
But he would gladly give up everything for just an hour of Junmyeon's love.
...
"Merry Christmas love." Junmyeon smiled as Tao sidled up to him, wrapping his arms around his waist and pulling him close. He planted a kiss on his forehead. Realistically, Junmyeon should have been happy. He was spending Christmas with someone who adored him beyond all measure. Who cherished their time together. Who always made sure he felt special and loved. And he repayed all of that by falling in love with someone else. "Is everything okay?" Tao asked, instantly knowing something was off. "You can tell me you know."
"I know," Junmyeon responded, playing with his fingers. "I just have a lot of thoughts going on right now." He cast his gaze to Yixing, who, so far, had avoided him at every opportunity. Again. But this time it was Junmyeon's own fault. He sighed, burying his face in Tao's chest. Today he smelled on forest pine and cinnamon, a strangely alluring combination. Tao hummed thoughtfully, carding his fingers through his boyfriend's hair. "I'm sorry," Junmyeon suddenly apologized.
"What for?" Tao asked, a sinking feeling settling over him. He laced his fingers through Junmyeon's and led him into the innards of Yifan's house, selecting a spare bedroom so they could tall privately. Something clearly weighed heavy on the first year's mind. "Darling." Tao gently grabbed Junmyeon's chin and lifted his face. Not enough to hurt him or scare him, but enough to know that he wanted to see his face. "What's going on Junnie?" he asked softly. "What's going on up here?" He used his other hand to gently tap Junmyeon's temple. Junmyeon sighed.
"Nothing," Junmyeon replied. "Everything. I don't know." Now it was Tao's turn to sigh. He released Junmyeon's chin and instead placed both hands on his shoulders, leaning until their foreheads touched. Junmyeon peered up, then closed his eyes. "I'm just...conflicted, I guess. About university. About mom and dad. About..." He crashed to a half, but Tao had a feeling he knew exactly what Junmyeon was going to say. He could feel it, deep down. Even if he wished so, so bad it wouldn't be true. "I'm sorry I haven't been a very good boyfriend to you," Junmyeon continued.
"Shut up Jun," Tao said gently. He pecked the shorter male's lips. "You've been the best boyfriend I could ever ask for. I'm not going to lie to you I've had plenty of flings. Not necessarily in university. But you...you are special. Incredibly so. I've never loved someone the way I love you."
"I..." Junmyeon dropped his gaze again, fiddling with the hem of his shirt. Tao felt his heart shatter, but remained neutral outwardly. He knew. He knew this was coming. He just hoped it wouldn't have been so soon. "I'm sorry," Junmyeon whispered, tears pooling in the corners of his eyes. Tao wrapped him in a hug. "I'm so sorry Tao."
"Baby boy, it's alright," Tao assured. "So." He pulled away slightly, swiping a thumb under his boyfriend's eyes to rid the tears. "Please be very, brutally honest with me Junmyeon, okay?" He could only nod. "I need to know. Do you still want to be my boyfriend?" Junmyeon's eyes got really wide and he opened his mouth to say something, but Tao shush him. "I know you love me and you're happy darling. But am I only one you love?"
"No." And Junmyeon promptly burst into tears, all his pent up feelings roaring to the surface. Tao crushed him in a hug, holding onto him for dear life. "I'm sorry," Junmyeon blubbered. "I'm sorry Tao. I was trying. So hard. I do love you. So much. You're the sweetest person I've ever met in my life. But..."
"But your heart has always been set on someone else, huh?" Tao finished. Slowly, Junmyeon nodded. "It's alright darling. I'm not upset or mad, I promise. How could I be? You're too precious for that." And that caused the shorter male's to blush and mumble incoherently. "I have a favor to ask though."
"What is it?" Junmyeon asked, tilting his head to the side cutely. Tao smiled warmly. He was going to soak this all in tonight. He had a feeling it was going to be one of the last few nights he got to do it. Before Junmyeon moved on to something else.
"Come downstairs and have a good time tonight, alright? Don't worry about Yixing or me or your jumbled up feelings. Just enjoy Christmas with your friends." Junmyeon nodded. Tao led the way downstairs, their fingers locked together. They emerged into the living room to the sound of Christmas music and the smell of fresh cookies. Junmyeon instantly broke away when he spotted Luhan, and Tao used the time to sidle up to Yifan.
"Did you give it to him?" Yifan inquired as his shorter friend got closer. Tao froze. "This was supposed to be your big moment," Yifan continued. "Why did you even drag me out last night if you weren't even going to give it to him." Tao brushed his fingers against the small box in his pocket. He'd meant to. He really had. But after that talk...
"It wasn't for me anyway," Tao lied breezily. "I got it for Yixing to give to him." Yifan whipped to face him. "Just trust me Yifan. It would be better if Yixing did it." He watched as Yixing finally approached his boyfriend from behind, witnessing the way Junmyeon's expression lit up like the fake fire behind him. "He's in good hands after all."
...
We're just gonna....leave that there. I think.