It's been about a week since Jennie, Rosé, Jisoo and I watched a movie at Jennie's house. We have seen each other everyday since then. A few times Jisoo and/or Rosé were there but some days, like today, it would just be me and Jennie. Since we were always at her house, I invited her over here. I didn't want her to think that she wasn't welcome in my house, because she was. But it's just my dad that was an obstacle...
Camila and I have become very good friends, but I haven't told her anything about my home situation. Every time she would ask about my parents or my siblings I would try to brush it off subtly or change the subject completely. I was starting to regret even telling her that I had siblings, because I know that she would ask me about it today when she would notice that they are not here. But I was going take the risk anyway. I wanted her to come over here, and I was taking the chance because I really, really liked Jennie and I could see this (whatever this is) going somewhere. Plus, my dad had been MIA for 2 days, so I hoped that he wouldn't show today either, so I could have the house to myself.
I had about 45 minutes before Jennie arrived and I had to still take care of some things like cleaning my room, because it was a fucking mess. You can't blame me though, because nobody ever comes over. Except for Jisoo, but when she's here we are mostly downstairs and even if she saw my room, it was just Jisoo. But this is not just Jennie... She was special to me. I couldn't actually believe how special this girl had become for me in such a short amount of time. I actually know a lot about Jennie and I feel like I connect with her on such an intellectual level too, so the amount time I knew her didn't mean anything. Also, I have been stalking her Tumblr daily. A part of me still finds it unusual how she broke my promise to myself of not feeling anything for anyone, but the larger part of me understood. I mean, how could you not get hypnotised by her stare? How could you not wonder what her lips would taste like when she talks? How could you not wonder what is going on in her wonderful mind? I knew that it was not infatuation anymore. It also wasn't a crush anymore. It was so much more than that... And I'm okay with that. Because I know that if, somewhere in the future, I give Jennie my heart, she won't break it. I trust her. I hope I am not speaking too soon, but I trust her.
A frown took over my facial expression at the idea of 'trust'. It's a strange construct, right? It's like giving someone a tray with glass cups on it, to hold. You give it to them, because they look like they won't drop it. Although something in you knows that they can't hold it forever, you still give it to them. At one point, they will mistakenly drop it and break everything, or they will just get tired of holding your responsibility and problems and they will throw it away and walk away. It is a strange idea, indeed. Strange that trust is bound to be broken. I've learned that the hard way. That was why I build this wall around me. Though, just hearing Jisoo talk it disappeared. I was scared, felt exposed too. As long as I have Jennie though, I would manage. She would help me.
The sound of the doorbell brutally brought me out of my deep thoughts. "Fuck." I exclaimed as I noticed I didn't do shit to may too, yet. I shoved all my excess clothes and other things under my bed and hurried downstairs. I straightened my flannel and took a deep breath as I opened the door. Jennje was waving someone goodbye so her back was turned to me and I remembered that her mother dropped her off since she had to drive past my house anyway. I took the little time I had to admire Jennie's blessed backside. She was perfect in so many ways, she was an absolute beauty. But, like I might have said before, she was hot as fuck. Sexual thoughts about Jennie weren't my primary thoughts about her, but believe me when I see that they were there. Camila had turned around by now and she totally saw me checking her out. My cheeks went red and she surprisingly smirked.
"Like what you see, Manoban?" She asked, making my cheeks turn into an even deeper shade of red. I was frozen for a second, wondering if she really wanted me to answer that. I took her staying silent as an answer though, and slowly nodded. Her smirk grew and she just walked in, I think she figured that I was going to be frozen for a while. I still stood by the door before I shook my head and came back into the real world. Jennie was looking around my house, she seemed kind of astonished by it, although I wonder why. Her house was twice the size of mine, if not more.
"Mi case es su casa." I said, kind of welcoming her. She smiled and kept looking around.
"Wow Lisa, it looks so cozy." She exclaimed. If she would only knew..
"Thank you, Jen." I tried to fake a smile, that finally became a real one when her eyes connected with mine. I opened my mouth to speak but was interrupted.
"Oh my god, awhhhh." Jennie said. Fuck, I was hoping she wouldn't see it. "Who is this little cutie?" She asked, pointing to the picture of me in one of my first Halloween costumes, which was a fucking cow.
"That would be me." I sighed halfheartedly. "My mom dressed me as a cow, okay?" I said. Jennie was grinning from ear to ear and I smiled, remembering the times were I still felt...whole.
"You are the cutest." Jennie said while playfully patting my cheek, as I fake glared at her.
"Anyway" I began, desperately finding a way to escape the awkward situation. Jennie giggled and I didn't think I could ever get used to that heavenly sound piercing through my ears.
"Come with me, upstairs." I said. I took her hand and intertwined our fingers, leading her up the stairs. We walked to my door at the end of the doorway and stood in front of it. I could tell Jennie was anxious and I chuckled.
"What do you expect? You know, of my room." I asked her and smiled. She thought hard and giggled again.
"I expect some kind of hipster scene." She said. We both laughed and I opened the door revealing my mini safe haven. I had my keyboard on one side of the room, together with my plenty notebooks filled with thoughts. I kept my special one apart, because, you know, it was filled with thoughts, poems, stories, and even songs about you know who. It would be kind of awkward for her to see them. Further, my bed was in the middle and I had an easel with an unfinished painting next to it. My laptop was on my bed with the Tumblr site opened on it and now that I look at it, it actually could pass for a hipster scene.
"I guess you're right." I chuckled. She was looking around the room in awe.
"I didn't know you painted." She said.
"Yeah, I don't really speak about it a lot." I answered. There was a moment of silence, she was looking around my room and I let her have her moment. As I also had mine with her room.
"Lis, your room is so pretty, beautiful even." She said. Before I got the chance to thank her, she turned to me and looked me right in the eye. She stepped closer and spoke in a whisper. "Just like the owner of it."
Our faces where so close and it was so quiet in the room that I could hear her heartbeat. Her gaze shifted to my lips and I felt that tension again. We have had this kind of moments so many times, our faces close, our breaths held, our bodies basically begging for our lips to connect, but it never happened. Mostly it was me that broke the tension by changing subject. The reason? Well, I wanted to kiss Jennie, I really did, but it would be her first one.... I didn't want fuck up and make it suck for her. This time was going to be different though, every cell in my body wanted to lean. So I did, as did she. But before our lips connected, my phone buzzed. Fuck this. We both jumped at the sound and took a step away from each other out of impulse. We both sighed, but laughed. I rub the back of my neck with my hand.
"Go get it, then." Jennie chuckled. I did as told and checked my message.
(2.13 p.m.) Taehyung: Lauren, come over to Jimin's house. We are all here.
What the hell? This is what bothered what was going to be my first kiss with Jennie? Also known as, the girl I really fucking like and care about. I didn't even think twice about replying.
(2.13 p.m.) Lisa: No.
I put my phone on silent and threw it on my bed.
"Was it important? You know if it's important you can j-" Jennie started rambling.
"Jennie." I chuckled. I took her hand. "You're important." I said as I stared at our intertwined fingers. I locked eyes with her. "They weren't." I smiled. I said they but I know she didn't know who I meant, I'm glad she didn't ask too.
"Okay." Jennie whispered and smiled. She frowned and finally asked the question I was dreading to hear. "Where is your family?" She asked, probably noticing the empty house. Yeah, I wonder the same thing Camila.
"My mom, brother and sister are out. My dad is at a friends, I think." I said. It was not the whole truth, but it wasn't a lie. She was about to say something but I quickly led her over to my keyboard. We both sat on the bench in front of it and I placed my hands on the keys and started playing.
"What would I do without your smart mouth?
Drawing me in and you kicking me out.
Got my head spinning
No kidding
I can't pin you down."
I stopped playing and looked at her. She had a confused expression on her face and I just laughed.
"You said, you couldn't play?" I asked and she shook her head. I didn't even explain but just took her fingers and placed them on the keys mine were on before. I nodded, and she pressed them. The tone filled the room. We went on like that for a while and before I knew it she was playing All Of Me by John Legend. She was a fast learner. I looked on my clock and saw that it took just over an hour, which is very, very good for a beginner.
"You are so talented, babe." did I just.... By the look on Jennie's face, I obviously did. Her cheeks were bright red and her eyes widened. So we're mine and she giggled. Oh thank god.
"Thank you very much." She said and smirked. "Babe." She added and we both giggled. She was the cutest person ever, on the whole wide world.
"Let's play a game." She said and I laughed.
"Oh no, is this the part where I die at the end?" I said playfully, referencing to Saw, a horror movie we saw together.
"No, you dork." She giggled heavily and I smiled proudly at the fact that I was the one that made her make laugh. "Would You Rather."
"You start, Jen." I said. She stood up from the bench and sat on bed, and I followed. She thought hard. Her eyebrows were knitted together and her chin was resting on her hands. She lied down as did I. We lied facing each other and I smiled at her.
"Would you rather be as wide as you are tall, or as tall as you are wide?" Jennie finally asked. I laughed loudly throwing my head back, picturing the square I would be. That was honestly disturbingly hilarious. When I was done laughing I looked back at Jennie who was giggling.
"Was it that bad of a question?"
"No, ofcourse not babe." I said. You know I could really get used to this whole 'babe' thing. "It's just very funny to think about." I said. "You know, I'd be as wide as I am tall because, both ways I'd be a square and I'd rather be a big square than a small square." I said and Jennie nodded at my answer.
"Same honestly, good thinking Lis." She complimented. I playfully dusted off my shoulders and she giggled.
"Would you rather eat healthy or exercise regularly." I asked. She thought for a while.
"I'd rather exercise regularly, because if I eat healthy all I hear is: give up pizza. Honestly, I know that that is not going to happen." She laughed.
"This is so true." I agreed. "Although, I don't see a reason why you'd need to exercise regularly, I mean, you look great." I said confidently. Jennie's cheek went flushed for the 100th time today and I smiled proudly. She mumbled a 'thank you.' And hid her face from me. I took her chin in my hands and made her face me, softly.
"Jennie, I really like you.." I said. It took a lot of courage, but I did it.
"I like you a lot too, Lisa." She smiled. My heart leaped. I finally had the answer to the question I have been asking myself for a week. She liked me too. She scooted closer to me and she rested her head on my chest as I laid on my back. I swung one arm around her, pulling her closer, and held her hand with my other hand.
"Would you rather have 1 wish granted today or 3 wishes granted 5 years from now?" She said after a moment of silence. I didn't have to think hard for this one.
"I would rather have 3 wishes granted in 5 years, because the only thing I really want now, is right here, in my arms." She smiled, planting a kiss on my cheeks. And I smiled. I could stay like this forever. With her in my arms, her breath hitting my neck, the vibrations of her laughter as well. Her hair sprawled over my chest as she listens to my heart race.
Yeah I wouldn't mind that.