***Sam POV***
"Sam?" Bobby's voice said through the phone.
"Yeah?" I replied getting pulled back into the conversation. It was then that I heard the screams echoing from inside the garage once again.
"How are things going there? You got a lead on Lisa and Ben?"
"Well, um, we're making a few inquiries," I say rubbing the back of my neck. My thoughts returned to y/n and Dean. I knew it was wrong of us to ask y/n to do more dirty work, especially seeing that she was already fighting hard to combat this side of her. I really didn't want to ask this of her but she insisted which almost made it worse. I wanted to go and help Bobby seeing as I wasn't doing much around here, but with Dean being an emotional wreck and y/n going off the deep end I knew I needed to stay.
"How's Dean?" Bobby asked.
"About how you'd expect," I replied. Dean had been chomping at the bit for information and was a complete emotional mess. He tried to hide it but he was angry and he was hurting. I could tell his guilt was eating him from the inside out and I just hoped that we would be able to get Lisa and Ben home safely because otherwise... I don't know what Dean would do.
"What about y/n?" Bobby said a little more hesitantly.
"She's... fine. We just need this to be over" I say. I didn't know what to really say to express how y/n was. Dean had hardly talked to her other than to ask about information and though I knew she understood why Dean was so pressed to find Lisa and Ben and knew the importance of getting them back, I could tell she also felt like she was being tossed aside by Dean, and if I didn't know him better, I would have honestly thought that was what was going on too. I know Dean loves her. He loves her more than I have seen him love anyone, but whether he acknowledged that or not was a completely different story. I knew he was focused on Lisa and Ben because he felt like this is his fault but I was nervous about y/n taking it the wrong way. Dean had too much on his mind, and though y/n understood that I also knew that it wasn't easy for her to just step back and let him get upset at her for not having the information yet. It was a high-stress situation for all parties involved and I just hoped that Dean would realize the emotional toll this was taking on y/n. It wasn't just on him.
Y/n was also falling into old habits, Dean and I would come in to see her toying with the Demons she tracked down and it would make my skin crawl. I knew she couldn't help it with what she had inside her, but it didn't make it any less scary to see that side of her come out into the open.
I watched as Dean entered the garage after probably getting another cup of coffee and knew that with both him and y/n on edge... I should be in there too.
"I got to go Bobby. Keep me updated"
I walked through the garage door to see Dean leaning against y/n's instrument table glaring at the demon y/n had tied up.
Y/n was playing with a small jagged-edged knife in her hand while looming over our captive.
"Look, I don't know anything." He said panicked.
"Yeah, we'll see," she says turning around to come back to where Dean and I were watching.
"Dean," I say before she got within earshot. "Look, man. You - you're running on what, uh, whisky and - and coffee and whatever else you're taking."
"Yeah, and?" Dean says as y/n finally joins up with us.
"And we're grasping at straws here," I say to them both.
"Look," y/n says with a devilish smile "I torture enough of these bastards, eventually one of 'em's gonna tell me where Crowley is. So we good?"
"Y/n you've been at it for a while, why don't you at least let me take over? You deserve a break." I say. I had tried to stop her a couple of times now, but she would insist that she was more qualified to break them. The glint in her eyes made me nervous, but I couldn't disagree. It didn't make it any easier letting her give in to her tendencies though.
"No thanks." She says as she walks to grab a different weapon off the table.
"She is better at this" Dean says to me while watching her.
"Dean.." I start but he interrupts me.
"Sam, back off. Lisa and Ben, wherever they are, that is a hundred percent on me. And if they are hurt... "
"I get it, man. I do" I say looking at him in the eyes. "But asking y/n to do this? I don't know if we can get her back if it goes too far. Not the normal her anyways."
"It's only for a little longer," Dean says in a huff walking out the door. I knew he knew I was right, he was just so smitten with guilt that he couldn't think straight and y/n was enjoying herself too much to stop. There was no winning here.
***
Y/n had stayed in the garage all day... I stopped going in because it got to be a little too much for me. Even Dean had to leave which is saying something. Cas had come by to talk with Dean and told us he didn't know Crowley had taken Ben and Lisa but we couldn't trust him. It had been a long day and I was tired of all the emotions plaguing all three of us.
I finally sat down in the kitchen keeping my eye on the window to see if y/n was going to call it a night and maybe come in and eat something. I was worried about her, almost as much as I was worried about Dean who had finally passed out on the couch. I poured myself a drink to try and calm my nerves when suddenly a voice came from the doorway.
"Drinking your feelings, Sam? I thought that was your brother's bag." It was Balthazar.
"Stressful times," I say taking my first sip of whiskey since this all went down.
"Well, we need to talk," he says pulling out the chair in front of me.
"Why?" I asked watching him intently.
"Because - I know I'm gonna live to regret this - but I'm officially on your team. You bastards."
"And we should believe you why?" Dean suddenly asks walking through the door. His voice was deep and he was still just as angry as before.
"Would you believe I had a shred of decency?" Balthazar says watching Dean walk around to sit beside me.
"No," I tell him blatantly staring into his eyes.
"Oh. That hurts, " he says sarcastically. "Okay, you're right. It's survival. You see, I asked Cas some questions and I disliked his answers. He seems awfully sure of himself for a man who wants to swallow a million nuclear reactors. I mean, these things can get a bit Chernobyl, you know? So, voilà. Consider me your double agent. Oh, and I took the liberty of searching for your friends. It took a while. Crowley's a clever one."
"You found them?" Dean asks. I could tell he had hope in his voice though he tried to conceal it.
"Well, the upside is yes, but the downside is I can't get them for you."
"Why not?" I spit. I was done with all the games.
"Because of Crowley's angel-proofing around the whole bloody building. I guess he doesn't trust Cas. Seems that marriage is going swimmingly."
"Okay, well get us as close as you can," Dean demands.
"Sure. But then you're on your own." Balthazar states. He looks around for a moment and then turns his attention back to the brothers. "Where's your eye candy?" he asks. It made my blood boil for him to be so disrespectful of y/n.
"She's coming too" I spit at him. I was surprised Dean didn't say anything, but I think he was so focused on the whole Ben and Lisa thing that he didn't even truly notice.
"Certainly. Bringing Hell's most notorious consort closer to the king of Hell isn't going to make things any less difficult" He says sarcastically.
"She isn't like that anymore," I say feeling my anger flood through me. "She isn't even a real demon"
"Yes," Balthazar says leaning back in his chair. "I heard that. Quite interesting" He takes my cup and drinks the rest of my drink. "So, where is she?"
"Garage" Dean says getting up. He looked less weighed down but still stressed from the situation. "Let's go"
We all walked out to the garage, but I noticed there were no more screams, no more pleadings, nothing but silence. I knew something was wrong and so did Dean. We ran into the garage to find a new demon strapped to the chair, he had been stabbed but other than that the place was empty.
"Damn it!" Dean yells. "She must have got the information"
"How long do you think she has been gone?" I ask, trying to wrap my brain around why she would do this alone.
"Last I saw her was this afternoon when things were getting a little too graphic for me to handle," Dean says looking at the body.
"Sounds like she's going to sell you out now that she knows where the King is," Balthazar says with a sing-song voice.
Dean instantly turns around and grabs Balthazar by the neck, slamming him into the wall.
"Shut the hell up" Dean shouts. "She wouldn't do that. She is better than you ever could be. The only reason your sneaky-ass is still alive is that you can take us to Ben and Lisa so let's get going already"
***Y/N POV***
You had reached the main room of the warehouse Crowley was keeping Lisa and Ben. You didn't stay as quiet as you planned but you didn't think it mattered really. You felt good. Really good. And so far you have had zero struggle with demons being thrown at you. As you enter you notice three demons, only one of which you recognized. They had their knives out staring you down as you entered.
"Matt! How nice to see you again, going to introduce me to your friends?" You say with a smirk. You glance behind the 3 devils and see both Lisa and Ben tied to chairs looking at you with a pleading hope in their eyes.
"Sparta? Did Crowley send you?" He answers still in a stance that told you he already knew the answer.
"Nope," you say starting to walk around them. "Just here to pick up some cargo. I don't think Crowley would mind. Do you?"
One of Matt's henchmen grabs your arm making you stop and look at Matt again, but you were growing impatient.
"They are MY responsibility Sparta. Go find someone else to mess with" he says with a glare.
You sarcastically pretend to be shocked and turn around fully to face him. "You think I am doing this to mess with you?"
"Why else?"
"Wow. I can't believe that is all you take me for," you say shaking your head looking at the ground for a second before returning your gaze to him. "I thought I was here to mess with Crowley but two for one ain't bad"
You stab the demon holding your arm and watch as he flashes an orange glow before collapsing. The other henchman looks stunned and proceeds to look between you and the body on the floor.
"Sparta" Matt huffs at you. "I thought you would have the decency to at least let some of my men live"
"Oops," you say with a small smile. "Guess I can't control myself"
Matt lunges at you as his henchman flees towards Lisa and Ben. You dodge Matts attack and try to make a run for the other, but you were flung into the wall behind you. Damn demons with their telepathic powers. Why couldn't I have gotten that?
Suddenly the door flings open to see Dean standing in the doorway.
"I knew you would come eventually," Matt says turning his attention to Dean. "Due to orders, we are not allowed to kill you unless you mess with our operation. Guess it is my lucky day"
"Yeah? Well, Merry Christmas" He says entering the room. You watch unable to move from the wall. Matt probably was focusing so hard on you that he could hardly concentrate on Dean, which lead to Dean eventually getting him into a chokehold.
Matt chuckles while still out of breath. "Well Dean, you have to make a decision," He says as he gestures to you and makes a crushing motion with his hand. You instantly feel the effects. Your internal organs were being pulled apart gradually and you could do nothing but scream.
"Stop it!" Dean yells flipping Matt over onto his back.
"You can only save one," Matt says as Dean stabs him. You fall from the wall unable to move from the pain inflicted on you. The rush of energy you had now gone. You try to pull yourself off the ground but fall back onto the cold floor. You manage to see the other demon in the room stab, Lisa, as Bens screams echo through the room.
Dean, now outraged, rushes to the demon and quickly kills him. He grabs Lisa and holds her close and you could do nothing but watch.
"Dean. Thank God" Lisa breathes out.
"Mom" Ben says coming closer to see his mother bleeding out.
"Lisa. Here, put pressure on that, okay?" Dean says putting a cloth over the wound. You hear Lisa moan in pain. "I know. Believe me, I know." He then turns his head to you. "Ben go check on y/n"
You watch Ben hesitate to look between Dean and you.
"NOW!" he shouts and Ben hurries over to you crouching by your side. You couldn't move and you felt like a weight was slowly sinking into your diaphragm as blood gradually made its way up your throat.
"She doesn't look so good" Ben calls over. "She's bleeding pretty bad"
"How bad?!" Dean shouts.
"I don't know. Bad" Ben says panicked.
"Sam, where are you, dammit?!" you hear Dean breathe out. Ben got up and started approaching his mom again.
"Alright, Ben, we gotta get her out of here, okay?" Dean says in a gruff voice. "Ben?"
Ben was frozen in place watching his mother bleed profusely. "Ben!" Dean says, and lightly slaps him. "Hey! Listen to me, I need you to pull it together, okay? You gotta be strong. Your mom needs you right now. Go open that duffel bag, grab the salt gun. I gotta carry your mom out so if anything comes at us, you shoot it."
With that, you felt your heart stop. He was leaving you. So many emotions bubbled to the surface. You felt betrayed. The feeling that sunk into your heart was far worse than the other injuries that were haunting your body. You could understand in part. Lisa and Ben were not apart of this. They were dragged in and Dean felt responsible. He loved them. But soon your thoughts went to how he had been treating you the past couple of days and you knew... All those things he said... it wasn't true. He didn't love you like you thought he did. You felt stupid. He didn't even say those three words, but you thought he wouldn't have to, but apparently, it wasn't that he didn't feel the need to say it, it was that he didn't mean it. And with that, you saw Dean pick up Lisa bridal style and leave the room, not even taking a glance behind him. You felt your eyelids grow heavy and you tried to fight it, but you felt like you had nothing to fight for.
***
You opened your eyes to see Sam over you.
"Sam?" you manage to breathe out and you are instantly met with extreme pain and nausea.
"I'm here," he says. You could tell from the way he choked out the words he was trying to keep his composer.
"Is Lisa-" you start to say but he cuts you off.
"Lisa and Ben are fine. They are at the hospital."
"Good," you say as Sam pulls you onto his lap. You couldn't help the groan of pain and profanities that came out of your mouth.
"We need to get you out of here," he says wrapping his arms around you, preparing to lift you bridal style. You felt a tear hit your face and you reached up with the little strength you had to wipe his face.
"Sam. I am not going to make it," you say calmly.
"Y/n don't say that. We are getting you out of here" He lifts you up and starts walking out the door and you couldn't help yourself from going limp with all the pain rushing through your body with every movement.
You watch Sams face as he carries you through the seemily neverending hallways. He was panicking and you could tell he was doing his best to not give up hope despite his exhausted and emotionally drained dimenor.
"Sam," you say, and he briefly looks down at you. "Sam." You repeat. Managing to put your hand on his chest. "Thank you for always being there for me. For letting me 'nerd out' with you and being my best friend I could ever ask for"
"Shut up" he breathes. "Don't you dare give up y/n"
"Sam," you say, feeling your eyelids grow heavier. "Your brother... make sure he will be alright" You couldn't help but hope that Dean would be able to live a life with Lisa. You wanted him to live a long life filled with family and friends, maybe getting out of the hunting business but still kicking ass as needed. You just wanted him to be happy, which apparently meant without you being there. You felt your eyes close as Sam started shouting, but you couldn't make out the words. It was so fuzzy.
Suddenly you felt heat rush through your body, and you thought that maybe this was the end. Not how you imagined it but still. Gradually though you realized that you were regaining strength. As soon as the warmth came, it left, and you had enough energy to open your eyes once again.
"Cas?" you say seeing the blue-eyed angel looking down at you. He nods and turns to Sam who was still holding you.
"She will still be weak, and will need several days to rest, but will make a full recovery," he says with sadness in his eyes, but suddenly disappears.
You look up at Sam who had tear stains down his cheeks while beaming at you. "Sam no chick-flick moments," you say pushing yourself off of him. You felt so much better but still ached from the pit of your stomach.
"You feeling alright?" Sam asks gripping your shoulder for support as you sit up.
"Better than before, that's for sure," you say with a small smile. You try to get up and Sam helps you.
"Thanks" you chuckle.
"No problem"
You look around to see that Sam had made it outside of the building. It must have been a while of you sitting inside from the dried blood on your clothes. "How long had I been out?"
"I don't know," Sam says looking at you with a sad expression. "I came back right after we dropped Dean, Lisa, and Ben off at the hospital"
"Oh," you say, looking at the ground. Sam could read you better than nearly anyone and quickly put his hand on your shoulder.
"Y/n Dean had to make a decision, and I am sorry we had to leave you, but Ben was there and he had his mom. They were dragged into this" He says trying to reason with you.
"I am not angry, you guys made the right decision, and I am okay," you say calmly. You really weren't okay, not fully at least. You felt hurt and you were unsure if that would ever heal.
"Y/n. Dean loves you," he says watching your expression.
You felt sick as he said those words and you knew you couldn't face Dean again after all this. You just shake your head while looking at the ground, letting tears prick your eyes for the first time that evening.
"No Sam. He doesn't. He deserves better anyway. He has Lisa and you and Ben. I have been here for too long. I have grown too attached. I am a burden. To Bobby. To you. To Dean. Thank you all for being there for me, but I have taken too much of your time."
You look up at Sam who had a worried and sad expression.
"Y/n you are not a burden. Just come back to the hospital. You will see for yourself. Dean was under a lot of pressure. It didn't reflect how he feels about you."
You grab Sam's arm and give him a small smile.
"Sam you don't have to make up excuses for your brother. I will miss you" you say. You hug him and he gently hugs you back and you felt him choke back tears as he wrapped his arms around you. As he let you go you gently punch his arm.
"Don't make me have to come and save you ass's" you say trying to lighten the mood.
"I think you meant 'your ass's'" Sam says rolling his eyes a little
"No I meant what I said" you say with a smirk and Sam chuckles.
"Goodbye Sam," you say as you teleport to the one place you could think of. You teleport to a small cabin just outside of Montana where Bobby and you bunked once. You figured until you got your strength back it would be better if you laid low and waited before confronting Crowley. You were furious and you wanted to rain down as much Hell as you could possibly muster.
You better be ready Crowley.