AUGUST
"Yeah." Melody nods her head slowly before she tucks the picture away in her back pocket.
A dismal look comes over her face and she starts to tap the pen on the desk to distract herself. I don't want to ask her to clarify how Ashton is the baby's father, because even though I can't fathom the idea of it, I don't want to make her talk about it more when it's clearly eating away at her heart. I have so many questions, but I guess having them answered isn't that important. I hum as we stand next to each other in silence and I glance in their direction every now and again hoping Catalina's eyes don't meet mine.
"I was a worse person back then." She speaks again. "I didn't tell him, and I didn't keep her, but I had my reasons."
"Like what?"
"Like we were broken up, he was in love with Catalina, and I was the worst person he knew. So, I couldn't just walk up to him and tell him I was having his baby, to me, it was best that he didn't know and think I was lying."
"Why'd you keep it then?" I shrug.
I understand why she was afraid. I get why she wouldn't tell him when she found out: I know what it's like to be the worst person someone knows and have everyone look at you like everything that comes out of your mouth is a lie. If I was her I wouldn't have said anything either. but Ialso just wouldn't have had the baby--if I was her. I remember when she left and I hadn't seen her in a while, and I just assumed it was because she had to change her toxic surroundings in order to better herself. Now I know why she did it.
"because I knew that she'd be great." She smiles. "Just not with me. I'm sure she's great now too."
"You just don't know?" I ask because to me it seems like she's worried about the daughter she never got to know.
"I have my worries sometimes, but I just tell myself that she's doing just fine--"
"Who is?" I hear a perky voice behind me.
It startles me and right after I flinch, my first reflex is to chop them in the arm with the side of my hand. Right after I do it, I feel a sharp sensation in that side of my arm too as someone hits me back. I look up to see that the person standing in front of me is Lily.
"You hit me!" She gasps as she grabs her arm and my eyes widen.
"You scared me." I say, glad that I didn't do anything that might have hurt her.
"You know I have sensitive bones." She frowns and rubs the spot.
"I'm so sorry."
Lily rolls her eyes and shakes her head as she walks in between Melody and I and hands her file to the receptionist. I narrow my eyes at Melody. Maybe if she hadn't told me a marriage jeopardizing secrets then I wouldn't be so on edge. She's lucky no one over heard us, and she'll really be lucky if she gets to take it to the grave like she obviously intends to. Once you tell one person, things just have a way of coming out.
I start to wish that she hadn't told me, because in keeping this to myself for her, I have to feel bad about the fact that Catalina and Ashton don't know. It seems that everyone is doing fine with things the way that they are now and knowing something like this would only ruin that. I suppose ignorance truly is a bliss. Even Melody is getting her life together, but I know that the burden of wondering how her child is doing messes with her from time to time.
Lily asked who we were talking about, but I'm hoping that she was just trying to make conversation. If she really is curious, then I'd have to have the burden of keeping something from her too. I know that a lie Melody is keeping shouldn't be worth not telling my wife, but it isn't any of my business to tell anyone.
"Well, since you're okay now, I'm going to go."
"No." She frowns as if me staying here is productive.
"I have to go get ready for tomorrow."
Tomorrow is my first day working at my new job. I went back to school so I could become a psychologist and I thought by the time I started I'd be far from the person I used to be. I am, psychically, I don't shoot people and let my anger take control of me. However, I feel like I'm not leveled enough yet. In a sense-- I guess if I had to use a word for it-- I'm not quite mature enough to deal with people's mental health. I know that I won't just be thrown into an office and be expected to cure depression. I'll just be training, but what if I get there and realize that I wasted years in school learning something that I'm not capable of doing.
"Ugh fine." Lily sighs. "but you have to go too." She narrows her eyes at Melody.
"I was anyway." Melody scoffs back.
I turn my head as I walk towards the door and my eyes meet Catalina's. I try to turn away, but it seems like the both of us are stuck staring at each other. As she looks at me her facial expression falls and she has to correct the way she's holding the box in her hand to keep it from falling. She looks different: her hair is more brown, and her face looks slightly more mature. She's gained more weight than she had when I used to know her and she looks more like a woman than a teenager now.
*****
I sit in my car and stare at the sky scraping building through my window. It's so sleek and big, I'm not entirely sure where I fit in, there must be plenty of people who can do the same thing I can and better. Two people wearing the exact same tie just walked through the door within minutes of each other and somehow I just know there are too many people who are exactly the same in here. I know that being like everyone else isn't the goal, but a small part of me wants to. If I'm the same as most of the people in there, then I don't stand out; every time I've stood out in the past it has always been for the wrong things. So if one day, I'm wearing the same tie as ten other people then I'd be okay with that.
I sigh heavily and watch the door through my window thinking about all the reasons I have to go in and all the reasons I have to stay in my car. I look at my watch and then back at the door again; I do that about three times, still unsure. The sun is beaming and the wind is blowing cool air, the sky is blue and there's not a hint of grey clouds.
Someone behind me blows their horn aggressively, not taking their hand off of it until the obnoxious sound pierces my ears and makes me look up. Through my rear view mirror, I see a sleek and shiny all black range rover with windows too tinted for me to see them through the glass.
"Twinsss." I say in a sing-song voice referencing the fact that we have the same car.
Their car is all black, on every perimeter--like a spy or something. Plus, the fact that I can't see who is inside makes me worried. They're just sitting behind me and they blew their horn at me like a crazy person and they might be a crazy person who knows me.
"What the fuck are you doing!?" I hear a woman's voice as she shouts out the window and blows her horn at me again, making me realize that I'm sitting in the middle of the street.
I sigh and start to park my car; clearly that was the sign I needed to get out of my car and start my day. The car that was once behind me parks behind me and I start to get confused and worried all over again. Despite that, I just get out of my car because I don't need another reason to not go inside. I turn my head to see who it was blowing their horn at me and cursing me out as the get out of their car. She steps out one foot at a time because she has to use the step stool to get out. First, I see her black Louboutins and then I start to think that this could be just like the movies. What if she's my boss and she hates me already?
When she closes the door of her car and I see the low, blonde bun in her hair my face falls.
"Oh no." I mumble.
Catalina turns around and stares at the way I'm staring at her as she puts her car keys in her designer purse. I blink and open my eyes again because I'm not entirely sure that this is Catalina. It looks exactly like her and she cursed me out like only Catalina would do a random person on the street, but everything else throws me off. The professional attire and her purse and her big, shiny assassin car. She barely glares at me with her light brown eyes, leaving me unsure what to do. I stare at her like she's a crazy person for having so much road rage.
"You were in my way." Catalina mumbles like she read my mind.
"Do you....work here?" I ask slowly.
"No." She scoffs. "My life has been hard enough, why would I want to work?" She rolls her eyes.
Catalina walks away from me and I know it's because she doesn't want to talk to me. I'm fine pretending that we don't know each other. In fact, the name Catalina Delarosa-Evans, has not crossed my mind in months--at least the months before she randomly popped back up. She can't be upset with me, she popped up in my world again. I didn't go moving around cities and inserting myself into her new life.
"My life has been hard enough." I make an obnoxious squeaky voice as I mimic her words.
Catalina stops walking and snaps her head in my direction, giving me a questioning look. I look in the opposite direction and avoid eye contact.
"What did you say?"
"Nothing." I clear my throat and shake my head.
She rolls her eyes again and walks towards the door.
As soon as I reach the front of the building, I sigh heavily and look at the door again before I wrap my hand around the cold, metal handle and open the door. I walk in and I fix the belt on my pants, making sure that I look put together. My eyes scan the building and standing at the desk is Daniel Johnson, the man who owns the section of the people that I'll be working in. I'm not sure if he's an actual psychiatrist, but I hope not because he's obviously not good at reading people. Him and Catalina are already standing up talking about something and I have no choice but to walk up to them as well. It's my first day and I have no idea where to go.
As I approach them I try to practice what I'm going to say in my head. "Good morning."
Catalina turns to look at me, her face falling as she subtly side eyes me. I'm not too happy about us being in the same place either, but we can't pretend not to know each other if she's sending me hateful looks and holding on to hating me. I'm sure she isn't the same and I have nothing to worry about. She looks different so maybe she is different, but she's always been both beautiful and hateful for as long as I can remember. She's a mother now though, and she has a life that I have no idea about-- I don't know anything about her anymore.
"Hi." Daniel smiles at me. "Well, now that everyone is here...."
He hands a pamphlet to me and Catalina from the desk and he smiles again. She doesn' t smile back, but instead looks confused.
"I'm not here to--"
"Okay." Daniel speaks over her and she tilts her head in shock. "Catalina this is August, August this is Catalina." He introduces us quickly. If only he knew.
Catalina forces a smile as she tries to remain sweet and humble in front of her superior. I wonder what she's doing here so dressed up if it's not to come to work. It seems to be her first day here too.
"Since both of you are new, I thought you could train and tour together. Get familiar with the place and everyone in it before we start anything?"
"I--"
"Great." He smiles, patting my shoulder as he walks away from us.
Catalina huffs under her breath like a bratty, spoiled child. I can see the irritation etched across her face and as a person with children already, her behavior unsettles me too.
"Let's just..... Get through this." I sigh, annoyed.
I already know how this goes. We fight, I say something that triggers her, she cries, I feel bad, and then we do it again the next time we see each other.
On the bright side, we won't kill one another.....I hope.
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Wrote half of this during a hurricane and the other half with no power and now that I have WiFi again here it is, yayy 😂😂