Chris: Last week on Total Drama All-Stars... the campers were treated to a day in the fun zone, where anything can happen, except fun. Heather found the invincibility statue. Too bad someone else found it after her. And Sierra a new, uh... "pet". In the end, the heroes got the victory. And Alejandro was headed for the Flush of Shame until he pulled off the biggest surprise of the night. Way to play possum, Captain Secret Legs. Will the heroes hold their lead? Can the villains live up to their name? Will my breakfast get here before lunch?! Find out right now on Total. Drama. All-Stars!
[piano playing]
[zap]
Sierra [ after she gasps]: Cody Jrs.! Who let you out of your crib?! Oh, ow, ah! Codys!
(confessional: Sierra)
Sierra: Now that I'm responsible for these little guys, or girl, or one guy, one girl, I don't have time to be in a relationship. I just hope Camdy doesn't take it too hard. What's that, Cody Jr.? [rat pukes] Ew.
(Confessional Off)
Alaia: I miss this us time
Katsuki: Same man i can't wait to finally marry you
Alaia: I know me too my hubby
Katsuki: My gorgeous beauty.
Cameron: Is toast supposed to be green?
Scott: Mawaw calls this Penicillin Puree! Never had a cold in my life!
Gwen: [retches]
Scott: Well, well, wakey wakey, legs a-fakey.
Alejandro: It truly is a miracle my legs woke up. Now they can be put to good use for our team.
Courtney: After today, there won't be any teams.
Alejandro: What are you talking about?
Courtney: There are only nine players left. We have to merge soon. And after what you did to Heather, good luck finding an ally, Al.
Alejandro: I would prefer it if you did not call me that name. [confessional] Last night, I dreamt about my older, smarter, better-looking brother José. Ugh. He always calls me Al, and I hate it! More than mutant fire beetles and conditioners that don't detangle!
Scott: What's wrong with the name Al? My sister's named Al. Short for Albertha. She's the county hog-caller. Soo-wee! Soo-wee! [hog squeals] Ow!
Chris [over loudspeaker]: Good soon-to-be-painful morning, everyone! Head to the Chrisoseum pronto! Today's challenge isn't gonna hurt itself!
Sierra: Eh... ow! That's enough, you two! Ah, ah!
Duncan: Hey, we need to talk. It's about Mike.
Lana Marie: What about him? Wait, are you trying to form an alliance with Zoey while he's in exile?
Duncan: What? No! Look, I knew I knew the guy from somewhere, but couldn't place it until I heard him whistle!
Zoey: we're am so not following you.
Duncan: When I was in juvie, so was Mike!
Lana Marie: [laughs] Oh. You're serious? Mike was in juvie?
Duncan: Yeah, only back then, his name was Mal. And I think he liked being locked up, he caused trouble just for the fun of it.
Zoey: So why hasn't Mike recognized you?
Duncan: Probably because I steered clear of him. But think about it. Guy with Multiple Personality Disorder breaks Cam's glasses. He probably broke my knife too, and Sam's game guy, and Sierra's smartphone.
Lana Marie: And he has been to sweet with my cousin and i mean very to sweet.
Zoey: Which is so out-of-character for Mike.
Duncan: But it's so in-character for Mal.
Zoey: Hm. Thanks for telling us. You're so thoughtful and considerate.
Duncan: No, I'm not! It's just, there's only room for one bad boy on this island, and that's me!
Lana Marie: And Katsuki
[intern screams]
Sierra: Codys! Leave that intern's face alone!
Cut to Chef looking for Mike
Chef: Mike! Time to head back! [screams]
[animals panic]
Chef: Ah! Oh...
[crack]
Chef: Ah!
Mal [ after he chuckles]: Hey, Chef.
Cut to Mike's mind
Mike [ after grunting]: Hello?! Somebody answer me! [gasps] You!
Mal [ after he chuckles]: At your disservice.
Mike: But I got rid of you, after juvy!
Mal: Silly Mike. I was just laying low, conserving my energy. Waiting for my moment. And it worked. Now I'm in charge.
Mike: Those are innocent people you're messing with, you have to stop!
Mal: Stop? Oh, no no no no no no no. I'm just getting started.
Mike: No! No, no, wait, come back!
Cut Back to the real world
Chris: Welcome to Camp Wawanakwa Colosseum!
Scott: A boxing ring?
Katsuki: Now this is more of my style.
Cameron: Boxing?!
(Confessional: Cameron)
Cameron: This is the last will of I, Cameron Corduroy Wilkins.
(Confessional Off)
Chris: Looking rough, Chef. Have a run-in with a big bad baby squirrel over on Boney Island, hm?
Chef: That kid ain't right.
Mal [pretending to be Mike]: Man, are you a sight for sore eyes.
Chris: Greetings, playas. The recipe for today's disaster is a hearty helping of season one's no pain, no gain challenge, with a pinch of phobia factor for extra zing.
Courtney: Not hungry.
Chris: Get ready to sink your soon-to-be missing teeth into the wheel of misfortune. The rules are simple. Spin the wheel, and go a full two minutes with whatever the wheel lands on. Win the match, and earn your team a point. Fights will be judged impartially by Chef and myself. First team to win three battles is the champ.
Sierra: But who's gonna watch the Codys while I fight?
Chris: No one, if they value their lives. Now, let's get ready to pummel!
Mal [pretending to be Mike]: Uh, uh, hang on! Where are the rewards you promised Zoey?
Chris [ after he sighs]: I was hoping you'd forgotten about that. But, for being MVP in the last challenge, you don't have to box, and the heroes get a point.
Alaia: Yeah!
Sierra: Woohoo!
Mal: [as Mike] All right!
Sierra: Hot stuff!
Zoey: Thanks!
Chris: Since the villains lost yesterday, they go first. Who's rumble ready?
Scott: Me, I'll go!
[wheel spins]
Chris: Say hello to your foe, Fang!
Scott: Huh? [screams]
Courtney: Hello? Scott? Scott!
Chris: Come on, bro. Move it or lose it!
Duncan: Oh, I think that's already happened.
Katsuki: [laughs]
Scott: [slow motion grunting] [regular grunting] Ah!
Courtney: Wake up and smell the gloves hitting you in the face, Scott!
Scott: [dazed] I likes you, pretty lady. [chuckles] Sleep.
Chris: Time's up and Fang wins! No point for the villains! The score remains one to zero, heroes!
Courtney: You should be ashamed of yourself, you overgrown guppy! [grunting]
Gwen: Let me help.
Courtney: Sure. Thanks.
Gwen: [confessional] [gasps] Did you see that?! Courtney treated me like a human being. Woohoo!
Courtney: [confessional] Maybe Gwen's paid her dues. Besides, I don't think I have to worry about her kissing Scott.
Gwen: Ew! Has this guy ever washed his feet?
Scott: [dazed] You cannin' the toe jam already, Cletus?
Chris: Hero time. Come on up. Sierra!
Sierra: Why me?
Chris: Why not?
Sierra: Good point. [chuckles]
[wheel spins]
Sierra: [gasps] No way! I would never fight my sweetie pet!
Chris: Oh, you're not fighting your pet. You're fighting your pet's mother!
[big rat growl]
[small rat growl]
Sierra: I'm not afraid of a few heads and a lot of teeth and a... bunch of claws.
Duncan: What are the odds of both Sierra and Scott getting such personal opponents?
Cameron: Astronomical. I think I smell a rat!
Sierra: Camdy, here, take the boys. And I'm sorry, it's just not gonna work out. I'm breaking up with you!
(Confessional: Cameron)
Cameron: I've never been dumped by someone I wasn't going out with before, but yes! Ow![rats growl]
(Confessional Off)
Sierra: Bring it on, garbage breath! Ya! [grunting] [laughs nervously] [grunting and screaming]
[punches blowing]
Sierra pants
[whistle]
Duncan: That's gonna hurt on landing.
Sierra: Forget what I said. I could never break up with you, Camody. Heh, I can't wait for the teams to merge. Then we can be Team Cam-Sierra-ody.
(Confessional: Cameron)
Cameron: No!
(Confessional Off)
Chris: Another pathetic loss means it's still one to zero, heroes. Villains, you're up.
Alejandro: I'll earn us a point.
[wheel spins]
Courtney: I hope he gets Heather.
Gwen chuckles
Alejandro: There's only one person I'd rather fight less than Heather. And that person is... [real time] [gasps] No! It can't be!
[poof]
[Spanish music]
[all gasp]
Alejandro/Alaia: José.
Jose: Hola Alaia beautiful as ever
Katsuki: Can i help Alejandro with that
Chris: Nope and Ooh, doggy! Does Al have what it takes to stand up to his big bro? Or will baby fall down, go boom? Find out after the break, right here on Total. Drama. All-Stars!
After the break
[ding]
José: Buenos dias, Al. You look tired and in need of exfoliation.
Alejandro: I exfoliate once a week! And the only thing I'm tired of is you! [confessional] I knew my dream was a sign! My whole life, José has been better than me at everything! Academics, sports, and yes, even personal grooming. Well, not this time.
Chris: Enough with the touching family reunion! Start punching each other!
José and Alejandro: [grunting]
Duncan: Why are they just going with body hits? It's weird.
Alejandro and Alaia: [confessional]
Alaia: It is their family code.
Alejandro: Exactly Not the face.
José: [confessional] Never the face.
Chris: Looks like the villains are gonna be shut out again! Or should i say punched out?
José: Your technique is almost as embarrassing as the way your girlfriend with the unattractive personality burned you on national television.
Alaia: oh now you've done it.
Alejandro: [growls]
José: [laughs] [grunts]
Alejandro: That's for calling me Al! That's foralways hogging the bathroom mirror! And replacing my soap with a urinal cake! [grunts] And this is for calling any aspect of Heather unattractive!
[wham]
[ding]
Chris: Whoa! The villains get a point! And now we all know how Alejandro really feels about Heather.
Alejandro: [confessional] Heather, I know you're watching. Call me.
Chris: And we're tied one-all! Hero time!
Mal: [as Mike] Guess I'll go next.
Cameron: What's the point in spinning the wheel? The game must be rigged.
Gwen, Courtney, Sierra, Zoey, and Duncan: Huh?
Cameron: Sierra fights Cody Jrs' mom. Scott fights Fang. Alejandro fights his big brother. The odds are too astronomical for this to be random!
Gwen: It does seem a little rigged.
Courtney: More like a lot rigged!
Chris: How bout this? I guarantee the next spinner will have a non-specific to their personal terror opponent. Okay?
Chef: [sighs]
[wheel spins]
Cameron: Just watch. It'll be exactly what Mike's afraid of.
Chris: Or is it what Cameron's afraid of?
Cameron: Dah!
Zoey: I thought you were over spiders.
Cameron: That is not a spider!
Izzy: Greetings, spider food!
Chris: It's an eight-legged Izzy!
[ding]
Izzy: [sniffs] Bleh, you smell weird! Like a honey curler wrapped in rotten ham. Good on the inside, poison on the outside.
Mike: [inside his mind] : You're right! Help! Mal is keeping me prisoner in my own sub-conscious! Wait!
Izzy: Question. Who's Mal?
Zoey Lana and Duncan: [gasps]
(Confessionals: Maloey)
Zoey: How does Izzy know about Mal? That's it! I'm making a deck of tarot cards!
Mal: They say the eyes are the window to the soul. Time to shut that window.
(Confessionals Off)
Mal: Enough chitter chatter.
Mal grunts and chuckles while Izzy grunts as he punches her in slow motion before chuckling and grunting again while she screams
Lana Marie: Okay that's off.
Duncan: See? That's what I'm talking about.
Chris: Mike got right villainous on that one! But a point's a point. It's two to one, heroes. One more point and they win the whole thing.
Zoey: Wow. Um, where'd you learn to do that?
Mal [pretending to be Mike]: I don't know. It's like, I wasn't even in control. But I feel way better now that I'm with you.
Chris: Next up, the Great Doubter.
Cameron: Now that Spider Izzy's gone, anything else should be a walk in the park.
Chris: Or a walk in an underground, radioactive mine.
Cameron: One flying gopher won't be so hard. [confessional] Me and my big mouth.
[gophers squeal and roar]
Cameron: Good mutant gophers. Nice mutant gophers.
[ding]
Cameron: Ah! [groans]
Chris: Well, that was fast. It's still two to one, heroes. Up next, big bad boy Katsuki
Katsuki: Finally
Chris: and he gets Mike
Zoey, Lana Marie, Alaia, Duncan, Alejandro and Mike: What?!
Katsuki: Um are you sure about that
Chris: Oh i think you need a little inspiration [He plays the parts of Alaia and Mike to close] Man and i think that's was a bit close to friendly
Alaia: Katsu it's not what you think?
Katsuki: Oh REALLY?! [Started to punch Mike]
Lana Marie and Alaia: Suki stop?!
Chris: Wow. Okay Chef!
Katsuki: thanks all i need it to know
Alaia: Chris play the entire thing!?
Katsuki: No need I'm done
All: [Gaps]
Alaia: What?!
Katsuki: I mean I'm done we're through over i don't want to marry a cheater
Alaia: [starts tearing up] B...but...but
Katsuki: No Buts forget IT!? [Alaia start crying and runs off]
Lana Marie and Alejandro: Alaia wait
Mal smirks secretly then confessional
Mal: Perfect
Chris: Well, that was not what i was hoping for. It's still two to two, heroes. Up next, big bad thug turned lovable lug, Duncan.
Duncan: Gah! Would you quit that? [confessional] Finally, I can prove my bad boy status by kicking butt in the ring! They're all gonna be sorry they ever called me Captain Sweetheart of Mr. Nicepants, or worst of all...
Chris: Duncan Do-Right. You ready for this?
Duncan: Man, I've been itching for a fight all season long!
Chris: Are you sure you don't wanna just give up the point and call it off?
Duncan: There's no calling off the fists of five!
Chris: But you might really hurt someone.
Duncan: Well then, it sucks to be someone! Back home, they call me Snake Hands! [hissing]
Chris: Okay then. Spin away.
[wheel spins]
Duncan: Huh?
[bird chirps]
Chris: I believe you two have met?
Gwen and Courtney laugh
Duncan: W-Where are the rest of them?
Chris: Rest of them?
Duncan: Yeah, 'cause it'll take a thousand puny birds to make this a fair fight!
[ding]
Duncan: Ho-ho-ho, yeah, you're going down! Get ready! Any second now, bro! Eh, c-come on, seriously. How am I supposed to fight something so helpless and weak?! Oh, man... [confessional] I give up.
Courtney: Tough break, Snake Hands.
Chris: Zero points for Duncan! That'll get some hits on the web. Villains, who's next?
Gwen and Courtney: I'll go. [laughs] No, seriously, I'll go. Oh! [giggling]
Chris: Gwen, spin.
[wheel spins]
Gwen: Courtney?
Courtney: There must be some mistake!
Chris: Oh, man! I have been looking forward to this match all day! Uh, I mean... how random.
(Confessionals: Gwentney)
Courtney: Fight Gwen? I can't!
Gwen: [ I won't!
(Confessionals Off)
Courtney: No way! [She and Gwen laugh] Sorry, Chris.
Chris: Yeah, I kinda figured this would happen, so as a bit of extra incentive...
Courtney: What's that for?
[kissing]
Chris: Isn't it awesome? The producers found it on Sierra's Gwuncan blog.
Gwen: Uh, Courtney, remember, we're past this! We're friends again!
Courtney [ after she growls]: I guess I'm not as over it as I thought. Sorry, Gwen. This is going to hurt you more than it hurts me. [grunts]
Gwen: Ah!
Courtney: That's for kissing my boyfriend!
Gwen: [grunts] That's for him not being your boyfriend when he kissed me!
Duncan: They're fighting over me. [confessional] See? Girls don't fight over a good guy. Total bad guy right here! Aww! Aww...
Chris: Okay, time's up!
[ding]
Gwen: [grunts]
Courtney and Gwen: We're not... done.
[grunting and panting]
Gwen: I only came back on the show to make things right with you. Ow!
Courtney: I never really missed Duncan! But I really missed you!
Duncan: Hey!
Gwen: So, [inhales] friends?
Courtney: Totes. Friends forever.
Zoey and Sierra: Aww...
Chris [sniffs]: Ah. For putting a little warmth in my otherwise frozen heart, I'm giving you both one point! That makes it three-two. Villains win!
Villainous Vultures: Yay!
Heroic Hamsters: Aw...
Alaia cries into Lana Marie arms Katsuki upset Alejandro head slaps him
Katsuki: Ow what was that for
Alejandro: that was for you being an idiot i know Alaia and you know her too she would never play with anyone
Katsuki: And Chris was just playing that part only aww man
Alejandro: maybe win her over again.
Duncan: Mike was pretty vicious with Izzy.
Zoey: Yeah, but it was a fight challenge.
Duncan: Makes you wonder though. What if Mike is the alternate personality and Mal is the real deal?
Zoey: [gasps]
(confessional: Zoey)
Zoey: After all this time? No. It can't be! Although... when you really think about it... [gasps] No!
(Confessional Off)
Mal [pretending to be Mike] : Hey guys, what are you talking about?
Zoey: Nothing!
Duncan: Uh, cars.
Chris: Okay, before we send another player to the sewers, I have a wee announcement to make.
Courtney: Here comes the merge.
(Confessional: Alejandro)
Alejandro: After today's show of excellence, my alliance is with Katsuki Lana and Alaia and i will help Katsuki get Alaia back
(Confessional Off)
Chris: Tonight, the winners get to choose which player is eliminated from the losers team.[Heroic Hamsters gasp] Hold that gasp. And the losers are the choosers of which winner goes to Boney Island. And the teams are not merging. Now you may gasp. [all gasp] And there it is. Now, villains, who's going home tonight?
[whispers]
Gwen: We've decided.
Cameron: Reluctantly. Very reluctantly.
Gwen: To... eliminate... Sierra.
Sierra: Me?! But why?!
Cameron: You have a real Cody back home who needs you, for some reason. Now run, Sierra, run to him!
Chris: You mean swim. But, before Sierra takes the Flush of Shame, which villain is going to exile on Boney Island? Heroes?
Duncan, Zoey, and Mal (pretending to be Mike): Alejandro!
(Confessional: Duncan)
Duncan: Guy's a threat. Mal's just lucky we couldn't vote for our own tonight.
(Confessional Off)
Sierra cries
Gwen: Sorry again! Say hi to Cody for me!
Duncan: And make more of those Gwuncan videos! What?
Chris: Hold your breath!
[flush]
Sierra: I'm coming, Cody!
[splash]
Chris: Big brothers, former competitors, surprising twist. Can we top it? You better believe we can. Will Alaia and Katsuki get back together. Next time, on Total. Drama. All-Stars!
[credits]