Amna was just discharged from the hospital a few minutes ago and Shreekant had brought her early in the morning without informing either Disha or Sarita.
"Where are you taking me, Shreekant? That too on a Sunday... Where are we going so early?" She was continuously questioning him as she sat in the front seat of the car, waiting impatiently for him to answer her.
"Be patient Amna, and don't ask too many questions, we will be reaching soon in another ten minutes." He was in his casual office get-up with a brown shirt and grey trousers and was trying hard to conceal his expressions.
Amna was dressed in a regular blue kurta and leggings, her hair roughly tied in a bun, and was wearing slippers. Her face was slightly shrunken perhaps because of the two days of fabulous vacation within the four walls of the closed ward of the hospital with Disha and Shreekant chiding and yelling at her even if she tried moving slightly.
The car halted near a place where an amusement park was under construction, Amna asked letting out a small laugh, "I am not in a mood to visit an amusement park, right now... Look there... It's under construction"
Shreekant laughed, "I know, it's a project under Mhatre construction. Just come with me" Both of them got down from the car and Shreekant gestured her to him. She followed him into the place. The place had many rides and Amna's puckered face arched onto a beautiful smile remembering something and spoke with a crackling voice, "I will visit the place once, it's fully constructed"
He made her walk for around fifteen minutes and finally halted near a carousel. He looked up at her and spoke, "This is the place where your parents used to live... This place was your parent's home twenty-five years ago. As both were employees at YM, they lived in the quarters provided by the company. Those houses were broken long ago and but this construction was undertaken last year"
She smiled without a stop and a lone tear trickled down her cheeks. She looked at him intently while her lips mumbled, "This is the best memory that you have gifted me. The memory of the place which existed in my family's hearts."
She took her phone out and clicked a few pictures. After moving around the area for some more time she finally said, "Thank you for this, it's the best gift I ever got from someone but now we need to go... I want to do some work, this sitting, eating, and sleeping routine doesn't suit me at all"
She was walking towards the exit until she was stopped by a loud clear voice;
Dear Shreekant,
You must be thinking why did I write a letter? I could have directly told you... The thing is, I am really bad at expressing my feelings, especially when it comes to some special people in my life.
This letter contains some of the things which I wanted to say to you. The meeting we had yesterday felt a little incomplete to me after you went away. First, a big thanks for being with me all this time.
As she heard him speak, she could not help but turn herself towards him and uttered slowly, "This is the letter I gave you years ago... Why are reading it, like this now?"
Her words didn't break his trance even for a single second and he continued, holding the paper in his hand but was not looking into it instead he kept on reciting staring directly at her face, "The time we spent together will be within me forever. It was a journey of self-discovery and most importantly a mirror reflection of my real identity. How much I think of it, despite all danger, mishappenings, hospital admissions, I am still glad that I met you."
"Your loss has and will always grief my heart and no matter what, I don't have the slightest idea on how to or what to, say or do for you. My pain was mitigated by the mere presence of you around me, the same presence which made me feel that I was not alone, but what about you?"
"People always say that the most painful thing is to lose the person you love. In reality, the most painful thing is to lose yourself and many don't even realize until it's too late, so please don't lose yourself. Try and be the person you were before, the person whom my sister met, the person who knew where his happiness where even though he feared accepting them"
"How can you really lose her when everything around you is a constant reminder of her presence? The air you breathe in, the beating of your heart, and especially your own memories where she is still alive. You will have to let go of the pain in those memories slowly and only hold on to the beautiful moments you shared with her. All you need is a little time and lots of hope."
"Sometimes I wish that a person's life should be like a single season, a single color with no changes to be faced while he or she is alive. But, life is not that way, seasons keeping changing, relations keeping changing, in short, the only thing that remains the same is the change itself. Now it's your decision whether to accept that change and move ahead or to dwell in pain forever. Don't cry because it's over, smile because it had ever happened."
"Your love for her is far stronger than death even though it couldn't stop her from dying but no matter how hard death tries it can't separate people who love each other dearly. It can never take away your memories either. Memories are each a divine gift, which can make a flower bloom even in the harshest of weather, or even bring a person just in front of your eyes although he or she is unending miles away from you."
"Of course, there will be times when your breath will not be in synchrony with your heart and your heart will not follow what your brain wants you to do, but you still have to endure, heal and live again because in the end life is much stronger than death in all aspects. Every person's journey of getting healed is different and unique, you just have to find yours."
"Don't make Anna, the finished chapter of the pain of your life instead make her such a beautiful memory that will help you to survive the years you have ahead. I still believe in my compensation theory and I know for sure, that a person like you will one day get the life he really had wished for. My life kept on getting better and better despite all adversities and it's my strong belief that yours will too."
"I just realized that in this short course of time, I had started considering you as my friend. But I don't know much about you, neither do you... So, I have decided to learn a little bit more about you. You will find a question written at the corner of this page. You have to give an answer to that. Along with your answer, you have ask me a similar question about myself."
"I know you will be very busy for my silly games, but try to give the answer within a week... Seven days and one question, I think you can do it..."
"I will be waiting for your reply, I know you will be very busy but try to contact me via anything. Your reply may be anything, literally anything... Also, try to keep me informed on how are you doing or how are you feeling. It's the least I can do for you and you better not snatch that from me.
From a friend whom you saved, helped, and cared for, Amna"
"I don't need to look into the paper and read it, I remember every damn word of this because I have read like a million times.
"I always thought that the love I wanted to share went away with her, but no it didn't go anywhere it's still here. I had accepted the fact that I could cherish my share of love only in the memories from my past. But everything is different now... I didn't want these changes, they just came and I let them come in subconsciously"
"You gave a new meaning to my life. I am still so unsure, about how and why this is happening. I don't know if this is the right thing to happen or not. But I am sure this is happening."
"If she is someone whom I lost you are someone whom I gained, If she is someone for whom my heart had pained, you are someone for whom my heart cares."
"I am not replacing her with you, I am giving you a new place in my heart where your sister also resides and will reside forever. It's not that I have forgotten my moments with her, it's the fact that I made new ones with you."
"In the moments of her physical absence around me, someone was there right by my side... Healing me every second, calming my ailing and wailing heart, even if it was by her letters and emails or silence and unspoken words."
"I had sleepless nights in London, and the only comforting thing around me was your letter and those messages. The one to share my pain was you... The one who healed me was you... And I let you do that because I wanted to get healed. You didn't barge in my heart, I let you in without my knowing."
"You heard me when no one else was hearing, gave me an ample amount of time to turn the evil nightmare of mine into something I cherish forever. She didn't leave me alone with our memories, she gave me the person whom she wanted to cherish the most, the person for whom she was a guardian angel, a protector."
"Every time we were together, I was really happy... Every time I used to read your message or take with you, I was happy... Every time I read the letter, I could sleep peacefully, it's not time that has healed me, it's you... So, I want to be happy again but I don't know if this right or not. When I started realizing it, guilt took complete control over me, and had my fair share of struggle to understand it, perceive it, admit it, analyze it, and finally gather the courage to say it."
"When I look into your eyes you make me believe in myself... make me believe in happy endings... make me believe that no matter, whatever happens, I will be able to endure it. You have become my habit, my strength, and most importantly my source of happiness."
"I have no idea, that how could you ever love a man, like me with a past, or what the future holds for us, or even the fact that after all this our friendship might also get broken but you are the only one with whom can share my pain, thoughts, and emotions. I just don't how, when, and why it happened... I realized it quite sometime before but I was busy fighting with my own guilt and fear."
"I have no intention to make things awkward between us but if I don't express my feelings to you like this, it will be too difficult for me to bear. I can't keep tormenting my heart like this by keeping all my feelings for you within me. My realization started burdening my heart the second I came to know and you have been keeping your emotions buried for such a long time. I am a stupid, idiot, and fool... I even tried to ignore and hurt you deliberately so that you forget me, but I myself couldn't do that."
All this time as he spoke, she kept looking at him with rapt attention. Words were not seemingly forming in her mouth upon hearing his words. Without thinking for a second, she freed her heart from all the shackles that were holding back her emotions and hugged him tightly, embracing him with all her might while he stood still and silent... Totally taken aback by her actions.
Her eyelashes were still damp. Her arms were encircling his back and she pressed her cheek against his shirt, slamming her head slightly, showing her acceptance, and closed her eyes. Her body language seemed to say that she too was sure of what she was doing and that she didn't need to think about something so obvious.
She pressed her lips against Shreekant's blazer and burst into sobs the moment he finished narrated those lines, hiding her face deeper into the depression of his chest. Overflowing tears streamed down his eyes and he let the heat of the embrace penetrate into his skin.
The world ceased to exist this time not only for Amna but also for Shreekant as for both it was like a shell of the cocoon that kept them safe and secure and they wouldn't need to be worried about anything. She felt his arm gradually moving upwards to envelop her in warmth and provide the shielded confinement she needed.
Moments later they withdrew from each other and Shreekant lovingly wiped her tears, said, "Do you think your sister will be happy seeing you in pain and crying?" Her fingers were trembling in nervousness, her head was drooping in embarrassment, and she was tapping her feet in awkwardness as she remained frozen in her place.
Still unable to look him into his eyes, she spoke gazing her own feet on the ground, "Compared to the pain of my unrequited love for you, I got much more happiness and comfort by your presence. When I fell in love with you, I didn't fall only for you, I fell in love with your past and present, with your smile and your pain, with the love you had for my sister, basically every ounce of your whole identity."
Lifting her chin up with his fingers and brushing her hair away, "I know, why you never said anything... You were also ridden with guilt as much as I was and second you I didn't want to lose the friendship that we both had developed"
"I felt the same change just like you and that change scared me. But now I have finally realized, there is nothing to be afraid of. I always thought that I would have to forget her and let her go. But no, I will always have her in my heart. But having her doesn't mean I don't love you"
"I am not afraid of anything now. I survived the pain because of you. I was happy because of you. You did nothing wrong neither did I, it just happened without both of us wanting it"
He pulled her back into a tight embrace again, as he closed his eyes, wanting the time to stop then and there forever. Although she was still weeping, her heart was squealing in joy as she slammed her palms against his tattered shirt.
We both have crossed a lot of hurdles and went through pangs of guilts and complications. Will we be able to stay together while embarking on the new journey of our lives? How will this finally end? She slowly muttered with a gloomy expression over her face, inhaling the warm breeze around them.
He looked into her eyes and cupped her cheeks, whispering in a gentle soft voice, "I too don't know what's at the end of this road. The end is not in our hands, but the beginning is... Also, let's begin the new chapter of our story without worrying about the end.
She smiled and they walked towards the car, while a gentle breeze of wind followed them as if it were merrily chirping at the reconciliation of the two lonely souls. Life had thrown them in various tests, family disputes, the burden of the past but there they were... Walking together as their shadows merged into one.
"How did you come to know that I had feelings for you?"
He chuckled a little, "Someone told me, otherwise I was never going to know about it"
"Who?"
"Someone you know..."
She smiled awkwardly, "Nothing nowadays stays in Disha's stomach..."
As the two walked away towards the exit, a lady who had eavesdropped the entire conversation, wipped her tears and smiled to herself.
A/N:
Do you guys know the biggest secret about destiny? It sooner or later gives us what we truly deserve...
The writing journey began on 2nd October 2020 and today on 19th November 2020 it has finally ended. For the first time, I wrote a novel and published it so it's really close to my heart.
As the whole world is gripping with the emergence of a new pandemic, let's all sincerely hope and pray that the almighty give us enough strength to cope with the changes around us. Nothing will ever be the same again, but we all have to strive hard in getting things slightly back to normal.
I would finally end my novel with the Shanti mantra, a prayer of peace from the Upanishads.
Asatoma sad gamaya (lead me to truth from ignorance)
Tamaso ma jyotir gamaya (lead me to light from the darkness)
Mrityor ma amritam gamaya (lead me to immortality from death)
Om shanti, shanti, shanti hi (Let there be peace)
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