A/N: Hello, my golden babies! We've made it to the finish line :') let's cross it together, yeah?
I want to say something lol. If some people seem to think that me skipping the time by days, weeks, or even months, is me going too quick, remember, it's intentional. I'm not going to write out every detail of every day of their lives because it's going to end up unnecessarily dragging it out. I wouldn't leave anything important out, otherwise I wouldn't be much of a writer, would I?
Also, sorry about this. But you'll forgive me pretty quick tbh pain is temporary, especially in my writing bc I hate sadness :) (and the song has nothing to do with the chapter, I just recently heard it and wowza, she's insane).
LOL ok enjoy!!
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"Okay, Delilah, so everything is set up for tour. We leave in about a month and you'll be done by October." I nodded at Jeff as he was looking through his laptop, making sure everything was set up.
I was extremely nervous. I never expected my life to become this and now that tour is finally happening, and it's going to be almost 8 months long, I think I might throw up. I was going to be away from home for so long.
"Okay, sounds good." Jeff notices my unease and softens his expression.
"Delilah, you deserve this. You're extremely talented and hard-working. You deserve this." He repeats.
I nod but I still feel sick. "People should call you Sex Tape." I nervously blurt out.
Jeff only gives me a blank stare with his eyebrows raised, "What?"
"Um, because you make people famous."
He's silent for a beat before he bursts out laughing. "Oh my God, Delilah. You really are something else." He pauses before laughing again. "I'm telling everyone that."
The meeting passes and we finish up every last detail.
I'm on my way home and Harry is waiting at my apartment with Seb. I walk in and find Harry and Seb in the kitchen with aprons on and flour all over themselves.
"Wow. Did you guys have fun?" I ask with a playful smile on my face.
They shrug sheepishly and Harry walks up to me, "Hi, baby." He kisses me and Seb gags.
"Oh, shut up. You're just jealous." I look up at Harry. "Can I talk to you really quick?" He furrows his eyebrows but follows me into my room.
I let out a breath once we're inside and he shuts the door behind us. "What's wrong, baby?"
"So, my tour starts next month." He nods. "And I'm going to be gone for a long time. Like a really long time." He nods again. "I just wanted to make sure...we're good, right? Like the distance thing is going to be fine? 'Cuz I'm going to be gone way longer than I thought and not seeing your significant other for that long can take a toll on the relationship-"
"Delilah." He stops my rambling. "What's going on?"
"Nothing. Nothing, I just want to make sure we're good. Like, um, being away for each other for almost a year isn't easy. So, we're good, right?"
He stares at me and squints his eyes, "Yes, we're good." He pauses. "Is there something you're not telling me?"
"No! God, no, I just- I'm giving you an out. If you want it," I tell him cautiously, the words hurting me.
"An out?"
"Like, if you think we won't be able to...make it." My eyes water.
He comes closer to me and puts his hands on my arms. "Honeybee, it'll be fine. I don't want an out. This is your dream and I'm going to be here to support it all the way through, okay? There's Facetime, and planes, and mail. We'll be alright."
I nod and move forward to hug him tightly.
We'll be alright.
†
I'm two months into touring and I really underestimated how thrilling it would be. People chanting your name, waiting for hours just to see you, singing your songs, traveling across the world to see you. It was exhilarating.
I hadn't seen Harry a single time in person. I was on the other side of the world and he was busy writing. It was fine, though. We texted and called and wrote. He sent me a letter on my birthday. It just wasn't the same. But I loved him, and I was going to go through whatever was necessary.
I just finished up a show in Berlin and I called Harry. He didn't answer. Again.
But it was fine.
I left him a voicemail telling him to call me and pushed any nervous thoughts out of my mind. I went to my hotel room and took a shower. When I got out, I saw a text from Harry and my heart leapt out of my chest. I unlocked it quickly, feeling my heart sink when I read the message.
Hey, sorry I missed your call. Super busy, babe, I'll call you soon.
I swallowed the lump in my throat. He was just busy.
It was fine.
†
Another two months passed of the same thing. Me traveling all around the world, living my dream, waking up to texts from Harry apologizing for not being able to answer or waking up to missed calls from him because he called when I was asleep. I've talked to him maybe 10 times in 4 months. And the letters have stopped coming.
Even at home, I'm sure we'd have days like this. We're just a little out of sync.
It was fine.
It wasn't fine.
I can't do this. I called him again.
"Hello?"
I shot up from the bed. "Harry?"
"Hi, baby. Sorry I missed your call last night. How was the show? Amsterdam, right?"
That's it? No I miss you or anything like that?
"Um, it was awesome. One of the best so far. But I'm in Paris."
"Oh, right. Paris, sorry. Well, what's up?" He asks nonchalantly. As if he hasn't been away from me for almost 5 months.
My eyes water and my chest tightens, "Harry, I can't do this anymore. We barely speak to each other and when we do, it's like we're old friends catching up after not seeing each other for years. That's not us."
He doesn't speak for a moment and then I hear him sigh sadly, "I know." And my tears fall. "I didn't want to admit it, but we can't keep pretending." He pauses. "I'm sorry."
"It's okay, sunshine. We jus-"
"No, it's not okay, honeybee," He interrupts me. "We always pride ourselves on telling the truth. And we haven't been doing that. We're always honest with each other and we need to do that now."
I nod to myself, "I know."
"I miss you." And I hear him sniffle.
"I miss you so much." I feel a tear stream down my cheek. "I think maybe we just need to...press pause."
He doesn't speak.
"Harry?"
He sniffles again, "Pause. Right. Yeah, that sounds like it makes sense. You're liking tour, yeah?"
"I love it. It's amazing and I never thought I'd be able to do this. But I feel like it's raining all the time, Harry." He knows what I mean.
"Honeybee, I want you to do everything you've ever dreamed of. I should've taken the out when you offered it. Not because I wanted it. But you needed it." He's quiet for a beat. "I think...I think I'm going to take the out now. But it's just a pause, right? I'm going to wait for you for as long as it takes." He tells me honestly.
"I'll try not to make you wait too long, then."
"No, absolutely not, Delilah Quinn. You are not going to rush through your dreams. Do everything you have to do. Everything you want to do. I promise you, baby, I'm going to be waiting with open arms when you get back." He speaks firmly but affectionately.
"I love you so much, sunshine." My sobs have quieted down.
He sighs. "I love you more, honeybee." Silence. "Pause?"
"Pause."
†
It's October now and tour was over. I hadn't spoken to Harry since we paused four months ago. It didn't hurt as much as our first break-up. Because this wasn't a break-up. We were just paused. Like a movie.
Now that I was back, I was ready to press play. Not having to think about distance straining our relationship helped my mental health a lot and I made sure to enjoy my experience touring to the fullest. I traveled to every place I wanted to go and wrote more songs than I could've imagined. I've done everything I've dreamed of. The only part missing was Harry. I was homesick. And that was about to change.
I was standing outside his house and I couldn't stop shivering. I brought my shaky hand up to his pink door, knocked three times, and waited until I saw it creak open.
"Hi- Oh my God."
My eyes immediately tear up when I see him and I shrug, "Unpause?"
He drops his wallet on the floor and harshly pulls me into him. My face is in his hair and his is in my neck, breathing each other in. Home, home, home.
"Harry." I sob.
"Baby." He breathes into my neck. I pull back and cup his face, pulling him into a kiss. It was long, and passionate, and every emotion we felt was poured into the kiss. It stole my breath away, like always, and I moaned softly when I felt his tongue run along my bottom lip.
"I love you. I love you so much." I tell him in between kisses.
"I love you." Kiss. "My honeybee." Kiss. His arms are tight around my lower back, holding me as close to him as possible.
We pull back from the kiss, still in each other's arms and our noses brushing. "Hi." I breathe out.
"Hi back." His voice is deep and raspy and everything I needed.
He grabs my hand and hurriedly pulls me into his house. I hear him humming my song, Home, as he walks. The first one, of many, that I wrote about him.
"So, you like the song, then?" I ask him the first words he ever spoke to me and feel my eyes water again at the memory. He turns his head to smile at me and I can tell he remembers. He lifts my hand up to his lips.
"I should've known I was utterly screwed the moment I met you. You were everything I didn't know I needed." He presses a kiss to my hand and continues walking.
As he's dragging me behind him, I look down at our joined hands and see his nails are yellow with black smiley faces. Mine are peach.
He sits us as close to each other as we can on his couch and follows my line of sight. He sees our nails and smiles softly.
We don't speak for minute and I take a deep breath, "Thank you." He gives me a confused look. "For taking the out. I- I needed it. Not because of you, but because I was never going to fully be like you if I didn't give myself the chance to...share my light." He smiles at that. "But I think I've shared enough with everyone else. I don't need to do it anymore." I breathe out, "I just need you."
He's smiling softly and he leans in to kiss me. He moves back just a hair's length away. "I'm so proud of you. You've always shined as bright as me, though." I shake my head and he continues, "Yes, you have. But tell me everything, I want to hear about it all. Every detail." He pulls me into his chest and I tell him about every place I visited, every person I met, and I show him every picture I took. Then, he asks me what my favorite place is.
"It's London." His eyebrow raises. "It's never going to not be London. It's where we fell in love."
He smiles and brings his hand to my jaw, "Mine is London, too."
I have to tease him, "I mean, let's be honest, Miami is better than London-"
"No."
"-Hands down." I continue.
He looks away from me, "Absolutely not."
We laugh lightly and then I speak again, "I didn't have a single nightmare, you know?"
His eyebrows raise. "Really?"
I nod. "I used to try to prevent them. I tried to run away from what I felt but I feel like that's why I would have them. To deny something is to invite madness in, but to accept it is to control it. Once, I stopped worrying about having them, they just stopped."
"That's amazing, honeybee." His hand moves to cup my cheek.
I grip his wrist and turn my head to place a kiss there. "I missed hearing you call me that," I whisper.
"I missed you." He pulls me back into him and I feel him place a kiss at the top of my head. "Will you move in with me?"
I jump forward and turn to face him. "What?"
He shrugs. "Will you move in with me?"
"I-um. Well, yeah. Yes, of course, Harry!" I get over my shock and jump on him, pressing kisses all over his face.
He's giggling when I pull back and ask, "Wait, which house?"
He laughs louder and rolls his eyes, "God, I missed you."
And we spent the day giggling, telling our new stories, planning moving dates. We're in the middle of talking about Italy, when I ask Harry, "Hey, what word would you choose for today?"
He smiles. "Happy. It's always going to be happy when I'm with you." He repeats my words from so long ago. "What word would you choose?" He asks me.
And I thought about it. I thought about every moment I've lived. I thought about the last two years. Knowing Seb, knowing Sarah, knowing Gemma. Knowing Harry. And knowing myself. My whole life, I just wanted to feel like I was shining. I wanted to be like Harry. And now, I finally felt like it. I finally felt like I was shining. And I was doing it right next to him, my sun, glowing bright and beautiful.
I open my mouth to answer,
"Golden."
THE END.
for now.
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Song: Lady Like by Ingrid Andress
A/N: Told you you'd forgive me quickly lol I hate heartache for too long.
Anyway, that's the last chapter!! I'm not sure how many epilogues are going to be written, it might be one or it might be ten, I'm still working out all the kinks.
No, not those kinks, you dirty ppl ;) (if y'all remember this then pls cry with me).
I'm about to go off, so be prepared.
I wanted to end the story exactly like this. I've had that planned since the beginning and her personal progression was my biggest goal. I wanted her to finally realize she was golden the entire time and now she had someone to shine just as brightly with. I love their story and I love Delilah so so so much.
And I love you so much. My golden babies, no matter how many or how few of you, thank you so much for your endless love and support. Lord knows how much I needed it. I started writing as a way to relieve stress. Everyone has days where they don't feel golden but that doesn't mean they shine any less.
Literally since December 13th, I had a strange connection to Golden. I remember chills running throughout my body when I first heard it and I cried once it was over. I had never had a reaction to a song the way I did with Golden. Almost a year has passed, and not once did I stop feeling that way. I still cry every single time I hear it. Every person in my life knows how much that song means to me. Golden saved my life.
I was in a really bad car accident last year and driving after that had always been very triggering and traumatic for me. I was literally on the highway on the way to school fully sobbing, when Golden came on. The beginning da da da da's instantly lifted my mood. This might sound so weird tbh but I don't know how else to say it. This song is everything to me.
When it was announced that it was becoming a single and getting a music video, I felt very protective of the song and felt like I was letting go of something so private. But it wasn't private at all. So, I made myself understand that I should be happy that H's best song was going to get the recognition it deserved. Because genuinely and truly, no song deserves it more than Golden. The second the music video was released, I started sobbing. Harry is so happy in the video, unapologetically himself, and I was smiling through my tears the entire time. I've rewatched it an unhealthy amount of times to this day and I literally cannot get over how beautiful it is. Harry and Golden are the two most special things in the world to me and that's what had inspired this book.
And now, Delilah has become one of those special things. I used writing as a release of my emotions. Whenever I wanted to, I threw around ideas in my head and typed them out. This book is a safe haven for me and I hope it can be the same for some people. I'm forever going to be grateful for your support. I love you so much. And please always remember,
You're so golden.
-J :)