Greta Mae Jones, my dreams
I sat in the cold hospital, looking longingly out the dingy small window wanting to just disappear. I was tired and in desperate need of sleep, looking down at my dirty short nails I felt I needed a good washing. I pulled my long tangled brown hair up into a knot on top of my head. One wispy hair fell down on my sweaty musty face over my right eye, just as I raised my hand up from my lap to pull the pesky hair back into the knot I had created; the door swung open. I quickly slapped my hands down onto my lap.
A doctor stood in the doorway, he asked "Ms. Greta Mae Jones?" In a husky low voice, his voice reminded me of sand paper scratching across a board smoothing in down; I quickly turned my thoughts back to reality. I jumped out of my chair "yes?" I said in an anxious high shrill voice. A million questions rolled off my tongue "is she ok?" "What is going to hap?" "Greta" the Doctor said quietly cutting me off mid-sentence. "I think we should step out in to the hallway." Before I could respond I felt his firm hand guiding me out of the room to the poorly lit hallway. Sighing the Doctor began to talk about my Mother's condition and what the outcome would be.
Time seemed to come to a standstill; my thoughts were turning to a happier place. Someone kept shouting my name "Greta! Greta!" This came across as odd to me "Why would someone be shouting in such a happy place?" A familiar hand grabbed my arm's shaking me roughly. Reality hit me like a slap in the face. "Greta, the voice said." "Your Mother's tuberculosis and condition...well she's going to die" He simply stated. I stammered out "die?" The voice I now realized belonged to the doctor; he answered meekly back "yes, I'm sorry."
Everything went black, I awoke back where I had first been sitting; next to the dingy window is the hospital room. My mind was a blank slate, I was numb. I felt nothing. Then I realized I should be crying "is that not a normal human reaction?" I thought I waited for what seemed like hours waiting for an emotion to resurface, I even tried pinching my pale fleshly skin with my dirty fingers. Still nothing, a loud cough came from behind me. I quickly ran over to the left side of my Mother's hospital bed. My movements were unplanned they just came.
I tenderly stroked my Mother's worn face, telling her everything would be okay. I felt that by as if by saying everything was okay was a lie, but the word "okay" shot warm feelings across my entire tired body. My Mother's eyes slowly started to flutter open; her hazel-green eyes seemed to bore into my very soul. Her cracked lips parted slightly, as if to form a word. I quickly put my finger up to her lips "Shhh shh Mother it is okay save your voice shh I'm here it's me Greta." I smiled brightly, putting on a façade. She suddenly became tense under my touch, and raised herself up, glaring at me accusingly. My heart came to an abrupt stop. "GRETA? Who is Greta? WHY ARE YOU HERE? DID YOU TAKE RICHARD? NO YOU CAN'T HAVE HIM! MY RICHARD, NOT YOURS! RICHARD? RICHARD!" Hot tears began to roll off my dirty cheeks; I tried to hold her hand again. She yanked away angrily from me. She started pulling wildly at her bed sheets trying to get up she twisted herself in them. The door swung open again. I heard loud footsteps clicking briskly against the title into the small room.
"Sedate her!" The nurse shouted, in a nasal voice at her assistant. I quickly looked away not wanting to see what was happening next. I knew what was going to come next though...the nervous assistant quickly plunged the needle into her arm; I dared to look after this. My mother's body fell limp onto the hospital bed. The assistant's face went almost as peaceful as mother's was after this.
"Young lady, visiting hours are over you should go home and get some rest, your Mother should be fine...for now." Before I could respond I was literally pushed out of the room by the nurse. The door clicked shutting loudly behind me; I knew I should be heading home now so I did slowly. After exiting the Community Hospital I hailed a car for the ride home. The car ride was a blur; I remember the cab coming to a halt and the driver shaking me awake. I quickly apologized, slipped him money and closed the door quietly behind me. I moved swiftly wanting to get out of the freezing winter weather into our small, cozy townhouse. After shutting the door and hanging up my dirty jacket I collapsed onto the couch. All the emotion's I had been holding broke through. I was like a river destroying a dam. My body was shaking, and everything around me. After I felt as if I could not possibly cry anymore I fell into a dreamless sleep.
The next morning I awoke feeling like I had hit my head against a brick wall. My mind was still foggy. But reality hit slowly seeped in. I scrambled falling several times to the telephone to phone the Community Hospital. "How may I help you today?" A nasal voice asked on the other end. Thoughts of hate creeped slowly when I realized it was the Nurse who had hurt my Mother. I discarded it quickly though. "This is Greta Mae Jones; I would like to know my Mother's condition is she better?" I asked urgently. The Nurse seemed to not hear a single word I had said, she stated that for a couple of days I shouldn't come see her. I heard a click on the other line. I slid down onto the kitchen floor clutching the telephone in my sweaty hands. My world was crashing down upon me. I curled up in a ball on the hard tile floor, not wanting to move or feel anymore.
I began to think about the accident my Father was gone and now my Mother soon would be too. A memory spread into my thoughts, my Father and me playing catch at the local park. He was tossing the ball to me; I lifted up my left gloved hand to catch it. The ball was soaring towards me I felt excitement showing my Father how good I was at ball. I never heard the slap of the ball in my glove; instead it went smack onto my small freckled face. My Father ran over to me comforting me; holding me in his strong arms. He laughed lightly and told me that in life you may fall but you can choose to get back up again. "Greta, this is what I want you to remember always little one...You need to not let the fear of striking out keep you from playing the game." At the time I thought my Daddy was being silly and talking about baseball but I now realized what he had mean. I let go of the telephone and got up, I was going to change. I walked to the bathroom and decided to take a relaxing bath.
I slipped out of my dirty dress, letting it slide off my skinny shapeless body into a lump on the floor. Turning around I saw how bad the damage was in the full length mirror. Dark circles ringed my dark pretty brown eyes. My long brown hair was a tangled mess my milky skin had a tint to it, as if I had spent a long day at the beach sun bathing. I slid into the deep bath feeling the water wrap around me. After what seemed like hours I went into my room to get changed into a clean dress. I choose my yellow stylish knee length dress my Mother loved so dearly. Walking back to the couch I had slept on the night before I sunk into the soft cushions waiting for my hair to dry in the dim winter sun. I fell asleep again; but not into a dreamless sleep this time.
I was standing under a street lamp; the snow fell freely from the sky. It froze my face cold. I looked up to the right of me; a figure was coming towards me out of the misty snow. I was not afraid, it was a man. I knew with my entire being who it was, but I had forgotten. The figure came from the mist to under the street lamp. He had lush curly dark hair that framed his god like face. His eyes were brighter then the ocean. He knew me, and I knew him. He reached out his large hand towards me; I placed my delicate hand into his.
He led me through the snowy night through the alley ways and slums. He finally came to a stop; he let my small hand fall to my side and pointed. His index finger was pointing at the dark sky I saw nothing. He pushed me forward telling me to see like before, I did. The sky suddenly ripped from the darkness to the light.
A small plane was flying across the ocean; a larger plane shot fire at the small plane. The small plane tumbled from the sky like a toy down to the deep ocean it went down and down. Fire and smoke was everywhere. The smoke seemed to consume the plane. I did not understand. Then I did. Bodies floated on top of the water, they were bent in odd places; missing limbs were everywhere.
I saw a man swimming across the water as if he was a fish. He broke through the water like he was born to swim. He reached land and stopped he stood up looking up and ran into the forest till it consumed him. Could it be? Was it really my father? He was dead...or was he...I looked around and saw no one. I then heard a wretched snapping noise. A voice seemed to tell me from hell that the letters were in the air. The voice repeated this nine times after this.
I then awoke in a sweat, shivers shot up and down my spine. Talking a deep breath I tried to calm down, when I inhaled a sharp breath it cut through my body like a knife. After several feeble times at pathetic attempts to calm down I gave up. I decided to go into the kitchen to pour myself a glass of wine to ease my nerves. Pouring the wine from the bottle was difficult. Still shaking I could not steady the glass, red wine was going everywhere. It hit the floor, my dress, and feet. Finally I was able to pour some wine from the bottle into my glass. I eagerly raised the glass to my pink lips, and then phone suddenly rung.
The phone ringing startled me, causing me to drop the glass cup from my hands to the hard tile floor. Everything was happening in slow motion, the red wine was flying throughout the air as if they were red blood colored raindrops, the glass cup swung around. It fell to the floor causing the glass to spatter up my legs cutting me. The wine became mixed with blood and sweat. I felt no pain though; shock was causing me to become numb. I ran over to the phone not realizing that my hands were covered in blood. Quickly whisking the phone up I heard a voice on the other line ask for Greta, I knew what was coming next. "Hello? I answered, this is she." "Greta your mother passed on not long ago, I'm so sorry." The lady did not sound sorry at all. She sounded like a computer spitting out information that had been programmed instructions into her system. I gasped letting the phone drop from my hand to the counter, "mam are you there? Mam?" I did not hear her though I was already running.
Swinging open the front door I ran out into the cold winter evening. My feet left blood tracks covering the white snow. I pumped my arms harder and harder. Tears were flowing freely. My chest pounded so hard it felt like my heart would burst. I did not stop though; I ran all the way there. Coming to an abrupt stop I finally had reached the community hospital. I collapsed on a park bench outside the front doors of the hospital. Finally catching my breath I pushed myself up from the bench to my feet.
Slowly I made my way to the hospital door. I jogged up the four flights of stairs to mother's room. Whispering to myself "level four D, room three" I repeated this pushing myself not to stop till I reached mother. I finally reached her room; a nurse was removing machinery away from the bed and cords from the body. Her assistant was removing a white sheer sheet from the closest. She placed the sheet over mother. Not being able to watch anymore I threw myself across my mother, removing the sheet off of her. I held her tightly to my body. "Mother, why did you have to leave me?" Sobs broke loose. Footsteps came from behind me I could hear voices talking amongst themselves. Anger flowed from my veins till I burst. Flipping my head back accusingly back at them my eyes flickered around the room from face to face.
I clenched my tightly together. "Little girl you need to leave now." A nurse said glaring at me. "How dare you!" I said. "You have no right to telling me to leave my mother. I'm her daughter who are you? O that's right you are nobody." I stood up to my full height up from the bed. I grabbed her lab coat shaking tightly; I looked her in the eye and glared not once looking away. The nurse begun to cry out and quiver, this gave me great pleasure seeing her feel pain. Raising my hand I smirked at her ready to slap her across her pathetic small face.
"Greta a voice screamed, that is enough." My sister Mary must have just gotten the news about mother to. Victor suddenly shook me madly back and forth. Realizing what I had done I fell into his strong familiar arms mumbling.
"I'm sorry Victor the nurse was just so mean so mean..." "Shh Greta silly it's ok." He said while stroking my long tangled hair in a lovingly older brother way. "Mary can you please take Greta out of the room and into the hallway?" "Yes" my sister replied. "Come her baby let's get you medical attention for your frost bite and cuts." Mary stretched out her hand and gently placed in on my shoulder, she then led me out of the hospital room to the intensive care center unit.
After the door shut behind me I sighed a sigh of relief, I knew everything would be ok now. Victor and Mary were there. They would take care of everything. In the intensive care center unit I was led by an older kind looking woman doctor to the hospital bed. She took my blood pressure, checked my pulse and hearing.
I learned the doctor's name was Nancy Field's, Nancy told me her struggles of becoming a doctor. She also talked about what is was like growing up on a little farm in Centerville Kansas, she said everyone told her she couldn't do it but she did. She said "I stuck my heels into the ground packed my bags and headed off to Millville University. Nancy made me laugh and smile.
While my cuts were being cleaned out and stitched up I felt no pain, "while Greta, you're all done, and as good as new." I smiled meekly back not realizing that an IV drop had been placed into my arm to help me stay hydrated and sleep. My eye lids became heavy with sleep. "Goodnight Nancy" I mumbled and groaned.
Nancy talked to Mary telling her I would be fine. I heard the door close, Nancy's fragrance left with her when she left. Mary crawled up onto my bed under the covers, she held tightly till we both fell asleep. We were safe for now from the world, we were together.
The sun shined down onto my face warming it in perfect way, I rolled over reaching for Mary and realized she was gone. I sat up straight in the bed and surveyed the room for any sight of Mary, she was no where to be found. As I became more and more worried I decided to look around for her. I opened the door and found Mary and Victor holding each other in such a loving way I did not want to disturb them. I slowly shut the door, and slid back under my covers.
I heard the door a few minutes later open, I could hear Victor's booming laugh and Mary's tinkling laugh. Slowly raising my head up I yawned dramatically and wipped the sleep away from my eyes. "Well Greta you look awfully happy today, why are you smiling?" "Nothing, no reason" I answered back. I smiled secretly to myself knowing that even in the darkest times of your life you can still see the end of the tunnel where you can find light.
"Greta we arranged everything for the funeral to take place later tonight at about six, since your mother had no close friends it will just be you me and Mary. For now though lets get you cleaned up and take you home. We all need to decide what to do with the house, belongings, and the car."