Huge shout-out to:
lilkym23, Taektaekook, moitrayeekundu, INTERNATIONAL_ARMY_, Cynblack1981, lalaylit
for supporting this fic!
Enjoyyy
_____
"I'm going to be sad once we have to rely on dry food for a while"
Mochi meowed in agreement at Jimin's monologue. He waited patiently, while Jimin quickly bought food- biscuits, rolls- basically anything he felt like eating and a few bottles of water. It took up most of the remaining money he had, but he had to have some food for the next two weeks or so.
Jimin pulled the hat he was wearing, low on his face. As he walked back to the cave, Jimin contemplated what he had to do. And of course, he also had to make sure to plot ahead of time to make it to the Willow on the 21st. Which would be a grueling task, what with how progressively weaker his body was getting.
He sighed, hand curling around his necklace and closing his eyes for a second.
"Okay so, leaning about myself, how do I do that?" he questioned Mochi. He'd learned that the cat doesn't like to speak up with many around. It ruined his 'cool' factor apparently The said cat yawned and curled up.
Probably think about yourself?
Jimin rolled his eyes. "Like that didn't cross my mind"
I don't know, human. I require no learning for I am perfect.
Jimin hummed sarcastically. "Sure" he sat cross legged on the ground, contemplating what he should do.
He'd begun the task the moment Fen had left of course, but he was nowhere near to completing it. As it was, he didn't understand how he could go on about it.
He recalled Fen's words- now engraved in his mind- again.
"For you to be a host, you must have great understanding of yourself. You must learn yourself, and you must appreciate yourself. You must accept your flaws and perfections"
Jimin huffed. "Great understanding of myself. What's that supposed to mean?"
He closed his eyes.
I am Park Jimin. Twenty one years old. I am a law major.
He wondered if anything miraculous would happen once he did achieve this great understanding. For now, he was just running around in circles.
I am lazy. I hate how much work college has to give.
Jimin groaned. He didn't think this kind of thinking would do the job.
He flopped down on his back, looking at the clear blue sky. Maybe a walk would help. After all, he did have to cross the Nyx. Better to get started sooner than later.
With the thought of his mind, he shouldered his bag again, waking up Mochi and pulling out the map. Fen had clearly plotted the path he'd need to take, neatly drawing it over the map. And according to that, Jimin now had to...go forward.
Looking at the thick greenery ahead of him, he sighed, maybe for the umpteenth time this hour alone.
Leaving the familiar meadow behind, he began to trace the path Fen had laid out for him.
**
Jimin had adopted a kind of schedule. It was simple: travel in the day time, meditate in the night.
And no, meditating might sound boring and old-fashioned, but it really did help.
When his feet were tired and blistered from walking, he'd sit down, pull out some food and feed himself and Mochi and then close his eyes, thinking of, at first, nothing but just inhaling and exhaling.
Inhale for ten counts, Exhale four ten.
He'd then proceed to repeat his name, like a mantra, until it was almost a reflex action.
When he did think deeply about it, he found out that maybe deeper understanding wasn't as hard as he was expecting.
It had to come from within- and it should have a strong ring of conviction that is unable to look away from. The more time Jimin spent isolated, the more he became attuned to his thoughts. He learned to listen to the smallest snippet. He learned to think about himself critically, in a way he hadn't ever before. Because he simply hadn't had the time to. Or the motivation to.
Now, he felt physically drained. The long walks under the sun and the humid temperature were not helping. Neither were the unhealthy food he was consuming. Sometimes, it felt like a heroic effort to just hold his head in place and walk forward, but he managed. Or maybe managed wasn't the appropriate word. He was making himself do it. Forcing himself to. He had a responsibility upon his shoulders- whether or not he chose it- and this once, this once, he wanted to make himself see through it.
But really, the need to prove himself didn't matter in the end. He had to somehow get his part of the task done, just as he had shipped off all the others with seemingly impossible tasks.
A week had already passed by, and Jimin could feel the panic beginning to settle in his bones. He tried not to think about it too much, calming himself down whenever he felt like he was losing it and surprisingly- it worked. For now.
Opening his eyes, Jimin decided that it was enough for today. He pulled out his blanket, now filthy, much to his distaste, and laid it on the ground. With a quiet groan, he curled up on it, hating how every inch of his body was now aching.
As Mochi curled on the bend of Jimin's elbow, Jimin allowed a little smile before he fell asleep.
**
"I have tried over and over, to sway him mind, but Yoongi would not help me. He says that he cannot. That he fears going against family. That it will not be a good outcome for any of us.
He is a coward. Worse than his father.
It is up to me to save my love.
Wait for me, Anastasia. I will save you.
Wait for me"
**
I am Park Jimin and I am not perfect.
I am Park Jimin and I only human.
I am Park Jimin and I...I am scared.
Once the words shot through his mind, Jimin's eyes shot open. His heart thudded wildly in his chest, creating a sound so loud, surely even Mochi had to hear it. If there was anything Jimin had learned throughout this whole vista, it was that self-hatred came more readily than self-acceptance. And Jimin was already in the zone of self-hatred- had been in it ever since he'd let his friends get captured.
Calming himself down again, Jimin closed his eyes, peering into the depth of his mind, looking through the veil that hid all of his flaws, not allowing him to peek at them.
I am insecure. Of a lot of things. My looks, my skills. Everything in and between. I am insecure. I am insecure about how people see me. Their judgment frightens me.
Jimin took a deep breath.
I am irrational. I give into emotions rather than facts. I make hasty decisions, believing my heart over the matter.
His fists clenched.
I get attached too soon. I open myself up too soon. I give myself up too soon.
I am bad at reading people- figuring out what they want from me.
I am...self-conscious. A lot. And anxious. A perfectionist.
There was a kind of balled up bundle of stress inside of him, beginning to unravel and unravel-
But I am strong.
The words were flung at him out of nowhere, but with such conviction, it had Jimin freezing.
I am strong. The words were firm. Fierce. As if there had been a warrior inside of him who'd been asleep for so long.
I am strong. The repeating sentence had Jimin smiling a bit.
I am Park Jimin, he thought, and I am...strong.
**
Once the wall had been broken, opening himself up to self-praise had been relatively easier; quicker. It wasn't as hard it was, to grasp.
It was now the 15th of September. Just six days till-
Jimin gulped.
-till Ajax's plan.
A shiver ran up Jimin's spine and he clutched the necklace to bring himself some reassurance. He pulled out the map once again, now ceased and worn-out, to look at with a critical eye. If Jimin had not made any misconceptions, there was not much of the journey left to the willow. The fact had Jimin heaving a sigh of relief. He didn't think he could any more of exerting himself so much, physically and emotionally. There was a part in Jimin that yelled at him to give up; that made him want to stop and slump down at every other step he took forward, but he barreled onwards. With nothing but pure determination, he barreled onwards.
At this point, literally every step he took was challenging. On one hand, he had so less physical stamina, every small walk would be like an intense work-out session. Second, his feet were blistered beyond imagination. In addition to the lovely package, his muscles were sore as fuck. Especially his neck muscles, most probably from his sleeping positions. It didn't help that the Nyx was frightening, and if Jimin hadn't had Mochi, he wouldn't have known what he'd do. Maybe he'd cry. More than once.
Having nothing fulfilling to eat also bummed everything out and so many times- just so many times- Jimin was forced into a litany of, give up, you'll never win.
But for some reason, he made himself go forward. Put one foot in front of the other somehow. Forced another step or two, when all he felt like was curling up into a ball and never moving again.
And maybe that is what fueled Jimin into finding the positivity in himself again; finding the light that had been hidden for so long. Maybe that is what had Jimin's thoughts slowly morphing into acceptance because holy cow, he was so strong.
He was so strong.
He was so strong to endure all of this. The pain- the hunger- everything.
He was so brave for everything he had done so far. He'd lived through so many things, the guilt, the shame, the heartbreak, the anger, the pain- and yet here he was, standing, walking forward, putting one foot in front of the other and not giving up. And maybe there were so many others going through worse issues, but for Jimin, the fact that he was still going forward- it was sort of amazing.
It was as if a light had suddenly turned on within him, illuminating everything he'd refused to see, being tricked by an illusion of guilt and shame.
Here he was, still living, despite all the odds.
Suddenly, Jimin had newfound respect for himself- or at least for his strong will.
With a grim smile, he folded the map again, giving himself a brief pep talk before continuing his journey towards the Ancient Willow.
**
It was now that Jimin was beginning to see a peak of the Ancient Willow through the cage of trees he was walking through. Just a bit of the humongous tree, but even that was enough to get Jimin's heart racing in his chest.
He was almost there.
He felt as if his breath was shortening.
No, no, no human, calm down. Mochi jumped up to his lap, insistently pawing at his chest. Calm down. You are doing great.
"Not really" Jimin protested weakly. "I don't feel ready at all"
Of course you will not feel ready now.
"And what's that supposed to mean?"
When the time comes, you shall know if you are ready.
"But I need to know now!" Frustrated, Jimin whined. He could feel Mochi's exasperation rolling off in waves.
Not everything goes the way you want to, human. So calm down. And believe that you can do this.
Jimin stared into the cat's eyes- orbs that held so much more intelligence than a normal cat's- and felt slightly mollified.
"Yeah" he finally breathed out. "Yeah, I'll believe that I can do it"
Funny how he was reduced to taking advice from a cat.
Closing his eyes and taking a deep breath, he resumed his meditating, willing away the panic and focusing on himself; his breathing.
**
His stomach was growling and Jimin groaned. He wished that he had some food that was warm. Straight-out-of-the-oven kind of food. Mechanically, he munched on the now almost stale biscuits and washed it down with some fresh water- he'd found a couple of springs on the way. Of course, there had been fruits on his path, but Jimin had been too weary to try them out. Who know what kind of modification Elyxion mangoes had? If animals could talk then hell, Jimin wasn't going to believe that fruits weren't modified in some way. It just wasn't possible.
At this point, he felt like he'd been trekking a desert for years. His limbs felt watery. And doing as much as thinking as he was currently doing- was finally starting to make him go crazy.
But no, he firmly chided himself. You're not going crazy. You just miss having another person who's not a cat to talk to.
He took this as a time to properly sort out his feelings. Mainly about Yoongi.
He made himself relive his burst-out, and although it made him wince, he made himself face it.
He'd been insecure, the whole time. He'd felt inane, compared to the angel Yoongi had fallen in love with; the angel who had caused such a difference in the Reaper's life. He'd felt inferior to his own past life, because Yoongi had kept mentioning him so much, that somewhere in the back of his mind, he'd begun to think if Yoongi saw him for who his was.
And Jimin wouldn't regret his words- although he might have wanted it to be calmer, rather than spitting them out in a frustrated manner- but he wouldn't take it back. He wasn't going to feel guilty over it, because he was just trying to stand up for himself.
But that also didn't mean that he didn't love Yoongi any less.
Maybe that was the fine line that had been blurred in the Reaper's eyes and even in his own.
Jimin might've been Orenda in his past life, and maybe what they had, what Orenda and Yoongi had, was so strong that it exceeded lifetimes. But Jimin- Jimin wasn't Orenda. He held the love in the same depth- or maybe even more- but Jimin was different.
Because if there's anything, Jimin would never blame Yoongi for something they'd equally been a part of.
One tiny detail, but it meant the world to Jimin.
He remembered the visions of his past life and as the angel had withered away, he had placed the blame on Yoongi for loving him. He had clearly said, this is your fault.
And Jimin would never say that.
He'd been tangled in all of these problems, because of Yoongi in the first place anyway. Ajax's issues with the Reaper was what had bought Jimin into this world in the first place; why he was going through so many emotions in the first place; why Jimin was suffering so much, just to keep on walking forward.
And yet, Jimin would never regret any of it.
He would never regret meeting Yoongi, loving him and being with him. Even if it came with all the bundled up emotions and stress, he wouldn't give it up.
So if there was anything that set Jimin and Orenda apart, it was that.
Jimin would never, never, regret anything with Yoongi. But of course, they still and to talk through about what had happened, and how they could move past it. They still had lots of room for development.
It was an automatic reflex at this point, him clutching the necklace. His lips curved up in a small smile.
Recently though, something had been tugging the back of his mind insistently, trying to make him see something that could brighten up his day and-
Oh.
If Jimin had gasped too loud and broken out a blinding smile- well, no one had to know.
Because if Jimin was to the Angel King, the words were easy to him now, if he were to be the Angel King, then that would mean that he could live on Elyxion without dying.
It had been such an unexpected solution to it all.
He so wished that he could just tell Yoongi about it and see his gummy smile-
Don't get your hopes up, Jimin. This could go both ways.
Inhaling slowly, Jimin nodded to himself. With only two more days to go, he was pulling himself up, patching up his wounds securely and gaining more and more hidden cards about himself. As the day faded into night, Jimin was still concentrating, face a mask of peace until Mochi broke his attention with a small meow. Jimin chuckled, standing up to provide the cat with some food and resumed his task.
As the time ticked away, he slowly let the drowsiness take over him, falling into a deep sleep on the bare ground itself.
**
He woke up to a rough tongue lapping against his skin and the urgent thought of, One more day to go.
But now, he wasn't panicking.
He felt strangely calm; peaceful.
And that, he guessed, satisfied, was a result of the sort of these two weeks Jimin had spent in isolation. He'd gotten himself prepped up and motivated and more accustomed to the idea of what he had to do.
He prayed that everyone else had managed to do their part too, or else everything would be hell.
Jimin gulped down some water, getting himself prepared to think clearly of what he had to do tomorrow.
For one, it was giving Ajax the shock of his life. Then of course, he had to find out where the Spirit of the Good was sealed and- the part that had Jimin nervous- was the spell. He'd had to recite a spell that would infuse the spirit with him and if he missed one word- he might lose the chance. For Ajax was not going to be standing aside, letting Jimin peacefully do him work. No, it was going to be a battle with time and precision.
Last of all, they had to defeat Ajax himself.
This was the part that Jimin dreaded. He remembered how Yoongi had said that Ajax could only be put down, not be given a second chance.
But Jimin believed in second chances.
He couldn't end a life- no matter how twisted that person had be. That would make Jimin a killer too. He considered what Ajax had told him. The purification ritual that would see if a man was worth to save.
He ran a hand though his hair.
"Do you think I can do this?" he questioned Mochi, who had been giving himself a bath. Jimin envied the cat for that. At least he looked pristine. Jimin was sure that he looked like an absolute mess.
What matters is whether YOU think that you can do it, Mochi replied. But if you ask my honest opinion, yes, human. You can.
And sometimes, Jimin thought, it didn't hurt to listen to a cat.
**
I am Park Jimin, and I am human.
I fall down, I crumble. I get up and I smile.
I am Park Jimin, and I am not perfect.
I'm insecure and afraid of judgment.
I am Park Jimin and I...I am strong.
I have been strong, maybe even before I knew it. I am kind, and I am generous. An even though I'm quick to give into emotions, I still care to see if they hurt those around me. Even if I'm too late about it.
I am Park Jimin.
And I believe in myself. I might not be the bravest, or the strongest, but I believe in what I can do.
And I, Park Jimin,
I am ready to be the Angel King.
Jimin opened his eyes.
**
"Okay now, you have to stay here okay?"Jimin severely said. "I will not have you out there where you can get hurt"
Mochi yowled in anger.
"I said no, Mochi" Jimin leaned down to kiss the cat's forehead. "You have to stay and keep yourself safe for me, yeah?"
But I cannot let you go alone, Mochi reproachfully said. You need me.
"I'm not denying that, but I'm not going to get to hurt" Jimin looked at him pleadingly. "Please?"
The cat huffed, almost human-like, and looked away. Fine. Fine, I shall stay.
"There's a good kitty" Jimin smiled. He tried to calm his pounding heart. This was it. Tomorrow was going to be the day.
Tomorrow was going to be the day where everything will fall on to one side, or the other.
Jimin took a deep and steadying breath. He stuffed the map inside his bag, not needing it to walk the final few paces for he had the path memorized now. He picked up his bag, and shouldered it.
"One last walk, Mochi" he muttered. "Come on, this is the last time. We'll sleep closer to where need to be. After all, I need the strength" he gave a nervous chuckle at that. Mochi shot him a look.
Closing his eyes and willing himself to calm down, Jimin began the final trek forward.
**
It felt wrong for the next day- the 21st of September- to dawn bright and shiny, with not a hint of clouds. As Jimin squinted at the sky, he waited for the onslaught of emotions- the panic, the nervousness- and was surprised when it wasn't as strong as he thought it would be. Of course, there was always a little bit of those, but not an overdose of emotions that had him shaking.
He stood up, brushing himself down.
This is it.
Kissing Mochi one last time, Jimin stared at the breaking of the forest, through which he could clearly see the huge bark of the ancient Willow. Of course there was no need to peek through the trees to see the Willow, for it loomed over his head, widespread and unbelievably large.
Jimin inhaled, fists clenching by his sides.
He was ready.
Head held skywards, Jimin marched out of the Nyx.
**
"They took her away from me. They hauled my pretty flower away from me.
They said that it would be her last day.
I must save her. I have to. She is my only reason to live. I cannot lose her.
I need to save her.
Are you not going to help me, Yoongi? Will you sit aside and watch, with a cruel smile on your face?
Will you really let me suffer like this? After all the years of friendship we had?
It doesn't matter, for you are my enemy now, as much as your father is. I will save Anastasia. Whatever it takes...I will save her"
_____
Oop the critical scenes are coming uppp
i can do a double update if y'all want tho
love y'all
XOXO