Gerry...
Sitting on the floor, here in the nursery, I feel like this was mission accomplished, and I learned a lot. Nate admitted his fears to Kay. And now they were so much better for it. As I listened to him unload it all, I was shocked. Deep down I knew he had something to share, but that was surprising. To think, all this time, he was worried about being strong for her and passing on a birth defect?
What birth defect?
It took everything I had to get him to talk. Listening to Kaylee crying in this room, I watched him suffering on the other side of that door. He needed to do something, but I could not get him to enter.
Turning around, he grabbed his keys and walked out of the house. I did not know what he planned to do. As we drove, I just stared at him and I was at a loss.
When Nate pulled into the local hardware store, and not the bar next door, I felt a sigh of relief.
Searching through the colors, he was very specific about which ones to choose. I sat back and just watched him. He cared, but I had no idea why he started that fight. The baby will be here in just over a month. What was Kay supposed to do? I totally agreed with her.
On the drive home, I looked at all the bright colors and knew we were getting somewhere. But he still needed to open up.
As the radio rambled on about the news, I screamed in frustration, "Play some freaking music, man!"
He ignored me, or so I thought.
Sitting in the truck, I kept talking to him, but he just stared at the road. I had no idea if he could even hear me, but I was not giving up.
That's when I saw a single tear trickle down his cheek.
"Show her you care. Open up to your wife. Talk to her!" I shouted, but he wiped that tear away and we were home.
After he brought in the last gallon of paint and sat it by the door, Nate turned away. He walked into the living room and flopped down on the couch to watch TV. Flipping through the channels, I was so angry with him for not going in there.
Did he go through all of this just to walk away? Does he not know his wife was in pain? Could he not hear her crying? What is wrong with this guy?
Fury filled me up inside. I was so angry with him that he would ignore her pain. How could any husband let his wife down that way? And then it hit me...
At that moment, I flashed to the hospital room and saw the look of anguish in Kim's eyes when I chose the girl's names.
The pain was so clear, but I chose not to see it. She knew right then that I was not over Kay, but I ignored her pain. Here she had just given birth to my little miracles, and I completely gutted her. Yes, I was upset about losing my mother, but it was wrong. My daughters were all I had in the end, and again I was selfish. All that mattered were my feelings and my pain...
Standing in front of Nate, I screamed at the top of my lungs, "Go Talk to Her! Be honest. She's hurting. Make her hear you, no matter what the cost."
At that moment, I learned how to get him moving, because he stood right up and went to that nursery room door. Standing there, we could hear her sobs and I wanted to hit this guy.
"GO IN THERE!" I shouted.
He put his hand on the door and shook his head. So I thought Nate was going to walk away, but then he knocked.
Looking around this room, I see it now...
Kim needed me to be strong, but I was mad. She was only 18 years old, and I got her pregnant, then blamed her for ruining my life. Kim was scared, and I was angry. My wife needed a partner, but I wanted Kaylee. What a fool I was to deny her my love, or to at least care about her feelings. Yes, she was known for being a bitch, yet I still slept with her. No, I did not love Kim, but I married her. She gave me everything as I lied to her and myself. My wife may have taken our children away, but I had already abandoned my family. She didn't kill me... I did.
As time goes on, tensions mounted as Christmas day approached. All the running about, shopping, and the preparations for the new baby exhausted even me and I'm dead. Every time the phone rang, I could see the worry in her eyes. It was getting close, and this was becoming more real. It scared her, and he was anxious. So, I did my best to keep them calm.
Kaylee came home from work and said, "Mira was in today and told me it could happen anytime. It may be a very crazy Christmas."
"How did she seem?" Nate asks.
Kay hugs him and says, "She was just fine. A little ready for this to be over, but still on board."
He nods and goes to walk into the kitchen, but Kay grabs her husband and kisses him.
She whispers, "It's going to happen."
"I know." He replies.
It's Thursday and Christmas eve night. They consider staying home, but an hour at a party might do them good. A group of friends is getting together and they agree to go.
Sitting outside Franny's house, Nate says, "Come on, let's go in. You have your phone and Mira said she would call if anything happens."
"What if I'm a bad mother?" She asks.
We both look at her in shock.
She adds, "What if there is a reason why God didn't give me a child? Maybe I don't deserve one."
Before I can say a word, he replies, "Baby, God is giving you a child. I believe this was meant to be. Eight years, you tried, and one month after we stop a woman calls to offer us a baby. If that isn't divine intervention, then I don't know what is, sweetheart. This little baby is a miracle, given to us by God, and you will be a wonderful mommy."
He pulls her in and they hold each other as the snow falls and covers the windshield.
As I look out the side window, I whisper, "Well, I could not have said that better myself.".
Sitting at Fran's dining room table, Kay places the phone in front of her and Nate holds her hand. Franny and everyone else that came to her party tonight is having a wonderful time. The Christmas music is playing softly in the background, the tree is all lit up and there are presents wrapped perfectly underneath. Everyone is in great spirits, but I catch each one of the guests, staring at her phone. They are all trying not to, but I can see it in their eyes.
As Kay sits down with a plate of food, her phone rings, and everyone stops. Franny turns off the music and we all watch as she answers the call.
This is it!
All we hear is, "Hi mom... Yes, Merry Christmas, again, and no, I haven't heard anything yet. Of course, I will call you when I do. Listen, I'm at a party and I want to keep the line free, just in case. I love you too, mom, and I'll call you soon."
Looking around the room, everyone breathes once more, and it's amazing how much they all care.
To think Kay was worried a few moments ago about being a good mother. Look at how all these people love her. They are all hoping for the best, and she deserves all of it and more.
Seeing something sparkle, I turn my attention to the tree. Dangling from it, there is an ornament that I've seen many times before. It's just like the one I had growing up and the first one I'd place on the tree every year. The little snow globe with Santa inside was my favorite. I wonder who put it on our tree this year or if it was left in the box and forgotten.
Are they thinking of me?
Looking closely at it, I see something moving around. Then I'm pulled inside the globe. I become the Santa, red coat and all. At first, I'm confused as I look at my surroundings, but then I see them.
My Girls! They are sitting on the couch, watching TV.
"Leah! Katie! I'm here! Daddy's here!" I shout, but they can't hear me.
Look at how much they have grown... How long has it been?
Hitting the glass with my fists. I'm trapped in here and there is no escape.
Then I watch as Kim walks into the room, with a plate full of Christmas cookies. She sets them on the coffee table and snuggles in between our girls.
I should be there too.
Looking at the plate, I can't help but smile while seeing Kim's special cookies.
Katie will grab a powdered sugar-covered snowball and Leah will take a cutout with cinnamon candies.
As I think about it, they both lean over and do just as I thought. Seeing this, my heartaches, and I know what I did was so wrong.
Why did I leave them?
Kim says something and I try to listen, but I can't hear. Instead, I watch as my girls laugh with their mom. They all look so wonderful. She then grabs a cutout cookie too, and Kim sits back with my daughters to enjoy the tv show.
I should be there, but look how happy they all are... Without me.
Feeling the tug, I hold on to the glass and try not to go. I stare at my family, burning this moment into my memory before I'm yanked away.
"No, I want to stay! I want to live again! I want to be with my family!" I shout, but it was not meant to be.
In a flash, I'm sitting in Nate's truck and we are pulling out of Franny's driveway.
"Son of a bitch!" I shout once I realize that seeing them was a tease.
I look up and scream, "What do you want from me? I'm sorry! I was wrong!"
Nate turns on the radio, and that's when I hear Jingle bells. And for once I wish it was the news.
He asks, "Did you have a good time, babe?"
"I did, but did you notice everyone watching my phone? When mom called, Franny turned off the music, and I was a little embarrassed." Kay states.
Nate smirks, and says, "I'll admit, my heart leaped, but then I heard you talking and thought, your mom always has perfect timing."
"I know, and I talked to her a few hours ago. Like I wouldn't call her if something happened." She adds.
Christmas comes and goes. It was a very long weekend, and Kay is getting ready for work on Monday morning. Mira never called, and she's thinking the worst. Nate has not said a word either, but he must feel it too.
Maybe she changed her mind.
Their family and friends called constantly, to the point where it was maddening. Personally, I was freaking out. God only knows how they held their cool. Granted, it was all well-wishers and holiday calls but come on people.
Nate says, "Sweetheart, please don't worry. Call me when you know something."
"I will, and I'll try to have a positive attitude, but I really thought she'd call," Kay says, looking defeated.
He hugs her tight and adds, "It's the holidays... A time for miracles, and we just need to be patient. You know babies, they can be late or early and it was Christmas. I'm glad we didn't get a call yet."
"What? How can you say that, Nate?" She pulls back and shouts.
He hugs her tight again and explains, "For the rest of her life, Mira would be haunted by the knowledge that she gave up a child on Christmas. I don't want that for her, do you?"
"Oh, I see your point. You're right, sweetheart, I wasn't thinking that way. You are such a good man and you'll be such a good daddy." Kay says and they kiss.
Huh, I didn't think about that either. That would be awful.
Today, I'm going to work with Kay and hopefully keep her calm throughout the day. It has been a long haul and I pray Mira doesn't back out.
Then I feel a pull and I'm yanked up through the roof. Materializing in the classroom again, I'm alone this time and feeling very annoyed.
What the hell?
After sitting here for what seemed like hours, the door opens, and in walks Jethro. He has some books in his hands and I wonder what is going on.
"Good morning Gerry." He says cheerfully.
I nod and say, "Morning. What's this all about?"
"With Christmas time, it gets a little crazy around here, and I almost missed your little trip home. What happened, Mr. Kastor?" He asks.
Looking at him, I'm not sure what to say because I thought they did it to me.
"Nope, this was all you, Gerry. Now, what happened? Tell me in detail." Jethro says as he takes a seat at his desk.
"Well, I saw that Kay's friend had an ornament just like mine, and when I looked at it closely, it sucked me inside. Then I was transported to my house with the girls and Kim. I was stuck in the snow globe, so they didn't see me or anything." I state as he listens.
He reiterates while writing it all down, "So, it was your favorite ornament? The one you place on the tree every year? And it pulled you through to your home, with Kim and the girls. What did you see?"
"They were on the couch, just watching tv and eating cookies," I reply.
He looks at me and says, "That's all... Eating cookies."
"Yes, laughing and eating and snuggling... It was wonderful and horrible at the same time. I was so glad to see them, but it broke my heart to leave." I answer as he watches me and then writes that down, too.
"Alright, well that's very interesting." He says and scratches his head.
I then ask, "Was it me? Did I take myself there?"
"Huh, good question. Either it was you or the big guy... Well, thanks for letting me know. Have a good day." Jethro says.
Before I can utter a word, I'm back at Kay's house, but down in the basement. Looking out the window, it's dark outside and I have no idea how long I was gone.
Drifting up through the floorboards, I enter the kitchen, and it looks like they are already in bed.
What the hell was that all about? Did Kay learn anything new about the baby?