When I got back I recruited my strong man to take the items I purchased into the apartment. He didn't complain. I think he could tell that I burned all my strength hauling the items into the truck. I wanted to ask for help, but it started to snow and I felt bad asking someone to help when it was so chilly. Plus, I was confident I could do it myself.
I have always overestimated my physicality. In my brain, I'm six feet tall and ripped. But, the 8X10 behemoth of a rug proved that I am, in fact, a small and puny woman. This ticked me off because I know that other women weren't so weak. I should start lifting weights. Maybe if I'm a beefcake I'll be able to get retribution and show the rug who's boss.
"A little more right." I took a sip of my glass. Elijah huffed and moved the rug. He was huffing and puffing. It was fair since we'd (he) been decorating the apartment since I got back. This was the last order of buisness and I could tell by the look on his face that his hangover was getting to him. "Perfect!"
He smiled like a man who's mind is all cloudy. I'm sure he was thinking of all the ways he was gonna get me back for all the labor I forced him through. It's not my fault that he had terrible taste in decor. He walked over to me and puckered his lips. Who was I to say no?
"The place looks a lot nicer. You have a good eye for design." He pet my hair. His grey shirt was almost black in the pits and the crew neck was rimmed with his sweat. His hair was all curly and sweaty. His cheeks were all rosy. I loved the color that danced along his skin. It was a sight to behold. In this outfit--heather grey tee and old midwash levis--he looked so young. His feautures were smooth with no creases of tension or stress. He look his age for once. The sheer layer of sweat added to effect of youth. He looked like a young man. A man with no obligations.
"You look so handsome." It was said compulsively, but I didn't want to take it back. Not when his cheeks turned crimson and he bashfully looked at his feet. "Why don't you dress like this all the time?"
He sighed and walked over to the fridge. I pivoted and sat down on a barstool. In the silence, he grabbed a beer and opened it. He took a sip before putting it down on the counter and acknowledging my question.
"I'm always in the office. And when I have days off I always end up in the office. It feels pointless to dress comfortably." The youthful sparkle faded. Filling the void was disapointment and longing. His job was extremely demanding and Elijah was only one person. He worked so hard. He desereved to have these moments of weightlessness and liberty.
"You're the boss aren't you?"
"Yeah?"
"You make the rules. Start having a causual Friday or something. Wouldn't it be nice to be in comfortable attire?"
His eyes left me and he went somewhere far away. I wish I could tell you where he went. In these moments I couldn't tell how he was feeling. It happened a lot. Especially when I talked about school. He'd get the same sad look in his eye and he'd go far away.
"What if they don't take me seriously? I mean, shit, I'm a kid compared to half of them. If I come in like this I'll look like some young shmuck." I didn't realize he was so sensitive his co-workers perception. I understood what he meant, though. In a management position, you didn't want to give your subordinates a reason to undermine your authority. At the same token, seniority should and does not make someone a more legitamate leader.
"Elijah, you're 29. You're not 20 or something. There are plenty--though few--people who are the same age as you and in the same level of power. Plus, age doesn't make a person more entitled to a higher position. In fact, this might actually make you more likeable since you'll become more human. I love the suits. But, you're so stiff and formal in them. And from what I saw, at work you're authoritarian."
His eyes narrowed at the end and I felt bad that I called him authoritarian, but he was. Frankly, he was a total asshole to his PA and it upset her. It was obvious she was trying to do her job. But, Elijah was too insecure in his position to be empathetic or leiniet.
"You think I'm authoratative?" His voice was really quiet. His shoulders were hunched and he bit his lip like a child.
"I'm sorry. That was kind of harsh." He whipped his eyes up to me and gone was that hurt child. His chest puffed out and he straightened up. I leaned back and tried to avoid his eyes, but they drilled holes in my head.
"No, I want to hear why you think that. I mean, you've only been to the office once." I felt my chest tighten at his high volume. His words came out fast and curt. It was like he was barking at me.
"Well, for starters, you treated your PA like crap. And she looked really hurt. She left the office with tears in her eyes. When she was leaving people nearby were already getting up to comfort her. As if they were used to her being this upset. The people who were in their chairs looked scared. When I left, people looked at me like I grew a second head. And it was so quiet. There was no talking, not even water-cooler chat. And they walked around like there was a rod up their spine. Also, I've heard how you talk to people on the phone. I mean every time you get a work call you get all snappy and--frankly--rude."
My words broke down his tough-guy resolve and I watched him shrink more and more. I felt terrible. I wasn't trying to hurt him. But, I wouldn't want to work for him and I don't know why he acted like that. It wasn't true to his character at all. He was a compassionate person with a lot of love in his heart. He wasn't a tyrant.
I sighed. "Elijah, I don't know why you act like that. It's not you. You're a kind person. Honestly, it's kind of upseting to see you act like that. It's a complete contradictory to how you act when we're together. And I'm not sure which is the real you. I want to believe that you're--"
"I'm myself around you. It's just... My dad died when I was twenty-four. I was in the middle of law school. I had never run a buisness. Overnight, I became this tycoon. The first day I walked into the office I knew I was the youngest guy there. Everyone looked at me like I was just some kid and I was. In my first meeting someone told me to grab them a coffee because they thought I was an intern. My clothes were baggy because I was using my dads suits and I didn't style my hair. I looked like a kid. No one listened to me for six months.
"Then, I bought my first suit. I got it tailored and I actually styled my hair. I walked into the office and people treated me better. The first time I got angry and acted like a dick, people listened. It was the only way I could get people to listen to me."
I felt tears sting the back of my eyes. He looked so... lost. His head was in his hands. I couldn't see his face; I didn't know how to make him feel better. I never had a voice. No one ever listened to me. I knew how powerless that makes someone feel. And when there are things at stake like a multi-million dollar company, you can't lay down.
"Elijah...." His eyes met mine and it broke me to see how glassy his eyes were. His lip was quivering and I knew he was harboring so much sadness, anger, and disappointment.
"Elijah, your job is to be a leader. To wield the legitamate power you have as owner. But, you can't do your job if people don't see you as their leader. I know that ruling on fear made people listen. I know that wielding a staff is easier than winning the respect of hundreds of people
"But you and I both know you are not a tyrant. You are good man. You work so hard. But, people won't work for you if they depise and resent you. Maybe if you try to trust people more and try to earn their consent to lead you'll find you work and stress less."
I knew the conversation was over. Elijah was on the verge of sobbing and I didn't want to be the reason he cried. I found myself holding him close. I rested my chin atop his head and held him. I never imagined that someone as tough-looking as Elijah would be hunched over and seeking comfort. As much as I hated how I upset him, it was comforting to know he wasn't angry or defensive. I think he knew the truth deep down, but the truth is scary because it's vulnerable. It's much easier to be angry and hurt others.
"I'm sorry." I whispered in his ear. I kissed his temple and let his scent calm my guilt.
"You didn't hurt my feelings. You're right. But, I'm so scared that if I show any sign of kindness they'll take advantage of me again."
"Elijah, when that happened your dad had just died. Your whole life had flipped on its head. You were lost. You have a far better head on your shoulders. Plus, you're so smart and you are good at your job. You know what you're doing. Trust yourself."
He relaxed and pulled away. We looked at each other for a while. Then, he nodded. "Casual Friday."
"Casual Friday."
I wasn't sure if what I said had any impact or if he would actually follow through, but it felt nice to be heard out. It felt nice to have someone care about what I had to say. All I wanted was for Elijah to pursue his happiness. While, he couldn't chase his dreams it didn't mean that his life was over or that he could never be happy. It meant that he needed to adapt to a new circumstance. To redefine himself and his place in the world.
You will not walk down a forged path your entire life. You will find youself off trail and lost. It doesn't mean you will never find your way. It means you'll need to create your own path.
A/N
I know I am so great for updating twice in two days. <3
Tbh, writing is my stress outlet right now so I'm having a lot of fun working on this project.
This chapter will be a little sloppy. I wrote it in one sitting after studying all day. Suffice to say my brain is a little fried. Anyway, enjoy because this was pleasure to write. I'm excited to develop Clara and Elijah's characters.
Also, I hope that you guys can actually take something from my writing. I know this is an app intended to have mind-numbing and entertaining writing. Even so, I think that books can be entertaining and smutty while also having a deep and sincere plot that has evocative commentary. Afterall, writing (to me) is a creative expression as much as it is a sexual outlet (lol).
Sorry for the little ramble. Hope you guys enjoyed.