A/N: Hello! This song is my favorite song by Niall. Genuinely, this is his best song and that is not up for debate. When I first heard it, I was in my car and I literally gasped when it came on. He really outdid himself, it's so good.
THE HIGH NOTE?? IM LISTENING TO IT AS I TYPE AND I FR TEARED UP OMFG :')
And as usual, D wrote it in this book lol. I'll let you know when to play it, ofc <3
Again, sorry in advance? kinda? Just a small lil detail that may or may not make you angry haha
Enjoy!
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I felt broken. I felt hurt. I felt stupid.
I felt like high school me. The me that I had tried so hard to get rid of. I couldn't help but hate Harry a little for that.
I was glad I had taken that picture in London, though. It lasted longer than him.
The first few weeks were the toughest. I saw him in everything around me. Every movie, every song, every boat, every honeybee that flew by me. Every ray of sunshine pouring into my room.
I hadn't spoken to him or seen him since he walked out of my door.
It sucked. I'd stopped crying after the first few days. Not because it hurt any less but because my eyes had grown swollen and people were starting to get concerned. Seb, Sarah, and Gemma had been my rocks through it all. Seb especially. Anytime I felt anything, I told him. And he listened. Every single time.
Sarah was sweet. She contacted me after our breakup had broken the news. I didn't like that the world got to deal with my breakup before I fully had, but this was my life now. The first two weeks, she called every day and asked me how I was feeling. I appreciated it beyond belief, and I was lucky she was in my life.
Gemma was the hardest to talk to. She spoke like him, laughed like him, looked like him. But that wasn't her fault. And I wasn't going to cut her out of my life for that. Especially since the first time she called, her first words were, "I'm going to strangle that moronic pile of dog shit." She was the first one to make me laugh.
It's been a little over a month now, and news just broke that Harry was seen out with Ilanna.
Sarah's the first one to call me. "D, I'll kill him. Say the word and I'll do it."
I let out a dry chuckle, my voice hoarse. "Thanks, S. It's alright. It sucks. But it's alright. He has every right to do whatever he wants and whoever he wants."
And clearly, what he wanted was a stick-thin model with blonde hair. I couldn't help but feel a little bad about myself. I looked nothing like that. It was why I'd been so insecure when we started dating. But he made me feel beautiful and confident and right now, I felt the opposite of that. So I couldn't help but hate Harry a little more now.
"I'm sorry. I don't know why he's-"
"Have they slept together?" I interrupted her. I hated myself for asking. It was none of my business. But the possibility of them doing what I'd only ever done with him, something that meant so much to me, was something I had to know.
"Oh, um." That was her only response and it was all I needed to know.
I let out a deep breath and throw my head back on my pillow. "Right. Sorry, I shouldn't have asked."
"I'm sorry." She repeats.
"It's fine. I have to go now, Sarah, but thanks for checking on me. You're the best. I'm glad tour is going well so far. You're smashing it." I tell her.
She sighs. "I always will, D. And thank you. Wish you were here. See ya."
I wanted to cry. I wanted to scream. I wanted to punch something. But I wasn't going to let myself. So, instead I grabbed my journal and wrote the first thing that popped in my head.
"Don't know where you're laying, just know it's not with me. Don't know what I'd tell you if I passed you on the street."
Fuck, my eyes are watering.
"I don't want your sympathy, but you don't know what you do to me, Ilanna! Every time I see your face, there's only so much I can take, Ilanna!"
I stop singing and scratch out what I wrote. Yeah, I definitely cannot send that in.
I spend a little more time on it and end up changing the name to Anna. It might still be a bit obvious, but I really didn't care.
Days turned to weeks and weeks turned to months and soon it became December. I had traveled and explored everywhere I had ever dreamed of going and more. Christmas was soon so I had something to look forward to. It was still hard to deal with, but I made sure to keep my head held high. I'd been working with other artists that I had always admired and I was going to go on tour soon. Everything was fine.
But that was the problem. I was living my dreams out. It should be better than fine. So, I made myself forget about the H word and focused on me.
Sarah had been telling me about every tour stop they made. Sometimes I came across videos of him performing, nails always painted yellow with black smiley faces, and it made everything hurt all over again. And then sometimes I came across video of him with her and I had to push him out of my mind.
I didn't let it affect my work negatively. If anything, it made me work harder. I was writing more, a lot more, and Jeff was concerned but he was proud of me.
I wasn't going to let the old me take over again. It's not what my parents would've wanted.
So, right now, I was in the studio recording a song I'd written months ago. When it had hurt the most.
!PLAY THE SONG NOW!
I got close to the microphone and started when Thomas told me to.
"You walk into the room, I go quiet. I catch your eyes and don't blink an eyelid. Feels like the world locked us on an island, an island without waves. I try and try to forget you, but your mother thinks I'm the best for you. Try and try to erase you, but you won't disappear."
I take a deep breath. He's everywhere.
"Feels like every time I turn a corner, you're standing right there, over my shoulder, you're everywhere. I swear it's hard to think, it's hard to breathe when you're in the air. I try to run, but you're everywhere I go. When I think I'm all alone and my heart's under control. Why is loving you not fair? You're everywhere."
I finish the rest of the song and receive applause from Jeff and Thomas. I was really proud of that song. It was one of my favorites I'd written.
It's funny how artistic we become when our hearts are broken.
Jeff didn't need me for anything until next year to talk about tour and I'd turned in plenty of songs, so I had nothing to do for a couple of months.
I decided I was going to go back to Miami for a bit. Seeing my family was just what I needed right now. I went straight home and booked a flight for two days from now and let my grandma know I was coming. I didn't know when I was coming back, but I needed to get out of here.
I had just finished packing when Seb came in my room. "Hey, D. Wh-"
He stopped once he was in the door and he looked at my luggage. "You're leaving." I only nod at him and he comes closer to give me a hug. "Do what you need to do, babe. I'll be here when you get back."
I gave him a grateful smile. "I love you, Seb. Thank you for everything." And I truly meant it. I wouldn't be as sane as I am right now if I didn't have Seb. I really need to do something for him.
He left my room after we separated and I pulled out my phone, calling just who I knew would drive Seb crazy.
I had just gotten off the phone with her when Seb walked back in.
"Delilah."
"Hm?" I pressed my lips together to hide my smile.
"Why did I just get an email from Ariana Grande's team telling me that I'm going to be meeting her next week?"
I let out a giggle. "Oh, I don't know. It could be because I just called her and told her how my best friend in the entire world was a really big fan of hers and how it would mean the world to him if he met her."
I'd never heard him scream louder. "No way! Delilah, oh my God!" He ran to me and knocked us onto my bed. We were both laughing, and I was glad.
"I could never repay you for how much you've helped me this year. You're the best person I know, Seb. You deserve way more than this." I tell him honestly.
He only screamed again and left kisses all over my face.
†
Two days passed in a blur and now I was walking out of Ft. Lauderdale Airport. The sun was out, it's effect evident from the beads of sweat on my forehead, but all I saw was dark, gloomy skies.
Because the world's sun might be here, but mine isn't.
I took a cab to my Abuela's, Sarah on the phone with me throughout the drive.
"You're in Miami? We have a show there at the end of the week! You should come see u-...Um, come see me! And Mitch! We miss you so much. Please, let's get lunch and hang out. Just us two, if you want. Mitch doesn't even have to come."
I hear a whiny hey in the back and I smile. "Okay. Yeah, that sounds really nice, S. I miss you, too. So much." And I really did. I became close with Sarah really easily and not seeing her often sucked.
"Yay! I can't wait." She went on for the rest of the drive about what we could do together, and for me to pick a place for us to eat since I know the area better. I was genuinely excited.
I had made it to my Abuela's house and told Sarah I had to go and that I was excited to see her. As soon as I'm out of the car, Abuela is standing outside her house and has her arms wide open. She doesn't keep up with pop culture, but I was sure Layla had already told everyone what happened between Harry and me. My thoughts were confirmed when she had a look of pity on her face and pulled me in for a hug.
I hated pity. But her arms and her scent were comforting and that's exactly what I needed right now.
The week passed and soon it was time for me to meet Sarah for lunch. Their show was tomorrow night, one of their last shows of the tour, and having Harry so close but so far felt really strange.
I'd always liked Miami in the winter. It had its sunny days but a lot of the time it was raining. Today was one of those days. It was pouring outside, and the air was chilly, making the sky seem gray.
I appreciated it more now because it was the first time something didn't remind me of him.
I made it through the rain and the photographers and got us a table inside. Sarah said she was a couple of minutes away, so I ordered bread and water for us while I waited.
I looked up at the sound of the door opening and watched as Sarah ran in, shaking off her umbrella, and Mitch close behind her.
I raised my eyebrows and her first words are, "Yeah, I know. But he wouldn't let me go unless I brought him." And she rolls her eyes.
I laugh as I get up and practically run to both of them to give them a tight hug. "I missed you guys."
"We missed you, too. I hope you don't mind that I came. I wanted to see you. It's been like 5 months. Way too long." Mitch tells me.
I smile and shake my head, "Not at all, Mitch. I'm glad you came."
We sit down and eat, Sarah and Mitch telling me about everything they've seen, and I tell them the same about me.
We'd been at the restaurant for about an hour when Mitch cleared his throat and looked at Sarah. "Ask her."
"You ask her."
"You."
I furrowed by eyebrows as they continued talking in hushed voices even though I could very clearly hear them.
"What are you guys talking about?" I finally asked, rolling my eyes playfully.
Sarah let out a breath. "D, would you come to the show tomorrow?"
My eyes widen. "What? Sarah, you know I can't do that."
Mitch speaks this time and leans forward, "Please, Delilah. We miss you and Sarah told me that you've always wanted to see Harry in concert."
"That was before he dumped me and fucked someone else." I said angrily. Neither of them spoke and I let out a breath. "I-I'm sorry. That's not your fault. I'm sorry," I repeated. "But I can't come. It's too weird. I'm going to look desperate. He's the one who left me and it's going to seem like I'm chasing after him. I don't chase after people anymore."
"I know that." Sarah says. "And I'm so proud of you for it. But just come see us, then. Just Sarah playing the drums and Mitch playing the guitar. Nothing else. For us, not Harry. Please, D." She begs.
I exhale and I think about it. Harry was the one who stupidly asked if we'd stay friends. He can't exactly hate the idea of seeing me at his show if it was something he had wanted regularly. I breathe out again. Just for Mitch and Sarah.
I nod at them, "Fine." They smile and Sarah claps her hands together. "But, only because I love you guys too much to say no to you. I'm leaving right after the show."
They agree and we finish the rest of our meals talking about random things, me wondering if I made a mistake saying yes.
†
We had left soon after and Sarah and Mitch told me how happy they were about me seeing their show. Now, it was the night of the show and I was standing in front of the mirror in my grandma's guest room, my old room, wondering if what I was wearing was nice enough.
I saw my grandma's reflection walk past the room, so I stopped her and asked if she liked it. "Abuela, qué piensas? Te gusta?"
"Que linda! Si, me gusta muchisimo." She likes it and I trust her judgement. I put on lip gloss and brush my hair down before walking out to the car Sarah sent for me.
I climb in and the realization that I was about to see Harry for the first time in months settled in. The first time I'd see him where I wouldn't be able to touch him.
This was going to be a long night.
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Song: Everywhere by Niall Horan
and
Anna by Harry Styles
A/N: Well, she's finally gonna see Harry after 5 months of being broken up. How will it go, I wonder....hahahaha
This was a shorter chapter but I'd like to think I'll make up for it sooner than you think!
Also, don't shit on the outfit, I don't have the confidence to ever wear it but I thought it was lowkey cute lol also that's not D's body. Just reminding ya :)
Love you!
-J :)