A/N: Enjoy the chapter! x
February 9th, 2020
"It's avocado, egg yolk, brown sugar and I think I added some honey." Harry says as he peers into a container as he mixes it with a fork and I smile at him. All week he's been researching at-home skin remedies as a stress relief for tomorrow nights events.
"Sounds appetising." I joke and watch as he shifts his body weight onto one leg and presses his lips together with a heavy sigh.
"I told you already, it's-"
"Not meant to be eaten, yeah, I know." I laugh as I walk over to him and take the container from his hands and put it down on the bench.
"How are you not stressed? I'm stressed for you, my dear." Harry smiles as he takes my cheeks in his hands and I smirk up at him and he plants a soft kiss on my lips with a 'mwah' as he lets go of my squished cheeks.
"Meditation." I smirk and he rolls his eyes.
"Shall we snuggle on a raft?" He says sarcastically and I roll my eyes at him.
"Have you began recording yet?" I ask him.
"No, still drafting the actual monologue." He says.
"You're quite enjoying this monologue deal though." I say.
"What do you mean?" He asks.
"Well, maybe you could give acting a crack?" I question him and he shrugs his shoulders.
"You are aware I did a movie with Christopher Nolan, yes?"
"Sorry, you were only in it for like... 10 minutes all up. Blink and you'll-"
Harry turns to me and lifts me up on the kitchen bench.
"I think I just sat in some kind of condiment." I say looking up at him, our eyes almost meeting in height. He plants his hands on my thighs.
"Watch it." He says and I smile.
"Let's do something." He says.
"What, right now?" I ask him as I look down at my pyjama pants underneath his hands.
"Last few weeks have been spent house browsing, academy award preparation, fittings, interviews and just a lot of shit. Not that preparing for an academy award is counted as shit- and you will win! But I just wanna feel like Harry and Tilly for a night. I wanna feel like us." He says slowly.
"Nice save, jerk. But you're right, I too would like to be just us for one night."
Suddenly I have a thought.
I don't want to live in a world without you. I truely hope I die first because a life without you, is no life at all.
******
With a loud clink, the white ball hits the yellow striped pool ball, disappearing as it rolls across the green tabletop and down the far-right corner, never to be seen again... until the next game of course.
"Ha!" I say aloud and do a small dance, moving my body around the pool stick in circular motions and Harry rests, leaning against the red-painted wall and he rolls his eyes and takes a sip of his craft beer in its clear glass.
"Yeah, whatever." He says with a chuckle.
I aim for the purple ball and pull the pool stick back, pushing it forward and firing it at its centre and watch it disappears down the bottom left corner. I wink at Harry as I aim for the green ball, missing the hole only by inches and I stand and tilt my head up to the ceiling and Harry makes his way over to me, passing me his beer and I take a sip.
"It's better in England." I say as he cracks at the blue ball and gets it down the bottom right hole.
"Agreed." He remarks. I watch as he concentrates on the next ball and I sneak out my phone and take a photo quickly. The ball disappears down the hole and he stands up and nods at me.
"I'm about to kick your ass, Paparazzi." He says slyly and I scoff at him.
"I'm allowed to take photos, am I not?" I say.
We play for a little while longer until the only ball left on the table is the black ball and whoever hits it first claims the game and takes the win.
I lean over the table and concentrate on the ball. I hear footsteps behind me and he comes up behind me and leans down in my ear.
"I like the way you look bent over the table."
I miss the ball entirely.
"Fuck you! You threw me off!"
"Sorry I didn't mean to get- sorry, throw you off."
My mouth goes dry.
I watch as he walks over and chalks up the tip of his pool stick and positions his back to the table and flips the rod behind him and aims for the black ball backwards. I walk in front of his gaze and unbutton the top two buttons on my blouse and move it off my collar bone.
"Hey H?" I ask and he doesn't look up but hums in response. I bend down slowly to the table, stretching my arms out, the blouse falling off my right shoulder showing my bra strap. He looks up at me in his stance.
"No, no way." He says. And with that, the ball fires into the far-left corner and it disappears from our sight and Harry breaks into laughter and does a shimmy dance, biting down on his bottom lip.
"You're kidding me..." I say as I stare at the pool table in awe and pull up my blouse.
"Not kidding, baby." He says with a smirk and I shake my head in disbelief.
"Well, shall we head off? I wanna show you something." He says, placing the stick down and leaning it against the wall underneath a poorly painted replica of Dogs Playing Poker.
"If it's you shirtless-"
"Keep it in your pants, love." He smiles, taking my hand. We head out and walk underneath the orange burning streetlights that ignite our pathway to wherever we're going. Harry and I walk, giggling from the slight intoxication that the alcohol has infused within our bloodstream and I look up to the sky as my hand holds his, our fingers flirting with one another as they intertwine and untangle in their grip but never not touching. I kick my legs out in front of me, my flared jeans flowing in the soft breeze and feel an overpowering sense of perfection within this moment that held us so closely in its warmth. The streets were almost bare aside from the occasional car that drove with its headlights guiding its way.
"Guess what I've got." Harry whispers at me and I look at him in confusion.
"What?" I whisper back and watch as he pulls a silver bottle from his jacket sleeve and he dramatically gasps and I laugh.
"What're we in high school?" I scoff and he raises an eyebrow. I take it from his extended offering. I take a sip of it and wipe away at my lips, stinging with the sour and vile liquid that slowly burns the inside of my throat and I let out a cough.
"You okay?" Harry asks and I nod, smiling.
"Always." I respond. We walk down the street before Harry pulls my hand and we go down an ally way which makes my liquid courage disappear as the darkness and slight shuffling of garbage bags unsettle me.
"What're we doing, Harry..." I say softly and he presses a finger to his lips as we reach a door and he holds the glow of his phonescreen to a small number key pad and he taps in a four digit code followed by a hash which unlocks the door and we walk into the dimly lit building.
"Harry what-"
"Shhh..." He says once more and takes my hands in his.
"Do you trust me?" He asks me softly and I look down in the darkness to where my engagement ring is located and smile, looking back up to him, I nod.
We walk in the darkness and up a few stairs, giggling like small children.
*Play Song Now: Simple as This by Jake Bugg*
"Okay, stay here." Harry says as he lets go of my hand and I stand in the darkness, the only noise that could be heard are the echoes of Harry's vans hitting the ground with each step he takes. Within the minute, a soft yellow-hued light switches on to my left, above me, followed by another and another and another until the room is lit and I notice it's a theatre. I look around me to notice I stand in the centre of a black monogamy floorboard stage. The red velvet cushioned seats sit comfortably and I look around at the open-spaced room and notice the ceiling is a dark blue, littered in small glowing lights so tiny you can barely see the glisten of each individual light and I notice that they make out several constellations against the dark blue ceiling that stretches across the entire theatre space and I inhale deeply and look down again to see Harry walking slowly towards me, fumbling at the ring on his left hand, ring finger.
"This is beautiful." I say, breathless.
"I think you're beautiful." He says and I chuckle.
"Don't be corny, H." I laugh and he makes his way up the stage by jumping onto it and he sits on the ground next to me, offering his hand up to me and I nod to him.
"Sure, alright." I say and I sit next to him and he lays back and I follow his body language, my head resting upon his chest as he holds me in his arms, and we look up to the ceiling.
"I couldn't show you the stars because of all the light pollution here in L.A. but this was the next best thing..." He says softly and I feel a flutter in my stomach. I nestle further into the crater of his neck and he lets out a soft sound and I smile a little
At this moment, his touch is my lifeline. At this moment, I surrender everything to him and I feel perfectly okay with doing so. I haven't felt okay in so very, very long but here with him, as we lay staring and small twinkling lights upon the ceiling of this theatre I know everything will be okay no matter what happens tomorrow. For the rest of my life, this is all I want. I want his fingers to delicately run up my forearm as I lay on his chest, the beating of his heart keeping me grounded yet so high in the cloudless sky at the same time. Nothing could have prepared me for the privilege of being here in this moment and for so long I never thought I would once again, feel the perfectly still feeling of being okay.
"Hey, Harry..." I say softly.
"Yes, Tilly?" Harry answers, his lips pressing to my temple.
"Ask me what season I am today." I say.
"Of course,... what season are you today?"
"I'm every season in one. I'm perfect green Summer leaves melting into liquid gold as Autumn peaks through the late afternoon but at the same time I could have soft snowflakes fall from the ground to cover my leaves... but I know that if the thick coat of fresh snow wants to stay for a little while it will always, most definitely, always, melt away to reveal a bed of wonderfully bright coloured flowers that smell sweetly. I'm okay." I say to him and he stands to his feet.
"Let me show you something, stay here." Harry says and I sit cross-legged, watching him as he crosses the stage to the side where he takes an acoustic guitar by its neck in his hands and makes his way over to me.
"Ooo what're you going to play for me?" I ask and he offers his hand down to me and I take it, standing to my feet.
"Not me. You." He says and I look at him, unsure of what he wants me to do considering I've only ever touched one when handing it to Harry.
He sits down on the ground and taps the seat, ushering me to sit on the small wooden stool. He sits in front of me and hands me the guitar and positions it's upon my knee and takes my hands and shows me where to put them.
"So, these are frets, keep your fingers near them when playing a chord but not on them or you'll get this strange vibration sound..." He says and I place my hands on the second fret, sixth and fifth string and he smiles up at me and shows me how to strum.
"Nice, nice, that's E minor... now add a third finger here. This is E..." He says and I follow as I do it.
"You're a natural, Til." He smiles.
"How did you know about this place?" I ask as I look around at the dimly lit theatre, the scent of caramel musk wafting throughout the theatre and I inhale deeply. Feeling completely at home.
"Louis showed it to me years ago on our first L.A. tour and guess I just never forgot the code and they never changed it." He says.
"So no one knows we're in here?" I say, feeling suddenly anxious.
"Guess not and-"
"Oi!" A loud voice booms from the stairs and Harry takes my hands in his and pulls me from the seat and the guitar falls to the ground with a loud strum and we run off down the curtain.
"Guess they'll change the code now, huh!" Harry says and I laugh as we run through the backstage, moving behind costumes and behind mirrors that distort our reflections.
"Harry Styles you idiot!" I scream with laughter as the footsteps behind us catch up and the man calls out to us to stop running.
"What if he calls the police!" I scream.
"Then we'd better run!" He laughs and I shake my head, my hair flowing behind me as we run in the darkness until I see a green sign that glows the white block letters reading 'exit'. Harry presses on the door and we run out down the alley and the man follows us until Harry grabs at my waist and pulls me around a corner, reminding me of Paris and I smile, completely out of breath. He presses a finger to my lips, and I giggle and he tries not to do the same.
"Fucking kids!" The man screams and we hear the door close, signalling he's given up. We burst out into laughter, unable to contain it as we spill back out onto the street and bend over in hysterics.
"Oh my god, that was terrifying!" I say to Harry as we catch our breath.
"How do you feel?" He pants and I look up at him, my hands pressed to my thighs as I stand bent over.
I look at him as the singular streetlight illuminates his bone structure and I gulp. He shoves his hands into the pockets of his Levis and I stare into his eyes. Truth is, I feel perfectly perfect right now. I know that his fingers running up my forearm will forever feel like the security of putting on a grandmother's cardigan on a winters night and his drunken kiss will always be tattooed on my lips. The view of the small glinting stars will remain with me as if imprinted on my brain like a short film. In this moment, attempting to catch my breath, I fall in love with the silence the lingers on the sleeping street.
"I feel okay... and this time, I mean it." I say and he smiles at me, the silver moonlight leaking its softness through the tousled curls that sit upon his head.
A/N: Thank you for reading! We're only a few reads away from 50k! That's incredible, welcome to everyone new here and don't forget to comment on the music video attached!!