A/N: Hiiiiii! This chapter is an emotional one so the song isn't intended to be listened to while you read it. But it is a really, really, really good one so check it out!
Enjoy, my golden babies!
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It was nearing the end of May and we'd been in Miami for a while now. Seb didn't want to be gone from work too long so he decided to fly home a couple of days after the party.
Before he left, I had taken them to the beach, shown them new restaurants, and made them join me in flipping off every single Trump hotel we saw.
Some fans had bumped into Harry and wanted pictures with him so now everyone knew he was in Miami. I was glad I had taken him sightseeing before that, now we could stay in and hide together. But I still had to take him to my special spot.
Right now, though, Harry and I were at my grandma's house and my little cousin was here. She hadn't left Harry's side since she met him, and I understood why Harry told me I had looked good holding Jackson. He looked good holding her. He held her like he had ten more kids at home.
She had noticed some nail polish bottles on the desk and asked me if I would paint her nails. So, right now she was sat on Harry's lap across from me, while I painted her nails bright pink. I asked her if she wanted something else and she turned to Harry, "Tell her I want pink. Only pink."
So, pink it was. I blew on her nails so they could dry, and she hopped off his lap, running to show my aunt. I was closing the bottle, going to put all the others away, when Harry stopped me.
He places his large hands in front of him. "Would you paint my nails?" I smile brightly at his question and nod excitedly.
"Yeah, of course. Which color?" He tells me to choose so I pick yellow and we talk about the most random things as I paint them. We're talking about Wilde and he's so distracted that he doesn't even notice the happy faces I painted in black on his nails.
"Ta-da!" He looks down and smiles at my design.
"I love it. Do you want me to paint yours?" I give another wide smile at his question and nod.
Once his are dry, I tell him to pick a color for me and he picks peach. He paints them beautifully and when he's done, he asks, "What word would you choose for today?"
He blows on my nails when I speak, "Hm. Yellow."
He smiles. "And why is that?"
"Because yellow, like peach, is a color that means optimism. They're happy and hopeful and they have an uplifting effect on people. Kind of like you."
He smiles at me. "And you."
"How about you? What word would you choose?"
His smile only grows. "Peach."
†
Once we left my grandma's house, the sun was coming down and I knew it was the perfect time. I wait until we get in the car to ask, "You want to go to my spot now?"
His eyes brighten as he nods. I whisper to Mauricio where to go and he rolls his eyes but smiles at me. Progress.
Harry laughs at my whisper, I really need to stop doing that, and we spend the 20-minute drive resting in each other's arms.
Mauricio alerts us that we're here and I'm glad to see it's still open.
I hurriedly climb out the car and drag Harry out with me. I hear him laugh at my eagerness and I make us walk quickly to the entrance of the Greenstreet Café.
There were a lot of places in Miami that meant a lot to me. Especially ones that allowed me to create memories with my parents.
But every person needs a place. A place to be themselves or a place where they can pretend to be someone else.
A lot of the time, especially during my years in school, I hated being me. I didn't necessarily hate myself. I liked some things. I liked my personality, my intellect. Things like that. But I hated having to be me. I hated being the me who let people treat her like she was nothing. I hated being the me who felt like she wasn't worth more than what others had deemed her to be.
I hated being the me who didn't want to be me anymore.
So, I came here. When I was here, I let myself escape. This was where I wrote, this was where I forgot about the kids at school, and this is where I forgot about myself. I spent my time here trying to look for a me that I would like.
I told Harry this as we walked in and sat down in my usual red chair.
"And did you end up finding yourself here?" He asks me.
I shake my head. "No. I got even more lost in you. But it's the kind of lost that's exactly like being found."
His eyes soften at my admission and I continue. "And I have this place to thank for that. Every decision I made towards bettering myself was made here. And that led me to you. So, this is my spot. It always will be."
He smiles, "That's beautiful, baby." He quickly kisses me and pulls back slightly, lips still hovering over mine. "You are so, so special, honeybee." He pulls back all the way and leans back, clutching my hand in his.
"I used to think I needed to change myself to satisfy everyone, you know?" He tells me. "I thought that in order to attract certain things, I needed to change who I was. Like a flower, yeah? I used to dream of the bee coming to me and thought that was what I needed to blossom. But I needed to start blooming on my own in order to get the bee to come to me in the first place. Or the honeybee, in this case." He smiles at me. "But we needed to start loving ourselves at least a little bit before we could love anyone else. And I think we helped each other do that."
I was smiling the entire time he spoke, and his beautiful words dripped like honey. Smooth and sweet. "To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance."
"Wilde." He nods and now we're both smiling wide. He kisses me again and we murmur I love you's against each other's lips.
My favorite waitress and old friend, Marie, took our order and we both got vanilla coffees. Another reason I loved this place was because of the little things it had. Each table always had a different stack of old literature and poetry. Harry and I read each one and discussed which we loved most and how we interpreted them, up until Marie announced that they were closing.
I sighed as I got up to toss my cup in the trash, Harry following behind. Mauricio was outside and we walked hand in hand, arms swinging.
We drove to the hotel in comfortable silence, Harry watching the city and me watching him.
Once we got to the hotel, we took a quick shower and now we were in bed. His hand was in mine and I put our freshly painted nails together, admiring how nicely they complimented each other. Kind of like how we did.
"I had a really nice day today, baby. Thank you for taking me there. I'll never forget it."
"Me either." I hum and I lean up to kiss him. "Goodnight, mi amor."
"Goodnight, honeybee." He presses a kiss to my cheek in return. "Dream of me." He whispers.
It's inevitable that I will. Because I do that even when I'm awake.
†
"I want another tattoo." I tell Harry as we board our flight. We'd only stayed a couple more days before we realized we should probably get back to ours jobs, him especially. But this trip was something I'd never forget. Seeing my family, seeing Harry with my family, writing each other letters out of boredom just because we liked it, painting our nails. It was my own form of heaven. Everything with him always is.
"Oh, yeah? What of?" Harry asks me as we sit down.
"Don't know yet." I tell him. I have a few ideas but I'm not going to voice them. "I'll figure it out, but I know I definitely do want more."
Harry looks down at his own arms, "I kind of wanted something new, too."
"Of what?" I ask him.
"Don't know yet." He repeats with a smile.
I can tell he's tired, so I read one of the books Marie had let me take from Greenstreet to him. He falls asleep instantly. I spend the rest of the flight writing and thinking. Both about him.
The plane starts to land, and Harry wakes up, while I was in the middle of texting Sarah. Apparently, first class has Wi-Fi.
Harry stretches and looks at my phone quickly. "Jesus, when did you and Sarah become best friends?"
I laugh, "The day we met." I smile widely as we walk out of the plane and into the lobby of LAX. "I really like her. She's awesome. I think she might like me more than she likes you."
"That's not hard to believe." Harry says simply. My cheeks heat and he notices.
"I like that you still blush at my compliments. You should be used to them by now." He smacks my bottom and I gasp as I notice what's around us.
"Harry! There's cameras!" He shrugs at me and smiles, not caring about them. I shake my head as we walked, knowing those pictures would be everywhere.
I'd texted Jeff that we were coming back, and he told me to come into work as soon as I'd landed. I figured that was fair, I'd been gone long enough. I told Harry this and he gave me a nod and a tight-lipped smile before changing the conversation.
The drive to Jeff's office wasn't too bad. I hugged Barney tightly and told him how much I'd missed him. He asked me about Miami, and I told him about it, Harry not uttering a single word the entire time.
Once we got to Jeff's office, Harry rushed us in, and I was deeply confused. There's something definitely off.
I knocked on Jeff's doorframe and he shot his head up. "Delilah! Harry! I missed you guys!" He gave us quick hugs and gestured for us to sit in the chairs across from him.
"Okay, Harry, you know why we're here." He nods curtly in response and I raise my eyebrows. What the fuck is going on?
I see the side of Harry's lips quirk up and I know I did the stage-whisper thing.
"Delilah, you don't know." I shake my head at him. "Well, Harry and I have some exciting news."
He looks between Harry and I with a long dramatic pause before I let out a deep sigh, urging him to spit it out.
"We decided to sign you to our label!" He laughs excitedly.
I stare blankly. "Huh?" That's the only word I can form right now.
"Well, calm down, Delilah, don't get too excited." Jeff says sarcastically. "Harry may or may not have sent us some stuff you wrote and some voice recordings of you. You're really talented, sweetie. I would've signed you instead of making you my assistant if I'd known."
I looked to Harry with wide eyes and he was biting his nails, the ones I painted. "You recorded me?" I wasn't angry. I was just...confused.
He nods slowly. "Yeah. You're insanely talented. I thought it was unfair that only a handful of people got to know about it."
My lips part and I'm still processing what I'm being told when Jeff speaks again. "Hello, so do you want to do this or not?" He says it playfully, but it makes my heart hammer in my chest altogether.
"Well, I just-...Could I have some time to think about it?" I ask with a tremor in my voice. Jeff looks confused and I don't blame him. No sane person would turn down this opportunity. So, maybe I'm not as sane as I thought. "Please?" I add.
He nods slowly, "Sure. Yeah, sure whatever you want."
I send him a low 'thank you' and walk out, not waiting for Harry.
Sign me? To a record label?
I'm near the car now, Barney never having left, and I hear Harry running after me. "Delilah. Honeybee, wait. Are you mad at me?"
I turn to him, "Why did you do that?" I ask instead of answering.
"I told you, I thought you needed to share your gift with the world." He shrugs.
"Why didn't you tell me? You had to have known I wasn't going to react calmly to this."
"That's exactly why I didn't tell you. You wouldn't have let me do it." He looks me sternly in the eye.
He wasn't wrong. And now that it was done, I'm still not sure I want it. So that's what I tell him. "I'm not a singer or a writer or a performer, Harry. That's not me, that's you. I'm not made for-"
"That's enough."
I raise my eyebrows. "Excuse me?" I ask incredulously.
He walks closer to me. "I'm tired of seeing you put yourself down. Remember what I told you? That you're a candle because you're meant to share your light? Right now, your candle is about to reach the point where all that's left of you is the wick. You're still shining, sure. You always will. But you're letting that light that could brighten so many other people go to waste. And that's unfair to you. Unfair to the world. I told you that I wanted you to share your light before you burn yourself out and I stand by that."
I don't speak and he stands directly in front of me, only a foot of distance between us. "I'm not trying to force you to do anything. I would never. I just wanted to take a couple of steps ahead for you. And I hope you'll join me. Think about it. For real, okay?" He puts his hand on my cheek and uses his other hand to brush my hair behind my ear.
I sigh at his words and reach forward to hug him. I get why he did it. And I should be more appreciative that he was so thoughtful. "Sorry." I breathe out. "Thank you." I nod against his chest. "I'll think about it."
He kisses the top of my head and we climb in the car.
He's softly humming Honeybee and I realize how badly I needed to be alone right now. I needed Joni and, without a doubt, needed Seb right now.
I told Harry this and he understood. I'm glad he understands the importance of being alone every once in a while.
Barney dropped me off at my apartment first and I kissed Harry goodbye quickly.
I let out a deep breath once I was inside the apartment. Harry and I had been attached at the hip, I'd almost forgotten what it was like to be alone. Until I heard Seb.
"D?" I hear him call out and watch as his head pops out from the kitchen. "D! I missed you!" He runs up to me and I can't help but laugh at his apron covered in ladybugs.
"I missed you so much." I hug him tight and I can tell he knows I need it.
"What's wrong? Come sit at the table, talk to me while I cook. You're lucky I always make enough for two."
He goes back to stirring his pasta and I sigh as I take a seat. "Jeff wants to sign me to his record label." His eyes widen. "Harry sent him some stuff I'd written and apparently he also recorded me singing and sent that, too."
"Th-that's amazing, congratulations! Why don't you sound excited?"
I look down at my hands, running my fingers over the nail polish Harry put on me. "This wasn't what I had planned, Seb. After my parents died, I gave up on it. It feels...wrong to do it without them." My eyes start watering. "If there was ever a time for me to do this, it would've been when they were here." I shake my head. "I can't do it."
"Alright, I'm just going to stop you right there, babe. I didn't know your parents. God, I wish I did. I'd be able to thank them for making the most beautiful, kindest, most precious, and insanely talented soul. I didn't know them." He repeats. "But some part of me knows that they would want you to do this. For them. And I think some part of you knows it, too."
He was right. If I was going to do it for anyone, it would be for them. But that was another issue. I wanted to do it for myself. And right now, I was feeling like I owed it to people to do this. And I didn't want writing and singing to become a job. I wanted to enjoy it.
I was stuck between those two things. I was oscillating. I didn't like it. But I knew what would help me make a decision.
"Thanks, Seb. You're the best." I go around the island to give him a tight hug. "I'm going to head out really quick. I'll be back soon. Love you."
"Of course, babe. Love you, too."
I grabbed my purse and made my way out the door again. It was the beginning of June and the heat was proof of that. I had beads of sweat forming on my forehead just from the walk to my car.
I turned on Joni, breathing out a sigh a relief when I heard her roar to life and Honeybee started playing. It was weird hearing my nickname from the song Harry had gotten it from. I'd gotten so used to hearing it escape his perfect lips.
I drove the familiar road and felt chills run through my body once I'd parked. I climbed out of my car slowly, saying hi to Marvin, the graveyard caretaker, as I walked.
I'd buried them here because it was their dream to see California. Now, they lived here with me.
I heard the crunch of the grass beneath the sole of my shoes as I made my way to where I needed to be. I got down on my knees and stared directly ahead.
Our Beloved Mother, Daughter, Sister, and Friend
Isabella Garcia
1976-2019
Our Beloved Father, Son, Brother, and Friend
Alejandro Garcia
1975-2019
My tears start falling as soon as I hit the ground. This wasn't fair.
"Mami, papi." My voice cracks. "I miss you guys so much. I'll never understand why I get to be here, and you can't. It's not fair." My voice cracks again and I choke on a sob. "I think about you every day. Every single thing I do is for you." I take a breath. "I've changed a lot. For the better, I think. I think...I think when you guys were taken from me, I made myself stay unhappy for a long time. It didn't seem fair to even smile. Not if you guys couldn't see it."
I look around and let the wind cool my face. "But I met someone. Someone I think you guys would love. He's amazing. I thought he was everything I wasn't. But that isn't true. He's just everything I want to be. Happy, bright," I pause. "Golden."
"And he's helped me realize that I can be that, too." My voice cracks again and more tears fall. "I think you guys would be really proud of me." I look straight at the blocks of cement as I sob again. "But I have this opportunity now. I wasn't sure if I should do it. But if you were here, you'd tell me to go for it. I know you would. You were the most supportive and amazing people I've ever known."
I take another deep breath and quiet down my sobs. Life is cruel and short. I needed to take every single shot. I deserve that.
"I'm going to do it." I tell them. "I'm doing it for you, but also for me. This is the me that you guys knew. And I don't want to lose her again."
I stand up and press a kiss to my fingers, brushing them on their tombstones. "I love you so much." I whisper, the wind the only thing whispering back. And I'd like to think that was their way of saying they loved me, too.
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Song: Dreaming of You by The Coral
A/N: This chapter was a very emotional one for me to write. The beginning was happy emotional and the end was sad emotional lol. It's very personal to me, obviously the whole book is, but this one hits hard.
I hope you guys felt it, too and I hope you liked it!
Hope you're staying safe, love youuu!
-J :)