EVIE
There was something absolutely thrilling about running. There was something about the wind rushing around you, the feeling of feet hitting pavement, and the sheer adrenaline that courses through your body. It gave you this temporary high that no drug could ever give.
Niall and I walk up the stairs of our apartment building. I felt sweaty... gross... but so refreshed. It was a strange feeling but nothing felt better.
“Do you want to come in?” I asked him once we reached our doors. “I bought a blender a few days ago and have been on a major smoothie kick.”
He throws his arms behind his back, stretching them. “A smoothie sounds pretty good right now,” he replies, taking a step towards my door. “If you don’t mind me smelling like a dirty ape.”
“On second thought... maybe not,” I joke, pushing him away. “You do reek.”
“You don’t exactly smell like butterflies and roses dear,” he counters back, playfully nudging me on the shoulder. There’s that familiar buzz in the pit of my stomach. That feeling of a thousand butterflies being released all because of the casual use of the word dear.
“You don’t say that to girls,” I gawked, pushing past the lingering heart racing palpitations. “You are definitely not allowed in my apartment now. No smoothies for you.”
The next few moments take me off guard as Niall somehow manages to squeeze past me and head into my apartment. Figuring that there was no point in fighting it, I shut my door behind us. I follow him into the kitchen where he has already settled himself at the kitchen table.
“Now I’m going to have to burn the chair once you leave. That’s the only way I’m going to get your sweaty germs off of it.”
“I’ll bring the marshmallows... put some good use into it.”
“Please,” I scoff, “Who said you’re invited?”
“You wouldn’t dare have a bonfire without inviting me would you? I’m hurt, Jones. Jesus - if I knew you were such a heartbreaker, I would have steered clear from you and your evil ways,” he teases yet still managing to maintain a blank expression.
“Your life would suck if I wasn’t in it,” I confidently quipped. In return, Niall breaks out into a fit of giggles, shaking his head at no one in particular.
“Fair point,” he chortled, wiping the corner of his eye.
A comfortable silence fills the room once his laughter subsides. Neither one of us saying anything else for a few more moments. Walking behind the counter, I take out my blender. “Do you like green smoothies?” I ask him even though that was what we were having.
There had been a sale at the local market. Buy five bunches of kale and get two free. I would be having kale for the next few weeks or until they went bad. This meant kale salads, kale in my sandwiches, kale smoothies... soon enough, I was going to be sweating green.
“Yeah,” he answers as he gets up from his chair, and making his way over to the kitchen.
I pull out the kale, coconut water, and fruit from my sparse fridge. I hadn’t realized how empty my fridge had become. Usually it was stuffed with take-out boxes, a carton of milk and a few apples. However lately, it housed seven bunches of kale, three apples, a carton of coconut water and a small carton of milk.
“Looks like you need to go grocery shopping,” he comments from behind me. “You have nothing in there.”
“I have enough,” I say, bringing the necessary ingredients to the counter. “Do you like peanut butter? I was thinking about putting a little bit in for some protein.”
“Sure,” he answers tentatively, still watching me carefully. Something that I had gotten used to with him.
Niall later takes two glasses out of the cupboard, placing them beside me. I mumble a quick thank you while cutting up a banana. We lightly chat about different things until the loud sound of the blender cuts us off.
“How’s the studying going?” Niall later asks once we were settled down at the kitchen table. I hold the glass against my fingers, letting the cold sensation cool down my heated fingertips.
“It’s okay. I’m ready for classes to be done with,” I take a sip of the green concoction, humming a satisfied response.
“I bet. What are you majoring in again?”
“English.”
“Right... and what do you want to do once you’re done?” He casually inquires, taking a slow sip from his glass.
I lean into the table, fingers wrapped tightly around my glass. I look up at him, but Niall is already looking at me intently, his eyes focused on my own. I’ve never really taken an appreciation for blue eyes before since I owned a pair myself. But looking at his baby blues, I suddenly became a big fan of blue. Team Blue.
“I’d like to teach kids English as a second language,” I explain, diverting my eyes elsewhere. “Always thought it’d be a neat thing to do. I don’t know... I love hanging out with kids and teaching them new things... it seemed like the right fit.”
“Always pictured you as a writer,” he comments.
“Really?” I laugh lightly, “Why’s that?”
“I don’t know... you have that writer’s look I guess,” he explains, but I’m still left curious. “I remember you saying once that you wrote for your school’s paper and since you’re an English major, it seemed like that would be something you would do,” he concludes.
“I do like writing,” I say slowly. “But, I don’t know if I’d want to write full time. I’d rather teach than write, I think.”
Niall’s lips quirk to the side, forming a small smile. “I think that’s pretty cool, Jones. The world needs more teachers. Especially kids in places where they might not get a good education. I think it’s pretty cool that’s what you want to do.”
“Thanks,” I blush, looking down at my hands. My heart picks up at his kind words, feeling more encouraged with my life plan. “I’m nervous though,” I admit after.
“What are you nervous about?”
“Not doing a good job... being a shitty teacher. I don’t want to fail the kids. I hate failing people, it’s one of the worst feelings.”
“Yeah, but that’s part of life. We’re always going to fail at something... we’re not perfect people... but, you get back up and learn from those mistakes and do a better job the next time.”
“Easier said than done,” I quipped back, an emotionless laugh escaping my lips.
“You’re a perfectionist,” he says bluntly. I look over at him, shrugging nonchalantly.
“I guess,” I replied, my voice trailing off. I’d rather not talk about my perfectionist tendencies. “Anyways... How are things with Ginger?” Puke...
Niall chuckles lightly catching on to my not-so-subtle conversation changer. He leans forward and into the table, “Ginny and I are fine.”
Of course you are... “That’s good.” I force a smile on my lips because that’s what friends did. Even those friends that might be feeling something for the other said friend but doesn’t know what to say, do, or think about it. Why the hell must I be so damn awkward?
Of course he was doing well with her. She was nice... pretty... fun. I would have been surprised if he said otherwise. I could feel my left eye begin to twitch. It wasn’t too noticeable but subtle enough for me to catch on to it. “It’s the jealous eye twitch... you got it from me.” Damn you mother and your genetics. I hated to admit it since I was never one to be this way. But I was in fact jealous of Ginny. She seemed so put together, so... perfect.
“Still unofficially official?” I try to joke, but the forced tone of my voice gives me away. Niall shakes his head no, a small smirk playing at the edge of his lips.
“We’re dating... nothing much to it,” he shrugs it off as if it’s no big deal.
“I see,” I mumbled. “What about you Niall? What makes you nervous?” I ask him, steering the conversation away from all talks of his unofficial romance with the bubbly brunette.
He bites his lip momentarily, taking a moment to think about his answer. He taps the sides of his cup, his brows furrowed slightly.
“A lot of things make me nervous,” he says slowly. “I’m a very anxious person.”
“Really? You don’t seem like the type to be... You’re very confident.”
He chuckles, “Can I admit something?” He looks at me nervously, his teeth nipping at the edge of his bottom lip.
“Of course,” I nod, giving him the most encouraging smile I could muster up. “You can tell me anything.”
He smiles softly, the tension in his forehead easing slightly. “I have generalized anxiety disorder... suffer a bit with panic attacks too. Nothing too serious, but it’s not something I talk about openly... don’t like to, if I’m honest. But, I trust you... I thought you should know.”
Instinctively, I reach out for the top of his hand, squeezing it tightly. He looks down at our joint hands, moving his own so that his palm faces up. Without giving it much thought, I intertwine our fingers together, squeezing our hands. He smiles gently, bringing his other hand over.
“If you ever need to talk to someone, I’m here for you Niall,” I assured him, giving him an encouraging, small smile. “I don’t know what it’s like to have a panic attack. I assume it’s awful...”
“It’s not the best, no,” he chuckles. “The worst is before a show. Whenever I get up there, I always want to puke.”
“That would definitely be a memorable show. I’m sure the people you get puked on wouldn’t like it too much but they’d definitely wouldn’t forget you.”
“It would be,” he agrees... smiling... “My very first show I did after I moved here, I had an attack before I went on stage. It was complete shit... thought I was going to pass out. That’s when I met Ginny... she was working the bar and brought me a pitcher of water and one of those brown paper bags you breathe into. Didn’t work much... so she kissed me. That’s how it all started... her being my good luck charm. It’s stupid but... I don’t know. It helps I guess.”
The familiar pang of jealousy bites at my heart but I shake it away. Niall was opening up to me and I needed to listen to him. I couldn’t allow the confusing feelings that I might have for him stop me from being a good friend.
“That was some pick up line she pulled,” I joked awkwardly. “How was the rest of the show?”
“Oh, it was complete shit,” he replied, letting go of our intertwined fingers. He brings his hand up to his neck, squeezing it. My hand feels cold without his touch. “Was booed right off.”
“But you’re still playing shows.”
“Like I said before, Jones... not everything can be perfect. It’s all about taking it and making it better.”
I scoff... rolling my eyes to only myself. If only it were that easy...