The rings on his hands had always been one of my favorite parts of him.
Silver on his index and ring finger. Both hands, two rings, exact same spot. All belonging to the same boy who I couldn't get my mind off, even years later. Even if he didn't know it. Even if I wished I didn't.
Leaning against my locker, I watched as he slammed his locker shut. He ran a rough hand through his pale blonde hair. It was almost a silver color, but it was really just an ash blonde. He slung his backpack higher over his shoulder as he used his free hand to slip his phone out of his pocket, all while spinning his car keys around in his other hand.
I didn't realize I had become fixated on studying him, until my phone buzzed in my hand. I glanced down at the screen and sighed. After a quick glance back up at where Sebastian was standing, I faced my locker and read the text.
I'm outside - Elijah.
I didn't bother answering my oldest brother's message as I quickly grabbed my bag from the floor, along with a textbook that didn't fit inside the bag with my other hand.
Class had finished twenty minutes ago, but I had to stay back to talk to a teacher about making up an exam. The hallways were empty now, except for the occasional student or teacher walking by. A few athletes appeared sometimes in the hallways, but they were usually in practice by now or headed to a game.
Shutting my locker, I turned and was about to make my way towards the main exit of the school to the parking lot, where my brother waited, but I didn't see him coming.
All I saw was a flash of the same silver blonde hair and dark, coffee-colored eyes before we slammed into each other. The force of the collision caused my textbook to slip out of my hands, and I could do nothing but watch as it fell.
Right onto his foot.
"Fuck," Sebastian grunted in pain, his jaw tightening as he faltered a little from the pain. I flinched in shock of him being so close to me, before I realized what I'd just done.
"Oh, shit," I gasped and quickly scrambled to grab my textbook. "I'm so sorry," I rushed out, entirely blanking out as to what I should do as he exhaled once heavily, his eyes on his foot before he glanced up. His dark gaze was unreadable as his gaze flickered over my face.
When he didn't speak, I rushed to speak. "I swear, Seb, I didn't see you coming. I'm so sorry. Are you okay?"
We both froze as the familiar name spilled out of my lips without a second thought. My face heated up and I quickly averted my eyes, focusing on his foot.
He cleared his throat and briefly shook his head once. "Yeah, I'm good."
I nodded and sucked in a shallow breath, tightening my grip on the book I had clutched in my arm. "I'm really sorry, I wasn't watching where I was going," I spoke once more because he didn't look like he was going anywhere, and the silence was shifting into something more awkward.
I didn't know if my mind was playing tricks on me, but his lips twitched as if he was holding back a smile. He shook his head again, running a hand through his hair, a spark of amusement present in his eyes. "It's fine, Isabella, don't worry about it."
I nodded, and bit my lip in thought as we stared at each other for a few more moments before I looked away. "Um, okay, then. I should go now. My brother's waiting," I murmured. He didn't react as he continued to watch me, his eyes running over my features as if he was trying to engrave them into his mind.
I was reminded of all the times we'd spent together, the look in his eyes as he watched me. I ignored the feelings that threatened to stir up; all the things I wanted to suppress. Then, before my mind could wander to everything else, I cleared my throat and shot him a small smile, before I brushed past him to walk away.
He didn't say anything else nor did he try to stop me as I walked past him, approaching the doors at the end of the corridor. Why would he anyways? We'd lost each other a long time ago. It wouldn't make sense anymore. He didn't stop me back then; no reason he would now.
But despite everything, I still felt his eyes on me the entire time as I shuffled away. They burned a hole into my spine, sending a shudder down my back. I'd be lying if I said it didn't affect me or that I didn't care.
I did, and I always would. Even if I wished I didn't with every single part of me. We had a history, and no matter what the future brought, no matter how hard I tried, it couldn't be erased.
***
"I think I can stay home by myself at sixteen," I scoffed, turning my head to look out the window in annoyance as Elijah drove us home. "I don't know how many times I have to convince you."
"I wasn't asking. You're going to Kaiden's and that's final," he replied flatly. I whipped my gaze back towards him. I knew he could feel my glare boring into him, but he ignored me as he continued to watch the road ahead of him. Normally, I'd jump at the chance to hang out with Kaiden, my second oldest brother, given I barely saw him anymore but I needed to stay home tonight—alone.
"You can't be serious," I snapped, crossing my arms across my chest. Elijah's jaw tightened and his hand gripped the steering wheel tightly, the tattoos covering his hand a contrast to the whitening knuckles as a result of the death grip. "I'm not a kid anymore, you do understand that, right?"
"I'm not arguing with you about this again," he told me, his voice hard like this wasn't worth his time. His charcoal grey eyes flashed with irritation, and I knew I was walking on thin ice, but I didn't care.
These days, actually the past few years, I'd barely had time to myself. Honestly, it seemed like the only solitude I got was at night when I was asleep, which didn't really count, and it didn't feel like enough. If I wasn't around strangers at school, in public, or with my friends, I was at home and at least one of my brothers had to be around.
It was like they were afraid of leaving me alone.
I understood at first it was because of what happened to Sophia three years ago, and their fears of something happening to me, but now it was beginning to feel like something more.
I didn't care too much, but I was getting sick of all the hovering. It was exhausting, always being surrounded by people.
"It's not fair, Elijah," I groaned. Before he could interrupt, I continued, "Tonight's the only chance I have for some time to myself. I can take care of myself, I don't need to be watched like I'm a little kid."
He didn't say anything and I turned around in my seat to face him. "Please. I'll be fine, I promise. Ethan and Caleb should be home at some point, right? It's not like I'll be staying home alone all night," I pleaded.
Elijah was silent, contemplating, before his grip around the wheel relaxed and I held my breath. "Fine."
"Yes, finally, thank you," I breathed out and threw my head back against the seat, smiling to myself and glancing over at him with a grateful expression. "I won't do anything stupid."
He scoffed at that, shaking his head once like he didn't believe a word I said, but I decided to ignore the gesture.
"Where are you going anyways?" I scrolled through my phone aimlessly.
We were almost home at this point. The large, contemporary style homes were familiar and I felt the car turn swiftly into the neighborhood. Soon enough, our house came into my line of sight. The modern exterior had color schemes of black, grey and white. Despite all that had happened here, this place would always have a special place in my heart. All my memories had been created in this house; the good and the bad.
"I have a few things to do in the city," Elijah answered, and I glanced up at him as we pulled into the driveway.
"What things?" I questioned and his eyebrows rose in challenge as he turned his head towards me. Before he could reply, his phone began to ring. I sighed, reaching down to retrieve my bag.
"See you later, I guess," I mumbled as I stepped out of the car, slamming the door shut behind me.
I didn't know if he responded to that or maybe he did and I didn't hear, but there was only one thing on my mind as I headed inside the house. Something that I'd been tempted to do for weeks now because her birthday was approaching, and it stirred up all sorts of feelings.
Something I hadn't been able to do since that day three years ago, yet it stayed on my mind day and night. Curiosity and temptation, combined with nostalgia of the past drove me to make the decision that it would happen today.
***
I stood in front of her room. My hands shook and I was reminded of the same feeling I'd felt on the day I'd come home from the library to the terrible news.
The door was closed, but not locked. I hadn't entered in three years and I didn't know if my brothers did. If they did, I was never around to see it.
It wasn't like I was ever specifically told that I couldn't enter Sophia's room. It just happened to be an unspoken rule, I guess, like even the thought of it was something forbidden. I'd never tested how my brothers would react if I entered either—I didn't know why. Maybe I was afraid of their reactions, especially Kaiden's, or maybe it was because I was afraid for myself. How I would feel and if I could handle the memories that would come rushing back to me.
I felt like I was walking on glass every second of the day, and one wrong step meant it would shatter, hurting everyone around me but mostly myself.
It was close to seven now and Elijah had left a while ago. I was still paranoid one of my brothers would pop up behind me and catch me in the act.
Before I had the chance to overthink it any further, my fingers grasped the handle. The wooden door creaked as I opened it hesitantly, the unsettling sound traveling through the hollow, vacant silence of the house.
I paused at the threshold, my fingers clenched around the handle so tightly, they began to ache. My heart hammered restlessly inside my chest.
This might have been the only chance I'd ever get, so with that thought in mind, I didn't let myself debate a second longer as I stepped inside.
***
A/n: Like I said in the intro, it jumps straight into a lot of the action because there's a lot to cover. The first few chapters are shorter, but they get a lot longer as it continues. Thanks for reading <3
Edited: July 31st, 2023