#HHFM Chapter 22:
Birthday
* * *
"Ceskang, ikaw ba talaga ay galit sa 'kin?"
I paused on placing Raiko's hand covers upon hearing Tatay's question. I didn't look at him nor answered. I made sure there was a space in between us when I sat on the bed. I wanted him to feel that I was seriously disappointed with how he acted when Ryo's parents went here.
Ryo refused to tell me at first, of course. He wanted to keep Tatay's name clean. His parents didn't say anything either. Tito was obviously trying to avoid the topic. Tita just checked up on Raiko and stayed silent, too.
I had to fake my anger towards Ryo for him to tell me what happened. It turned out that Tatay didn't show himself to his parents. Nanay didn't kick them out, but I know that my mother was never a warm nor welcoming person. I could feel the tension just by imagining them awkwardly staring at each other in the living room.
Mainit pa ang ulo ko noon at sigurado akong wala rin sa tamang mood si Tatay kaya hindi ko na lang inungkat. We ate dinner silently and went to our rooms without speaking a word about their failed first meeting.
Pero ngayon, at hindi naman puwedeng hindi ko iyon ungkatin, pinaramdam ko na talaga kay Tatay na may mali. Ryo kept on convincing me that it was fine, that he expected something worse than the cold treatment, but clearly, it wasn't. Hindi ko muna pinapunta sina Tita rito sa amin hangga't hindi kami nakapag-uusap ni Tatay.
Earlier, I didn't join them for breakfast. Ryo almost crawled back upstairs so he could skip being alone at the dining area with my parents. Nakailang tawag sa akin si Tatay pero hindi ako bumaba. I wanted him to feel what it was like to be ignored.
Kaya kahit na may ikinabit siyang duyan para kay Raiko rito sa kuwarto, hindi ko siya kinibo. He kept on asking me questions about work and Cali, but my answers were limited to a shrug or a nod. Obvious naman na sigurong naiinis ako sa kaniya at tingin ko, naramdaman na niya iyon kaya nagtanong na siya.
Komportableng natutulog si Raiko sa duyan. Ryo was downstairs, helping Louie with the woodwork. So far, parang hindi pa naman inaabuso ni Tatay si Ryo. Maybe it was because of the rush orders he was working on, wala siyang time na gawing alila at pag-trip-an si Ryo na, obviously, wala namang masyadong alam sa pinaggagagawa niya.
"Galit ka? Bakit ka galit? Nagsumbong ba si Ryo sa 'yo?"
My frown deepened. I shook my head in disbelief as I looked at him with disappointment. 'Nagsumbong' talaga ang term na ginamit niya? At kung nagsumbong naman talaga sa akin si Ryo, dapat lang. What he did was extremely rude and Ryo's parents didn't deserve any of that.
Nagbuntonghininga siya sa tabi ko. I get that he might still be quite mad at me after finding out about my pregnancy later than expected, pero parang hindi naman tama ang pagtrato niya kina Tita. Ipinakikita ko rin naman sa kaniya na okay kami ni Ryo, and Ryo was obviously trying his best to get his approval. No amount of his anger would put Raiko back in my womb, anyway. If he couldn't accept Ryo, yet, at least he should have had decency to respect his family na wala namang ginawang masama sa akin kahit kailan.
"Alam mo, kapag tumanda na 'yang anak mo, saka mo lang ako maiintindihan," aniya. He reached for his mug of already-cold coffee on the table. "Kita mong hindi nga kita pinadadapuan sa lamok noong bata ka pa . . ." Pumalatak siya.
I sighed. Napalingon ako sa pintuan nang may sumilip doon. There were wet blobs on his shirt, probably because of sweat. Nakita kong nakangiti siyang sumilip sa bukas na pinto pero agad na sumeryoso ang mukha nang mapansing hindi ako nag-iisa sa kuwarto. Napaayos siya ng tindig at mukhang hindi alam ang gagawin—kung aalis ba siya o papasok.
I nodded at him, urging him to step foot inside my room even with my father just beside me. Umiling siya agad.
" . . . tapos magpapadapo ka lang sa . . . bangaw na 'yan."
"'Tay," saway ko. Nilingon ko si Ryo na awkward na um-exit at naglakad pupunta siguro sa kuwartong tinutulugan niya.
Suminghal si Tatay pagkaalis ni Ryo. My shoulders slumped, and I let him see how sad he was making me feel. Naihilamos niya ang palad sa mukha bago ilapag ulit ang tasa sa mesa.
"E, akala ko ba kasi ay naghiwalay na kayo niyan? Bakit biglang may anak? Paano kung iwan ka ulit niyan nang may anak na kayo? E di, kawawa kayo niyang apo ko?"
"Nagkabalikan nga po kami." Heat shot up to my cheeks. It felt weird to say that out loud. "At hindi pa naman po kami iniiwan ulit."
"Kaya hihintayin mo munang iwanan kayo ulit? Ganoon ba 'yon?"
Napatahimik ako roon. Umiling siya sa akin na parang ipinagmamalaki na tama ang punto niya. It has always been tough to change my father's mind. Lagi siyang sigurado sa mga desisyon niya, at kadalasan, imposible na talagang mabago.
When I left for college, hindi pa rin buo ang suporta niya sa desisyon kong iyon. I only managed to change his mind when I entered my second year, noong napatunayan ko nang kaya kong mag-isa.
But how could Ryo prove that he's worthy of his trust if he won't give him the chance to do so? Bilang boyfriend nga, hindi na makuha ni Ryo ang loob niya, paano pa kaya ngayon?
"E, ano po ba'ng gusto n'yong mangyari, 'Tay? Hiwalayan ko ulit 'yung tao? Saka bakit naman po hindi n'yo sinipot sina Tita?"
Siya naman ang natahimik doon. Kahit naman sabihin niyang hiwalayan ko, hindi ko gagawin.
"Hindi naman sa ganoon—"
"E, ano nga po, 'Tay? Ano po ba'ng gusto ninyong gawin ni Ryo?"
Malalim ang buntonghininga niya. "Alam mo namang nag-aalala lang kami sa inyo niyang apo ko."
"Hindi po ako iiwan ni Ryo, ako po ang unang aalis kung may gawin siyang kung ano," sabi ko. I knew it was quite different from the breakup that happened since we didn't have Raiko yet during that time, but I wouldn't stay in a ruined marriage nor would I let my child go under the stress of seeing our family staying together while rotting.
Mabigat ulit ang buntonghininga ni Tatay. I felt like he was aware that he wouldn't have a choice but give Ryo his blessing, pero ayaw niya lang bumigay agad.
"Saka ano po ba'ng plano ninyo? Ang magtampo sa 'kin hanggang sa kasal ko?"
Kung humihigop siguro siya ng kape, baka naibuga na niya. He stared at me wide-eyed, as if he could not believe what I said. Ryo and I are adults. Raiko's right here in front of him. But he just doesn't stop treating me like a child and is always doubting my decisions.
"Kasal? Agad-agad?"
I guess Nanay hadn't told him, or maybe my mother didn't have any plans to do so. Hindi ugali ni Nanay na mangialam sa pagtatalo namin ni Tatay.
"Hindi naman po agad-agad," umiiling kong sabi.
Ryo and I haven't talked about it, yet. More importantly, I didn't want to initiate the wedding talk. Sapat na iyong inakala kong magpro-propose siya dahil doon sa singsing sa bagahe niya. Saka baka naman sabihin ni Ryo, nagmamadali ako.
Napahilot sa sentido si Tatay. He looked like he was having a headache just by thinking of me getting married. For the rest of the morning, I had to fill him in with the details of my pregnancy and lecture him on his manners.
He caught Ryo outside my room after. He handed him his used mug and asked him to refill it with coffee.
I guess that was a good sign. Tatay never let anyone make his coffee except for me and Nanay.
* * *
Hawak ni Ryo ang phone kong nakatapat kay Raiko na nasa duyan. Malakas ang tawa niya kay Raianne na naka-video call. Raianne badly wanted to head here but her schedule just wouldn't permit.
Malapit nang mag-one month si Raiko, which meant that Tita and Tito would be visiting here again soon. Ryo informed me that they found a better place to stay at. By better, he meant something that would satisfy Tita's standards.
Bukod sa dalawang events na iyon, malapit na rin ang birthday ni Ryo. And I still haven't thought of what to give him for his birthday. Hindi ko rin alam kung paano ako bibili nang hindi niya nalalaman. If I would leave Raiko here with them, he would get curious and would have an idea that I'm preparing something for him.
He returned my phone to me after the call. His eyebags look a little bit darker than usual. Maaga kasi siyang gumigising—mas nauuna pa nga sa akin kadalasan. Hindi ko alam kung nagpapa-good shot ba siya kay Tatay o hindi siya komportableng matulog sa kuwarto ni Lolo. But at least, he didn't look stressed.
Nagpunta sila ni Nanay sa palengke. That was another good thing because at least, Nanay was starting to warm herself up to him. Magkakaalaman na lang talaga kapag nagkaharap-harap na ulit sina Tatay at Tita.
After putting my phone on the table, he gently tugged on both of my arms. Ipinulupot niya ang braso ko sa katawan niya, sapilitan pa yata. I chuckled when I saw him frowning when I tried to resist hugging him.
"Hindi pa naman ako pawis. Bilis na, habang wala tatay mo." Hinihigpitan niya ang pagkakakapit ko sa kaniya.
My chuckles became louder, but I forcefully shut my mouth because Tatay might hear us from downstairs. I gave him the hug he wanted.
"Ano'ng gusto mo sa birthday mo?" I asked, one cheek laid flat on his chest. I could feel his stable heartbeats.
Ramdam ko rin ang paghugong niya. "Wala akong maisip e."
"Puwede ba 'yon?" Tiningala ko siya. His gaze was on the ceiling, probably thinking. Saglit kong inalis ang isang braso kong nakapulupot sa baywang niya at kinapa ang papatubong facial hair sa kaniyang baba. It felt rough against my fingertips.
Hinagip niya ang kamay kong iyon at hinalikan bago ipulupot sa dati nitong puwesto sa baywang niya. "Wala talaga akong maisip."
"E, ano'ng ibibigay ko sa 'yo niyan?"
Honestly, ever since, it was difficult to think of gifts for him. His family had the money to buy him stuff, kaya kahit ano'ng ipon ko, mahirap humanap ng bibilhin ko para sa kaniya na hindi niya kayang bilhin o wala pa siya.
We usually go on dates on our birthdays. Kapag may nakita siyang something matchy na nagustuhan niya, iyon ang ipinabibili niya.
He chuckled. "Next year mo na lang ako regaluhan."
"Photo album, ayaw mo? Masisira na naman yata ang wallet mo 'pag dumami ang pictures."
Lalong lumakas ang tawa niya roon. I wouldn't be surprised if Tatay would suddenly barge in here.
"Oo nga, 'no? Family pictures, pictures natin; tapos ngayon, may pictures pa ni Raiko," sang-ayon niya.
"Photo album nga? 'Yon lang?" Napakasimple naman ng gusto niya. And it wouldn't be a surprise anymore since alam na niya.
"May birthday pa naman ako next year," katwiran niya. Tumango na lang ako. Though, I was thinking of getting him something else.
Maybe . . . a ring?
I was not sure if I could get him something expensive, but it's the thought that counts so. . . . Saka, baka sa birthday ko, doblehin niya ang presyo ng regalong ibibigay niya sa akin. He didn't want me spending too much on gifts, at ganoon din ako sa kaniya.
"Ano'ng iniisip mo?"
I blinked my thoughts away. Nanliliit ang mga mata niya sa akin. I shook my head at him and smiled before tiptoeing to kiss him on his cheek.
* * *
Dahil si Raiko ang bagong bata sa amin, dinagsa ang bahay nang pumatak ang unang buwan niya. Maaga pa lang, may mga tao na agad sa bakuran. I recognized a few of them. Hindi ko alam kung tsismosa lang ba ang mga tao sa amin o sadyang mahilig sa baby. I had to entertain questions, but thankfully, nothing too personal nor offensive. I expected it to happen since I rarely go home.
Sabi ni Ryo, pupunta raw si Raianne sa isang araw. I called Cali last night and told her to come with Raianne. Pagkatapos akong sermunan kung bakit hindi ko siya sinabihan agad na umuwi na ako, pumayag din naman siya. To my defense, she never really asked. And I didn't know how to tell her because I couldn't interrupt her every time she vents about work and her 'work tea.' I didn't ask about Nate anymore because I knew she would bring him with her even without me telling her to do so.
Na-brief ko na rin si Tatay na pupunta ang parents ni Ryo. He didn't have any violent reactions, so I really hope that things would go well this time.
"Ito, dalhin mo ro'n sa kabila. Pagkalagpas mo sa dilaw na gate, kaliwa ka. 'Yong may tricycle na pula, doon mo dadalhin," utos ni Tatay kay Ryo na attentive na attentive. I smiled a little as Ryo nodded like a child, picking up the plate of cake and pansit with him before sprinting away.
Ginawa yatang delivery boy ni Tatay si Ryo. I never heard Ryo complaining, though. Pawisan na naman siya at nakatali ang buhok. Minsan, nahaharang ng ilang matatanda at tinatanong.
Thankfully, he's a charmer. Sumasagot naman siya nang maayos bago magmamadaling tatakbo ulit papunta sa kung saan mang inutos ni Tatay.
"Mayro'n pa po?" tanong ni Ryo kay Tatay na katabi ko lang pagkabalik niya. Nilingon siya ni Tatay na nagpapalaman ng pansit sa tinapay.
"Nagrereklamo ka ba?"
"Nagtatanong lang po."
Hindi galit si Tatay at alam ko iyon. Ganiyan lang talaga siya magsalita kaya hindi ako kinabahan. Umiling si Tatay sa kaniya bago tumayo habang bitbit ang plato niya.
"Wala na. Umupo ka na riyan at tatawagin na lang kita 'pag may kailangan."
"Okay po," tumatangong sagot ni Ryo. When Tatay left, Ryo slumped on the spot beside me almost immediately. Humagip agad siya ng baso at kumuha ng tubig.
"Pagod?"
He nodded. "Kumain ka na?"
"Yup, kanina pa. Kumain ka na rin."
Malakas siyang kumain. I stayed sitting next to him while receiving a few gifts for Raiko. One month pa lang naman ang bata pero parang isang taon na ang sine-celebrate sa bahay. The people around here were either fond of kids . . . or of free food.
Tita was wearing a simple, plain cream dress. Nakapapanibagong makita siyang walang suot ni isang alahas bukod sa wedding ring niya. Dumating sila nang kakaunti na ang tao sa bahay. Si Tatay, nakakuha yata ng excuse na uminom kasama ang mga kumpare niyang natira sa labas.
May dala silang cake. Tita sat across from me while Ryo was opening the box. Ilang saglit pa, pumasok na si Nanay, sinusundan ni Louie na may dalang malaking garbage bag. Tito Finn sat beside Tita. I noted that Nanay invited them to eat and asked Ryo to get them plates.
Natahimik silang lahat nang dumating si Tatay. Tito Finn stood up and greeted him first. Tatay glanced at me before scratching his temples and accepting Tito Finn's handshake.
"O, e 'wag na nating pahabain ang usapan. Magpapakasal daw iyang dalawa. Wala naman akong magagawa sa gusto ni Ceskang. Kayo ang tatanungin ko kung may problema kayo sa anak ko."
"Wala!" agad ang sagot ni Tito roon. Pero halata sa mukha niya ang gulat. Nilingon niya si Ryo na nasa kalagitnaan ng pagsubo ng cake.
"Kasal?" Tita asked, confused.
Napalunok ako. This one was on me. Maybe I shouldn't have worded it to Tatay that way. Si Ryo nga rin ay mukhang naguguluhan.
"Oo, sabi ni Ceskang. Tumututol ba kayo?" si Nanay. Makahulugan ang tingin niya sa akin at kinabahan na ako. Things were starting to get better, and I didn't want a misunderstanding to ruin all of our progress.
I was about to clear things up when Ryo spoke, "Opo, 'My. Ikakasal kami." He glanced at me. I quickly looked away.
Tita gasped at that. I was so thankful that Cali and Raianne were not here. Lalo na si Cali, eksaherada pa namang mag-react iyon. I would tell her about this pero siguro, kapag kaming dalawa na lang.
"E, bakit ganiyan ang reaksiyon n'yo? Hindi ba nagsasabi itong anak n'yo sa inyo?" tanong ni Tatay, alerto na agad kung sakali mang magkamali sila ng sagot.
"Nagsabi, nawala lang sa isip ko," sagot ni Tito na uminom agad ng soft drink pagkatapos. Obviosuly, he was lying. Dalawa na sila ni Ryo na sumalo sa akin.
"Then . . . why aren't you wearing a ring, yet?" takang tanong ni Tita. Nakatingin siya sa kamay ko at naghahanap. Gusto kong sabihin na gawa naman iyon ng anak niya, pero mas pinili ko na lang na ngumiti.
"Hindi pa naman po ngayon," I told her, but she was already giving Ryo a look of disappointment.
"Pero malapit na," dagdag ni Ryo na nagpakunot sa noo ko. Inalis ko agad ang pagkakasalubong ng kilay dahil baka may makapansin.
Fortunately, nothing bad happened. Napunta ang usapan nila sa ginagawa ni Tatay at sa mga plano kay Raiko. Ryo and I told them about staying at an apartment temporarily. I wanted Tatay to apologize for how he behaved the last time Ryo's parents went here, but he never did. Siguro, magpasalamat na lang din ako na maayos na ang trato nila sa isa't isa. Tita's eyes kept sneaking on my hand the whole time.
I was exhausted when their talk ended. Nahatak pa ni Tatay si Tito sa labas para sumamang uminom. Bago pa mahagilap ni Tatay si Ryo, nagtulog-tulugan na ito sa kuwarto niya.
Matapos saglit na tulungan si Nanay sa pag-iimis ng kusina, umakyat na rin kami ni Raiko. I took a bath after nursing him. Pagkalabas ko ng banyo, nasa pintuan na ng kuwarto ko si Ryo.
I was reminded of the gift I prepared for his birthday. Nasa damitan ko lang iyon. Pumasok siya at saglit na tumambay sa may kuna ni Raiko bago umupo sa kama ko.
"Gusto mo na makuha gift mo?" I asked Louie to buy me a photo album and a bracelet. Hindi iyon kamahalan at galing sa sanglaan. I wanted to get him a ring, but I didn't have the chance to leave home and personally choose one, and I was unsure of his size. Pinadalhan lang ako ni Louie ng pictures ng bracelet na madali lang namang pagpilian.
"Photo album?" The excitement in his voice made me smile. Ang dali niyang pasayahin.
"Hm, oo," I answered before crouching in front of my cabinet and pulling out the gift I wrapped last night. Tumigil ako sa tapat niya at iniabot sa kaniya iyon. He parted his legs and tapped on his thigh.
"Dito ka."
"I'm heavy," I reminded him. I still haven't lost most of my pregnancy weight.
"Kaya kita, dito ka," ulit niya. Sumunod ako sa gusto niya bago niya kunin ang regalo.
"Bakit may mas maliit na box?" tanong niya habang kinakapa iyon.
"Basta, buksan mo na lang," I said, eager to see his reaction after tearing the wrapper. Nanliit ang singkit na niyang mga mata sa akin, parang nakakutob agad na hindi lang iyon photo album.
"Gumastos ka nang malaki?" tanong niya at inilapag iyon sa tabi niya na nagpasimangot sa akin. I wanted to see his reaction after opening it!
"Just open my gift for you," utos ko. He frowned.
"Ayaw ko ng regalo mo," aniya na nagpasinghap sa akin. I didn't think he meant that, but I glared at him, still.
"Buksan mo na kasi, Ryo. Isa," nagbabanta kong sabi.
Ngumisi lang siya roon at hindi tinablan—na parang hindi siya mangiyak-ngiyak at halos mamilipit sa paggagalit-galitan ko noong ayaw niyang sabihin sa akin kung bakit umiiyak si Tita pagkagaling nila sa bahay.
"Ayaw ko na pala n'on."
"You don't mean that."
"Ang gusto ko, kiss."
His face inched closer but his lips never touched mine. Sa gahiblang distansiya ng mukha namin ay napapapikit na ako.
"Puwede ba 'yon, Frankie?" Masyadong malambing ang boses niya.
Instead of whispering a yes, I closed the distance between our lips with a soft, gentle kiss. When was the last time we kissed? I couldn't remember.
Pero memoryado ko pa rin ang kilos at galaw ng labi niya. The moment the kiss happened, I felt his lips forming a smile before kissing me back. I found myself smiling back at the thought that I still remember that small detail, which eventually turned to a chuckle that made him pull away.
Nakakunot ang noo niya pero nangingiti rin naman. My chuckles were put to a stop when he pulled me by my nape to continue the interrupted kiss earlier. His hand went up and got lost in my hair. Matatawa pa sana ako ulit dahil halata ko ang pagkasabik niya pero kinagat niya nang bahagya ang ibabang labi ko.
"Tawa ka nang tawa," parang naiinis na niyang sabi.
"I love you," masuyo kong sabi para mawala ang inis sa mukha niya. It was effective because there was a smile on his face before he inched closer for another kiss.
A few moments later, I found myself straddling his hips, my hands messing with his hair. May gigil ang pagkakahawak niya sa baywang ko. If it weren't for the sound my gift for him made when it fell on the floor, I don't think we would have stopped kissing.
Sa pinto agad dumeretso ang namumungay niyang tingin. I chuckled at that. "Naka-lock 'yan," I assured him before reaching for my gift for him and placing it back on my bed.
He pushed his hair back before pulling me closer. My brows shot up as the heat crept to my cheeks upon feeling him through the fabric of his shorts. One of his hands was tenderly holding my face in place, but his kisses were far from being tender.
His hands were everywhere while mine stayed crumpling the ends of his shirt, wrinkling it more every damn time I would feel him against me. A guttural groan escaped his throat when I willingly brushed myself against him. I had to bite my tongue to prevent making any sounds, when he started trailing wet kisses on my neck.
Panting, he stopped. I heard him inhale as he dropped a kiss on my forehead.
"Tutulog na ako," natatawa niyang sabi. I rolled my eyes at that. I could still feel how hard he was underneath me. Narrowing my eyes at him, I pouted. He kissed my pout away.
"Kie, hindi pa puwede," he whispered. I nodded and got off his lap. He picked up his gift, looking like he would really leave any moment, but I told him to wait. Nagmamadali kong hinanap ang panali ko sa cabinet.
Kitang-kita ko kung paano tumaas ang dalawang kilay niya habang nagtatali ako ng buhok. That familiar look on his face made me laugh a little.
I went in front of him and dropped a quick kiss on his lips before kneeling. Humalakhak siya roon at hinagip ang dalawang pisngi ko ng palad niya. Pinatakan niya ng halik ang tungki ng ilong ko. My hand reached for his crotch, and his eyes immediately shut tight. Napaigtad siya nang bahagya roon.
"Frankie." Parang nagbabanta pa ang tono niya.
"What? You think I would let you sleep like this?"
His hearty chuckles filled the room. I felt his fingers tracing my hair tie before he adjusted his position. I think I saw stars in his eyes. Clearly, he has been waiting for this. "The best ka talaga, Ceskang."