When I woke up the next day, I was still in the hospital. I saw that my baby was sleeping next to me in a clear crib and I couldn't help but imagine what she would look like when she's older. I just hope she gets Luke's eyes and his overall passion for what he loves. It's hard to picture doing this alone for the next 18years but I do know I have Mitch and Emily to help me through it.
"Hello there, just here to do a quick checkup before we release you." The doctor says snapping me out of my thoughts.
"You mean I can go home?" I ask.
"If I give you the all clear then yes, you're free to leave. Now I already did a checkup on the little one, and she seems perfectly fine, so now it's moms turn."
All she did was ask me about my sleep last night and if I had any severe pain in the lower regions.
"Have you had any hallucinations?" She says reading off of her sheet.
"What do you mean hallucinations?" I ask with furrowed eyebrows.
"Have you seen anything that's very out of the ordinary or not supposed to be there?"
I thought for a minute, and realized that the Luke I saw in the delivery room, wasn't actually Luke. It was a hallucination.
"In the delivery room I did but it went away after a few minutes." I tell the doctor.
"Oh that's completely normal, it's a reaction to all the painkillers that we give you to handle the birth process." I nod and the doctor tells me that when my ride gets here I can finally leave.
A nurse came in half an hour later to help me get dressed and to get all my belongings packed up. When I was done with that I was given the baby and put into a wheelchair, where the nurse rolled me down to reception. I was expecting Emily or Mitch to be there, but much to my surprise it was Tose, waiting with a bouquet of flowers and a gift box.
"Surprise!" She says. I laugh at her and try and hug her as best as I can while holding the baby in the wheelchair.
Rose looks down at the baby and tears up.
"She looks like Luke." She says quietly and I can't help but smile. "Okay, enough with the crying, we have to get you guys home and settled in because these next few months are gonna be stressful. Which is why I wanted to ask you something."
"What is it?" I ask worried.
"I know it's gonna be hard for you, being a single parent and all, but I wanna be there to help you. So if you would allow me, I would like to offer my fatherly services to you and the baby until you tell me to go away." Rose says and I'm left speechless.
"I would absolutely love that." I say to her and she squeals in a high pitch, making the baby wiggle in my arms.
Once we're finally packed up in the car, rose helps me into it, while trying not to move me too fast because of the pain. I don't know how long it takes for us to get home but I do know I fell asleep pretty quickly after rose started driving.
The rest of the day was filled with rose and I babyproofing the house, and then napping on the couch until the baby started screaming her head off.
Once I got her settled I went downstairs and spoke about the moving in thing with rose. We agreed that in a week or two would be the best time for it to happen. Rose left soon after our conversation ended, so I went upstairs to check on the baby.
When I got into her nursery, I see that's she's still peacefully asleep, and I'm that moment I finally realize that I'm actually a mother now. I also realize that I haven't named her yet, should probably do that. So I sit down in the one seater in the corner of the room and start thinking.
I need to choose a name that will be apart of Luke, but I don't want it to be too obvious. Her second name would have to be related to me somehow and her last name is obviously Patterson. I look around the room in hopes of finding some inspiration. Then my eyes fall upon the teddy bear that Luke gave me when I found out I was pregnant. I remember what the supposed hallucination told me after my baby was born.
Lila.
That's a pretty name, and it's related to Luke. This baby helped me feel better when I lost the boys, she is my Lila.
Lila maya Patterson.
Maya was my mother's name, it's a perfect mix.
I get up from the chair and walk over to the crib, I stare down at my daughter and whisper, "welcome to the world Lila."
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Shoutout to @freyagroth and @jirahsebastian on Instagram for the name suggestions.