One thing i never explained, how was i born in Mordor? Well, my mother got pregnant but Mirkwood was raided by Orcs. They were taken hostage to Mordor and there i was born. My parents were put into slavery and kept there now, i would be able to be with them once more...
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After i got ready, i rushed myself out the hall and out of the mountain again. Breathing in the air, i walked over to the city of Dale slowly. When i arrived, i found Legolas's horse in the same spot and fed it food. The grain a held in my hand was dried and crumbled, the things left over from the cooks we bowed down so in Erebor. The grain that the horse ate willingly, was also the grain even the poorest of dwarves now turned down. We were all wealthy, everyone of us indulging our selves now after the reclamation of our precious gold. I gave the horse some exercise across the planes near by and returned myself to the mountain for mid-day. She was a very fast horse, and massive for my own size but i still managed to stay on her, feeling the wind in my hair around the mountain. Twice a day, i would do this to care for this horse and at the same time, avoid Kili or Fili as much as possible. The feeling of escape was a feeling i found my self clutching on to every moment i had. To escape from my worries was a luxury i couldn't afford just yet, however i took the time all the same.
I just couldn't bear to see Kili again knowing i would leave so soon. Of course, he wouldn't know. But i would. I would leave for all their sake. But today, i never left the City of Dale to return home, instead i had packed up all that i needed to leave my new home. Mordor was on my number one list of places to be, even though i was quite uncertain of what awaited me there. Would they kill me? Would they welcome me? Would my parents be there? Would i even be cared for? I doubt it.
Pacing, i left the City on my horse unwillingly. Brushing down the soft mane soothed me as i took a final glance back at the massive mountain and heaved a sigh.
I don't think i will ever see any of this ever again and i don't even know if i want to, i thought.
"We must ride hard." I said as silently to the horse in it's ear as if she could understand my words. "To the far, far land i dread." I felt a sudden stinging pain behind my eyes and squinted harshly, trying to make it disappear. It was my choice, i didn't have to leave this beautiful place but Gandalf, my old friend was wrong. Would i have been happier in the elvish lands? I almost let a heavy tear roll down my cheek when i angrily rubbed away the water. I would not cry for this. I had so much more to cry for.
Trotting off, i started making my way into the forest but the questions still kept their place in the back of my mind. A nagging pain was stuck in my stomach, my nervousness attacking me from the inside. And that was when i finally let the first tear roll when my mind wandered to Kili...
His bright cheeky smile. His eyes that glinted. His lips that brushed mine so softly and the way his hands firmly clutched my sides. I couldn't go.
I actually believed that i wouldn't go for just a moment until i realized that i couldn't will my body to turn the horse. I practically screamed at my self in my own head, but i would turn and deep down, i knew why.
There was so much more than this waiting for me. I could not offer Kili what he needed. I was a burden to everyone in the mountain. I needed my parents who were in Mordor. They had to be in Mordor. They are in Mordor.
And with that note, i pushed the horse faster through the branches and moss and let whatever tears would come, fall.