Doris and I are having a silent stand-off. The batty little receptionist is glaring at me with those beady eyes and I glare right back because this sister is not about to back down.
"Doris," I speak as calmly as I can through clenched teeth. "Let me go up there."
"You don't have an appointment," She hisses right back. "Go make one and then we can talk."
"I worked here just a couple of months ago! You know me!"
"Yes, as Mr. Rey's stalker!"
"I was acting! I'm not some one night stand that's obsessed with him."
"Sure, you aren't."
"Doris! Let me go to his office, woman!"
She shakes her head and goes back to work, picking up the phone and putting it to her ear. The nerve she has. No one's even on the line.
I blow out a breath. Okay. Time to regroup and try this at a different angle. I plaster on a smile that I hope doesn't look like I'm in pain and present her the box of brownies I made. She doesn't even glance up.
"Doris." My teeth are about to crack from my fake smile. "How about you try some of my brownies? I think we got off the wrong foot."
She glares at me then over her glasses that make her narrow eyes look even smaller. "I'm not a man that you can butter up with your cheap tactics, honey. Save the show."
My jaw drops open in disbelief. Screw this. I slam the box shut again in her face. "Are you calling me a whore, Doris? 'Cause I think you'd make some good competition, lady!"
"Sierra!" Harper is suddenly running over to me, horrified. Meanwhile Doris is sputtering and growing red in the face and genuinely looking like she might go into cardiac arrest. I can't say I'd be sorry.
I kick my shoulders back just as Harper reaches me. "She's not innocent, Harps. She's got the evil witch thing down."
"You—" Doris stabs her sword finger in my direction and can barely speak. I point both my fingers at my eyes and then back at her. I thought old ladies were supposed to be nice.
Harper yanks me back again and starts dragging me away. "My apologies for the mix-up, Doris! Mr. Rey requested that Sierra has full access to his office and I didn't get the chance to pass the message along."
"Her?" Doris questions sourly. She scoffs and mutters under her breath, "Of all the women he could have..."
"You want to go, Doris?" I span my arms out and Harper struggles to contain hold of them. Oh, whatever. "Let's go outside then. Wanna dance, big girl?"
"Sierra!" Harper hisses. She might be a willowy thing but she apparently possesses the strength of ten men when she grabs my torso and drags me away. I struggle against her but it's no use. Her tiny muscles have freakish power. I at least manage to throw Doris the finger and the little hag tosses one right back. Evil.
Harper presses the button to close the elevator once we're in and then turns to me with an expectant expression.
"I'm not apologizing," I say immediately.
"Dude, she's an old lady and you cussed her off in front of everyone! Not the impression you want to make here, Ser."
"She thinks I'm a stalker slut! And I was really nice to her but she wouldn't let me up. Totally acted like she couldn't even recognize me."
"In Mr. Rey's best interest. Don't you think he's had stalker fans before? She's a mean thing but Mr. Rey keeps her around for a reason."
"Because he's Satan and she's a fellow spawn," I grumble.
Harper tilts her head. "I thought you two were...you know..."
I wave a hand. "Bumping uglies? Oh, yeah. He's still pissy ole' Satan no matter how awesome the sex is."
Harper's nose scrunches. "Let's not get into details about boss-man's junior. But how's it going?"
That gets a smile out of me I can't exactly control or stop. It's unlike anything I've ever known, that's what.
I've been in a fair share of relationships but none where I felt I could be myself. I've always hid my overweight past. It would make men look at me different when they found out—the obvious way they'd eye me when I ate junk food or takeout as if waiting for me to blow up six dress sizes again, or I'd meet the rare men that would find it inspiring and would never stop bringing it up or acting like there was more to me than just that. Once anyone saw the weight, it would always be the only thing they saw and that tended to ruin relationships. I mean talk about triggering my body dysmorphia and general anxiety with intimacy. I could never be just Sierra if they couldn't stop thinking about my weight even more than I could.
But not with Holden. He knows me. He's always known me. There's nothing to hide about in my past because he was part of it and he knows better than anyone that there's always been more to me than just the weight. He was my best friend for a reason and lately, it feels like having my best friend back all over again. But in a totally sexy, gives-me-mind-blowing-orgasms, bends-me-over-every-horizontal-surface kind of way. Which, in my opinion, is the best kind of friend a girl can have. Talk about an all-in-one.
I settle on a small shrug instead of dumping all of that on Harper. "Really good. He's a royal douchebag but he happens to be my royal douchebag."
Harper grins back. "Adorable. He seems less wound up too."
"Really?"
I've only just asked the question when the elevator doors open up and chaos greets us. A silent chaos, really. Because everyone on this floor is deadly quiet except for the sound of shouting and screaming. And it's coming from Holden's office.
"I have no idea what happened," Harper rushes to defend, following me as I head for the door. What the hell is going on there? Holden never loses his cool like this. "He was fine when I went to get you."
I try for the doorknob but it's locked so I start rapping my knuckles on the wood instead. I can practically hear everyone's wince in this room. It's probably not the best idea to interrupt him but I'm not going to stay out here and go out of my mind wondering what's wrong.
The door doesn't open though. Holden just calls back an angry, "What?"
He'd shouted the word with more menace than I anticipated and I startle a little, taking an involuntary step back. O-kay. I read the situation wrong. Definitely shouldn't have interrupted. Nice going, Sierra.
I laugh nervously when I look over my shoulder at all his employees giving me the rest in peace eyes. "I'm just gonna...ah...wait over there."
I just had to be a hero. I duck my head and do the walk of shame back to end of the floor where the waiting area is. I'm in the middle of mentally cussing myself off when I hear his door open and stiffen. Uh-oh.
"I explicitly asked that no one—"
"Sorry," Harper interrupts breathlessly and she sounds about as eager to do this as wiping down baby shit. "I was just bringing Sierra up—"
"So why is it that I still don't see her anywhere?"
"Here!" I pop up from the plant I was hiding behind, you know, because public confrontation freaks me out. I immediately follow up with a wince because I sound like I'm giving attendance in class. "I mean, hey."
Holden's dark eyes, enraged and stormy, seek me out before landing on me. He blinks and...some of that anger dissipates. Even his shoulders droop down the slightest. He's not exactly calm but he's definitely calmer.
"They shouldn't have given you so much trouble downstairs." He sounds annoyed but his voice is on the softer side.
All thirty-something eyes turn to me and I feel myself flush, smoothing down my obnoxiously bright yellow dress. This isn't awkward at all. "It's okay. Uh...if your main receptionist spontaneously quits, I had nothing to do with it. I swear I'm innocent."
Those dark eyes lighten some more and for a moment he almost smiles. I'm pretty sure half the jaws in this room drop. He straightens up again and levels Harper with his notorious frown, looking more like the Holden we all know. "No more interruptions."
"Sorry, boss-man," She apologizes again and Holden squeezes her shoulder. I'm pretty sure Harper is the only person in this building he can stand.
Everyone blows out a collective breath when Holden heads inside his office again. I walk over to Harper with wide eyes. "That could have gone worse, right?"
She smirks. "It would have if you weren't here."
"Sierra."
All eyes move to Holden a second time, who's holding the door to his office open just slightly and scowling.
"What?" I wave my hands. The dude wants something and I have no idea what. I suck at social cues.
He shakes his head impatiently. "You're not here to wait outside with everyone else. Come in so I can finish this call, baby."
I think I almost fall on my face.
Every jaw in this room is definitely on the floor now. I'm pretty sure some woman at the back just fainted. By some miracle I avoid doing either of those things but I do lose the ability to speak. Did he just call me baby...in front of his freaking staff?
I've yet to budge so Harper elbows me in the back and sends me forward. I snap out of it and scramble to him with my box of brownies protectively held against me as I slip through the small space he left open. Holden shuts his office door a moment later. He comes up behind me to place a kiss on the side of my neck that flips my stomach over about a hundred times and then he heads for his desk.
Well, then. That happened.
I'm still reeling from the residual shock when he sits in his chair, picking up his phone again with closed eyes and a clenched jaw. He resumes his obviously stressful call so I decide to give him some privacy, walking around his large office and taking it all in.
It's still the same as the last time I was in here but I'm seeing it differently now. Last time I was too focused on not strangling him to death so I pay attention to the finer details this time. The floor-to-ceiling windows that overlook the heart of San Francisco bring in lots of light but the place still manages to look dark in that notorious Holden Rey way. The furniture is all black, unsurprisingly, and the only pop of colour is the maroon carpet.
I walk over to a large cabinet that looks more like a closet and when I open the door—yup—he has spare blazers and ties. All coordinated from casual wear to fancy. Something tells me it's him that takes care of this place. There isn't a speck of dust in sight.
"Don't!" Holden snaps with so much ferocity that I spin on my wedges, gaping at him. What is going on? "Don't go near Mase, you hear me? He'd do anything to get your attention and he would do this for you too. Don't you take advantage of him like that."
My gut sinks when realization hits me. It's his parents.
"When will this stop?" His voice is practically shaking with anger. "You guys have had fucking adventure your whole life. So much that you missed out on the lives of both your sons! And you still want to keep going?"
Oh, crap. That doesn't sound good. I slowly make my way over to him, setting the box of brownies down on his desk and rounding it so that I'm standing beside his chair. He rubs his eyes with his hands but he must feel me close by because he faces toward me, a silent gesture. I take a seat on one of his legs and wind my arms around his neck. It just seems like he needs a hug right now.
"I'm not the bad guy." I hear him say in resignation. "Just because I won't give you money for your next trip it doesn't mean I'm the bad guy. It makes me the worried son who just wants his parents to give it a rest already, and has no idea why he cares about them when they've obviously never cared about him."
My hand rubs his back in circles. Honestly, I don't know if it's for him or myself. Hearing this conversation hurts. I can't imagine having a relationship this broken with your parents when my own are my literal best friends. I've been through a lot but I was lucky to have loving parents through it all. Who did Holden have? Did anyone ever hold him up when he was knocked down? Did anyone ever help him heal?
No, I realize. There's almost a decade of his life I don't know about but I do know he never had anyone grounding in his life beside Mason. And I should have been there too. I really should have. I can't change that I wasn't but I can be here for him now.
Before I can talk myself out of it, I grab the phone from him and put it to my ear, ignoring his quizzical gaze.
"Hello? Mr. and Mrs. Rey?" I ask curtly.
"Sierra—" Holden tries to cut in and I get up from his lap. I walk to the other side of his office for good measure. He's not stopping me anytime soon.
"Who is this?" Mrs. Rey asks hesitantly. I briefly recognize the voice of the woman who was my neighbour for years. It's crazy that I rarely saw her when she lived next door for so long.
"Hi. It's Sierra Lancaster."
"Lancaster? Oh! Gerald and Rhonda's little one! I didn't know you and Holden were in touch. How are you, sweetheart?"
God, this is bizarre. That they can be so kind to basically everyone except their own sons makes me sick. My throat tightens with frustration and sadness.
"Not very well," I admit. "Because whatever it is you're doing here is hurting Holden and when he hurts, I hurt, so this isn't really a great time for any of us."
There's a moment of stunned silence. "I beg your pardon?"
"Are you seriously trying to ask him for travelling money when you abandoned him for half his life already?"
"Sierra, this is hardly your business—"
"Except it is because Holden is my family. You and Mr. Rey would take off for weeks out of nowhere and ask my mom and dad to check up on him. Most days he and Mason would sleepover. We even turned the basement into a permanent room for them, did you know that? You abandoned him and for years my family looked after him and his brother so this is very much my business."
"Sierra." A gruff voice comes on the line. It sounds so much like Holden's. The similarities his father shares with him seem criminal. These two couldn't be more different. "It was nice speaking with you but you need to put Holden back on the line."
"I don't think I will. You know, I remember my own mom and dad trying to convince you guys to stop taking spontaneous trips or at least try and shorten them. They did everything they could and they worked in a hospital, sometimes ninety hours a week. If they could make time for your sons then what the hell was your excuse?"
"We are not discussing this with you, Sierra. And he was always fine. We knew he was a responsible and mature son. We could trust him to take care of himself."
"Because you gave him no choice! You left him and now you want to pat him on the back because he made it out okay? You want to feel good about yourselves because he was more of a parent than the two of you ever were? He is remarkable, and not many people would be where he is after what he went through, but he shouldn't have went through that in the first place. Stop feeling proud that he fixed your mistakes for you!"
"Honey—" Mrs. Rey tries again.
"I mean this with all due respect, but fuck the both of you. The least you can do is leave him alone, or even settle down and be his parents for once because he's still willing to give you a chance you don't deserve. Don't ask him for money. Don't ask Mason for money. Don't treat your sons like your bank accounts for your lives that aren't even going anywhere. Either be their parents or leave these wonderful boys alone. Seriously, fuck you, dudes!"
I end the call, still cursing under my breath and way too caught up in the heat of the moment. That's why it takes a while to realize the room has gone deadly silent. It's only then that the oh shit of it all hits me and I freeze, glancing up.
Holden is staring at me. Just staring. I kind of hate that he has an amazing poker face because I can't read his expression for crap. It's flat and emotionless and I definitely went too far, didn't I?
My hands go up slowly in surrender. "I'm so sorry. That was too much, right? I cussed your parents off. Oh God, why did you let me cuss them off? You should have threw something at my head and stopped me! In a way this is, like, fifty percent of your fault if you think about it."
At some point during my rambling he stood up and I back away from him as he walks over to me. Prowls, stalks. Whatever it is, it's intimidating as heck and I bump into the door of his office with nowhere to go. Crap on a cracker.
"Personally, I thought I made some valid points," I continue. My mouth has a mind of its own at this point. "That speech was long overdue, wouldn't you agree? I could have omitted the fuck you's but aside from that—"
"Shut up," He commands quietly when he reaches me. I tip my chin back to look at him, my lips pulling down.
"Um, rude. I'm on your side, buddy. And quite frankly—"
His mouth comes down hard on mine so swiftly I don't even know how it happened. All I know is that he's kissing me, drugging me with harsh and rough kisses that I have no choice but to melt into. His large hands cup my face as his kisses grow harder and it's like he's trying to tell me something. Something he wants me to know but can't say. But I think I know exactly what it is, and it's only because it's the same thing I'm feeling. The feeling that never went away since the first time I laid my eyes on the prickly and angry boy I knew I wanted more than anything. And now I have him.
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A/N
SIERRA MY QUEEN!!! She has such a big heart. She makes me laugh. She's so memorable and relatable. She's so good for Holden. I'm in love with her.
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