When finally the plane touched down at Incheon airport, April could sense Jae's anticipation. It felt like he was about to jump up and run for the door the second the wheels hit the ground. After they retrieved their luggage, Jae rushed them outside to get a taxi to Ansan. He had barely spoken to her since they arrived, rushing from place to place, leaving her to catch up to him or be lost in a sea of people with whom she couldn't communicate. She knew he didn't mean to leave her behind but he was running on pure emotion. Every once in a while, he looked back to make sure she was still there and when he saw her fighting through the crowd trying to keep him in her sight, he waved and plowed on until they were finally in the taxi and able to slightly relax.
Jae exhaled deeply as they began the ride to his hometown. The taxi driver tried to make pleasant conversation with him but he answered his questions curtly, as he gazed out the window, his mind laden with worry and anticipation. Finally, the taxi driver took the hint and drove in silence. As they got closer to Ansan, Jae's grip on April's hand tightened until she felt that if they didn't arrive soon, he'd break it. Finally, they stopped in front of a small apartment building surrounded by shops and restaurants. It seemed like a nice neighborhood. Around them people sped by on bicycles, a group of young women dressed in business attire walked by laughing, two young children ran in front of their mother and father, playing a made-up game. April smiled at them and they waved to her then shyly ran back to their parents.
"Come on."
April had been so enthralled with her new surroundings that Jae had been able to retrieve the bags from the trunk and pay the driver before she had even noticed. She followed him into the building and onto a cramped elevator. When they reached the fourth floor the doors opened revealing two young men who were waiting to board. Jae greeted them politely and April smiled as she pulled Jae's suitcase behind her into the hall. One of the boys pushed it as he entered the elevator and it fell out of her grip. Sure it was an accident April smiled at the boy who mumbled something to his friend and laughed. April had no clue what he said but whatever it was sent Jae into a rage. He shouted at them and lunged at the elevator. Luckily for the boys, the doors closed before Jae could reach them.
April stood beside Jae, stunned by his sudden outburst. She had never seen him so angry before. His demeanor was usually so calm she had doubted he could even be provoked to such a violent reaction.
"Jae," April said, cautiously touching his arm, "what did they say?"
"It doesn't matter," he said, taking her hand. "Gaja."
April nodded and followed behind him as he led her to his mother's door. He had explained on the plane that one of the reasons he had been working so hard was to pay the rent on the small one bedroom apartment she had moved into after he left. No matter how much she had resisted the help, he couldn't imagine letting her continue to work three jobs just to barely survive.
Standing outside the door, Jae hesitated. He lifted the cover of the security keypad but punched no buttons. Instead, his shoulders slumped and he began to cry. All of the rushing was over. He was here. There was nothing left to do but deal with what was real and what was real was that he was about to enter the apartment his mother had been living in alone for ten years. The apartment she'd probably never step foot in again.
April pulled him into her arms and held him as he wept. All the years of sadness had led to this moment. Soon, he'd have no more secrets, he'd no longer have to lie. He was going to be relieved of a burden but in its place would be an even heavier one. Living motherless for the first time in his life.
Finally, he pulled away from her, his face streaked with tears. She wiped them away and he kissed her gently.
"I'm glad you're here," he said.
"Me too."
Again, he lifted the cover of the security pad and punched in his mother's code. The door beeped and unlocked. Jae turned the knob and with a deep breath stepped into his mother's home. April hadn't been sure what to expect. Other than the dust that had settled on most of the surfaces in the week that she had been in the hospital, the apartment was clean and cozy. April followed Jae in and watched as he took in his surroundings. The only pictures on the walls were of the two of them or of only Jae. He traced the frame of one of them with his finger, the image obviously stirring tender memories. There was a small table made neatly with two place settings, a love seat and chair and a television that Jae had bought her a few Christmases before. He told April that she had scolded him for buying her such an expensive gift but also made sure to tell him all the programs she was watching whenever they spoke on the phone.
April stood in the living room as Jae entered the bedroom so that he wouldn't feel crowded. She could see that in the room there was nothing more than a mat on the floor and a closet full of clothes, more gifts from Jae.
"Are you tired?" He asked as he emerged from his mother's room.
"A little," she answered.
"Let's take a nap. The love seat opens into a bed."
Surprised that Jae didn't want to rush to the hospital to see his mother, April nodded, knowing better than to say anything about it.
Jae took the suitcases and wheeled them into his mother's room, closing the door behind him. April unfolded the bed as he took blankets from a closet in the hall. She watched him move around the apartment and tried to tell what he was thinking. He simply looked resolute, focused on the task at hand. She saw no sadness, no relief, nothing. It was as if it was any other evening and he was preparing to turn in early. Once he had the blankets spread over the sofa bed he took off his pants and sat down waiting without speaking for her to do the same.
"Do you want me to set an alarm?" April asked, slipping out of her dress.
"No," he replied taking her hand, "let's just sleep."
April hadn't realized how tired she was until she lay down in Jae's arms. She hadn't slept during the whole flight, though all she wanted to do was sleep. She was too anxious to even close her eyes. Every time she did, she imagined something horrible like the plane crashing, or being lost in the streets of Ansan without Jae to translate for her. So, though she wanted to know when they were going to see his mother, she was too tired to ask. Or too afraid.
"I love you," Jae mumbled as he began to fall asleep, his arms tighter around her than they had ever been.
"I love you, too," she replied.
When April opened her eyes after what seemed like seconds, the room was dark. She reached over to the other side of the bed to wake Jae, upset that they had overslept but felt nothing but cold sheets. As her eyes adjusted to the darkness she realized that she was alone, Jae was nowhere to be seen. Outside, the signs of the shops that lined the street shone enough light through the window for her to just make out the table where her phone was laying. Carefully, she made her way across the room where, under her phone she found a note.
Back in an hour. Getting dinner.
An hour from when? Why didn't he wake me? She would have loved to have taken a walk with him and get dinner together. She wondered how long he'd been gone. The darkness in the sky deepened as the moments passed and April sat alone on the bed. She tried not to be frightened when she heard strange hushed voices that seemed to stop outside the door. She held her breath until the footsteps finally withdrew as the men continued down the hall.
Finally, just as she was reaching her wit's end, the security pad beeped and Jae walked into the room.
"You're up," he said without even a bit of warmth or eye contact.
"Yeah," April replied, afraid to say more.
Jae took the bag he had into the dining area and began to take containers out and put them on the table.
"I got dinner."
April stood by his side watching him intently, trying to find the Jae she knew in this cold man. His movements were quick and heavy as he slammed the food down and angrily balled up the bag it had been in as if it had offended him in some way.
"I would have come with you if you had woken me up, Jae. You didn't have to go alone."
"I wanted to be alone."
"Oh..."
"I went to see my mother," Jae said, finally looking up at April as if he was confessing something for which he had no remorse.
"How is she?" April asked.
Jae looked at her with such disgust she wished she could sink into the floor. She knew it was a stupid question but she didn't know what else to say, she had no idea what he wanted from her. If he wanted anything at all.
"She's dying," he growled, throwing the chopsticks he was holding onto the floor.
April froze where she stood, fear keeping her from moving or speaking. Jae stomped to his mother's room and slammed the door behind him, shaking the pictures on the walls and making her jump. She couldn't do anything but cry, standing next to the food he had gotten for them to share. She had never felt so alone. She knew that Jae was going through a very hard time but taking it out on her wasn't going to solve anything. She had made the trip to comfort him and it seemed her presence was doing nothing but annoying him. Somehow, her being there was making him feel worse. Her heart was pulling her towards the door but she did not dare open it. The man on the other side was not the Jae she knew. This Jae frightened her and as much as she hated to admit it, she was beginning to realize that her impetuous decision to accompany him home had been a mistake.
Hey guys. Just wanna say thank you for everything. I'm so happy you all enjoy my little story. Fun fact: the picture at the top of this chapter was actually sent to me by a man who lives in Ansan. We don't talk anymore but I thought it fit well. I also still love him but that's another story. Lol.