Kabanata 29
Bakit kaya ang mga taong walang hinangad na kahit ano man kung hindi ang magmahal ay siyang palaging nasasaktan?
Why is life so unfair? Bakit may mga taong hindi makuntento sa kung anong mayroon sila at mananakit para sa kasiyahan nila?
Why do people cheat? Bakit sila mangangako ng panghabang buhay na pagmamahalan sa hirap at ginhawa kung sa umpisa at kalagitnaan pa lang ay kaagad nang susuko?
What's the essence of love kung kaunting bagay pa lang ay mabilis na silang magulo.
Why get married if in the end they'd still choose to find another person to satisfy themselves?
Hindi ba nila naisip ang pamilyang kanilang nasasaktan? Hindi ba nila naisip ang mga taong nasasaktan nila kapag nanloko sila dahil sa pansariling dahilan? Dahil sa panandaliang kasiyahan?
I remembered my mother. I remembered how my lovely mother raised me well despite the challenges she'd been through.
Ang unang pagmamahal niya'y hindi siya ipinaglaban at iniwan. Sa pangalawang pagmamahal nama'y saglit na pinasaya pero sa huli'y iniwang mag-isa. Ang una'y muling bumalik pero sa huli'y muli siyang sinaktan at niloko.
Two different kind of love yet they all fooled her.
My mother, my mother who loved me so much. The strongest woman I am always looking up to and the woman I admired so much was so hurt in the past yet...yet she managed to send me to a great school, she managed to work hard kahit may sakit din siya.
She only loved...why does my loving mother have to experience and be fooled like this? Did she deserve this? She was nothing but a great mother to me, she was nothing but a role model.
She taught me to always be strong and kind, she taught me to never give up despite what the harsh world would do to me. Sinabi niya sa akin noon na tanggapin ang mga pagkakamali at magising ng panibagong umagang gagawin ang lahat para hindi na ito magawang muli.
She taught me to be strong and through these years, I'm doing my best to be pero sa ngayon? Sobrang nasasaktan ako, nasasaktan hindi para sa sarili kong napagkaitan na magkaroon ng ama kung hindi sakit para sa Nanay kong naging mabuti at huwaran sa akin, sa Nanay kong ginawa ang lahat para maging maginhawa ako pero ang ganti sa kabutihan niyang ito ng ibang tao ay pasakit.
Nanay, I'm so sorry...I'm so sorry that you have to be treated this way. I am sorry that you have to be hurt and sacrifice like this if the only thing you want is to love and to be loved.
I woke up with the familiar and traumatizing smell of antiseptic, pagmulat pa lang ng mga mata ko ay kaagad kong nakita ang pamilyar na kulay ng pader. I heard faint voices beside me so I shifted my gaze and saw my grandparents sitting on the sofa, I can hear my grandmother crying and I saw the Doctor talking to Dr. Sean and Tita Marichu.
Gumalaw ako ng bahagya at kaagad nila akong napansin, mabilis na lumapit sa akin si Dr. Sean at lumapit pero mabilis akong napatalon at napalayo.
"S-sorry, I..." I muttered and moved.
I saw how his eyes turned to a lone expression, nakita ko ang marahan niyang pag-atras at si Tita Marichu na ang lumapit sa akin habang nagpupumilit akong maupo.
"Lia..." I saw her hesitated at first. "I-is it okay if I help you..."
I slowly nodded at her, nakita ko ang mabilis niyang kilos at mabilis akong tinulungang makaupo. She adjusted my pillow, nakita ko namang papalapit si Lola at kaagad na nahulog ang luha ko nang makita ang mga mata niya.
She immediately hugged me, nanginginig ako habang yakap siya at ganoon din siya sa akin.
"A-alalang-alala ako, Amalia!" she scolded and I sniffed, hugging him more.
"S-sorry, La..." I whispered and hugged her more.
The room was so quiet and the only thing you can hear are our cries.
"You should calm down, Miss Argueles, Ma'am..." the doctor suddenly said.
I heaved a deep sigh, trying to calm myself. Lolo slowly took Lola from me and hugged her.
Pumikit ako, marahang hinahawakan ang dibdib para makontrol ang paghinga at kumalma.
"Water," ani ng Doktor at naramdaman ko ang pag-aabot sa akin ng baso.
I opened my eyes, seeing Dr. Sean giving me a glass of water. I hesitated at first but slowly took it from his hand and drink it.
"Slowly heaved a deep breath, Miss Argueles." Marahang sabi ng doktor sa akin, "inhale, exhale..."
I slowly did what he asked me to do. Medyo kumalma na ako roon at suminghap.
"Are you alright now, Miss Argueles?" the doctor asked and slowly, I nodded.
"Yes..."
"That's good," she smiled. "Is it okay if I talk to you regarding your condition?"
My heart pounded again when I heard that, ito ang ikinatatakot ko, ang marinig mula sa isang doktor kung ano na ang lagay ko.
I slowly nodded, glancing at the people around me. Natatakot ako sa kanilang reaksyon kaya tumikhim ako nagsalita.
"S-sorry po..." I muttered. "But...is it okay if I talk to the doctor alone?"
Nakita ko ang gulat sa mata ni Lola, I know she would like to protest pero ngumiti ako at umiling sa kanya. Dr. Sean looked like he's hesitating too kaya kinagat ko ang labi ko.
"Pasensya na po..." mahinang sabi ko.
"I-it's okay, sorry..." tumikhim si Dr. Sean, nakita ko ang pamumula ng kanyang mata nang tumango siya. "Lalabas muna kami..."
I nodded, I watched them leave and the doctor smiled at me when she saw me looking.
"Hi, Lia." She smiled at me.
"H-hello po..." I told her and smiled.
"Do you want to hear your condition now or relax first? Do you want another glass of water?" aniya at nagsalin sa baso.
"Sige po, maraming salamat." Tinanggap ko ang basong inaabot niya at sumimsim ng tubig. I gave it back to her and she smiled and accepted it.
"Doc?" I called. "May nasabi po ba kayo sa kanila tungkol sa sitwasyon ko?"
"No, Miss Argueles." She smiled at me. "I know you can decide if you'd like them to know or not since you're an adult now. Dati kasi you're still a kid, a minor so I have to tell them without asking you for permission."
I stared at her at bahagyang nanlaki ang mata ko nang maalalang siya rin ang doktor ko noon no'ng nandito pa ako nakatira.
"Doktora!" I smiled, "naku, sorry po at hindi ko po kayo nakilala."
"Ayos lang, hija." She chuckled. "Balita ko ay exam na lang ay doktor ka na rin?"
"Uh, opo..." I smiled shyly. "Sana po ay palarin."
"Oo naman, alam kong kaya mo 'yan, bata ka palang, matapang ka na at matalino. I know you can do it." She cheered.
"Maraming salamat po," I smiled at her.
Saglit kaming nag-kumustahan at nang handa na ako at nakapag-relax ay sinabi na niya sa akin.
"I don't know how to actually say this but I know you'll understand since you'll be a doctor soon." She said.
"Is my..." I sighed. "A-am I critical?"
I watched how her expression turned a bit lonely, she sighed and spoke.
"The last time I saw you here, your heart can still function well with medicines I'm prescribing but kanina, when I checked your heartbeats, mas dumalas at irregulars ang murmurs." She said, referring to the irregular sounds my heart would make.
"How often do you experience chest pains, Lia?" she asked and I stared at my hands and spoke.
"These days po mas madalas na kumpara noon," I confessed. "Ngayon po kahit maglakad lang ako ng medyo mahaba ay nakakapos na ako ng hininga."
"How about your sleep?" she asked. "Kumusta naman?"
"That's the thing..." I whispered. "I've been waking up po in the middle of the night because of my chest pains."
"That's actually worse than I thought it is, Lia." She sighed. "Ang mga gamot mo ba ay naiinom mo?"
"Regularly po, I'm setting alarms." I told her. "Pero I don't think that can stop my chest pains na po ngayon, Doc."
"I am suspecting Severe CHD for you," she said. "But I still can't conclude, we have to undergo further tests to check."
"I-if...if it'll be a Severe CHD, m-may treatment po ba?" I asked and she nodded at me.
"Yes, Lia, pero unlike nitong ginagawa natin, medicines won't be that effective anymore. It can help you manage your heartbeats pero hindi iyon magiging sapat. If it'll be severe, which I hope isn't, I can suggest you undergo surgeries."
"S-surgeries po?" I asked, "paanong surgeries?"
"There are a lot of surgeries na p'wedeng gawin, it may be open heart or organ donation would be an option too pero let's not stress over it. We should make sure too, for now, you should be confined too."
My eyes widen, mabilis akong napasulyap sa orasan at nagitla nang makitang alas-sais na.
"I-is it..."
"Yes, hija. Buong gabi kang tulog." She smiled at me.
I suddenly remembered Atlas, I panicked, "p-p'wede po ba akong umuwi?"
"Hmm?" mukhang nagulat pa siya. "Naku, hija, hindi pa sa ngayon."
"B-bukas po kaya?" I asked.
"Your tests would be later by nine or ten in the morning. Oo, p'wede na bukas." Aniya at doon na ako nakahinga ng maluwang. "For now, papadalhan kita ng agahan dito, papasukin ko ba sila rito?"
"Yes po," I smiled. "Sana po, Doc, kapag nagtanong sila ay..."
"Yes, Lia. You can count on me." She smiled, bid her farewell and left.
Sa muling pagpasok nina Lola, Lolo, Dr. Sean at Tita Marichu ay nag-aalala silang lahat.
Si Lola ay mabilis na lumapit sa akin kaya sinabi kong ayos lang ako. I know Dr. Sean now has a hunch kaya nanatili siyang tahimik lang at nagmamasid.
Pinakiusapan ko sina Lola na h'wag sasabihin kina Atlas at mga kaibigan na naospital ako. I asked them to keep it a secret first because I don't want them worrying about me and thankfully, pumayag naman sila.
"L-Lia..." hindi na ako nagulat nang marinig ko ang boses ni Dr. Sean, I glanced at him and saw his bloodshot eyes.
"I-I'm sorry but can we talk?" he suddenly asked.
I saw Tita Marichu beside him, trying to stop him from bothering me pero ngumiti akong maliit at tumikhim.
"P-pasensya na po, Doc." I said softly. "P-pero...p'wede pong sa susunod na?"
I saw his eyes saddened more, may nahulog na luha sa kanyang mata na mabilis niya ring hinawi. My heart hurt while staring at him but smiled.
"M-makikipag-usap naman po ako sa inyo, s'yempre." I muttered. "T-tatay ko po kayo, eh. I just, n-nagulat po ako. Hindi ko pa po alam ang gagawin."
"I-I understand." Dr. Sean flashed a small smile. "I-I'm sorry again, Lia...if you're willing to listen, d-dito lang ako."
I slowly nodded, naluluha na rin pero tinatagan ang loob at maliit na ngumiti at muling humiga sa kama.
Hindi na ako nagulat nang sumapit ang alas-otso ng umaga ay tumawag sa akin si Atlas para magtanong kung nasaan kami.
"Hello, Lia?" I heard him say in the other line.
"Hi, bibi." I smiled upon hearing his voice. "Good morning."
"Good morning," he sighed. "Where are you? I'm in front of your house, kanina pa ako kumakatok pero walang sumasagot. I called and texted you last night too but you weren't answering. I thought you're just sleeping."
"I-I'm sleeping," I said. "Medyo ano...maagang nakatulog kasi inantok."
"That's good, bibi." I heard him chuckling. "But where are you? I've been waiting here for half an hour, are you still sleeping or—"
"Ah, Atlas?" I called and he immediately answered.
"Yes, bi?" he asked.
"Uhm, kasi ano...wala ako d'yan ngayon, kami nina Lolo at Lola." I said.
"Huh?" he asked, confused. "I didn't know you're going out today? Hindi mo sinabi sa akin."
"I'm just..." tumikhim ako. "Emergency lang, biglaan din. Kaninang madaling araw pumunta kaming Tuguegarao nina Lola kasi may kukunin sa munisipyo."
"Ah, gano'n ba?" he sighed a bit. "Kailan balik niyo? Miss pa naman kita, bibi ko."
"Sorry, Atlas..." I muttered. "Nawala sa isip kong sabihin. Baka ano, bukas nand'yan na ako, don't worry, dito muna kami matutulog sa bahay sa Tuguegarao."
"Alright," he sighed again. "Sayang, papasyal sana kita sa may rancho. Mom said she'd like to see you."
My heart jumped, napangiti ako at humigpit ang hawak sa telepono.
"Gano'n ba? Sige, bukas pupunta tayo sa inyo, okay lang ba 'yon?"
"Alright, Lia." He sighed. "Basta ay mag-iingat kayo, text me where you are or what are you doing para 'di ako mag-aalala."
"Okay," I chuckled when I heard his sad voice. "H'wag na sad, bibi. Anong gusto mong pasalubong?" I asked and he sighed.
"Kiss with tongue lang, bibi, five minutes. May tawad na 'yan." He muttered kaya napatawa na ako pero nakagat ang labi at sumagot.
"O-okay, sure...kiss with tongue." Bulong ko sa telepono at napangiti nan ang narinig ko ang malakas niyang yes sa kabilang linya.
Para naman akong pinagbagsakan ng langit at lupa nang malaman ko ang kondisyon ko. Like what the doctor had said about her assumption, it was indeed a Severe CHD.
"A-ano pong magagawa natin dito?" I asked her while we're alone inside the room.
"The option we had is the same as what I've told you, Lia. Surgery, it may be a multiple open heart surgery and when worst came, we may consider heart donation." Aniya.
"If...if hindi po ako magpapa-surgery? Ano pong mangyayari?"
"This may lead to further complications, Lia. It may be stroke or heart attack. Are you often stressed, Lia? Or anything using your extreme emotions?"
"A bit po," I said. "These days I'm stressed or if not I'm happy."
"Happiness is an extreme emotion too," she told me. "The feeling of overexcitement can trigger your condition too. I suggest you talk about your trusted cardiologist or even me if dito ka sa Cagayan mag-i-stay."
"You think I can survive this, Doc?" I whispered, hindi na alam ang dapat maramdaman.
"Of course, Lia." She smiled at me. "You can survive this, how old are you na nga?"
"I'm almost thirty, Doc." I smiled at her.
"Oh, do you have a boyfriend?" she asked and slowly, I nodded, remembering Atlas.
"Yes po," I answered and I saw how her smile widened more.
"Then that will be a great motivation for you!" she said. "You can survive this, you can get past your surgeries..."
Bigla akong may naisip, I read this when I was studying my notes way back in med school and now that I'm preparing for boards so it got me thinking.
"Doc, may question po ako." I asked and she nodded at me and smiled.
"Yes, what is it?"
"Does...woman with CHD can get pregnant? I mean...i-if ever I'll be a mother, will it be okay? My baby, c-can my baby inherit my condition too?" I asked. "N-nabasa ko po kasi na...medyo risky, is it true?"
"To answer you frankly, yes, Lia." What she said pained me. "Most of the times, it is risky lalo na sa mothers with heart failures and conditions. Your mother has CHD too, right? You inherit it from her so I can say na there is a possibility your baby could get it too.
"It depends in the severity, hija. If you get better then you can talk to your OB and Cardiologist for a care plan but if not...I hope that won't be the case, may mga mothers with CHD na hindi pinapayagang magbuntis."
Natahimik ako roon at bumagsak ang balikat.
"But don't lose hope, Lia." She cheered me up. "If you get treated right away and umayos ka, you can get pregnant and may mga mothers na may CHD pero ang baby nila ay wala so, don't lose hope. Just pray and pray."
I didn't tell my grandparents my case for I am so afraid they'll get stressed like me. They were old and I couldn't risk their health. Natatakot akong sa stress ay mawala rin sila sa akin kaya kahit mahirap ay kinimkim ko ang kalagayan ko.
Doctor Sean and Tita Marichu respected me when I asked them to give me time to think first, hanggang ngayon kasi ay 'di ko pa rin lubos maisip ang nalaman ko. Dr. Sean is my father and it was shocking on my part pero mas nananatili sa utak ko ang ginawa niyang pananakit kay Nanay.
Hanggang ngayon ay nasasaktan pa rin ako sa nangyari kay Nanay kaya siguro marahil ay 'di ko pa kayang makipag-usap sa kanila.
Nalibang lang ako nang muling makita si Atlas na umagang-umaga ay ang gwapo-gwapo na.
"Bibi!" he cheered happily when he saw me, natuwa naman ako at mabilis siyang sinalubong ng yakap.
I hugged him tightly, ganoon din siya sa akin at paulit-ulit na humalik sa buhok ko bago bahagyang lumayo at ngumiti, "pasalubong ko?" nguso niya at inilapit ang mukha sa akin pero hinawi ko lang 'yon at napailing.
"Mamaya na, Doc. Sina Lola." I muttered and he pouted and nodded.
Nagpaalam kami sa Lolo at Lola na pupunta kina Atlas. He said his brothers are there kaya na-excite naman ako kaagad na medyo kinakabahan dahil makakausap ko si Tita Beatrice.
While we're on our way to their place at nag-e-enjoy ako sa pagtingin sa daan habang hawak niya ang isang kamay kong nasa kambyo ay nagulat ako nang bigla kaming pumarada sa may gilid.
My forehead creased, nilingon ko siya at nahuli kong pinindot niya ang seatbelt ko kaya nagtaka ako.
"Atlas?" I asked, "why did you—"
"Sit here..." my eyes widen exaggeratedly when he tapped his lap.
"W-what?!" my eyes widen. "B-bakit...bakit ako uupo r'yan?"
"Gusto ko na ng pasalubong," he said and tapped his lap again. "Come, come, bibi ko. Kiss na kiss!"
Napakurap ako, nakagat ko ang labi at nag-init ang pisngi roon.
"D-dito talaga?" I muttered. "P-paano kapag may nakakita? Nakakahiya, Montezides!"
"Nah, hindi 'yan. Nasa may tago tayo, oh. Niliko ko saglit." He smirked at me. "Come on, bibi, come to me. Five minutes kiss lang."
I gulped harshly, bumaling ako sa suot kong simpleng asul na dress pabalik sa hita niya.
"P-paano naman ako uupo?" I asked softly and he smirked more.
"Problema pa ba 'yan?" he chuckled, "straddle me, baby."
Kumalabog ang puso ko roon sa saya at excitement na nararamdaman. I was a bit shy but this isn't my first time to kiss him kaya tumikhim ako at bahagyang umangat sa upuan.
"F-five minutes, ah?" I muttered and he chuckled, marahang hinila niya ako sa hita niya at nag-init ang pisngi ko nang mapaupo na ako roon, nakaharap sa kanya.
"Ang layo naman, bibi." He chuckled and slowly pulled me more so I am now completely straddling him.
"Atlas!" I gasped when I felt his protruding bulge, nag-init ang pisngi ko at nakita ko na nagtaka siya nang makita akong parang tuod sa hita niya.
"Why, bibi?" he asked, slowly touching my cheek and my exposed shoulder.
"Uh..." tumikhim ako. "A-ano..."
"Hmm?" he hummed.
"Ano, nararamdaman ko 'yong ano mo..." I said and his forehead creased.
"'Yong ano?"
"'Yong..." lumunok ako. "'Yong spiderman mo."
He was so stunned, umawang ang labi niya at nakagat ko naman ang labi para pigilan ang tawa. Bigla niya akong sinundot sa tagiliran, bigla akong napatawa at sinapak ang balikat niya.
"M-Montezides!" I hissed and laughed but my laughter vanished when he claimed my lips, taking his pasalubong.
Ang halik with dila niya, five minutes. Pero I don't think that was five minutes, honestly.
Kalat na kalat ang lipstick ko, dumating pa sa panga at leeg ko kaya halos masabunutan ko na si Atlas na sobrang kakulitan. The side of his lips has smudge and lipsticks stains too kaya hindi na namin alam kung magpa-panic kami dahil matagal kami o matatawa na lang sa pinanggagawa.
"Magalit kaya si Mommy kung pag-uwi ko naka-lipstick ako?" aniya habang pinagmamasdan akong nagli-lipstick.
I immediately glared at him, humagalpak naman siya ng tawa kaya napailing na lang ako sa kalokohan niya.
"Ewan ko sa'yo, Atlas." I muttered but he just laughed, gave me a hard kiss on my cheek before maneuvering the car.
"Luh, akala mo siya 'di nag-enjoy sa pasalubong..." he even teased kaya nag-init lang ang pisngi ko at napailing.
I think I'm being corrupted and getting pervert habang nakikihalubilo ako kay Atlas. Parang lumalabas na ng paunti-unti ang naipong hidden na kalandian ko dati at minsan nagugulat pa rin talaga ako kapag bigla na lang akong naglalandi.
Kinakabahan ako pero mas lalo na noong makita ko na ang pamilyar na gate ng mga Montezides, the last time I saw this is a decade ago and this still looks the same, medyo nag-iba at mas naging bago lang ang pintura ng kanilang gate.
Nang bumusina si Atlas ay kaagad siyang pinagbuksan ng guard at sa pagpasok ng sasakyan sa loob ay mas dumoble ang kaba ko. Atlas might have seen how nervous I am dahil sa pagkuha niya ng kamay ko.
I glanced at him and saw his serious face, tumitig siya sa mukha na tila may binabasang ekspresyon bago iangat ang kanyang kamay para haplusin ng marahan ang pisngi ko.
"Come on, bibi, breathe in...breathe out." I closed my eyes while feeling the warmth of his rough palm against my cheek. Ginaya ko ang sinasabi niya at suminghap.
"Are you still nervous?" he asked and I opened my eyes, nodding a bit. Kinalas niya ang seatbelt niya at lumapit sa akin habang sapo na ang pisngi ko. He slowly planted a kiss on my forehead, napapikit ako roon at dinama ang ginhawang hatid sa akin.
"I assure you it's gonna be alright, Lia." He whispered. "Everything's gonna be alright."
Hawak-hawak ni Atlas ang kamay ko habang papasok kami sa kanilang mansyon, my heart's been thumping so much. I've practiced anong sasabihin ko kay Tita Beatrice pero hanggang ngayon ay kabado pa rin ako.
Nahihiya ako sa nangyari noon at malungkot na nasira ang kanilang pamilya dahil sa mga kasalanan noon.
I was startled when I saw kids running our way, nagulat pa ako nang nakipag-apir ang nakangising si Atlas sa mga bata.
"Say hi to Tita Lia, kids." He told the kids and they glanced at me.
"Hi po, Tita Lia!" it made me smile, I always love children's bright smile and innocence.
"Hello, kids." I smiled softly and offered my hand for a high-five too.
"Oh, Atlas? Nandito na pala kayo." I shifted my gaze, only to see Kuya Damon.
My mouth parted a bit, I saw him stared at me at nakita kong bahagyang nanlaki ang kanyang mata roon.
"Oh, Lia?!" he almost exclaimed kaya napangiti na ako at gumaan ang puso.
"Magandang umaga po, Kuya Dame." I smiled.
He looks so thrilled and amazed, mabilis siyang lumapit at natawa ako nang guluhin niya ang buhok ko.
"Nagkabalikan na pala kayo, Atlas?!" he exclaimed. "Naku, Lia! Ang laki mo na, dati maliit ka lang..." he even mentioned the height kaya napatawa na ako.
"Tss, akin 'to, Damon!" Atlas suddenly hissed, naramdaman ko ang paggapang ng kanyang kamay sa baywang ko pahila palapit sa kanya kaya napatawa ako.
"Nasaan ang Kuya?" he teased. "Ang damot! Nag-ha-hi lang!" tawa ni Kuya at ngumisi sa akin.
"Pagpasensyahan mo na muna Kuya itong si Atlas at—"
"Hi, everybody!" halos manlaki ang mata ko nang makita si Kuya Hunter papasok, nakamaong pa at nakahubad.
"Putang...Hunter, pornstar ka ba?!" Atlas hissed, natigilan si Kuya at napabaling sa amin at nanlaki ang mga mata. I gasped too, hindi na nakagalaw nang biglang may humarang na palad sa mata ko.
"W-wala kang nakikita, Lia! Wala!" Atlas exclaimed, covering my eyes.
"O-okay..." I gulped a bit.
"Hunter! Magdamit ka nga!" reklamo ni Atlas, narinig ko ang hagalpakan ni Kuya Dame at Kuya Hunter at mayamaya pa'y may narinig akong boses.
"Ano ba 'yan, magdamit ka nga at may bisita!" I heard a woman's voice, mayamaya pa'y nawala na ang palad ni Atlas sa mata ko at pagmulat ko ay may nakita akong isang babaeng hinampas ito ng shirt at natawa lang ito at nagsuot.
I heard Atlas sighed, napakurap-kurap ako nang halos yakapin na niya ang sikmura ko at humalik sa pisngi ko.
"Pasensya na at madudumi talaga ang mga pagkatao ng mga kapatid ko." He said and both Kuya Dame and Kuya Hunter glanced at him and glared.
"Wow, nakakahiya naman sa'yo?" ani Kuya Hunter at natawa na lang ako sa lokohan nila.
I saw another woman entering the house, napalingon siya sa amin at kaagad na napangiti. The lady beside Kuya Hunter glanced at me at nanlaki ang mata ko nang mapansing pamilyar siya.
I saw her shocked too but smiled at me. Nakipagkilala sa akin ang dalawa, Atlas was so clingy beside me, halos siya na ang makipag-usap kahit ako ang kinakausap kaya natatawa na lang ako sa kakulitan.
"Masyado namang clingy, Atlas!" the familiar girl smiled at us.
"S'yempre, dapat nakaikot lang ako sa bibi ko." He chuckled.
We suddenly heard a dog's bark, nakita kong natigilan si Atlas at sabay kaming napalingon sa may pintuan.
"Don't tell me..."
"Yes, I brought him." She smiled and I saw the dog approaching.
"What the...ilayo niyo sa'kin 'yan!" Atlas exclaimed, lahat kami ay napatawa nang lumapit ang aso at kaagad na pinunterya si Atlas at hinabol.
"Imagination mo lang 'to, bibi!" Atlas screamed while running kaya napangisi na lang ako.
"Kung kami raw madumi, lampa 'yan kapag dating sa'yo..." ani Kuya Hunter na ginulo na ang buhok ko. "Lia, laki mo na, ah?" he even chuckled.
Ako naman ang na-stress kay Atlas pagkabalik niya, Kuya Hunter took the dog and Atlas is sweating so hard, para siyang basang sisiw at halos gumapang na papunta sa akin kaya napatawa ako.
"Anong nangyari sa'yo, huh?" I asked and slowly pulled him.
"Bibi...ma-mamamatay na ako." He huffed a deep breath.
"Ikaw ang kulit mo," I chuckled. Binuksan ko ang maliit na bag, kinuha ang bimpo bago hinawakan ang kanyang braso at pinatalikod siya sa akin.
Dinig na dinig ko ang hingal niya, I noticed the stares from his brothers kaya sumulyap ako at ngumiti.
"Alagang-alaga, ah?" ani Kuya Dame nang makita akong inaangat ang damit ni Atlas para lagyan siya ng bimpo sa likod.
"S'yempre!" Atlas exclaimed, "alagang Amalia ata 'to." Yabang pa niya.
Kuya Hunter threw a new shirt at Atlas face, ngumiwi ang huli pero ngumisi rin at sinuot sa harapan ko ang bagong shirt.
I dried his face and his neck, tumititig lang naman siya sa akin habang ginagawa iyon kaya napalunok ako ng bahagya.
"Mom," I froze when I heard Kuya Dame spoke, mabilis akong napalingon at mabilis na bumalik ang kaba nang makita kung sino ang pumasok.
In her elegant yellow dress and French twist, she looks so flawlessly beautiful. Her black eyes stared at us and my heart almost went out of my chest when our eyes met.
Napaayos ako ng tayo, naibaba ko ang bimpo na pinapampunas ko kay Atlas. Her sons and their wives greeted her too.
"Ma..." ani Atlas at hinawakan ang kamay ko at naglakad palapit sa Mommy niya.
My heart felt like it'll go out of my chest when Atlas kissed her mother's cheek, ngumiti sa kanya ang Mommy niya at dinala ang kamay sa leeg ng anak.
"Anong ginawa mo at pawis ka?" she asked softly.
"Ah, hinabol ako no'ng aso nila..." he frowned a bit and his mother chuckled a bit and slowly glanced at me, I saw her smile vanished a bit, kinabahan na ako roon lalo.
"Mom, this is Lia, my girlfriend." Atlas introduced me.
"G-good..." tumikhim ako nang manginig ang boses ko sa kaba. "S-sorry, g-good morning po pala."
She just stared at me, hindi ko alam kung anong reaksyon niya dahil wala ako masyadong makitang emosyon sa mga mata niya.
"Good morning too, Miss Argueles." Her lips rose a bit, hindi ko alam kung ngiti iyon. "Let's proceed to the dining and eat some lunch." Pormal niyang sabi bago tumango at nauna nang maglakad.
The boys followed her in the dining area, natulala naman ako roon at mukhang mawawala na sa sarili kung hindi lang ako ninakawan ng halik ni Atlas.
"Come on, ngiti ka na..." he smiled at me.
"Is she..." my lips quievered, "is she mad?"
"Nah," he chuckled and squeezed my hand. "She's intimidating at times but she's not, wait until she loosened up. She looks strict but not really. She likes you, Lia."
I sighed, lowered my head a bit and he touched my cheek.
"Cheer up, bibi. I promise this day would be worth it." He said. Doon na ako napangiti.
During our lunch ay kinakabahan pa rin ako, ang mga asawa ng mga Kuya ni Atlas ay komportable namang nakikipag-usap kay Tita Beatrice na nakangiti ring nakikipag-usap.
Everytime our eyes would meet, I'm smiling. Nakita ko namang tumatango siya ng marahan doon pero walang sinasabi. I noticed her observing me a bit, lalo na nang makita ang anak na nilalagyan ng pagkain ang plato ko.
I told Atlas not to because I'm kinda concious pero ayaw patalo at palaban si Atlas kaya 'di ko na napigilan.
The lunch was peaceful indeed, I heard her talking to her sons regarding some business matter or work, kinakausap niya rin ang mga asawa nito tungkol sa mga bata at minsa'y nasasali ako na ikinatutuwa ko naman.
"Can I have some tea in the garden?" ani Tita Beatrice sa house help na naroon sa may gilid.
"Yes po, Ma'am." The girl smiled. "Ilan po?"
"Uhm..." she licked her lip a bit and stared at me. "Miss Argueles?"
"P-po?" halos mapatayo na ako sa upuan kung hindi lang ako hinawakan ni Atlas.
I saw her smiled when she noticed me panicking, "do you want to have a tea with me?" she asked softly and I quickly nodded, nagmukha na nga ata akong tanga pero wala na akong pakialam.
"S-sure po, salamat." I smiled nervously.
She nodded, "what tea flavor do you prefer?"
"Kahit..." I gulped. "Kahit ano po."
She nodded, glancing the house help. "Chamomile would be great, Nita. Thank you." She said and stood.
I saw her fixed her dress a bit and took a small tissue to remove something in the side of her lips.
"Mauuna ako sa inyo, I'll be in the garden." She announced and slowly glanced at me. "Miss Argueles, hija, you finish your dessert first and follow me after."
"Opo...opo." I smiled and nodded.
When she left, napasandal ako sa upuan. Nakita ko ang ang ngiti ng mga tao sa harapan ko.
"Relax, she'll be good." Ani Kuya Dame sa akin.
I felt Atlas' hug on my waist, ipinatong niya ang baba sa balikat ko at bumulong.
"Tell me if you're ready, hmm? I'll take you to her." He whispered and kissed my shoulder.
Halos limang minuto ata akong kumalma muna bago nagdesisyong magpahatid kay Atlas sa garden. My heart's hammering inside my chest, hawak-hawak niya ang kamay ko habang papalapit sa Mommy niya na naglalagay na ng tsaa sa loob ng tasa.
"Mom..." he called.
Tita Beatrice glanced at us and I gulped and greeted her.
"Good noon po," I said.
She nodded, tapping the seat beside her. "Upo ka rito, Miss Argueles."
I nodded, inalalayan ako ni Atlas palapit, halos siya pa nga ay sumama sa pag-upo at 'di umaalis kung hindi lang natawa si Tita Beatrice sa anak.
"What are you doing, son?" ani Tita na natatawa.
"Uh..." I saw Atlas scratched his nape a bit. "Sasamahan ko lang si Lia, Ma."
Tita Bea laughed, she sounded like an angel at that. Hinawi niya ang nahulog na buhok at napailing.
"Hijo, I won't bite your girlfriend." She said, amused.
"Pero, Ma..." Atlas whined.
"It's okay," pinisil ko na ang kamay ni Atlas at ngumiti. "Babalik na lang ako sa'yo mamaya."
"But—"
"Come on, Atlas." Tita chuckled. "You were like your brothers, whipped. Just let Lia, hindi naman ako nangangalmot, anak."
Napangiti na ako roon, my heart jumped when I noticed her amused at her son's actions.
"Alright," Atlas sighed and let go of my hand. "Doon lang ako kina Kuya, Mom, Lia."
We nodded at him.
"Love you, Ma." I saw him kissed her Mom's cheek and glanced at me. Nanlaki ang mata ko nang ilapit niya ang mukha sa akin, napaatras ako roon.
"B-bakit?" I stuttered.
"Ang damot naman, kiss lang." He pouted.
My eyes widen, umiling pa ako. "H-h'wag ano...nakakahiya." I almost whispered to him.
"Sige, hindi ako aalis dito." He threatened me.
"Oh, come on, you kids..." napatingin kami kay Tita na nakangiti. "Lia, just give him a kiss so we could get rid of him. My son's being an eyesore now."
"Mom! You're so mean!" Atlas whined at Tita raised her brow at him.
"Whatever, son." She chuckled. "Okay, should I close my eyes while you two kiss?"
"Po?" my eyes widen.
"Sige, Ma. Shy type kasi itong bibi ko." the brute answered.
To my shock, Tita really closed her eyes. Mabilis naman akong ninakawan ng halik ni Atlas at ngumuso.
"Love you, bi." He whispered and smirked. "Okay na, Ma. Tapos na ang lampungan." He said.
I smacked his arm because of his words, natawa naman si Tita at itinaboy na ng tuluyan si Atlas na mukhang masayang paalis, nakapamulsa at patalon-talon pa pero muntik na nadulas kung hindi lang nakahawak sa may pader.
Nakita kong napalingon siya sa amin kaya nag-iwas kami ng tingin ni Tita.
"He's...I don't know bakit ganyan ang anak kong 'yan." Ani Tita kaya sabay kaming nagtawanan.
She glanced at me, showing me the tea cup.
"You should drink, Miss Argueles." She smiled at me. I slowly nodded, took the tea cup and drink a bit while glancing at her.
She looks regal and intimidating but when she flashed a soft smile, my heart felt warmer.
"Uhm, maraming salamat po sa imbitasyon, Tita—I mean Ma'am." I said and she tilted her head, hiding her smile.
"Just call me Tita Bea, Lia." She smiled at me. "Don't be too formal, it's okay."
Napalunok ako at tumango, nang ibaba ko ang tasa ay napahawak pa ako sa kamay at pinisil iyon.
"Are you nervous?" she asked and I wanted to deny it but I am too obvious so I nodded shyly.
"Yes po, Tita. P-pasensya na po." I said and she nodded, smiling.
"It's okay. You should calm down first." Aniya.
I slowly nodded, muli akong uminom ng tsaa at nang umayos na ang pakiramdam ay nagsimula.
"Tita, gusto ko lang pong..." panimula ko. "Gusto ko lang po humingi ng kapatawaran at pasensya sa mga nangyari noon. It was never my intention, it was never our intention to ruin your family, Tita."
I closed my eyes and sighed before staring, "humihingi po ako ng tawad sa nangyari noon, in behalf of my mother, Tita Beatrice. She acknowledges what she did wrong and she...we are very sorry po." I said with utmost sincerity.
"Did you know she wrote a letter?" she asked and I shook my head.
"No po," I muttered. "Hindi ko rin po alam kung hindi lang sinabi sa akin ni Atlas. If I had known, sana po ay nagsulat din po ako ng mensahe para sa inyo."
"It's been a long time, hija." She muttered.
"Yes, but I know some wounds just don't heal with time. Some stays inside, scarring our hearts. Some pain stays like ghosts hunting us even in sleep." I muttered and stared at her, I saw how stunned she was, she was staying formal pero nakita ko ang pagkintab ng kanyang mata sa paambang luha.
"Lia..." she muttered.
"Kahit..." lumunok ako. "K-kahit po ilang taon na ang nakalipas, I believe you and your family deserves a personal apology. I know no matter how much I apologize, hindi na po mababalik ang noon pero sana po, I hope na somehow...this apology of mine would lessen the weight inside your heart."
To my shock, she started sobbing. I panicked, napaayos ako ng upo at hindi na alam ang gagawin.
"T-tita..." I muttered, "s-sorry po, did I say something wrong—"
"No," she suddenly smiled while tearing up. "I-I just don't expect you'll say that." She sniffed. "C-come on, payakap nga ako, hija..."
I slowly moved and hugged her, nagulat ako nang mas napaiyak siya at dahil naririnig ko ang kanyang hikbi ay hindi na rin naiwasang maluha. I felt the warmth of a mother in her embrace I when I closed my eyes, I can feel my mother's warm hug for me from above and I started tearing up too.
"S-sorry po, Tita..." I whispered. "Sorry po sa lahat-lahat."
"T-thank you, Amalia..." she whispered and hugged me tighter. "T-thank you for apologizing, g-gumaan ang puso ko. I'm sorry for what happened to you too. I know life's been tough when you're alone for years."
I hugged her more and weep with her, "I-I'm happy my son is in good hands with you, Lia." She whispered.
"S-salamat po...your son's a blessing for me too. H-he gives me strength, Tita. M-maraming salamat po."
"I-I admire your heart, Lia." She whispered and hugged me tighter. "Thank you for having the kindest heart and for apologizing even if you did nothing wrong."
"No po, I thank you so much for your forgiving heart." I whispered back.
Wala na sigurong mas ikakasaya pa ang makatanggap ng pagpapatawad. It feels great knowing the people we hurt in past has the kindest hearts and forgive us.
"I hope you're happy, Nanay." I whispered while muttering a prayer one night after we came back to Manila. "I hope you're happy above, watching us."
I muttered a quick prayer and laid on my bed, staring at the ceiling while touching my chest.
I just have to talk to my father and Tita Marichu and think of my situation.
I sighed and muttered, "kaya mo 'yan, Lia. Kaya mo 'yan. Let's be tough and brave, heart, okay?" I smiled.
I suddenly heard my phone rang, nang silipin ko ay nakita ko ang message ni Heart sa messenger kaya nangunot ang noo ko.
Heart: Lia, h'wag mong pagbubuksan ng pinto si bobo. Gagapangin ka niya!!! Nagmamadali pagkauwi namin!
Lia: Hahaha! Pahinga na kayo at late na natapos ang duty. Ikaw kumusta? Nasa room ka na?
Heart: Oo, s'yempre. Papagapang din sa kay Alien :D
Heart: Rawr!
I chuckled and replied before telling her goodnight. Nang ilapag ko na ang phone sa gilid ng kama at akmang matutulog na sana pero narinig ko ang tunog ng door bell kaya kumunot ang noo ko.
I walked towards the door and checked the peep hole, napabungisngis na ako nang makita si Atlas sa labas ng pintuan ko, nakapikit pa.
I opened the door, smiling.
"Oh, Atlas? Napadaan ka?" I asked but to my shock, his eyes remained closed, napagilid ako nang bigla siyang pumasok ng walang pasabi.
"Atlas?" I asked, confused pero tuloy-tuloy lang siya patungo sa kwarto ko, nakashirt at pajama na kulay itim, magulo ang buhok.
Nagtataka man ay sinundan ko siya, nahuli ko pa siyang pumapasok sa kumot ko para humiga kaya napangiti ako at lumapit. Nang makatabi ako ay nakita kong nakapikit siya pero medyo kunot ang noo.
"What happened?" I asked, slowly massaging his hair.
Hindi siya nagsalita at napatili ako nang mabilis niya akong mahila, bumagsak ako sa braso niya at walang hirap niya akong natandayan at nayakap.
"Atlas, gising ka?" I asked when I felt his breath on my cheek, nakasiksik ang mukha niya sa gilid ko at parang suman akong binabalot sa braso niya. "Huy, Atlas, gising ka?"
"Tulog ako..." he answered.
I almost chuckled, nagpaubaya ako sa pangungulit niya.
"Hmm? Eh, bakit nandito ka kung tulog ka?" I asked.
"Sleepwalking," he whispered back kaya napahagikhik na ako at marahang bumaling sa kanya.
Medyo pinakawalan niya ako nang maramdamang gusto kong tumagilid at hinarap ko siya, nahuli ko siyang nakamulat pero mabilis na pumikit kaya nagpigil ako ng ngiti, inilagay ang braso sa may leeg niya at pinatakan siya ng halik sa labi.
"Tulog ang bibi ko?" malambing kong tanong at tumango siya, ngumunguso.
"Opo..." he answered back.
"H'wag ka muna tulog, kwentuhan tayo." I whispered at hindi niya ako binigo, slowly, he opened his eyes and when his black ones met mine, my heart thumped.
The moment he smiled, I felt like floating so I pinched his nose para 'di niya mahalatang kinikilig ako.
"Love you, Atlas. How's your day?" I smiled.
"Tiring, bibi. Maraming pasyente kanina," he whispered, marahang inaabot ang pisngi ko para haplusin. "You? How's the Pharmacy? I love you too..." humalik siya sa pisngi ko ng marahan.
"Toxic din, matao rin kagaya mo." I smiled at him, "kumain ka naman ba ng tama?"
"Opo, bi." He answered. "You? You're pale again."
"Ah, wala kasi akong ayos." I chuckled. "Alam mo namang palagi akong maputla kapag ganito."
"Are you always taking your meds?" he whispered and I nodded, yumakap ako sa kanya at sumiksik sa kanyang dibdib.
"Yes, I'm also taking the vitamins you bought me. Thank you so much ng apala for fixing my alarms para sa new schedule ng gamot ko." I whispered and he chuckled, nodding.
"Anything for you, bibi." He said. "Anything para sa Amalia ko."
My heart thumped lovingly when I heard that words from the man I love the most, mas humigpit ang yakap ko sa kanya at bumulong.
"Atlas?" I called him softly.
"Hmm?" I felt him kissed my hair.
"What's your dream?" I asked him.
"Hmm, s'yempre, to become a doctor." He said, "tapos ang makasama ang bibi ko. My long time dream is to be with you until my last breath, Lia. I'm a doctor now and you're here now in my arms, one of my remaining wish is to finally give you my name."
I don't know why but when he said that, pain started replacing the blissful feeling inside my chest. Hindi ko alam kung bakit pero nasasaktan ako.
"Atlas..." I started. "Do you...do you want a family?"
"Sa'yo? S'yempre naman." He chuckled and kissed my head. "We're not getting any younger, bibi. Of course, if I'd like to build a family, I want to build it with you."
"R-really?" I asked, nangingilid na ang luha ko pero pinipigilan.
"Of course, I can't wait seeing little Lia running around our house." He whispered and hugged me more.
Nakatulog na si Atlas habang nagsasabi ng kanyang pangarap pero ako'y tulala lang at isang oras na ang nakalipas ay hindi pa rin makatulog.
He's hugging me yet my eyes were fixed on the ceiling, remembering what he told me.
He...wants a family. He wants to have kids and I...I don't think I could give it to him.
Sabi ng doktor, it would be risky, paano ang anak ko? Paano kung magkasakit siya ng kagaya sa akin? Paano kung hindi ako payagang magbuntis? Paano na si Atlas?
With that thoughts, my tears escaped my eyes. Sa takot na marinig ako ni Atlas ay mabilis akong tumakbo sa banyo, isinara iyon at tahimik na umiyak habang nakaupo sa tiles, sapo ang mukha.
I am so scared for us, I am so scared for the family we'll build. Natatakot ako habang iniisip ang anak na p'wedeng maranasan ang hirap na nararanasan ko. Natatakot akong maisip ang lungkot sa mga mata ni Atlas kung hindi ako papayagang magbuntis.
I covered my mouth to stop myself from sobbing, afraid the he'll hear me inside the room. My breath shortened, damang-dama ko ang masakit at mabilis na kalabog ng puso ko kaya nasapo ko ang aking dibdib.
I tried standing up to go to the sink but I slipped, tumama ang aking likod sa may pintuan at mas nahilo ako. Bumagsak ako ng upo sa tiles, sapo ang dibdib at naghahabol ng hininga. Nararamdaman ko ang malamig na basa sa aking pisngi dahil sa mga luha pero mas lumamig ang pakiramdam ko nang dumilim ang paningin ko at nawalan ng lakas.
That night has been a nightmare to me ever since, I lost my consciousness that night for almost half an hour inside the bathroom, lying on the cold tiles and no one ever knew about it.
I woke up and I felt so heavy and restless, I'm even shivering that I am not shock that I caught a cold the next day that Atlas took a day off to take care of me.
Simula noong gabing iyon ay wala na ako sa sarili at madalas ay natutulala na lang, I am doing my best to be cheerful whenever I'm with Atlas and my friends but when I'm alone, it comes back to me.
Ni hindi ko pa makausap ang Tatay ko, ni hindi ako makangiti kapag nand'yan siya pero kahit papaano'y masaya akong nirerespeto niya ang katahimikan ko.
I even asked for a second opinion in another hospital about my condition and he told me the same thing and the only thing that can keep me better is surgery. Atlas has been very careful with me these days, mukhang napapansin niya ata ang pagiging wala sa sarili ko kaya ginawa ko ang lahat para ipakita sa kanilang ayos lang ako at mukhang successful naman dahil bumalik sa usual na pakikitungo sa akin ang boyfriend ko.
Stressed about my upcoming boards, work and internship. I've been very anxious. Mas dumalas ang paninikip ng dibdib ko na may mga pagkakataong muntik na akong mahuli nila Atlas pero sa kabutihang-palad ay hindi naaabutan.
Nang inaya ako ni Atlas para sa isang date pagkatapos kong tulungan si Heart sa pag-aasikaso ng kasal nila ni Josh ay pumayag ako. It's been a very stressful week for me so I wanted to relax. Sa hectic ng schedule namin ni Atlas ay 'di na kami madalas nakakapagdate, hindi pa nagkakatagpo ang shift namin sa ospital dahil sa trabaho ko sa Pharmacy at madalas na night shift ang boyfriend ko.
Wearing a simple black lacy type turtle neck dress, we decided to meet up in a restaurant after his duty.
"Bibi!" I smiled when Atlas stood from his seat to welcome me, halos dalawang araw kaming 'di nagkita dahil sa trabaho kaya miss na miss ko siya.
I almost run to hug him, natawa siya sa biglaang pagyakap ko at halos buhatin na ako habang niyayakap.
"Miss na miss ako ni Lia, ah?" he muttered playfully, cupping my cheek for a kiss.
"S'yempre! Hindi tayo nagkita!" I smiled at him after the kiss.
"I missed you too, bibi." He smiled handsomely, humawak siya sa baywang ko at marahang inalalayan ako paupo sa upuan.
He was so attentive all the time, masaya kaming nagkwentuhan habang kumakain at no'ng nagde-dessert na kami ay napansin ko bahagya ang kanyang pagkabalisa.
He looks somehow nervous kaya inobserbahan ko lang siya.
"Kumusta ang preparation, Lia?" he asked after a while.
"Great," I smiled. "Nagsukat kami ng gown kanina, Heart chose me as the bridesmaid."
"That's great," he chuckled a bit and nodded, nakita kong binasa niya ang labi at sinuklay ng bahagya ang kanyang buhok ng daliri.
I noticed that he looked so handsome and formal tonight, may coat na itim na suot at sa loob ay ang kulay puting shirt niya at dog tag.
"Uh, Lia, you think...tayo kaya kailan?" he asked and I stopped when I heard that.
"K-kailan ano?" I asked.
Nakita kong bahagya siyang pinagpawisan kahit malamig ang lugar kaya kinuha ko ang panyo ko para punasan ang noo niya.
"It's not that I'm pressuring you..." he muttered nang maibaba ko ang panyo. "If you don't like, we won't be scheduling the date this early, i-it's for you to decide. Maybe after your boards or if...if kailan mo gusto."
I was stunned, may ideya na ako sa sinasabi niya pero hindi ako nagpahalata.
"What...what do you mean?" I asked.
"What I mean is..." he sighed and licked his lower lip, looking extra nervous now. "Y-you know I love you so much, right?"
I slowly nodded.
"And you know my dreams...napag-usapan natin noong nakaraan. I am a doctor now and we're together but I wanted to ask you if you wanted us to fulfill my other dream too."
Natahimik na ako, he stood from his seat, nakita kong may tinanguan siya na kung sino at mas naging malapit sa amin ang malambing na musika sa background.
I didn't how to react, while watching him clearing his throat in front of me, looking so nervous and anxious, I felt the pain inside my chest.
I suddenly remembered my dilemma these past few days, his dreams of having a family which I am not sure I could give.
"Amalia Lorraine Argueles..." he puffed a breath. "Bibi ko, I know this isn't the most romantic proposal ever but I wanted to think that this is special because I'm proposing to the only woman I've ever love this much."
Sumikip ang dibdib ko, nangilid ang luha ko habang pinagmamasdan siyang lumuluhod sa aking harapan. Sa totoo lang ay dapat sobrang saya ko dahil matagal ko na rin itong pinapangarap, bata pa lamang ako ay kasama na siya sa mga taong inaasam at pinapangarap ko pero ngayon, mas lamang sa akin ang takot at lungkot.
"Lia, bibi..." he sighed again and bit his lip. "My updates might be glitching at times, well, palagi naman but I promise to be the best version of myself every updates. Please expect a few palpak moments but I-I promise I'll be upgrading for the best."
"A-Atlas..." nahulog na ang luha ko.
I saw his eyes turned a bit teary-eyed, suminghap siya at may kinuha sa kanyang likuran. My breath hitched when I saw him taking out a red velvet box, showing it to me.
"I won't force you in anything, k-kung gusto mong magtrabaho muna at matapos ang boards I'll respect it but still...I wanted to ask your hand for marriage." He said and opened the box and it revealed a simple yet stunning diamond ring.
Napasinghap na ako at patuloy nang nahulog ang mga luha, takot na takot at nasasaktan.
"Amalia Argueles, my bibi. The woman who has the kindest and bravest heart, would you like to accept my offer of love and marriage? Will you marry me, my brave girl?"
Nanginig na ako sa kakaiyak, I saw how tears fell on his cheek too. Pinagtitinginan na kami ng mga tao at napapansin kong may mga camera na pero ang atensyon ko ay nasa kanya lang.
Nasa lalaking pinakamamahal ko. Sa tanging lalaking paglalaanan ko ng pusong ito.
"P-please, baby. Please give me a chance to love you best. P-please give me a chance to marry and have a family with you..."
And all the hopes vanished. I wanted so bad to say yes and kiss him hard but the thought of the possibility of not giving him kids, a family is hunting me. Ang isiping maghihirap din ang aking anak at ang isipin ang lungkot sa mga mata ni Atlas kung sasabihin ng doktor na hindi kami p'wedeng magkapamilya ay nilulukob ako.
"L-Lia, baby?" he called, his voice shaking. "S-sagutin mo naman ako, oh." His voice broke.
"I-I'm..." nanginig na ako at sumikip ang dibdib. "I-I'm sorry, Atlas but..." umiling ako.
I saw how his mouth parted, natulala siya sa akin at sa sobrang sakit na nararamdaman at sa hiya sa kanya ay hindi ko na kinaya. I stood from my seat and despite the judgmental stares of the people around us, I managed to run towards the exit.
Sapo-sapo ko ang dibdib, umiiyak at habol ang hininga ay napaupo ako sa pavement pagkarating ng parking lot at napahagulgol na.
"I-I'm so sorry, Atlas...p-patawarin mo ako..." I whispered and sobbed harder until I felt my breath slowly leaving me.