"You should have told me you didn't want it."
"I wanted it. I wanted it because I wanted you, Sid. You were my best friend." He was right in front of her now. Closer than he had been in years and it pissed her off that she wanted to fold herself into his arms and cry.
"I thought we could talk about it. Figure it out. But then your dad was killed and everything after that was so fragile. I didn't know how to bring it up again. I'm sorry I snuck around. I'm sorry I lied. I didn't know how to not hurt you. But I did hurt you," Aiden gestured toward Jamal, "and him". The memory of them almost going to blows at the Spring Dance came flooding back to her mind. The struggle that Aiden was dealing with. He did something that was best for him but would hurt someone he really cared about. If Sid couldn't empathize with that then, she certainly could now.
"I just needed something to work out the way it was supposed to." Her voice cracked and shook but she continued. Fully bringing her eyes to meet his. She saw him there again. That boy who had been by her side for all of her life. He had been changing, long before her dad died but she refused to see it. She managed to ignore him and his wants and desires for a picture of perfection. Her Dad envisioned her and Aiden together and if the world wouldn't give him life she tried to give him that dream. Her mind was back in that room with her mother when she tried to tell her what she saw and she silenced her. She had done the same to Aiden.
"Maybe we were supposed to be best friends. We were supposed to be in one another's lives, Sid. We made something beautiful." Aiden was like a hose whose knot had just been cleared. Everything he wanted to say for years poured out and Sid saw him come alive again before her. She was feeling relief too but instead of tidying up loose ends, her's felt like it left everything all over the place. What would their relationship look like now? She trained her body to hate him and her mind to make him the enemy. Can that be undone? She had no idea but she pushed forward anyway into the uncertainty.
Her eyes fell on Jamal who was trying his best to stay out of it. But he'd always been in it, she saw now.
"I'm sorry for hitting you. That's all I'm sorry for. I think what you did was shitty...it hurt me. Really badly."
"I know and I've felt terrible about it for years. I wanted to apologize and talk to you but I didn't want to jeopardize you and Aiden's relationship even more. Especially since AJ." Sid could see the tears well up in Jamal's eyes. She was taken aback. By how much emotion everyone was holding all this time and she was right at the center of it. By her not healing her own wounds she left everyone else raw too. With it all out now, the room felt larger. Like it expanded to make room for the release of years of pain. AJ shifted from his belly to his back, continuing to ignore them for his iPad.
"You can't just take him from me," Sid spoke in a whisper and seemed unsure if what she was saying was true. Couldn't he? Wasn't AJ just as much his as he was hers? And hadn't she been awful at providing for their son?
"I just want the best for him, Sid. Regardless of our fuck ups, I want the best for him."
"You think I don't?"
"I know you do. But wanting and be able to provide...those are different. You won't let me help. I can. I want to. I'm still here for you like I've always been. From the days sitting in that chicken joint until now." Aiden had stepped closer to her and spoke in a lower tone to provide a sense of privacy for them inside their little bubble. Sid looked up at him and thought about all those days in that booth looking for the man who killed her father.
"I found him." The words tumbled out of her mouth. Aiden looked at her confused for a moment but soon she watched the realization spread over his face. He stepped back and shoved one hand in the pockets on his jeans. The other raked over his face in disbelief. He started to say something but stopped and turned toward Jamal.
"Babe, can you take AJ in the backyard for a bit?" Jamal seemed more than happy to make a quick getaway. He crossed the colorful rug and scooped up AJ who didn't break his eyes away from his iPad screen as he was carried out of the room. Sid crossed over and sank down into the cushions that AJ had just vacated. Aiden still stood in the same place.
"How?"
"Coincidence." She didn't want to get into all the details. Her stomach would begin to ache and tears would prick her eyes if she thought about Phil again and she didn't need that right now. "I know someone who knows him. It's like after all these years of looking for him the universe just gave him to me. Now I'm on his radar"
"What do you mean? Are you in trouble?" He was pacing back and forth now. Ready for her to say something so that he could jump into action. Trying to fix it like he'd always done.
"I just need you to give me some time. Can you just give me a week with this whole AJ thing and then we can figure it out?" She didn't know if she would even still be breathing at the end of this week. It was very likely that he would take the money and kill her anyway. There was no way of telling and it wrecked her that she may not make it back to her baby. To her family. It seemed unfair that at the moment she was just beginning to put back together all the broken pieces it would all be over with.
"What whole thing? Sid, just get out of there. Can you just lay low with Tomi or your mom? Hell, you can stay here." It would be easy to run but if she did she would be looking over her shoulder for the rest of her life and trying to reconcile letting Phil take the consequences for a situation she created. She looked back toward the way that Jamal and AJ went and thought of her little boy. The desire to run away with him and leave everything, all of it, behind tugged at her. She had lived the last few years of her life tucked away without much support. Not because it wasn't offered but because she was too stubborn to take it. She thought of Tomi, Whitney, and even her mom. She needed these people. She deserved to have a life that was not filled with pain and loss. AJ deserved that and she would make sure he had that even if it meant that she wasn't going to be a part of it.
"Just take care of him. OK? Promise me?"
"No. You have to tell someone. This is insane."
"I am telling someone. I'm telling you. You know me better than anyone. You always have. I'm exhausted Aiden with all the lying and hiding. He killed my father and got away with it for six years. He took him away from me. I have to take something away from him too. I'm going to take all I can. I have to. Promise me?" Sid straightened up and stood. She locked eyes with Aiden who looked terrified. Like Sidney actually having made contact with this villain, this monster, changed the game. He held fear for her and it was written all over his body. Sid walked over and reached out to grab his hand in hers. The warmth of their palms seeped together and started to heal everything they had done to one another.
"I promise." Whatever else he may have said was lost to Sid's determination. There was no doubt that she needed this. Kru had touched every part of her life in the worse way and she wouldn't be satisfied until she made sure that he never could again. Or at least she would try. There were no guarantees in any of this. She imagined her father had the same thoughts trying to escape Kru's grip. Sid reached up and pulled Aiden into a hug. Needing to feel his warmth again. His arms wrapped around hers.
When she pulled away she quickly turned toward the door so he couldn't see the tears threatening to spill over her lids. Or the fear that this would be the last time he ever got to hug her like that. She pulled open the door and the humid day sucked her out onto the sidewalk. She popped opened the door of her car and slid inside. Whitney reached over and rested her hand on Sid's knee as the tears spilled over and her chest heaved. They sat that way until it the tears lessened and the sobs passed. She pulled a stray fast food napkin from the middle console and dabbed her eyes.
"Take me to my place." They pulled away from the curb leaving Aiden's house and so much that she cared about behind. But this time she didn't look back.
SCROLL FOR OUR CHARACTER FUN REVEAL
OUR SIDNEY AND PHIL ARE.....
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