Author's Note: This story discusses adult content, but nothing actually happens. We're staying PG-13 in this book. ;)
You held him, in his darkened bedroom behind a locked door, where no one else would see or hear. You felt your heart breaking as his tears dripped silently onto your shirt. His strong body felt so exhausted and heavy in your arms.
"I'm sorry," you whispered. "I'm sorry."
But there was no changing what had happened. Erwin was dead. And Levi hadn't even been able to avenge him.
Eventually, his lips found your own, tears still streaming down his cheeks as he kissed you desperately. You welcomed him, and you didn't resist when he pushed you toward the bed, then sat down with you in his arms.
You didn't resist when he lay back and pulled you on top of him, your tongues meeting in a dance of grief and solace. You didn't resist when his hands began to travel your clothed body. However, when his pale fingers began undoing the buttons on your shirt, you grabbed his wrists, halting him.
Your brow furrowed in concern as you broke the kiss, and you murmured, "What are you doing?"
Levi looked up at you with pleading, tear-filled eyes. "Please," he whispered.
You realized what he was asking, and your concern grew. "Levi..."
"Please," he repeated, leaning up to capture your lips in another kiss. As he did so, his hands once again attempted to unbutton your shirt.
You pinned his wrists to the bed. Normally, you wouldn't have been able to overpower Levi, but he had been so emotionally and physically weakened by the battle to retake Shiganshina that he couldn't fight you. On top of that, Levi was a good man, and he would never force you. "Stop," you insisted, gently but firmly.
A single tear spilled from his wide eyes. "Please," he whispered again. Begging.
Your heart wrenched. You hated seeing him like this. You also hated saying no to him, but it was for his own good.
You shook your head. "Levi, I'm not going to do that to you," you told him quietly.
His already sad expression crumpled. He turned his head to the side, pressing it into the pillow and squeezing his eyes shut as more tears streamed down his face.
The sight felt like a knife in your chest. You released his wrists so that you could gently wipe the tears from his smooth skin. "I do want you, Levi," you explained softly, realizing what he must be thinking. "But I also love you, and I respect you, and that's why I can't let this happen right now."
You removed your hand and replaced it with your lips, tenderly kissing away his tears. "Your first time shouldn't be sad," you murmured in between kisses. "Your first time should be happy. I don't want you to feel pain every time you look back on it." You pulled away slightly, then reached up to carefully brush his bangs out of his eyes. "Besides, you've told me before that you want to wait until marriage. I can't let you to do something that I know you'll regret."
Levi finally looked up at you. His beautiful, grey-blue eyes were filled with sorrow, as well as desperation for something to save him from his pain. "Then marry me," he whispered hoarsely.
A lump formed in your throat. You knew that he wasn't proposing simply because he wanted sex, just like he wasn't asking for sex simply because he wanted sex. The situation was a lot more complicated than that. Truthfully, he was sad, and afraid – afraid that the one person he had left would be taken from him, just like all the others. Those feelings filled him with an unyielding need to be as close to you as possible, and to never let you go. It wasn't sex he craved; it was comfort and intimacy, with the one person he couldn't bear to lose.
You pressed your lips into a thin line, trying not to cry. It broke your heart to think that he might be doing this solely because he was upset – especially given that you truly wanted to marry him. "Ask me later," you whispered tightly. "When you've had time to think about it properly."
Tears filled his eyes again. "You're saying no," he stated shakily.
"I'm saying, 'ask me later'," you murmured, looking at him earnestly.
He bowed his head into your shoulder, squeezing his eyes shut again as he gritted his teeth in pain. Then he started sobbing – quiet, broken sounds that ripped their way out of his throat.
You adjusted your position so that you could hold him close, making sure that he would be comfortable. His hands clutched you tightly, his nails digging into your clothes as if he were afraid that you would slip through his fingers.
"Don't leave me," he hissed. "Please."
You hushed him, rubbing his back in a soothing motion. "I'm not going anywhere," you promised. "You don't have to worry, my love. I'll stay right by your side."
Levi continued to unravel in your arms. For most of it, his cries were too intense to allow him to talk. However, occasionally, he managed to repeat his plea that you not leave him. And each time, you softly reassured him that you would stay.
Given that he was already exhausted, it wasn't long before Levi cried himself to sleep.
You sighed, then pulled the covers over both of you before placing a gentle kiss on his forehead. Even though you were tired, you stayed awake for a little while longer, brushing your fingers through his silky hair. Your mind was swimming with all the terrible events of the day, but the worst had been seeing Levi fall apart from pain that was too great for even his shoulders.
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The next thing you knew, you were waking up to the bright morning sun that filtered in through the curtains. Levi was already awake and gazing at you. It seemed that he had composed himself, because his expression was unreadable once again.
"I'm sorry," he stated with quiet sincerity.
Without hesitation, you leaned in and kissed him. The movement was soft, and slow, and full of love. "You don't have to be sorry," you murmured. "You were upset – understandably so. It's okay."
You reached up to cup his cheek in your hand, stroking your thumb along his cheekbone. Levi let his eyelids flutter closed as he leaned into your touch, savoring the love and comfort that it brought. He pressed a kiss to your palm, then looked back at you.
"Thank you," he breathed.
You smiled softly, knowing that he wasn't just thanking you for this moment, but for last night as well. Levi had lost himself in grief, but you had stayed by his side. You had comforted him. You had made sure that he didn't do anything he would regret. "I'm here for you," you replied.
His tired eyes gazed at you lovingly, full of gratitude. Your heart warmed at the sight, but you felt a twinge of sadness when you observed the dark bags underneath. He needed more rest. He deserved it.
You reached your thumb up to trace one of those half circles. "Let's go back to sleep," you suggested gently. "We won't miss anything."
Indeed, the remaining soldiers had been given a day to rest after everything that had happened. Levi knew this, so he had no reason to argue. He nodded in agreement before snuggling into you, his lips brushing against your collarbone. A second later, he pressed a chaste kiss to that spot. "I love you," he whispered.
Within a minute, his powerful body went limp next to yours. You sighed, pleased that he was able to fall asleep easily. He usually had terrible insomnia, but it seemed that his body was just too tired for that now.
Content, you allowed yourself to drift back to sleep with him.
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A few weeks later, after the dust had settled from the Shiganshina mission, you and Levi took an evening off to relax. After drinking hot cups of tea, you cuddled up together on the couch, enjoying the warmth from the crackling fireplace. Your head rested on Levi's strong chest, while his fingers absentmindedly played with your hair.
Levi was silent, but it was a different kind of silent. You sensed that he had something on his mind. Every now and then, his eyes would drift off, or his brow would furrow in thought.
At first, you didn't comment, supposing that Levi would share whatever it was when he was ready. However, as evening turned into night, his silence was starting to worry you. "Levi?" you asked. "Is something wrong?"
You felt his chest expand as he took a deep breath. "I...I've just been thinking..." he mumbled.
You leaned up to get a better look at his face. "About what?"
Levi said nothing as his half-lidded eyes searched yours. After a moment, he sighed. Then he sat up, gently pushing you up with him. He twisted so that his feet were on the floor, and so that he was no longer touching you.
His eyes remained downcast as he muttered, "I...I d-don't know if I can t-tell you..."
Your brow furrowed. The only times you had ever heard Levi stutter were in romantic situations – where he was, surprisingly, very shy. However, your confusion was overshadowed by your concern. "Why?" you murmured. "Levi, what's wrong?"
He seemed to curl in on himself a little. "I'm afraid you'll say n-no," he admitted, barely loud enough for you to hear.
You slid to the floor, on your knees in front of him, looking up into his grey-blue eyes. Your chest tightened when you realized that those eyes seemed sad. "Hey," you cooed, "whatever it is, you can tell me. I love you."
You could see the dilemma in his gaze as he stared back at you. Finally, he seemed to reach a decision, and he swallowed. "Then I should be the one kneeling," he muttered.
Your head tilted to the side as you wondered what he could possibly mean. You watched as he slid to the floor in front of you, and you scooted back a little to make room for him. He took your hands in his, then looked into your eyes with such raw sincerity that your breath caught in your throat.
"(F/n) (l/n)," he murmured, fighting to keep his voice steady, "will you please marry me?"
You gasped, feeling tears form in your eyes. Ever since that night, you had been so sad, so afraid that Levi hadn't meant what he said. But instead, he had done as you asked, taking the time to think about it properly. And he had come to the same conclusion.
"Yes," you breathed, happier than you had ever been.
Levi blinked in surprise. "You...you mean it?" he asked, disbelief and hope mingling together in his earnest gaze.
You nodded, grinning from ear to ear. "Of course I do. I love you more than anything, and I always will."
Levi loosed a breath, then pulled you into a hug. You eagerly returned it, both because of how elated you were, and because you wanted to reassure him. After that night, he had been so scared of what you would say. However, he didn't need to worry. Your heart had always belonged to him, and it always would.
At the same moment, you both pulled back, taking a second to gaze at each other before joining in a soft, loving kiss.